ok fic where th is like "it's so sad that none of us have made out with each other" bc why not and everyone's like "haha okay" until jm, wanting to start shit, is like "actually I have it on good authority that two people in our group have made out"

(he has no idea about this, he's completely lying, but hey statistically it's probable!! there's 7 of them!! and okay jm knows HE'S never made out with anyone in the group but that doesn't mean no one has)

now of COURSE everyone assumes it's vmin. vmin assume it's vmin! but then they do a quick memory check and realize that tragically, no, they haven't made out with each other :(((( so back to the drawing board.

everyone is instantly suspicious of each other. it's basically one of the run bts games where they're all accusing each other of being the secret spy but it's about make outs

jk takes jm aside and is like "so it's sj hyung and hs hyung" and jm is like wow CURVEBALL!! but no I'm not telling you anything <333 I value the two members' privacies too much <333 sorry <333 and jk rolls his eyes and tells him he's the fucking worst

of course this devolves into everyone just recounting each other's gayest moments as proof it has to be them. hs brings up taejin during so what and sj is like WHAT ABOUT EVERY SINGLE THING YOU'VE EVER DONE WITH JM, HUH

nj tries to put a stop to it and hs is like "says the guy who says ten thousand horny things about jk's body every single day "

yg is like "okay this is stupid, let's move on. jm's clearly just lying to start shit" because HE KNOWS JM and of course everyone's like "interesting how you want to PUT A STOP TO THIS DISCUSSION do you have SOMETHING TO HIDE?????"

jk gets SO into it. like, getting a spreadsheet out into it. he lists every possible duo on there and adds notes of specific moments between each couple that he's witnessed that could theoretically have preceded a makeout session

hs is fucking CONVINCED it's nj and yg. they've got the tension!! they've got the ten years of history!! plus both of them were veryyyy much trying to change the subject when it all got started, it's suspicious

hs arranges a "rappers hang out" because he's like... okay. I just need to remind them that this is a safe space and that the three of us have a bond. they'll be comfortable and will reveal the Secret. let's DO THIS

they're all just hanging out in the living room and hs is just. smiling at them. it's alarming and namgi are immediately like "okay so. you think it's us." and hs's like "what haha no this is just a time for us to hang out!!" and yg is like "yep I'm leaving"

MEANWHILE, th comes to see sj. he's just curious about what sj's feeling, how he's doing. and yes, he absolutely believes sj and yg have made out once and wants to ask him a few Questions.

AND INTERESTINGLY ENOUGH, SJ THINKS IT'S TH AND YG!!! like, okay, publicly sj is pretending like he doesn't give a fuck but he's seen how fucking soft yg is for th, and how much th adores yg, IT MAKES SENSE

yes th did say it was sad that none of them made out at the very start but MISDIRECTION!!!! th loves the art of surprise, sj knows that

th: so... yg hyung. sj: yes. him. do you... do you have something you'd like to say about him or... th: he's... a very lovable guy. sj: yes. no one's denying that. th: very... kissable. sj: right. okay. I see what you're saying. th: yes. sj: ...cool.

this could theoretically go on forever but I like to think that th immediately DOES clarify that yes, he's a big fan of yoonjin making out and then sj's like "wait no it's you and him!! that's what you were saying!" and th's like "no??? it's you two" and sj's like "oh my god"

th is kind of just like "okay :(" and tries to sadly walk away but sj stops him and is like "are you okay?" and th's like "It's just so sad that I haven't kissed any of you. I'm happy for whoever it is, but I just wish it was me" and sj's like :( bc he's fucking SOFT for th

and sj, who is hit with a realization that wow, he wants to kiss th, is like "I mean. I could kiss you. theoretically." and th breaks into a HUGE fucking smile and is like "really???" and sj flushes super deep and thinks about walking it back but god his heart is beating fast

he's just like "I mean I wouldn't want to make things awkward for our group" and th is like "yes but two other people in our group have already made out so like... if /that's/ not making things weird then why would this" and sj is like "damn that DOES make sense"

so anyways, they kiss. it's really tentative at first, just briefly pressing their lips together, and then they break apart, smile ridiculous smiles at each other, and then th puts his hands on the sides of sj's face and kisses him again. it's wonderful, they're so happy

