#taekookau where when soulmates meet, their past lives flash before their eyes.
when taehyung met jungkook, he saw the ninety nine lives he spent without finding his soulmate.
when jungkook met taehyung, he didn't see anything. his soul was new, and didn't hold any memory yet.
- sfw, angst, mcd
- don't read if you don't like it please i don't wanna make you sad without your consent
- based on my prompt:
#taekookau where it's jungkook's first life and it's taehyung's last. jungkook who is fascinated by everything, pure and brave. taehyung who is kind with everyone, like a last goodbye.
taehyung who spent lives waiting for jungkook, but who only gets to have him once.
from the very first time they met, taehyung knew jungkook was his soulmate.
as soon as he entered the dorm and his eyes fell into those two dark galaxies, he was absorbed in a spiral of memories.
colorful moments of life spiralled around him, from all ages and all places. in a strangely detailed flash series, he saw all his past lives, everything his soul had lived before being born as taehyung.
but all those memories were imbued with a throbbing sadness, something bitter that knocked the breath out of him.
in all those lives, he never met his soulmate, never knew about his past lives.
the memories washed over him in the space of a second, and locked themselves in a precious part of his brain, leaving him breathless.
jungkook was walking towards him and gave out his hand. he looked shy, a bit nervous. he was so small back then.
but he definitely didn't look like he just went through the memories of dozens of lifes.
taehyung felt his heart break.
jungkook didn't recognize him.
while shaking jungkook's hand and introducing himself, taehyung held back his tears.
the memories showed him he already went through ninety nine lives. and he knew, everybody knew, that a soul only has a hundred lives before disappearing in the shadow of the universe.
taehyung knew from that moment that this was his last life. and by the lack of his soulmate's reaction, he knew this was jungkook's first.
ninety nine lives and taehyung never met his soulmate. he only got one life to know him, and jungkook didn't even recognize him.
taehyung was scared.
he didn't know what to do in this situation. he was only sixteen, lost in seoul and fighting for his dreams. what should have he done? tell jungkook he was his soulmate? impossible. jungkook wouldn't have believed him.
jungkook, like everyone else, was waiting to meet someone and see all the memories of his past lives flashing before his eyes.
taehyung learned quickly that jungkook believed in soulmates and couldn't wait to meet them. taehyung cried that night.
because he wanted to scream to him that it was him, he /was/ his soulmate. that jungkook's soul was living for the first time, thus why he didn't see any memory.
but he couldn't. too scared to pass for a liar, too scared to loose jungkook. to make him suffer if he believed him and knew he was doomed to live all these next lives without soulmate.
he stayed silent. years after years.
taehyung found six friends in seoul. but jungkook... it was different with jungkook. taehyung was always tender and gentle with him.
he never raised his voice against him, never treated him like a dongsaeng, even proposed to drop the honorifics, but jungkook - polite and respecful jungkook, bless his heart - had refused.
taehyung confided a lot to jungkook, cried in front of him and laughed with him. he didn't have any shame with him.
and jungkook... jungkook was the same.
because souls don't need memories to be attracted. and jungkook was inexplicably (according to him) and subtly drawn by taehyung.
he wasn't shy around him, could take off his clothes shamelessly before him, talk about his fears and questions with him.
that's how taehyung found the strength to stay silent all those years. because even if jungkook was only his friend, taehyung already felt happy beyond human comprehension.
because finally, for his hundredth life, he found him.
and more than finding him, he could talk to him, touch him, hug him, kiss his ears and cheeks.
and jungkook, shy and sweet jungkook, blushed softly and never pushed away, searching to get closer, and closer, not knowing why, but sure knowing it was the right thing to do.
they started dating.
how? jungkook cracked. ever since he was little, he promised himself that he would only date his soulmate once he found them. he was a romantic after all.
but he couldn't. he couldn't resist anymore. meeting taehyung had been too much, too sweet, too warm. the nights full of whispers he spent with him, the ones when tae held him close in his arms, the laughs and the snow balls fights.
jungkook fell in love with taehyung.
it was scary, falling from someone who was apparently not his soulmate. but he couldn't help it and it felt /right/.
kissing taehyung had been like taking a breath after staying underwater for too long.
it was a little after jungkook turned 18. he went clubbing and got drunk with all his hyungs for the first time (at least first legal time) a few days after his birthday.
