jakehoon au || the blanket
Sunghoon never failed to visit Jake and today is a special day, since it's his first time to celebrate valentine's day with him.
"I will never stop loving you, my love. Happy Valentine's Day."
the blanket | jakehoon au
wherein jake was weak ever since he was born (spent his youth in the hospital), one day, his mother decided that it's better for him to be at home instead, so his mom hired him a new personal nurse, sunghoon, who's known to be the cold as ice nurse
A short valentine's vay special chapter for those who loved "the blanket". Prepare your heart and tissue. This is for all the jakehoonists who misses them.
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» angst, ANGST
» advance sorry for typos and grammatical errors
» enjoy (?) reading
Sunghoon stops in a flower shop. It was a flower shop owned by Dongkyu. Ever since Jake...left, he's been buying flowers on his small shop. He goes there so often that he became friends with the owner.
"Hyung! Happy Valentine's Day!" Dongkyu greets, he's 4 years younger than him
"Hi." Sunghoon greets back.
"I guess for Valentine's?" Dongkyu assumes. Sunghoon nods and sat on the chair. "I think I know what flower combination I should give you."
Sunghoon smiled a little. It's Valentine's Day today. He doesn't know how many times he visited Jake already.
It's been only 3 months since Jake, rested. It's only been 3 months and in that 3 months, he never failed to visit Jake even if it's just for a few minutes. Jake's house is almost a flower shop now too, since Sunghoon loves to bring him flowers.
Also in those 3 months, Sunghoon never had a peaceful night. Every night, he would always wake up crying, longing for Jake. He would always wake up with a broken heart.
"Here. It's Heliotrope, pink carnation and camellia pink." Dongkyu gave the flower bouquet to Sunghoon.
"This is so beautiful. What does the flowers mean?" Sunghoon curiously asks. He smells the flowers.
"Heliotrope for eternal love, Pink Carnation for I'll never forget you and Pink Camellia for longing for you." Dongkyu explains carefully.
Sunghoon smiles bitterly because Dongkyu got what he wanted to tell Jake through flowers. "Never close your flower shop, okay?"
"Yup! I will never! Flowers are powerful. I love their meaning and stories." Dongkyu happily said. "Besides, where would you buy flowers if I will close mine right?"
Sunghoon chuckles and stood up. He pats Dongkyu's head making him smile widely. "Thank you so much."
"Anytime! You can come back here anytime!" Dongkyu waves at him and Sunghoon waves back.
"Ah! Wait! I forgot something!" Dongkyu runs to him carrying a single flower on his hand. "Here. It's a red Chrysanthemum."
"Why is it only one?"
"Red Chrysanthemum means, I love you." Dongkyu sincerely says. Sunghoon stares at the single flower. How did Donkgyu thought of that?
"Thank you again." Sunghoon smiles.
"Don't forget to give that last to him, okay?" Dongkyu shouts. Sunghoon raised a thumbs up.
[the flowers for reference, from left to right, heliotrope, carnations, camellia and chrysanthemum]
The drive from the flower shop to the...to Jake's house was just for 5 minutes. He stares at the bouquet on the shotgun seat and sighed.
Sunghoon fixed his glasses and rolls up his white sleeves before getting out. He reached for the bouquet and inhales. He should not cry today. Jake would not like that. He calms himself before walking to Jake's house.
When he reached the house, Sunghoon even hesitated. Everytime he visit him, he would always hesitate to go inside because he still can't accept the fact that, Jake...is gone. Sunghoon looks up trying to stop himself from crying.
He slowly opens the door. Yes, they designed just like a small house. So that it'll look like he was just only resting.
Inside, there's a small sofa and table. In the middle was Jake's...grave. "Hi." Sunghoon said in a small voice.
"I'm here, again." Sunghoon laughs lowly. He slowly walks to Jake's grave. He kneels in front of it and caressed Jake's grave. He places the bouquet on the right side of Jake's picture. "Happy..." Sunghoon felt a lump on his throat.
