[ sensitive, sui/cide, MCD, time travel ]
"Do you think everyone would be happy if I didn't exist?"
He had asked Yu Ziyuan that once; she stared down at him with anger and hurt in her eyes.
This daft child. This incorrigible boy. He infuriated her.
She said, "Yes."
Yu Ziyuan left him in his room, she heard the boy cry. She didn't mean what she said - that is what she told herself. Deep down she knew she didn't want Wei Wuxian to exist, she didn't like him, however, in what was left of her motherly heart, she knew what that her desires were
wrong, despicable, and vile.
She never knew the extent of how her words to Wei Wuxian affected him for the rest of his life.
She never knew because she chose not to see the signs.
She never knew because she ignored - ignoring is never the same as ignorance.
She never knew because she died.
Wei Wuxian had asked the same thing to his shidi, Jiang Cheng.
"Do you think everyone would be happy if I didn't exist?"
He hoped Jiang Cheng would say something different.
A single 'yes' held so much power over him.
Therefore, to stop the pain, to stop everyone's pain, Wei Wuxian threw his life away.
Jiang Wanyin was different from his mother, by only a shard. His 'yes' ensured his shixiong's death.
Almost a decade and a half later, Wei Wuxian was brought back. Brought back to live happy with his Zhiji - or so he thought.
Who knew in a shy three years, after his marriage to Lan Zhan, horrible fortune would be bestowed on him again.
His darling husband, his poor zhiji... Wei Wuxian was slowly killing him.
He didn't mean to-
He didn't want to-
Wei Wuxian spiraled into chaos; he fooled himself into thinking that his existence was the cause of his Zhiji's suffering, believed if he didn't exist, Lan Zhan
wouldn't have fallen in love with him and suffered punishment for loving someone like Wei Wuxian.
Something inside of Wei Wuxian snapped after Lan Wangji had died. He spent weeks developing an array to erase his existence.
He succeeded on the day of his birth. With slow movements, Wei Wuxian dragged the cinnabar across the floor, marking out his latest invention with precision - he needed to get rid of himself for the happiness of others.
Only a drop of his blood was needed to activate the array.
His hand slid down the Bichen's blade, cutting into Wei Wuxian's flesh. Blood droplets dripped the wounds and stained the array.
Wei Wuxian was no more.
How fucking naive was he to believe one stupid array could fix the world's problem with him.
Wei Wuxian found himself surrounded by trees, and wildlife. His face turned red as he continuously slapped himself for being so idiotic and so pathetic.
Right now, Lan Huan would be looking for him, perhaps Jiang Cheng too, so he needed to find his way back to Gusu.
Goddammit, he needed to get out of this godforsaken forest; nothing looked familiar to him. The trees here were much more than the ones back in Gusu, more green he
supposed. Great, tall trees that towered over him seemed much bigger.
Wei Wuxian looked at his surroundings, observing this new place. There were no paths (great, now he would struggle to get out), and he was on a mountain too.
In the corner of his eyes, he saw mini puffballs
roaming around and burrowing under the giant roots of trees. Fluffles of them all huddling together apart from two - a black runt and a small white bunny.
Sympathy rose in his chest, he grabbed the two small bunnies and cradled them in his hands. He tried to put them with the
rest of the fluffle, but to no avail, the pair simply wasn't accepted. Wei Wuxian decided to take them back to Gusu instead.
It only took him until sunset to reach a village.
The village and its inhabitants didn't look familiar to him.
Assuming he transported himself to some unknown territory, Wei Wuxian decided to ask the village folk about his current location and if they knew a way to get back to Gusu.
He spotted an older man pulling down the signs on his shop's frontal.
"Excuse me, sir?" He asked, tapping
the man on his shoulder, "Sorry for bothering, but do you know where I am?"
The villager didn't turn to face Wei Wuxian, and instead answered as he completed his task.
"You're in Fuzhuang(1), young man."
[ 1: Garments, not good w names but something like garment town ]
'Huh,' Wei Wuxian, he never heard of this town before, and proceeded to ask,
"Then, sir," he added, "Do you know where Gusu is? The Gusu Lan sect?"
The man abruptly stopped taking down his posters and signs.
"What in heavens are you talking about-" He turned around to face
Wei Wuxian for once in this conversation.
The man dropped his items on the floor, letting the crash and clang.
He too dropped on the floor.
"You-" The shopkeeper stuttered, pointing at Wei Wuxian, "Are... are you god?"
Well. That was new.
Wei Wuxian pulled his hair from his back to inspect it, to figure out why this man was taken back by his appearance.
His hair was white.
𝘏𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘪𝘳 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘵𝘦!