that was the first thing jungkook wanted to do as an adult.
the second thing... he waited a few days more. it was a lot scarier. a lot riskier.
it was at night, taehyung and jungkook were skating in the parking lot under their building.
that was the worst timing ever, jungkook thought.
sure, they were alone. but it was after an exhausting day, they were still sweaty from practice and no they didn't shower yet because they're boys.
the parking lot was dark, bathed in a gloomy artificial light, green and red lamps like mechanical fireflies around them.
it smelled like gasoline and dirty tires.
but it was perfect. taehyung was giggling while skating, opening his arms and throwing his head back to feel the wind swelling his open shirt, eyes closed and pure smile on his face.
looking at him, jungkook's heart was beating painfully. he loved him, so much it hurt. he was mad, mad against the universe that he wasn't his soulmate. it was the most unfair thing jungkook could think of.
jungkook never dared confess his feelings. he was too scared to be rejected, that taehyung would tell him "you're not my soulmate, go away."
but not so long ago, taehyung had once whispered in the depths and secrets of the night: "i'm not waiting for my soulmate. i want to fall in love with someone i want, not someone i'm destined to."
and it was true.
taehyung knew jungkook was his soulmate from the beginning, but it hadn't been love at first sight. he fell in love with him for an infinity of reasons he discovered while being his friend. yes, he was destined to jungkook, but it didn't matter.
taehyung loved jungkook more than anything, enough to not force on jungkook the fact that they were soulmates, enough to let him fall in love with him only if he wanted to, enough to be patient. to accept living his last life without merging with his soulmate.
saying that, taehyung didn't expect he would make the sparks of courage jungkook needed crackle within him.
jungkook took off, literally, rubbing his sole on the asphalt to join taehyung.
he miscalculated, too much in a hurry, and he rushed into taehyung too hard, telescoping him.
his hyung burst into laughing and caught him by the arms, gripping his elbows, jungkook clinging to his waist to find his balance again.
it was definitely not the good moment, both on the verge of falling from their skates, taehyung laughing so hard his eyes wrinkled. but jungkook was feeling brave.
so he raised on his toes, wrapped his arms brutally around taehyung's middle and clashed their mouths together.
taehyung's eyes widened. and he fell backwards. almost in slow motion.
that hurt, taehyung remembered.
his head actually started bleeding when his back hit the asphalt, pain heavy in his skull, jungkook falling on top of him.
but at that moment, he couldn't think of anything else but jungkook's lips on his.
it was a lot to take in.
and that's not only because it was both their first kiss since they were too hopeless romantics, both had been waiting for their soulmates.
therefore it was sloppy. too much drool, too much tongues and teeth that hurt and clash.
taehyung knew he kissed and slept with people in his past lives, but they didn't mean anything to him.
and with jungkook, well. it might have been the worst, sloppiest and most stupid kiss he ever had. but it was the most earthquakelike. lightning flashing through his body, electrifying all his nerves, sparks on edge, thunder exploding in his chest.
jungkook felt the same, oblivious to the fact his soul just found his home. he never had a home before. he didn't know this feeling yet.
he decided it was the mix of the surprise to fall and the happiness to be kissed back that triggered this tremor.
taehyung sighed and shook through the kiss, gripping jungkook's cheeks, kissing him deeper, more, harder. jungkook laughed in the kiss, making it even messier, relieved and beyond happy to feel taehyung reciprocating his feelings.
they both knew that they were romantic, that they didn't kiss or be with anyone intimately before. because they both were waiting for someone special.
so it was not "just a kiss". it was a declaration, something serious, something pure and strong and well though out.
so they kissed, and kissed, and couldn't stop. until jungkook slipped his hands through taehyung's hair and screamed when he felt the blood on his fingers.
thanksfully head injuries bleed a lot but are not that serious. they still got scolded for skating without protections.
and so they dated. years after years.
they were the perfect couple. they never fought, they were each other's biggest supporters, praising each other /all the time/ to the point where their hyungs were sick of them.
everyone assumed they were soulmates because, honestly, it was obvious.
but jungkook, proud and free jungkook, will always exclaim: "no we're not! we just love each other for who we are! i didn't see anything when i met tae, but that didn't stop me from falling for him!"
taehyung will just nod, embarrassed and mortified inside of him, but doing his best to not show it.
so hy didn't taehyung tell jungkook?
