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Sep 23, 2022
11 tweets

I once went for a job interview and decided to branch one bukka to eat bread and hot beans. I left the house very early that morning so I could beat the Lagos traffic which is very unpredictable as the interview was scheduled for 10AM.

By past 8AM, I was just two bus stops away from where the company was located so I decided to alight from the bus to fill my stomach. Good morning ma, abeg you get beans? “Yes, e dey. Hot one sef”. Very good. Abeg give me beans N150 with N100 bread and 2 pomo.
I took my seat while she dished the food. “Na the food be this”. Thank you ma. Abeg give me two pure water as I sat down and began to munch the hot beans with bread. I unbuttoned my shirt as I was already sweating.
I was done eating this sumptuous meal under 20 minutes as I needed to be fast so I could head to the interview venue. What I didn’t know was, that was be the beginning of a problem for me. Just as I stood up, I could feel the weight of the food and my stomach rumbled.
I put on my shirt, arranged myself and started walking to find a bus that’ll take me to my destination. I was lucky to get one immediately. I stretched my leg to get in and I felt a cool and slow fart coming out so I adjusted myself and made sure the breeze blew it away quickly.
I sat close to the open door fully prepared to release more fart in tune with the breeze just in case more fart was on its way. The driver got was hitting the accelerator & brake pads without caution like a normal Lagos danfo would do.
With just a stone throw to my final bus stop, the driver hit a pot hole. I wasn’t prepared for that action and that was when a loud fart came out. While sensing what just happened and to avoid suspicion, I screamed. ‘Driver, you wan wound us? Haba small small na.’
I threw my face out to avoid any eye contact but a woman behind tapped me. In her thick Yoruba accent she said the words that brought sweat to my body. “Bros, you think say we no hear that mess abi?” I looked back as I stared at the 2 big tribal marks on her cheeks.
‘Madam, what are you talking about?.’ I spoke in the queen’s language. I geared my head back to the front as we were already at my bus stop. So I stood up and my stomach was heavier than it was. My legs shook as I could feel another fart on its way. I sat back and stood again.
“Bros, shey you no go come down ni?” The conductor grumbled. ‘No rush me o.’ I said. I courageously stood up and was ready for anything that’d happen after that. After all, I don’t know these people from anywhere. I stood majestically and a loud and long fart was born from me
I positioned it well to the face of the woman who had the guts to question me. I alighted, looked at everyone with a big smile as I adjusted my shirt and trousers. As the bus zoomed off, the I felt a hard knock on my head. “Omo ale, o fe pawa pelu iso.” It was the conductor.


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