252. going home (literally or figuratively?)

253. unexpected reply

254. little guide

255. the right way to apologize

256. fake it till you make it

257. unlocking nathan (last character to be introduced)

258. a virgo

259. cerminan

260. compatibility

261. what could have been a memory—what could have been a journey

262. aborted plan

263. on the shoulder of the eldest

264. it’s not a luxury

265. let’s catch up

266. be a five-year-old boys together

267. the break of the mask

268. let me be

269. highkey studying lowkey flirting

270. half mirroring

271. takut

272. i understand what you mean

273. lost stars

## notes: please listen to this golden cover of lost stars by our golden boy, jeon jungkook: soundcloud.com/bangtan/lost-s…

277. tight brotherhood

278. awkward brotherhood

279. re-bonding

280. keeping tabs

281. nathan, sweet yet strict (re: unique)

282. remaining family members

283. doing it together

284. partner in crime

## intermezzo : birth chart yarel, jati, and nathan

285. reminiscing

286. whose jad?

287. sosok Kal El

288. high and dry

289. getting comfortable with eo’s presence (teasing eo)

290. emotionally constipated

291. coming out

292. the truth

293. know how to get you

294. urutan prioritas

295. re-thinking

296. /murah/

297. real competitor

298. waktu

299. busted

300. disayang bagai akan hilang

301. and i wither // cw: intrusive thoughts

302. reaching out

303. menyampaikan pesan

304. again—they’re made to hold

305. story of strong Kal

306. mom’s whatsapp status collection

307. should have been the other way around

308. the reversed ‘how can i tell?’

309. to you, the person i long to hold

310. crawling back idk what for

311. pushing all the buttons

312. fulfilling one promise

313. satu tetes fentanyl medium.com/@raaperle/ruan…

314. kabar bukan kabur

315. feeling loved

316. new best friend

317. guilty

318. jokes between two best friends

revision for this chap: it’s supposed to be Jakarta not Bandung. sowy :>

319. spending time together

320. behind the scene

321. shouldn’t have hoped

322. an addict already

323. he’s right, you’re the cutest

324. roasting him

325. ruang hampa

326. murka digoda.

327. tiga kepala berjumpa

328. pertemuan empat kepala

329. lima kepala dan perannya

330. the turn of event

331. and if you wondered if i hate you... fuck you

332. oh, he’s done (and funny) ## the playlist: open.spotify.com/playlist/7rAw3…

333. nightmare dressed like a daydream

334. ‘semoga cepet sembuh’

335. the smile of his

336. kehadiran tak terduga

337. her side of story

338. mengalah

339. the way he loves

340. super petty

341. call them a strategy

342. plan is working

343. more of his private life

344. being a divergent

345. oblivious

346. anger and disappointment

347. finding shelter

348. back to introduction (a yarel-jati intermezzo)

349. mencari distraksi (remedi)

350. a short call

351. every single thing on his mind (hope this explains why tio did what he did).

352. change of heart

353. unlocking new level of closeness

354. the bonding

355. get to know nathan (Nathan’s POV) ## Jackson as Jason : temen kelas Nathan

356. terjerambab

357. currently unreachable

358. feeling accompanied

359. finding where

360. little favor

361. the meltdown

362. the needed human touch and reassurance

363. how the friendship blossoms (between yarel-tio, tio-jati, and definitely yarel-jati).

364. because the moon is in taurus

365. was feeling unpleasant

366. surprised call

367. a mirroring? (cw // slight intrusive thought)

368. a helping hand (figuratively and literally)

369. and he comes back (and acts like nothing happened)

370. dikeroyok hujan (dedicating this chap for yarel only).

371. it’s all real here

372. bertanya-tanya. cw // questioning self-worth

373. mencari jawaban

374. membagi rata untuk raga dan jiwa. cw // sexual intercourse , slight depressing thoughts, please proceed with caution this is namkook

375. being abandoned

376. casualty of misunderstanding ( cw // this could fall into the gaslighting category. it depends).

377. a bit of talking

should yarel tell tio,,, but what if tio leaves jad again if he indeed comes to save the day this time

378. telling him

379. jangan nangis

380. fight with all i might

381. khawatir

382. freak

383. can’t keep doing this

384. be a gentleman

385. complying (will always comply)

386. masih saja—masih saja dia

387. home cooked meal, only the best for you

388. sincere apology

389. mencari dan menciptakan afirmasi

# notes: pls listen to taylor swift - this is me trying. the whole song really represents what’s on tio’s mind... and i’m not lying it’s. almost. every. single. line. but anyway. open.spotify.com/track/7kt9e9LF…

390. epiphany (1)

391. epiphany (2)

392. finally, opening up (any grammatical error is intentional, ertio is emotional)

393. tight-knit brotherhood (ps. deeply sorry kalo di chap sebelumnya ada jati direfer as him. it’s purely my mistake).

