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HM

@HinduMonkey

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𝑭𝑷𝑳 𝑺𝑻𝑨𝑻𝑺 𝑢𝑭 𝑺𝑯𝑰𝑻𝑯𝑢𝑼𝑺𝑬𝑹𝒀 𝐓𝐇𝐄 π’π„π€π’πŽπ π’πŽ 𝐅𝐀𝐑 It’s time for the first deep dive of the stats. Who has impressed the slot jockeys over at Analytics FC? Who should we be looking at as differentials on our identikit wildcards? Let’s dive in! 🧡

SHOOT FROM THE HIP BOYS Shots/On Target Mitro – 31/16 – Kiss Kiss Bang Bang Haaland – 27/17 – The Terminator Kane – 24/13 – Top Gun Jesus – 24/10 – The Last Temptation of Christ Son – 21/11 – Unforgiven Marti – 21/9 – Back to the Future Madz – 20/7 – The Lone Ranger

LIVING IN A BOX Touches in t’box Jesus – 74 – It’s like Christmas in there for him Salah – 56 – Do something with it you shit Haaland – 48 – 50% of them were shots Marti – 48 – Imagine removing him on a wildcard Mitro – 46 – shoot more Diaz – 43 – pass more Neto – 42 – cry more

FUCKING CHANCERS Chances created/Big Salah – 24/1 – Unselfish bastard KDB – 24/8 – A one man Adobe portfolio Harrison – 17/4 – Leeding light Kane – 16/3 – You can’t touch this Marti – 16/3 – Sweet little mystery Gundo – 16/3 – JUST TELL ME WHEN YOU START HIM PEP YOU BASTARD

DRIBBLING BASTARDS Most successful dribbles Tavernier – 18 Jesus – 18 Joelinton – 17 Eze – 17 Marti – 17 Okay this one isn’t that useful for FPL but still, Joelinton what a fucking baller Also, yes… Jesus & Martinelli appear in EVERYTHING. I have no idea who Tavernier is.

SHOT IN THE BACK Shots from defenders Neco – 15/3 Schar – 11/2 Sessegnon – 9/4 Gabriel – 9/2 VVD – 8/2 Cancelo – 8/1 TAA – 8/1 Defenders are really not very good at getting their shots on target… That said, imagine if Sessegnon was nailed just for a brief, euphoric moment.

CHANCES FROM THE BACK Defenders creating Trippier – 13 – set piece goat TAA – 13 – set piece kid Perisic – 11 – xMins set piece Cresswell – 11 – Nobody. Will. Ever. Buy. You. Mate. Dalot – 10 – On the watchlist, no intention of a wedding Neco – 9 – the former Mrs Serge Aurier

SEXY THROUGH BALLS KDB – 7 – The absolute boy Bruno – 6 – Run Marcus Run Iwobi – 5 – What the actual fuck? Gundo – 4 – One night in Bangkok Gross – 4 – Just a non-pen xGI Alex Mac Allister Nico – 3 – Fucking hell kid just play for a team which doesn’t employ Steve Cook

DEFEND AS A TEAM Headers lost/tackles lost SOU – 137/49 LEE – 88/81 LEI – 109/58 AVL – 102/65 EVE – 121/41 NEW – 100/61 FUL – 109/47 So in short, Saints can’t head the ball, Leeds can’t tackle, Villa can’t do either and Newcastle have Nick Pope not Danny Ward.

ANALYTICS FC xG/xA/xGI Haaland – 8.35/1.14/9.49 Kane – 5.17/2.04/7.27 Jesus – 4.6/1.64/6.24 KDB – 1.81/4.10/5.91 Toney – 3.61/1.51/5.12 Salah – 3.10/1.99/5.09 I’m not going to tell you what to do with those All FPL strategies are equal Even if some are more eq… STOP IT

So there we have it The key takeaways? Jesus and Martinelli have the capacity to sting wildcarders, Harrison is one to watch, Gundo needs more minutes and whilst Salah sleeps, Haaland feasts Oh and sell Neco Williams. In every team Turns out he plays for Forest One love. HM.

HM

@HinduMonkey

Home of Stats of Shithousery and Team of the Weak. Co-manager of Flapjack's FPL Squad. Fighting for our NHS every day. Grass FC. One Love πŸš‚πŸš†

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