the actions and words of a cruel first lover shaped jimin’s perception of love. years later, he’s unable to escape his past, but after a series of failed relationships and connections, his friend yoongi takes on the challenge of mending jimin’s relationship with love
• friends to lovers. slow burn when it comes to feelings. hurt and comfort. coming of age with older characters.
• warning for mentions of underage sex, past dub-con, and toxic relationships.
• this is a commission for yoonmins story in this universe: twitter.com/minjiiminie/st…
taehyung and jungkook are childhood best friends, but now in high school, they’ve drifted apart; taehyung is a school’s bad boy, and jungkook, a soccer star. in an attempt to gain back their friendship, taehyung joins the cheerleader squad to be closer to jungkook.
Raindrops start to hit the window, and Jimin remembers he didn’t bring an umbrella. The side dishes and raw meat just arrived, so the rain may be over when they leave the restaurant. Jimin could call a taxi, but that’s out of his budget. He hates touching the emergency savings.
Before calculating how bad it would be for his wallet to call a taxi, a question pulls him away from the cloudy sky behind the window into the warm restaurant. “What about you?”
He’s having dinner with his friends; Jungkook wanted barbecue. And six pairs of eyes are on Jimin.
“What have you been up to lately?” Seokjin rephrases the question. “How’s life?”
They all know what Jimin will say, but friends’ get-togethers always go the same way. He has to make an official update on his life to everyone. Tell the short version of his latest breakup.
Taehyung is staring at him. Jimin has talked about it with some of them through chat, phone calls, or a quick coffee, but not with the entire group. “Well, you guys know. Minhee and I broke up.”
Yoongi, Jungkook, and Namjoon are the only ones Jimin didn’t reach out for advice.
But Jimin is sure the rest must have told them if his cryptic sad tweets weren't enough evidence.
“And how do you feel about that?” Yoongi’s voice is careful, low. He sits next to Jimin, their thighs brushing.
“I’m good.” Jimin is honest. “I was sad, but it didn’t last long.”
“The sadness and the relationship.”
Jungkook decides to ease the atmosphere. “How long was it? Six months?”
“Five this time. It’s a curse,” Jimin jokes. “I’m never getting past the six months.” His latest relationships have all lasted less than six months. Four of them so far.
“What was the dealbreaker?” Namjoon asks.
“The same as usual,” Jimin mumbles; he reaches for the tongs and tries to flip the meat cooking on the built-in grill. “I was unsure if I would be able to fall in love. And Minhee thought that I ought to be in love already.”
“It had been five months of dating and a year of knowing each other.” Yoongi shifts and carefully takes the tongs from Jimin’s hand, covering Jimin’s hand with his until Jimin lets go. “I just think it takes more time to fall in love. For me, at least. I wasn’t going to lie.”
“I didn’t love him.”
“Some say you should be able to say ‘I love you’ after three months of dating. There’s a three-month rule.”
Jimin scoffs at Namjoon’s innocent comment, but he’s grateful since it spurs a debate at the table, and everyone moves on from Jimin’s life.
His focus returns to the raindrops against the window. Jimin doesn’t think he’d be able to fall in love so quickly. Not again. His first boyfriend, Taeyang, told Jimin he loved him after a few weeks of dating (in secret), and Jimin said it back. He was sixteen and naive.
Looking back, he thinks he wasn’t in love that shortly, but maybe saying it out loud made it easier for him to love afterward. Yoongi puts a piece of meat on Jimin’s plate. “Eat.”
He doesn’t spare Jimin a glance, but that’s Yoongi’s way of showing comfort. It’s effective.
Jimin forgets the cloudy weather outside and throws his leg on top of Yoongi’s, getting back into conversation with his friends and having fun with them.
By the time they’re set to go, Jimin stops at the entrance. It’s still raining. “I didn’t bring an umbrella.”
“I think I’ll wait until it stops a little.”
A familiar sneer makes Jimin look over his shoulder, where Yoongi is grabbing his umbrella. “Come on; I’ll share with you.”