394. finding ways

395. still finding ways (for you)

396. bentuk sayangnya.

397. there’s no answer (still)

398. unplanned encounter

399. yang tak disangka

400. genuine question (call this filler chap)

401. the game of asserting dominance

402. last straw. cw // harsh words, violence (very mild. just a punch that doesn’t escalate into fight)

403. and the anger hasn’t subsided

404. remedy for sour mood; texting you

405. setting things right (sorry this is long but nathan needs to tell his pov and now we’re done about nathan).

406. raw emotion

407. resenting him

408. feeling so guilty. cw // implied non-suicidal self-abuse

409. for fairness

410. and it can’t be avoided anymore

411. colder than the ac. cw // parent-child conflict

412. semua mau jad. cw // emotional outburst (ps. sorry this is long pls zoom to read the text. promise it will be readable just fine!)

413. finally, talking like normal human being

414. brotherly deep talk (also epiphany episode three)

415. compensating for each other (last epiphany)

416. kill them with kindness

417. remembering what he likes

418. effort on his part

419. drown in guilt

420. kiss it better link.medium.com/MHE0aTERipb

421. karena gue

422. one call away

423. personal healer (also the wordplay well and we’ll xxx)

424. swear i’ll never leave again

425. appreciation

426. he said it already, everything for him

427. now we get to the (real) conversation here

428. spill it out

430. as long as you don’t run away from me. link.medium.com/FdFsshLWspb

430. progress, at least

431. slowly falls back to the old routine—witty banter

432. the domesticity

433. de javu?

434. lifetime struggle

435. sorry but it’s all hard to believe

436. bukan fiksi; ia benar frustasi

437. come clean (ps. again sorry this is long)

438. upaya saling

439. completing eo’s puzzle

440. love language: words of teasing and act of possessive

441. can you do the assignment? // bit of sexual tension

442. and the stage is theirs ↳privatter.net/p/8787018

443. bikin diem anak nakal // local porn word

444. gembus date

445. ertini...

446. ayok pulang?

447. selalu seru

448. what you are to me

449. the brand new blossoming friendship

450. persatuan dua korban (katanya)

451. they always long for each other

452. and when i miss you

453. tenderly beautiful (he’s the wonderland)

454. overdosed, aren’t i?

455. that one i should be

456. dunia milik berdua

457. one last business

458. bite by bite, bit by bit. cw // there’s bit of sexual tension here

459. emergency call

460. jad’s inner thought

461. to all the boys before

462. the cry of little brother

463. a collapsed roof

464. a medicine indeed

465. satu langkah dari perkenalan

466. satu langkah dari saling jatuh

467. the progress to fall deeper

468. si paling suka jalan-jalan

469. marking a land

470. soft launch

471. reason why

472. perasaannya akan semua

473. epiphany of the day

474. talk about lost star (again)

475. new discovered dynamic

476. getting attached as ever

477. killed by the boredom or killing the boredom?

478. mood change

479. looking for him

480. the conversation of two magicians

481. what is anger he doesn’t know it

482. asking for a friend

483. unraveling another layer

484. ertio, masih kecil, masih 20 tahun.

485. menjemput harap

486. long for you

487. just wanna be yours

488. questioning why

489. (m+s)ad

490. someone has been missing

491. trying to find him (sorry i’m dying to make ertio-jeiran’s interaction. finally, huh).

492. mad at myself. cw // self-blame

493. mengeratkan yang hampir lepas

494. the last chapter: ruang sela link.medium.com/lJ6VOnW6eqb

—epilogue 1/10: abang dan alasan berjuang (juga jad yang merasa disayang)

—epilogue 2/10: taking care of you (of each other) link.medium.com/tuIu3HBjsqb

—epilogue 3/10: acara kenegaraan

—epilogue 4/10: museum visit with the loved one link.medium.com/Ya7IJD6uvqb

—epilogue 5/10: and when we become one privatter.net/p/8927396

—epilogue 6/10: that type of boyfriend

—epilogue 7/10: andddd that type of boyfriend

—epilogue 8/10: yours all yours

—epilogue 9/10: mine all mine

—epilogue 10/10: ...

an. finally ruang sela has reached its end. makasih buat temen-temen yang udah nemenin. writing could be very isolating but it’s surely more fun with friends around. it’s been seven months with ruang sela, now it’s time to go. jad and tio signing off. until next time xxx