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ishal ✨️

ishal ✨

Mar 19, 2022
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#taekook #taekookau —– • 𝐈 𝐖𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐝 • —– After breaking up with his boyfriend of 7 years, Jungkook left for the USA to move on. A year later he comes back to SK on his sister's wedding only to come to know that his sister is marrying his ex, Taehyung.

Somewhere in the same city, within the confines of his room, secured in the arms of his two best friends, Taehyung had also cried himself to sleep with the same burning pain in his chest as Jungkook.
—— • 🤍 • ——
The only thing on their tongues was the scream of pain, agony and longing while they allowed the darkness of the gloomy night and the dullness of their hearts consume them to a slumber.
—— • 🤍 • ——
The painful and excruciating night that fell on the two heart-broken souls finally came to an end as the next day’s sun rose up, shining the brightest, waking up all living souls including the two lost and wounded ones.
“Hyung, I don’t want to see him like this.” A small quivering voice whispering slowly is the first thing Taehyung hears when he begins to open his eyes.
“I know. I know, love.” He hears another voice, pulling him out of his sleep.
Taehyung wiggles around on the bed, slowly trying to open up his eyes and adjust to the bright light.
“Tae, baby.” A hand makes its way on his forehead, brushing his hair back and then travelling to his head, massaging the scalp slowly and gently.
Taehyung blinks rapidly before he completely wakes up and notices his best friend sitting beside him with a tired smile plastered on his lips.
He tries to speak up but ends up coughing because his throat felt dry. That is when Hoseok comes into his line of sight and Taehyung sees him holding a glass of water.
“Come on, Tae, sit up. You need to drink water.” Jimin says, holding Taehyung from his arm and helping him to sit up. He slowly rubs his back to help the younger with his cough while Hoseok brings the glass forward.
He slowly rubs his back to help the younger with his cough while Hoseok brings the glass forward.
Taehyung takes the glass of water and gulps it down in one go, feeling extremely thirsty after crying continuously last night.
“There you go.” Jimin takes the glass from Taehyung once he drinks down the water and places it on the bed-side table.
He shuffles closer to his best friend and hugs him from behind, letting Taehyung rest his back on his chest. For a while, neither of the three friends say anything and sit together in silence.
“Ju–Jungkook” That is the first thing Taehyung says, breaking the silence.
Hoseok sighs at that while Jimin tightens his grip on Taehyung’s body.
“W–Why? Why is this happening to me? Why?” Taehyung’s voice trembles as he whispers the question, leaning his head to the side, allowing a small stream of silent tears to break out of his eyes and fall on Jimin’s shirt, creating a tiny wet patch.
“T–Tae” Jimin only sways his best friend’s tired body in his arms, petting his head lightly.
“I–I’m so unlucky, aren’t I?” Taehyung chuckles bitterly.
“First, I lost my world, sent him away with my own hands and now when I met him again, it….it’s as his sister’s fiance….why does universe hate me so much? Just why? W–Why am I so unfortunate?”
Taehyung cries, hitting his fist on his thighs, feeling too helpless during the ongoing circumstances.
“No, no, baby, no. Don’t say that, please.” Jimin argues, sniffling. “Tae, please take a hold of yourself. You have been doing this to yourself for a year.” Hoseok pleads, rubbing Taehyung’s hands to soothe him.
But nothing can soothe him.  Other than the tender and affectionate embrace of his lover, nothing has ever brought peace to him.
The warmth of his lover always shielded him from the miseries, the torture, the cruelties of this unjust and lonely world.  It was his escape, his comfort, his reasuurance.
Those arms were his little world. A world where he was safe, where he could seek for relief and always got it whenever he wanted.
A world where he used to forget everything, the sadness, the anger, the frustration, everything and the only thing that used to fill in his heart was happiness, pleasure. Peace.
And since the moment those arms drifted away, all the comfort and peace got snatched from him, leaving him with only wounds and scars.
“How hyung? How?” Taehyung asks, shutting his eyes tightly. “He–He was my world, my everything. How can someone forget their world? The world they live in, breathe in, the world in which they are happy. How?” He asks, tears pooling his eyes and falling down endlessly.
“Ten years, hyung, ten years.” Taehyung mutters, eyes now fixed at the ceiling above him. “Three years of me silently loving him and seven years of us openly loving each other.”