they make out for awhile, and then they're both like "okay, wow, that was. uh. an experience!" and th just very seriously thanks sj for kissing him, because it was lovely and made him happy and sj thinks about making a joke but settles on a very sincere "okay, same, y-yeah"

th is like "can I tell the others" and sj is like "I mean okay yeah sure" and anyways that's how we get another group meeting where th announces he has it under good authority that TWO couples in bts have made out with each other :')

hs: okay, so you found out that jm and I made out earlier today taejinnamgikook: WHAT jihope: :D

th is like "IT'S ME AND SJ HYUNG, ALSO JM HOW COME YOU DIDN'T TELL ME RIGHT AWAY" and jm's like "POT? KETTLE?" and then they both tenderly hold hands and apologize for not immediately texting each other, everyone else is still like "literally how have vmin not kissed"

jk sadly updates his spreadsheet. he's happy for them all ofc he just wants to be involved and be kissed by even just one (1) of his bandmates :((( but he shakes it off, there's still the question of who the original two kissers were, he's DETERMINED to solve the mystery

MEANWHILE nj is kind of stressed about jihope/taejin making out and what that means for the group, but he kind of can’t avoid the fact that he’s being a MASSIVE HYPOCRITE anymore because okay. OKAY.

there may have... been a night a few years ago where he was still fucking high off adrenaline after a rehearsal and was hanging out in yg's room because the others had gone to sleep and he realized he wanted to kiss yg.

he didn’t know where the fuck it came from, he was just watching as yg brushed the hair out of his face and he was noticing what his lips looked like and how fucking pretty yg was and he wondered what it might feel like. NO BIG DEAL, HAPPENS, IT WAS ALL FINE, ADRENALINE!!

and they were just bantering, talking about the practice and gently teasing each other. at one point, fake love came on and nj started fake badly singing to it and yg laughed and had that completely lovestruck look he gets on his face when nj does something funny

WE ALL KNOW THAT LOOK

and it was so much that nj had a moment where he was like “maybe he wants to kiss me too?” but then was like “no, this is fucking ridiculous, I’m being ridiculous he always looks like that when I make him laugh it's not special” bc oh nj.

and it was fine, he wasn’t going to do anything about it anyway, haha!! It was just an idle impulse, those come up all the time. no big deal. but he must’ve looked kind of weird because yg turned off the music, frowned at him and said “what’s with you”

and nj was suddenly aware he was sitting way too close to yg on the bed, and got panicked that because their legs were touching yg was somehow able to read exactly what he wanted, and nj was!! not about to admit to wanting to kiss his best friend!!

so nj was just like "nothing, it's fine, haha" but oh god he really, really wanted to touch yg. even just in a friendly platonic way, he just /needed/ to touch him, so he awkwardly clapped yg on the back hoping that it would scratch the itch. it did not. obviously.

and then yg was still just. staring at him. and eventually sat back on his elbows and was like "okay, I guess I don't know you as well as I think" and nj was like "what do you mean by that" and yg just shrugged. "you should go to bed, right?"

nj nodded, and was like "yeah. okay. see you." and got up to go to the door, and then stopped. because what the fuck, he's known yg for a really fucking long time, why couldn't he just say what he wanted??

but he didn't even have to go back to yg's bed because yg had crossed the distance between them and was standing right in front of him when he turned around. and then yg was like "that was a fucking moment, right? I'm not making this up in my head." and nj nodded

and then yg was like "okay. right. if I wanted to kiss you right now, would you... like, want that too" and nj nodded and was completely unable to speak, and then yg was like "right, it's okay" because he knows when nj is on the brink of overthinking something

but psych!! nj was actually internally like "okay time to just fucking go for what I want and what he wants too" and put his hands on yg's shirt collar, pulled him in, and kissed him. and yg was so fucking happy, oh my god

it started off chaste but then they were fully making out pretty quickly after that. and it was fucking incredible, and they were both giddy and ridiculously excited, they had to just pull apart a few times because they were both smiling too much to kiss.

nsfw //// and then two rushed handjobs later they had come down from the adrenaline, faced reality, and both promptly freaked out because fuck, what did they just do, this could ruin the group and their friendship, they were dumb, they were so dumb, oh god.

they just exchanged a look, and bc they're good at wordlessly communicating the look was like: okay, that was a mistake, we're not doing that again because it could ruin everything, we're stupid. nj went back to his room and he and yg never, ever talked about it again.