He gulps and bit his lower lip. "Valentine's..." It's hard. It's really hard. He can barely talk while looking at Jake's picture, smiling. "Day."
Sunghoon sat down beside Jake's picture and hugged his knees. "I miss you."
"Are you—are you tired of hearing that everyday?" Sunghoon hides his face on his arms. He closes his eyes trying to feel Jake's presence. "I miss you so damn much, my love."
Sunghoon feels like shit. He's waiting for Jake to answer but he knows he...never will. "It's valentine's day today."
Sunghoon once again looks up, trying to bear the pain. He feels like his heart is being pierced billion of times.
"Did you know? I never actually celebrated Valentine's Day before. I thought that it's dumb to celebrate it when you can love everyone everyday, not just on valentine's day. Besides, I never had, a partner to celebrate it with."
Sunghoon reaches for the white blanket beside him. Every week, he would always wash it and place it on Jake's grave. He burries himself to the blanket before wrapping it around his body. "This feels...warm."
Silence. "Come to think of it, I never actually celebrated any special occasions with you except for your... birthday." Sunghoon laughs bitterly.
"It was the first time I celebrated a special occasion with you but you...left."
"That day...I knew something was wrong. I knew it but I never did anything. Even though, I still wanted to be with you, I didn't do anything because you look tired already. And I don't wanna be selfish. Even though it hurts a lot."
"I also saw how you still managed and tried to show us that you were happy." And that pains Sunghoon...a lot. Seeing Jake in pain feels like hell for Sunghoon.
"So I decided, to just...let you go. Even though, I can never really do that. Haha."
Sunghoon rested his back on the wall, staring at the air. He reaches for Jake's picture and stared at it.
"I really like your smile." Sunghoon touches Jake's picture. Sunghoon cursed when he felt a tear fell down from his eye. He promised himself not to cry but—
"This is hell." Sunghoon whispers. His hands are now trembling holding Jake's picture. "Jake..."
Sunghoon once again closes his eyes bringing Jake's picture closer to his chest. "Come back, please?"
"Come back to me." He hugs Jake's picture tighter. "I can't, I can't do this anymore. I miss you so much, everyday. Everytime I see a blanket it would always remind me of you. Jake... don't you miss me too?"
Sunghoon felt his chest tightens, he can barely breathe properly. This is the first time he cried so hard in front of Jake's grave. "Don't you wanna... don't you wanna make me smile again? You said, smiling suits me. How—how can I smile without you?"
A loud sob escaped Sunghoon's mouth. "This is so unfair. So, unfair. This hurts a lot Jake. A lot. I don't wanna..." Sunghoon breaths.
"I don't wanna feel like this anymore. Jake, please...wake up. Wake up for me? I'll—I'll give you thousands of blanket to hug, just...
come back." Sunghoon felt so helpless, he knows crying here wouldn't turn back everything. He knows this wouldn't bring back Jake. But this is the only thing he can do, cry and scream, cry and ask for Jake to come back. Cry and release the pain.
He wipes his tear, trying to calm himself. "Layla, Layla misses you a lot. Everytime I visit the cafe, he would always look for you. He would always wait for another person to enter after me, but...no one did."
"Areum is also asking where you are. I don't know what to say to her. I don't know how to explain that you left the world already. She would sometimes cry if I go home without you. She loves you and misses you a lot like I do."
It was christmas, Sunghoon celebrated it with his family. Even Jake's parent visited them. Areum was so excited that time saying that he'll see his Jakey oppa again after a long time.
Sunghoon felt a pang on his heart seeing how excited his little sister is.
But no, jakey oppa went to their house. It was christmas but Areum was crying.
"S-sunghoonie oppa, where is...where is Jakey oppa?" she asks while crying.
"Jake is... Jake is busy."
"But it's chritmas!"
"Areum. Jakey oppa, is busy...resting. Let's not bother him okay?"
Areum makes a sad face and cried harder. Sunghoon tried to make her stop crying until she fell asleep.