because of the same fears he had, years ago. and also because of the fear he had to break jungkook's sweet perception of love. taehyung would be devastated if jungkook ever thought their love was a lie, and that it was only the fact they were soulmates that brought them together.
besides that, taehyung never found the right moment.
in the whirlwind of their lives, in the midst of moments of joy too intense to be wasted, moments of depression too heavy to be worsened... he never found the courage to tell him.
maybe it was egoistic, taehyung didn't really know. maybe they could live like that after all.
taehyung loved cuddling jungkook to sleep, waking him up by pressing kisses on his round cheeks.
he loved taking care of him, praising him in the secret of their sheets and looking at him when he thought no one was watching. he loved feeling the strength of his body, the softness of his skin, the murmur of his heart.
more than anything, he loved seeing jungkook's soul growing, learning, discovering. little young soul eager to know and test everything. his eyes pure when he was looking at the fireworks and the milky way. his voice soft when he was talking to animals and objects.
jungkook had a beautiful soul. to the point that taehyung couldn't believe that their souls were linked. maybe it wasn't maybe that weird that taehyung had to wait so many lives before meeting jungkook. the universe took its time to craft the delicacy and the blaze of his soul.
taehyung kept his secret until his last hours.
he didn't plan to keep it this long. he always thought he would eventually had the courage to tell him. but not this late.
not when the clamor of the fans had died down a long time ago, the youth had faded, and their wrinkled hands covered with veins were entwined on a hospital bed.
in those last moments of vulnerability and fragility, jungkook had whispered "you were not my soulmate taehyung, but you were my whole heart."
at that moment, everything shattered and taehyung, broken by the heavy memory of a hundred lives, broken by the lies, the love and the fate, finally confessed:
"you are my soulmate jungkook"
"don't be stupid" jungkook, beautiful as always, old and wise, chuckled. "we are not, but it never mattered."
"we are jungkook. when we met, you didn't see anything. but it's not because i'm not your soulmate. it's because it's your first life and you didn't have anything to remember."
jungkook's lips trembled, waves of incomprehension and panic rolling in his big eyes.
"does that mean you saw something?" jungkook murmured, so low, like it was all a dream.
"i lived ninety-nine times before this life, jungkook. i've waited so long to meet you."
a single clear tear rolled on jungkook's cheek, hand tightening around taehyung's fingers.
"it's your last life" he whispered.
taehyung nodded and jungkook felt his heart break in half.
"why didn't you tell me?"
taehyung smiled, his heart visible through his eyes, crushed under too much passion to bare all these lives without finding someone to love.
"like you said... we never needed that."
jungkook's head fell on taehyung's chest, sobs shaking his shoulders, hands clinging to taehyung's arms.
"don't leave me" he cried softly.
"you won't remember me, jungkook" taehyung soothed, hands caressing jungkook's grey hair. "you will never remember me."
"but i'll never find you again. i will live ninety nine lives without you, without soulmate."
taehyung's arms closed around him, futile attempt to protect him from his doom.
"that's why i didn't want to tell you... don't think like that my angel. you spent this life without thinking about your soulmate. you'll do the same later. you'll find someone. you will be love.
soulmate or not."
"i only ever wanted to be loved by you."
"i love you. i love you more than anything. more than all my lives. more than i could ever write or tell. i love you so much that your soul will remember it, your soul will know what is like to be loved,
it will find someone who can give you this in your next lives."
"i'm scared" jungkook sobbed quietly on taehyung's shirt. "i don't want to live again."
"it's okay. it's okay my love. you are the most beautiful and talented person i met in this hundred of lives. your soul is so beautiful, jungkook, you have no idea. it deserved to live again and again. you have so much to accomplish. you'll be extraordinary jungkook.
you have been in your first life, you will be in the others.
love is such a small thing, jungkook. such a precious little thing. people think it's big, as big and important as life. but it's not. it's small, and fragile and rare. i'm already so lucky that i experienced it once, that i could hold you at least once."
"you only say that to reassure me" jungkook choked on a painful chuckle among his tears
taehyung smiled, gently, always.
"does it work?"
"not really... but you're right."
he lifted himself up, and leaned forward,
dropping a sweet peck on taehyung's lips, bruised from all these years spent kissing him.
tenderly, he rested his forehead against his and whispered: "i was lucky to have you once kim taehyung. i'm sure i'll remember you. always."