They live the same way. They could share a taxi, but maybe Yoongi is also struggling with his savings.
Everyone says goodbye and promises to see each other again soon, and after a few minutes, it’s just Yoongi and Jimin walking in silence except for the rain. “How’s work?” Yoongi tries to have small talk.
“It’s okay. The manager is very comprehensive with my classes.”
Yoongi and Jimin aren’t the closest in the group but are good friends. “How’re classes?”
“Good. I’m glad I changed majors.” From business to marketing to education. It’s been a long ride for Jimin. “Everyone in my class is younger, but well.”
“As long as you’re happy.”
Jimin catches him smiling. “How’s your job, hyung? Still refusing to go cooperate?”
“You’ll never see hyung working at an office,” Yoongi states.
“You’re lucky you don’t have to.”
“My resume doesn’t agree, but I’ll keep avoiding offices.”
“As long as you’re happy.”
They fall quiet eventually. A car passes by, splashing the water pooling on the roadside, but luckily water doesn’t reach them. Or maybe it hits Yoongi’s side, and he doesn’t complain. The elder took the right side, standing closer to the lane. He always does that.
After the splash, Jimin dares to speak about the loud doubts in his head. “Hyung, do you think it’s bad that I don’t feel sad about Minhee?”
The answer is quick. “No.”
“It’s happened too many times now with more than one person. Sometimes, I think it makes me a bad person.”
“You think you’re bad because you cannot reciprocate someone’s feelings?”
“Because I string people along while I’m unsure.”
“You didn’t string him or any of your exes. You liked them; you dated them. You were trying to fall in love, and it didn’t happen. That’s it.”
Yoongi doesn’t say more, and Jimin doesn’t ask. He’d justify himself if Yoongi had judged him, but the elder didn’t. He’d never.
They reach Jimin’s building complex, and Jimin thinks of pulling Yoongi into a quick hug, but it’s hard with the rain. They simply stop at the door.
Jimin hides under the roof while Yoongi toys with the umbrella in his hand. He’s held onto it during the entire walk. Jimin’s eyes lower to Yoongi’s grey sweater, and a laugh escapes his lips when he sees that his shoulder is damp and sticking to his skin. “Hyung, you got wet.”
“What were you doing with the umbrella?”
Yoongi shrugs. “You didn’t get wet.”
It’s a simple answer. Yoongi has always been protective and gentle, but the small comment makes Jimin smile like never before. Shy and to himself. “Thanks for walking me home.”
“Sure. See you.”
Yoongi walks away without looking at Jimin twice, but Jimin notices the dampness in the side of his jeans. He also got wet during their walk. He’s just friendly, but Jimin feels slightly giddy at the gesture.
That gesture is maybe where Jimin’s most recent fixation starts.
In the morning, he smiles when he sees Yoongi has liked his Instagram story. Yoongi rarely uses social media, so he might have gone out of his way to check Jimin’s story after their small talk yesterday. Jimin likes attention. He wants attention a little too much.
It’s been like that for a while now. Jimin dates someone and breaks up with them after a few months. And then, some weeks later, he finds someone else to focus on and occupy his mind.
He has noticed the pattern, and he’s not proud of it. He wouldn’t call them ‘crushes,’ though.
He rarely acts on the thought, and if something happens with whoever occupies his mind at the moment, he doesn't let it grow. He just likes knowing someone could like or want him.
He doesn’t know why his head has decided he will crave Yoongi’s attention of all people now.
Yoongi and Jimin met roughly six years ago on Hoseok’s birthday. Hoseok’s college friends had come over to see him and Hoseok finally introduced his two groups of friends. Jimin was eighteen, and Yoongi was twenty-one. They thought they were more mature than they really were.
The high school group -Jungkook, Taehyung, and Jimin- immediately clicked with Seokjin. Among the older men, Namjoon and Yoongi were always a little more distant. But they still created a chat with the seven of them. Groups of friends came and went, but the seven remained.
Hoseok, Jungkook, Taehyung, and Jimin know each other for the longest, but Seokjin, Namjoon, and Yoongi fell right into place with them. They’ve shared many memories, decisive moments in life as they turned from teenagers to an attempt of adults, to whatever they’re now.
