You have their attention
- and poof -
your brain disappears
It happens to you, me, the sexy person at the bar, and even the CEO
Here’s 10 steps to have the confidence to talk to anyone you want
1. Breathe and bring the fun
“I forgot what I was going to say; Oh Noooooo, I die..”
Instead of focusing on how poorly it may go:
- Slow way down
- Bring good energy
- Be honest and open
- Choose unique words
- Give real compliments
Make it fun for everyone
2. Know yourself so can deal with your worst-case disaster
If you can survive your worst, you can do anything. Knowing how helps you be unphased when things go sideways
Develop awareness by:
- journaling
- meditating
- going to therapy
Self-knowledge is the best knowledge
3. Craft your words beforehand
Dave Chappel, Jon Stewart, and the best comedians spend years refining lines. And you try to come up with one on the spot?
Start:
- learning your strengths
- practicing key lines
- telling your story
Know what you want to say and then say it
4. Start small, then get real
Start with small talk: locations, events, food, hobbies, but move through those quickly, or else it’s snoozville
Real connection happens when you discuss:
- personal stories
- passion projects
- pitfalls and growth edges
People want to know you
5. Stop confusing meet-ups for data dumps
When we get nervous, we stick to the facts
You: Nice shirt. Where did you get it?
Her: the store
You: I, too, shop at The Store. I buy various items there
Her: (kill me)
Instead:
- tease
- be goofy
- be interested
6. Stop challenging them to a battle of witts
…you aren’t as armed as you think you are
I’ve killed partnerships/relationships because I needed them to know I was smart
Stop
- trying to prove a point
- showing off
Start
- making other people feel good
- enjoying yourself
7. Make people regret leaving - not forced to stay
The following makes you a jailer:
- blocking the exit
- leaning into them
- hovering over them
- approaching from behind
- ignoring their desire to leave
Instead, give everyone a choice to be there
The right ones will stay
8. Be strong enough that others feel like they can take a risk
Make your job in the conversation to help others play:
1. Be casual with your tone of voice
2. Be unphased by what is said
3. Be genuinely interested
When you trust yourself, others will too
9. Joke around, but don’t be a bad one
People bond through teasing. We tease to decrease their anxiety and increase positive feelings
How to tease playfully:
- Ask obviously absurd rhetorical questions
- Callout when a person is cliché
- Make fun of yourself too
10. Learn to enjoy meeting people so your life opens up
When you say, “I’m only going to speak to x person, " you limit:
- practice opportunities
- potential resources
- potential partners
Your next best friend or partner could just be someone you met at the grocery store.
This thread was inspired by research and my work helping people grow for over 10 years
Please follow me @Drew Carr and RT the first tweet
Build your:
- confidence
- mindset
- habits
- focus
- dream
… with tools that work
https://x.com/drewrcarr/status/1572930465819926528…
You have their attention
- and poof -
your brain disappears
It happens to you, me, the sexy person at the bar, and even the CEO
Here’s 10 steps to have the confidence to talk to anyone you want
Empowering the ADHDers, ADHDish, and their communities kickstart, conquer chaos and see it through via evidence-based tools.
ACT/CBA Trainer - Psychologist