He murmurs, a sad smile tugging at his lips as he looked back upon all the memories from the first day he met the nervous, doe-eyed boy in a street and helped him to their university because the innocent looking boy was new to the city and Seoul frightened him.
A few tears trickle down his cheeks as he remembers how he slowly worked his way in bringing the boy out of his shell and helped him overcome his fears.
“I–I still don’t know how I managed to live for a year without him. It’s….It’s just so suffocating without Jungkook.”
Taehyung expresses, meeting Jimin’s eyes who himself was shedding tears on seeing his best friend’s in such a vulnerable and broken state.
“Chim…” Taehyung whispers, a pained smile taking over his lips as he looked up at his friend.
“Hmmm?” Jimin asks, cupping Taehyung’s face and wiping his tears while his own fell on Taehyung’s pale cheeks..
He smiles sadly at Jimin, lips starting to wobble as he struggles to bring out any words.
Jimin gives him time, soothing him the best he could but the next thing that Taehyung says vanishes all the colours from his face.
tw// suicidal thoughts “Why can’t I just d!e?.....yeah, I should d!e.”
“TAEHYUNG!” Both Jimin and Hoseok yelp in unison, startled and horrified at Taehyung’s thoughts.
Taehyung, however, remains unfazed, body sagging within Jimin’s arms. “Tae, look at me.” Jimin says, frantically grasping Taehyung’s face in his shaky palm to look at him in his eyes.
“Don’t you dare say anything like that? You can’t–” “But why Jiminie? Why? Do I even have a purpose in my life now?” Taehyung cuts him.
Teary eyes fixed on his soulmate’s face, Jimin choked on his words, feeling too incapable to answer the question.
“Tae, don’t say that.” Hoseok says, voice sad as he comes closer to the two boys, wrapping them in his arms. // end of tw
Taehyung’s body squishes between the two and he cries silently while his friends try their best to console him and ease the burning ache in his shattered heart.
“Tae, what happened in the past has happened. Nothing can change that.” Hoseok started, leaning his head on top of Taehyung’s.
“Instead of talking out about what was troubling you both, you two kept it in. You both lacked communication and that’s what led you to break apart and now in this situation, it’s so messed up that you can not sort it all out.” The eldest concluded, sighing sadly.
“Hy–hyung, it’s….it’s all my fault. I—I shouldn't have been so impulsive. I should have controlled myself. I—I should have talked to him….Hyung, Why…why didn’t I talk to him, why?” Taehyung sobs, gripping Hoseok’s shirt between his shivering palms.
“No, baby, don’t say that. It can never be only you at fault and it can never be only Jungkook at fault too. Stop blaming yourself.” Hoseok tries to comfort his crying best friend but Taehyung only sobs harder, shaking his head continuously.
“But–But, I should’ve talked to him. If I did, we–we wouldn’t have separated.” The young man mumbles those words, trembling in his friends’ hold who get worried when they notice Taehyung shivering badly and breathing with difficulty.
“Tae, baby, please calm down. You have been crying since last night. This isn’t good for you.” Jimin says softly, pulling back. He gently holds Taehyung’s face and wipes his tears while Taehyung’s choked wails flood in the gloomy atmosphere of the room.
“Jimin, I–I don’t know what….what to do.” Taehyung’s voice quiveres.
“ I–I agreed on marrying Areum but I…I don’t know how I will live knowing that Areum is Jungkook’s sister….my—my lover’s sister.” Loud whimpers pull out of Taehyung’s lips and his grip on his friend’s shirt stiffens.
Just picturing a life with Jungkook so close to him yet so far squeezes his heart and his chest contracts as a stabbing pain overflows in his heart, crumpling him into pieces.
It is the pain of losing his lover. The pain of being apart from him for so long. The pain of having him so close yet not being able to hold him, touch him, engulf him like he always did.
“Tae, think about Areum. What did she do to become a part of this mess?” Hoseok asks, his eyes now meeting Taehyung’s who looks at him with his crumpled features.
“Hyu–Hyung, you–you know I never wanted her to become a part of my messed up life.”  After sitting up properly and wiping his tears, Taehyung continues, sniffling softly.
“Mom and Dad forced me to date her.” His expression saddens and he looks down, fumbling with his fingers.