AND NOW IT'S BAD BECAUSE APPARENTLY JM KNOWS, BUT NJ HAS A SNEAKING SUSPICION THAT JM JUST BROUGHT ALL THIS UP TO START SHIT AND DOESN'T ACTUALLY KNOW ANYTHING, plus maybe it'll all be fine bc everyone's distracted by taejin/jihope, maybe they wont ask about it anymore

WELL. NOT IF JK HAS ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT.

he's made some deductions. he doesn't think it's taejin or jihope because they've just started making out with each other and been open about it and if they could be open about that why would they feel the need to keep /another/ makeout of theirs hidden? I mean, they might but...

so it's GOTTA BE NAMGI. win for jk: he's absolutely had his share of daydreams about namgi making out, this is fantastic. he's happy. he's thriving. so he goes to confront them, and what do you know, namgi are together in nj's bedroom

JK HAD JUST MISSED OUT ON SEEING AN EXCRUCIATING NAMGI CONVERSATION WHICH WENT SOMETHING LIKE THIS:

nj: so uh. that thing we don't talk about. yg: yeah. nj: so jm knows. or he's like. lying. yg: he's definitely lying. how would he know? we didn't tell him. nj: right okay. yeah, I mean, /I/ definitely didn't... (looks at him pointedly) yg: oh my god

nj: I'm just saying if you needed to like... get it off your chest at some point I totally get you talking to him about it! yg: right well... I could say the same about you. nj: right.

nj: but uh. right. obviously neither of us did that. because we don't need to talk about it. yg: right. yeah. we don't need to talk about it. it's cool. jk, entering the room: talk about what :D

namgi break apart (they'd literally not been standing remotely close to each other but they still like LEAP to opposite sides of the room and are just like "nothing, what uh. what's up?" and jk folds his arm over his chest and is like "I know it was you two"

yg very calmly is like "that's not true" while nj nods really aggressively and is like "yeah. what? me and him? haha! that's so wild! we've never kissed, PLEASE" and yg internally is just like oh god damn it. meanwhile jk is just looking at them in GLEE

and jk- yes, he's shy but that shyness is fighting against something more powerful, e.g. his immense desire to see namgi make out with each other, and he's kind of wondering if he can just ask them to do it again in front of him but realizes they'd probably not react well

so he's dejectedly kind of like "okay, I won't tell anyone, it's fine, you're all good" and namgi sigh in relief but then get concerned because is jk... sad? that's not going to stand.

so they ask him what's up and he's just kind of like "I'm glad you made out but it makes me sad that you felt like you had to hide it :( we're a team why was this such a big secret?" and yg starts off like "bc it wasn't a big deal" and then nj is like "it was for me."

and yg turns to him and is like "what are you talking about?" all soft and nj can't bear to look at him but he's just kind of like "maybe I think about that night a lot, okay" and yg sighs in relief because FINE MAYBE HE'S BEEN VERY INTO NJ FOR AWHILE

and yg is like "okay. yeah. me too." and jk has the biggest smile on his face again and is like "oh my god, it's happening" as namgi are shyly both looking at the ground and literally at anywhere BUT each other and then jk is like "if you /wanted/ to kiss..."

and then they do!! fireworks!! applause!! everyone's happy!! except WOW uh. okay jk has MAYBE also had a few fantasies or two where he makes out with both nj and yg. just here and there. nbd. and maybe those fantasies are kind of.. coming up when he sees them kiss.

so he excuses himself quickly bc they deserve to have their moment and RUNS TO JM and is like "okay I know what you know now. I know it's nj hyung and yg hyung" and jm is like "it's what now" and jk is like "the two who've made out? like the - what you said?"