// I WILL TRY GO FINISH THIS- EITHER THE AMBIGUOUS ENDING OR AN ACTUAL ONE- I NEED SLEEP
"I," He seemed to stumble around with his words as this new reality of his.
The poor shaken man on the floor looked frightened of Wei Wuxian (that wasn't new, people back "home" were afraid of him too.).
"Nevermind that, sir," Wei Wuxian smiled, ignoring the fact his hair was
now gorgeous white, "Do you know how to get to Gusu Lan?"
The shopkeeper shook his head quickly.
Wei Wuxian scratched neck, around his collar bone; he had seemed to wake up the two bunnies that rested inside his robes. They nibbled his fingers gently, and rubbing thie heads on
the pads of his fingertips - he let himself smile a real smile for once - it had been such a long time since he smiled and meant it.
Following the request of his two little bunnies, he gladly scratched their tiny crowns.
"There, there," He laughed quietly.
It had seemed Wei Wuxian had forgotten about his company.
However, the man on the floor didn't care for such a man stood before him, gracing his humble soul with an image of a white haired beauty, a god.
Had he done such good that a god wanted to bless him with his presence?
"Dianxia..." The man seemed dazed.
This calling towards him, Wei Wuxian, snapped him out of his thoughts.
The shopkeeper began to kneel in front of Wei Wuxian bowing before him.
"Thank you, Dianxia, for blessing this old man with your presence. Cai Mingze thanks you."
This old man, Cai Mingze, was really confusing him.
"Aiya, Lao Cai, you don't need to kneel-"
Wei Wuxian was swiftly cut off.
"Dianxia, oh dianxia, there's no need to show me respect."
Ah, was this man confused, Wei Ying wasn't royalty.
Nonetheless, Wei Wuxian needed answers.
"Call me Mingze," Lao Cai interrupted again, before adding, "Please."
"Right... Mingze," Man that felt so wrong coming out of Wei Ying's mouth, "Do you know any cultivators?"
"Huh?" Exclaimed Lao Cai, he means Mingze, "What's a cultivator?"
How does someone not know what a cultivator is?
Perhaps a different question would benefit him.
"Ah,,, what about spiritual swords?"
Again, Mingze was confused.
Maybe a live demonstration would help.
Wei Wuxian hoped that Chenqing followed him to this new place, otherwise he would look like a fool.
He began to whistle, calling out for his ghost flute.
Surprisingly, Chenqing did follow him and whizzed through the mountain forest and through the town to lay in Wei Wuxian's
"Like this?" Wei Wuxian spoke.
To Mingze, this god had just demonstrated immense power to him, he was amazed, fasinated, he could only respond with "Only you, Dianxia."
Wei Wuxian let those words sink into him. 'What the fuck?' He thought.
All of a sudden, a terrifying roar erupted from the depths of the forest, a looming and daunting figure moved its way out.
Wei Wuxian and Mingze, and the whole town turned with widened eyes.
A monster emerged from the forest.
It screamed at the villagers, baring it's teeth at them, bloodied; Wei Wuxian hoped that blood didn't wasn't one of the village folk or the bunnies he saw before.
The people screamed in terror - they had never seen a beast like that one. It looked evil; dark and shadowy, that
creature seemed to move unrealistically, uncharacteristically.
The creature dragged its body from the depths of the forest, leaving a trail of destruction and terror behind it.
It stalked towards the villagers with a taunting gaze like it was deciding who to kill first.
Wei Wuxian stared down at the beast, his knuckles turning white with quiet rage as he gripped onto Chenqing. How dare this thing try and ruin this peaceful place? How dare it bring mayhem and disaster with every step it took?
He turned to Mingze, speaking over the terrorised
people who ran away from the edge of their village, hiding away in their homes.
"Have you seen a beast like that before?"
Mingze was shaking, horrified at what emeged from the once peaceful and safe forest.
"N-no." He stuttered, making himself smaller. He stared at
Wei Wuxian's seemingly calm expression, specifically at his eyes. He thought his mind had tricked him when he saw Wei Wuxian's silver eyes turn red for mere seconds.
Mingze's heart thumped loudly inside his chest; he could hear it in his ears as he edged closer to the wall.
"Dianxia-" He whispered meekly, his gaze had been dragged to the monster moving towards them, "Are you going to help us?"
Wei Wuxian's heart sank; Mingze started to sound like Uncle Four's. Their voices inside his mind began to overlay each other.
He couldn't save Uncle Four, but he could save Mingze and his people.
His ghost flute vibrated under his touch, it knew it was going to be used. However, just before a sound could be produced the beast had found its target - a little boy, scared and left alone.
//coming back to this