“She…..She is a really nice girl and I never wanted to mess up her life and her feelings but….but—”
Before Taehyung could continue further, a loud knock on the door cuts him. Taehyung wipes his tears in a hurry and steadies his breathing, gaining back his composure.
“G–Go, open the door.” He tells Hoseok who walks towards the door slowly. He unlocks it and swiftly opens the door revealing Taehyung’s mother who was dressed as if she was going somewhere out.
Hoseok gets to a side, leaving space for the woman to step inside the room. Mrs. Kim looks around the room and then settles her eyes on her son who was sitting with Jimin on the bed, looking back at her nervously.
“M—Mom” Taehyung stutters, trying his best to hide his tears. “Taehyung, what’s going on? Why are you still in bed?” His mother asks, voice stern and serious.
“I—I just woke up. We—We stood till late at night, that's why…..” Taehyung answers, turning his eyes away. His mother nods before bringing up her arm and taking a look at her wrist watch.
“You know that you are supposed to take Areum to the venue of your wedding, right?” The woman reminds the boy. Taehyung’s eyes widen and he gasps silently when he remembers his commitment with his fiance.
Everything that happened yesterday made him lose track of what he was doing and was supposed to do. But now that his mom has reminded him, he realises he doesn’t have the courage to step at Areum’s house because he is afraid.
Afraid to have an encounter with Jungkook. Afraid to meet his eyes and see heartbreak laced in those heavenly eyes that were once his sky to stare at.
Afraid to see heartbreak in the breathtaking galaxy eyes that were once his favourite place to kiss. Afraid to see the innocent glimmer in those oval-shaped eyes that he once cherished turning into emptiness.
“M–Mom, can we delay the plan? I–I am….I am not feeling really good.” Taehyung mumbles slowly, giving pleading eyes to his mother who looks at him with a grave expression.
“Taehyung, what’s wrong?” Taehyung’s entire body trembles hearing that cold voice. “N—Nothing’s wrong, M–Mom.” He answers.
“Then why am I seeing what I had seen a year ago?” His mom asks, crossing her arms and raising her eyebrows in question, making Taehyung’s resolve crumble.
“N–No, mom, it’s nothing like tha–” “It better not be anything like that, Taehyung. I don’t want you to cry over what’s done again. You have a fiance now and you are getting married. So, better get a hold of yourself.” She speaks up, tone warning.
Taehyung grips the bed sheet harshly, holding himself from saying something harsh. How could his mom be like this to her own son? How could she not understand what his son has been through? How could she not care about his bruised heart?
“Go wash up and get ready. You are going to Areum’s house, understood?” The woman tells him, not paying attention to his son’s watery eyes even for once. “Okay” Taehyung replies dryly. Hearing that, Taehyung’s mom turns around and leaves the room, closing the door behind her.
The three men inside the room let silence fall upon them, no one speaking even a single word. That’s until Taehyung heaves a breathy sigh, breaking the silence.
His two friends who were standing near the bed walk towards him, sitting beside him on the bed.  They both quickly bring him in a hug, wrapping the youngest within their arms.
“I wish for once my parents cared about how I felt. I wish instead of running their business empire all these years, they stayed with me, trying to understand me. If only that happened, I would have been much happier.”
Resting his head on Hoseok’s shoulder, Taehyung voiced out the wish he had in his heart since he was a child.
A child who was deprived of his parents’ time, their love, their care. A child who spent his childhood having every blessing of the world yet envying his friends who got the affection from their parents that he always longed for.
A child who always had an innocent wish of ‘I want mommy and daddy to love me’ in his pure heart.
“We are here for you, Tae, we are always here baby.” Jimin whispered softly in Taehyung’s ear, kissing his head. Hoseok hugged him tight and caressed his back.
After what felt like a thousand years, a small smile tugs at Taehyung’s lips. It’s barely there but his friends see it and return the smile.
“Thank You so much for being there for me…..I—I don’t what would have happened if you guys weren’t here with me.” Taehyung says, hugging both of his friends individually.
“Don’t say that. We will always be right by your side.” Hoseok tells him with a smile. “I’ll go get ready.” With that, Taehyung stands up and walks to the bathroom to take a bath.
—— • 🤍 • ——
It was a rainy night when Jungkook found himself pacing all around the hallway, worry spread across his features as he waited for his boyfriend to come back home.
Taehyung always reaches back home on time and if sometimes he is busy, he never forgets to inform Jungkook.