jm's like "ohhhh right that. uh yeah! crazy, right?" and jk realizes that jm was completely lying and had no clue that namgi had made out. he starts hitting him with a pillow as jm just laughs and laughs

jm: wow those two though.. that's hot jk: YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME THAT jm: calm down, is this because you want to make out with them both? because that won't be a problem, have you HEARD what nj hyung says about you?? or seen the way yg hyung LOOKS at you?

and jk is like "what that's. no, I would've gotten a vibe if they were into me that way" and jm's like "WOULD YOU THOUGH" and jk is like "YES I WOULD HAVE" and they just stare at each other for a few minutes before bursting out laughing bc god damn it

and then namgi show up in jm's room and nj's just like "okay jk we've been looking for you everywhere we need to talk to you about something and it's - uh yeah, jm, can you give us a moment?" and jm's just like "absolutely not, no"

so yg is like "damn it FINE okay we just like. uh. talked. and we both realized that we really, really like making out with each other and it's great but uh. haha! it kind of turns out that both nj and I have a thing for you too?" and jm's just like "wow I love this"

jk: you both have a thing for me?? really? nj: I mean you're like... I mean, have I really been subtle? about being into you?? jk: yes yoonmin: no

and nj gets flustered and is like okay fair and then yg's just like "yeah, listen, we both really like you and we could be kissing right now, if that's what you want" and jk smiles and is like "I think I could make that work" and then yg leans in and kisses him

and it's lovely, yg's very tentative but GREAT at kissing, and then after a moment where they just repeatedly give each other small kisses jk turns to nj, and nj is so nervous because oh wow yeah he's very into jk and wants to make it good for him

so he tentatively is like "is this okay" when he puts his hands on jk's waist and pulls him in. jk nods, and then nj's kissing him sweetly, really REALLY chaste but wonderful, jk's so happy. jm starts clapping and promptly ruins the moment.

then nj's like "okay NO MORE SECRETS we need a group meeting RIGHT NOW" and jk and yg simultaneously nearly lose it bc they're both very into Leader NJ and jm's like "ok I'll call the others, let's go to the living room"

so they all sit down, and namgi are like "okay, well. we we're the two who made out, so there's that. but also we've both kissed jk now." and hs is like I FUCKING KNEW YOU TWO MADE OUT AND YOU FUCKING DICKS DIDN'T INVITE ME??? RAPLINE HAS 3 PEOPLE WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS

stop reading here if you just like the ending where it's taejin/jihope/namgikook otps, KEEP READING IF YOU WANT THE OT7 MADNESS (I mean it's already kind of started HAHA but you know)

hs: I mean this is just so fucking rude!! I could be making out with you both and I'm NOT??? sj: hey! you got to kiss me earlier today, show some respect, AM I NOT ENOUGH???? namgikook: YOU TWO KISSED???? th: we did a partner swap thing <3

SO YES VMIN FINALLY GOT TO MAKE OUT!!!! they lived their dreams, it was wonderful, and then 2seok were there just like "I mean we COULD" and then they had a nice time making out too

nj is having about twelve different crises at one time

but then he's just like. ok. letting myself think and feel all my feelings- no I wouldn't be opposed to kissing hs. or any of the others. it could be... kind of fantastic? and then he's like out loud: "right okay. team vote. who thinks we should all make out with each other."

they decide to write it down on paper just so no one feels pressured to go with the group, and then nj reads them out. every single person is in favor of make outs.

the only question is who gets to kiss who first. they start with jm and jk, th and nj, and hs and yg and sj (yoonjin go after sope) but they go until every single person has had a chance to kiss every single other member of the group. IT TAKES TIME AND EFFORT

BUT THIS IS BTS WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THEY'RE DEDICATED!! THEY'RE HARD WORKERS!!! yes nj has to call and tell management they're taking the day off for "team building" but IT'S WORTH IT

anyways, they're all immensely happy, jm is so smug that it was his initial comment that led to such a beautiful outcome, everyone is winning, THE END <33333

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING, this was immensely fun, stay tuned for the inevitable sequel when I get bored next and have a bunch of time on my hands <3333

top of thread here! twitter.com/illegirling/st…

(FYI I moved accounts and reposted this thread of mine from like a year ago, if you remember seeing it before that’s why!)