"I'm sorry, Areum-ah. Jake... isn't coming anymore."
"She was, also longing, like how everyone is." Sunghoon puts back Jake's picture. "Jake..."
"Is it selfish of me, if I want you to go back here and be with me again? Is it too much to ask? I promise, I'll—I'll take care of you, a lot better than I did before."
Sunghoon felt a cold wind brushed his shoulders. "Jake..." he whispers.
"Jake. Can I just at least, dream of you?" That was frustrated Sunghoon the most. Ever since Jake left, he never, not even once dreamt of Jake.
"I miss seeing your face." Sunghoon starts. His eyes starting to water again. "I miss, looking at your beautiful smile. I miss...hearing you play the violin. I miss, hearing your laugh. Your voice. I miss everything."
"I miss how you would always ask me to sleep beside you. I miss how you would complain if I don't want to. I miss how you would talk about Layla all day, watching you read books. Mostly, I miss watching you sleep and instead of hugging me, you would always hug...your blanket."
"I'm sorry, if I broke my promise to you because how can I not cry, imagining that you're not with me anymore? How can I be happy without you beside me? It was already hard enough to see you in pain, but seeing you die, beside me, broke me."
"Jake...I don't know how to start again, I don't know where to start. i wanted to spend a lifetime with you but it only last less than a year." Sunghoon lifts the single chrysanthemum and stare at it. "Do you know what this flower means?"
"This means...I love you." Sunghoon explains. He must look crazy right now. "I- I should've told you how much I love you."
"That was one of my biggest regrets, not telling and not showing how much I love you." Sunghoon stands up.
He folded the blanket and was about to place it back when he saw a white envelope at the top of the table. He slowly puts the blanket down. There was a fancy handwritten at the back.
"Sunghoon, ah. This is for you." that was written behind it.
The chrysanthemum fell from his hand. His body started to shake, staring at the envelope. He froze on his spot. "Jake."
[i suck at writing letters, im sorry]
Sunghoon felt his knees weakens. His body suddenly gave up and he flops down crying so hard.
"Jake. Jake." he keeps whispering. His body is shaking so bad while hugging the letter close to his chest. "Jake...I love you."
He cried his eyes out and he wanted to shout so bad, he wanted to scream. "Fucking hell."
Sunghoon cried and cried until the dark came. His eyes suddenly felt so dry. "Jake."
He couldn't find the words. He couldn't look for the proper words he wanted to say to Jake.
"I fucking love you too. I fucking love you so much, I wanna be with you. I wanna be with you. I don't wanna be in pain anymore. Jake, Jake, help me. I feel so broken." Sunghoon talks to Jake's grave.
"Fucking hell." Sunghoon curses once again.
No matter how much he ask for Jake to come back, nothing happens. "I wish this is just a dream. Please wake me up from this bad dream. Please, Jake. Wake me up."
"Wake...me...up." The door suddenly opened.
Heeseung immediately ran to Sunghoon, he's with everyone. Jay, Ni-Ki, Jungwon and Sunoo. They all ran to him.
Sunghoon cried more seeing his friends. "Heeseung hyung. Help me. I don't, I can ever move on from him. I don't think I'll ever forget about this pain. I don't think I can do anything he wants me to do."
Heeseung looks at Sunghoon with pain in his eyes. "Sunghoon-ah."
They let Sunghoon cry more until he calmed down. Sunghoon stopped crying. No one dared to talk. Until Sunghoon moved, they all stood up but Sunghoon stopped them.
Sunghoon picks up the red chrysanthemum from the floor. His hands trembling, he walks to Jake's grave. He touches it. He kneels down and kissed Jake's picture once. He placed the red chrysanthemum beside it.
"Until next lifetime, my love. I promise, we will be together that time and we both don't have to be in pain anymore. Happy Valentine's Day. I love you."
thank you again for reading the blanket! I hope you loved this special chapter! Happy Valentine's Day to everyone! Stay safe, always! Love y'all!