and the dreams you left behind you didn‘t need them, like every single wish we ever made | ye0nb1n au based on amnesia by 5s0s (i suggest you listen to the song while reading)

sbn can‘t believe he‘s back here. somehow he always ends up at this skatepark even though he stopped skating almost a year ago. it‘s pathetic really. how sbn sits in his car, trying not to break into tears while he remembers that here was the place ynjvn first kissed him

that this was the place where they started, the place where he tripped over his board bcs when he saw ynjvn for the first time, he got distracted and lost focus. that sbn busted his knees then and how ynjvn was the first person to check on him even though he didn‘t know sbn

that this was the place they went to when they were still okay. that when time passed, ynjvn wanted to go here less and less until he flat out declined all together. and sbn had known something was wrong, had known for weeks but he lied to himself, didn‘t want to accept it.

sbn thought if he could try and find out what made ynjvn so unhappy, maybe he could fix it. but he had been delusional, had refused to admit that ynjvn had withdrawn from him, had stopped smiling when they‘d been together, had spent more time on his phone than with him.

and when the day finally came where ynjvn stood in front of him with tears in his eyes, telling him he wanted to break up, sbn just shattered. he begged and he cried but ynjvn had decided, had known for weeks that he would do this, he just hadn‘t known how to tell him.

when ynjvn left, he took a piece of sbn with him. a huge chunk so big, that sbn felt like he wasn‘t himself anymore. and it was true, in some way, he supposed. he stopped skating, a thing he loved bcs it reminded him too much of ynjvn.

he stopped meeting his friends, making up excuses when they ask him. sbn knows he can‘t fool them but he appreciates that they‘re at least pretending. he knows ynjvn‘s name will come up, even if it‘s by accident and even until now, it hurts sbn to hear that name.

after a while, sbn feels like he‘s doing better, he‘s gotten used to a routine that keeps his mind busy, keeps him from thinking about ynjvn. and it works in some way, but the smile sbn almost always had on his face seems to have vanished indefinitely.

but then he sees ynjvn. and sbn could slap himself for coming to this coffee shop bcs of course ynjvn will be here. he‘s the one that introduced sbn to the hot chocolate they‘re selling. maybe if it had been just ynjvn, sbn would‘ve been fine but the other isn‘t alone.

while sbn waits for drink, he finds himself watching ynjvn, even if he tries to look away. sbn‘s eyes had always been drawn to ynjvn and apparently, that didn‘t change even now. sbn has to force himself to breathe bcs ynjvn is still as beautiful as he remembers him to be

it seems that, unlike sbn, ynjvn hasn‘t lost his smile. back then, sbn‘s heart would beat faster when he saw ynjvn‘s smile but now his heart aches. bcs now the smile isn‘t directed at him but at the man sitting in front of him. sbn watches ynjvn‘s eyes crinkle with laughter.

sbn knew that expression very well. just up until a few months ago, ynjvn had looked at sbn this way. it hurt sbn to know that ynjvn had someone new, that he had been able to move on seemingly so easy, when sbn was still trying to piece himself back together.

sbn has never doubted ynjvn‘s feelings for him, it never even occurred to him. but if what they had was real, how could ynjvn be fine? from the moment, ynjvn broke up with him, sbn knew he was the one more in love, the one who was more dependent.

and then ynjvn notices him and sbn can see ynjvn‘s beautiful smile fade. sbn knows that he has asked their friends about him, bcs he wanted to know how sbn was coping. sbn knows that bcs he has asked about ynjvn also. the answer had always been that ynjvn was doing fine.

sbn can‘t cry in the middle of this coffee shop, he doesn‘t want ynjvn to know how hurt he still is, that even until now, he hasn‘t been able to move on. so he keeps his head high and offers ynjvn a simple smile before taking his drink and leaving.

he doesn‘t start crying until he‘s home. sbn hates himself for being so pathetic and he can‘t help wonder if ynjvn ever cried about him too. if he ever regrets breaking up with him. if whenever the man from the coffee shops hurts him, he thinks of sbn.

that night, sbn can‘t sleep. he keeps looking at the text messages he received from ynjvn, when everything was still okay. the tears were running over his face, but sbn doesn‘t attempt to stop them. he‘s looking at their pictures.

their first date, the first time ynjvn had spent the night. even through his tears, sbn feels himself smile. they were happy once. sbn remembers waking up to a sleeping ynjvn, the sun caressing the other‘s cheeks making him look heartbreakingly beautiful.

if sbn could turn back time, if he woke up tomorrow and ynjvn had never left, sbn would talk to him before the other distanced himself, he would hold ynjvn closer than he did before. he wouldn‘t let ynjvn slip away.

when sbn falls asleep that night, he hopes once again that this is a dream. or that he would wake up and forget everything. he wishes he would wake up with amnesia, because he can‘t escape the memories and he‘s not fine at all.