But the way things have been between them for a while, Jungkook didn’t expect him to leave a message. Over the span of the past few weeks, Jungkook felt that Taehyung was being distant.
He wasn’t coming home on time. They rarely ate together as Taehyung skipped most of his meals, saying that he is busy with work.  Jungkook felt like Taehyung was ignoring him and didn’t want to spend time with him.
And that mere thought of Taehyung being ignorant towards him pricked needles all over his skin, a wave of pain rising in his chest as he thought more and more about it.
Jungkook tried to brush off the tight feeling in his chest but during the past few days, Taehyung and Jungkook started to have fights, which was something that was unknown to them till now.
Throughout these years of the two of them dating, Taehyung and Jungkook never had a big fight.
Yes, they argued sometimes but those arguments always ended up with them drowning each other in kisses and cuddles, all the while muttering continuous apologies and sweet nothings that made their hearts swell with immeasurable amounts of love.
But during the past few days, it wasn’t the usual arguments they had. It was something big and it irked Jungkook.
He wanted to talk to Taehyung and sort out the matter but everytime he tried to ask him about what was wrong, it somehow led them to shouting over each other and saying things that they didn’t mean.
But today, Jungkook has decided that he will talk to Taehyung at any cost. This silence and distance from Taehyung was slowly damaging him, spreading soreness in his heart and sending his mind into a frenzy.
The only thing he pondered upon lately was about Taehyung’s lack of attention and the distance created between them.
Not only this disappointed him but it also made him angry.  Angry because their work schedules were always hectic throughout the years but they still managed to take out time for one another.
But now, something has changed. Jungkook knew one thing.  He knew that something was definitely going on with Taehyung that was messing up his mind and causing him to lose his temper.
He knew all that but it pained him to know that Taehyung didn’t bother to share his worries and troubles with Jungkook.
It pained him when all he got was a blank face and a loud hiss from his boyfriend whenever he asked him about the reason behind his distress.
Jungkook was not someone who would act on impulse and let his emotions and anger take over his mind.  He always tried to stay calm but the situation he was put into wasn’t helping him to remain controlled.
It only made him want to lose his calm. And maybe that’s where it went all wrong.
The sound of the doorbell ringing pulled him out of his thoughts. With fast steps, Jungkook reached the main door of the house and quickly opened it.
And the first thing he noticed on Taehyung’s face was the traces of pent up frustration and itch laced within his eyes.
If Jungkook hadn’t been so overly irritated by their ongoing situation, he would have put aside his questions and would have tried to comfort his boyfriend.
But right now, it was as if he had lost control over his senses and the question of why Taehyung was so distant had taken over all of his senses, fogging up his mind and not allowing him to think straight.
“Taehyung!” Jungkook’s voice came out louder than expected.
Taehyung who kept looking past Jungkook shifted his gaze towards Jungkook and stared at him for a second before turning away once again and walking past him, inside the house.
“Taehyung, listen!” Jungkook said loudly, rushing to close the door and then walked up to Taehyung who didn’t stop for once and kept on moving forward towards the staircase.
He was ready to climb up the stairs when Jungkook took a hold of his arm by curling his hand around his bicep and pulled him back..
“Can you please listen to me?” Jungkook asked, brows furrowed. “Not now, Jungkook, please not now.” Taehyung said in a hurry.
Anyone who would have seen Taehyung at that time could have easily guessed that he is extremely enraged but Jungkook didn’t think about it much, ignoring his boyfriend’s anger. He wanted answers so he continued his attempt to make Taehyung talk to him.
“If not now, then when, Taehyung? When? You have been saying this for weeks now. Can you for once sit down and tell me what’s going on?”
Jungkook shouted, his words dripping with pain and agitation that Taehyung probably didn’t notice because he poked his cheek in annoyance and through gritted teeth, spoke up, “Jungkook, please. Leave me alone for a while.”
Those words rose a fierce ache throughout Jungkook’s body. His blood boiled as rage and bitterness overcame his senses.
“Leave you alone? Huh? Is that what you want?” Jungkook’s shout resonated in the otherwise silent house. And that shout wasn’t followed by a blanket of silence but another angry scowl but this time by Taehyung.
“Yes, stop annoying me with your dumb questions and fvcking leave me alone. Is that too difficult to understand?” At this point, Jungkook was starting to feel numb to the harshness and bitterness laced in Taehyung’s words.
“So, now I annoy you? Huh? I fvcking annoy you when all I want to know is what’s wrong with you?” Jungkook chuckled dryly.
Taehyung, now fully out of his mind, threw his bag somewhere on the floor before banging his hand on the wall.
“Can you stop asking the same thing again and again? Can’t you see I’m fvcking done with this bullsh!t?”
Taehyung shouted, his raged voice resonating through every corner of the house, coming back to Jungkook’s ears and sending continuous harsh thrusts to his heart, tearing it apart.
Upon hearing Taehyung’s words, Jungkook flinched, his eyes going wide and lips trembling a little. “This—This is bullsh!t? Huh? You are done with it….I—I see.” Before saying anything further, Jungkook allowed his heart to absorb those words.
And once it all registered to him, he finally lost the last bit of his patience.
“Why don’t you say that you are done with me, huh? Why don’t you say that you don’t want me anymore? Why don’t you say that you don’t want to be in this relationship?” Jungkook yelled, moving towards Taehyung, staring straight into his eyes.
Two raged pairs of eyes met and a fire ignited within them as the two men lost their minds and uttered everything which during that moment, they hadn’t realised would lead them to something they never imagined.
They didn’t know the fire provoked because of their outrage would result in them separating their paths. They didn’t know what they said in the heat of the moment would fill their lives with grief and regret.
Grief and regret of losing someone so precious to them just because of the lack of communication and the anger that messed up their senses.
“Tell me the truth. Taehyung. Isn’t that what you want?” The younger man almost roared, teeth clenching, hands fisting and eyes pooling with hot tears that he tried his best to hold back within his eyes.
A loud, annoyed grumble erupted from Taeyung’s throat. “YES!” “YES! I’m fvcking done with everything. I only want some peace in my life and all I get is this shouting from you.” Taehyung shouted back, coming close to Jungkook, banging his hand on the table near the wall.
His words only fueled the flames of the burning fire inside Jungkook, imprinting a scar that he wasn’t able to feel at that time but the pain would make its way soon.
“Then get rid of me, get rid of my shouting because you want peace and apparently I’m only a nuisance. Leave me, end this because that’s what you want. That’s what will make you happy.” His words were filled with heartbreak.
On the spur of the moment, he voiced out everything his brain signalled him to but he instantly regretted it.
Jungkook felt how everything he said brought a sour taste on his tongue. He felt how he himself crushed himself by saying everything and that to just out of anger.
A lump clogged his throat as his lips got sealed and he tried to come up with some way with which he could take back his words.
“I think you are right. You aren’t understanding me and if this is what you want then okay, let’s end this.” Fuming in anger, Taehyung’s voice got louder, making Jungkook flinch.
Without giving it a thought, Taehyung spoke up, “We’re over.”
And without turning back, he climbed up the stairs, his feet producing a sharp noise as they collided with the wooden floor.
The walls of the house that was no longer a home repeated back the words, hitting Jungkook with a force so harsh that he found himself struggling to breathe.
Jungkook felt himself shuddering, his entire body felt numb and there was so much ache inside his heart that he feared it might burst open any time.
'We're over'  His brain shouted over and over again, crumbling him into fragments he knew he would never be able to pick up and put into place ever again.
Jungkook felt his knees wobbling and the world around him started moving in circles. He stumbled over his feet and collided with the wall near him, the sudden impact enough to bring him back to reality. A bitter and regretful reality.
When he once again realised that what just happened was true, the rivers of tears flowed out of his red rimmed eyes. "N—No...... He—He left me." His words disappeared within the excruciating silence of the house.
Unable to breathe anymore, he stormed outside the house, silent sobs wrecking through him. This wasn't what he expected to happen.
Jungkook staggered here and there, unable to find his way through the abyss, the chilly air of the night seeping through his once warm and calm being.
That night he lost the blanket of solace that had always kept him warm. That night, he lost the light that guided him through the petrifying darkness. That night, he lost the love that pacified his heart.
The soothing yet so noisy pitter patter of the rain drops intermingled with Jungkook’s pained shrieks as he wept in pain.
ishal ✨️

ishal ✨

baby highness and romantic bear tiger love bot | fan account | AU Writer | AUs in 🔗 | No reposts/ translations allowed | BU and Archive: @merigoldtk
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