Through the years, Yoongi was always a good friend and nothing more than that. More than that never crossed Jimin’s mind either. Of course, Jimin has always known that Yoongi is objectively handsome, but the elder never was the kind of person to care much about his looks.
When they went to college together, Yoongi would wear oversized clothes and popular hairstyles that didn’t suit him. Recently, he’s been taking care of himself more. Maybe his hyung’s longer hair and tight-fitting clothes have something to do with Jimin’s current infatuation.
Two weeks later, when Jimin sees him again, he can’t look away. They’re at a club together, celebrating that Hoseok quit his part-time job. Yoongi and Namjoon are chatting with one of Hoseok’s co-workers by the bar, with drinks in their hands.
Yoongi’s black button-up suits him.
Maybe it’s the unbuttoned collar, the folded sleeves, or just the way Yoongi carries himself now that he’s no longer a college student.
Jimin hasn’t told anyone about the seed growing in his head. Taehyung waves his cocktail in front of Jimin’s face, catching his attention.
They stand close to the door, waiting for Jungkook, who’s running late. But for once, Taehyung doesn’t talk about his boyfriend. “Why are you looking at Yoongi hyung like that?”
“Like what?” Jimin plays innocent. Taehyung only raises an eyebrow, choosing not to explain.
He knows that Jimin understands what his best friend means. “I’m just looking. He’s handsome tonight.”
Taehyung follows Jimin’s gaze across the club. “I guess he is. He’s just Yoongi hyung.”
Taehyung only sees Yoongi as a friend. And so does Jimin, but maybe not anymore.
“Jungkook’s taking too long. I’m going to dance with hyung,” Jimin announces over loud music. He pulls away from Taehyung, but before he can step out, a hand wraps around his wrist. Jimin stares at Taehyung under flickering club lights.
“Jimin,” he warns. “Friends don’t kiss.”
Jimin rolls his eyes at the reminder. “Sometimes they do. When your friend is hot.” Taehyung’s silence says more than any disapproving words. “We’ve all kissed at some point. Except for you and Jungkook.” More silence from Taehyung among loud music. “I’ll just ask him to dance!”
“We’re at a club full of strangers who’d love to kiss you. Why do you want to dance with hyung?”
“Because he’s the most attractive person in the room.”
“What? Yoongi hyung?” Taehyung asks in disbelief, unable to see Yoongi as something other than their sweet and quiet hyung.
Curiousness spreads through Jimin after Taehyung’s reaction. He gets closer to his best friend and asks, “do you know something I don’t, and that’s why you don’t want me to dance with him?”
“What?” Taehyung is confused. “Something about Yoongi hyung? No. This isn’t about him.”
For a second, Jimin thought Taehyung would say Yoongi has been harboring a crush on him and that Jimin shouldn't play with his feelings by kissing him. The idea of Yoongi having a crush on him sounds nice. But what Taehyung says, indeed, has nothing to do with Yoongi.
“You always do this. You end a relationship and go make out with one of your exes or someone who had a crush on you. Or a friend even. Anyone that cares for you like Yoongi hyung.”
Jimin's mouth falls open but not a word comes out of him. “What do you want me to say to that?”
“I’m lonely and don’t want to do the work of talking to someone new. I know an ex, an old crush, or a friend cares for me. And it’s harmless. Hyung won’t fall for me if we dance and make out. I won’t fall for him, either. We’ve kissed before, and nothing happened.”
Jimin and Yoongi kissed for the first time years ago. It happened only once for a dare during their college days, and it didn’t happen again. Jimin felt nothing during it. But he could admit that Yoongi was a good kisser and that Jimin liked when the other person cupped his face.
“I know he won’t fall for you,” Taehyung says over the loud music. “I just think you should ask yourself why you do this after every break-up.” Jimin keeps quiet. “And tell him your intentions. Directly tell him you want to kiss someone instead of feeling bad about your ex.”
Jimin won’t have this conversation on a club, yelling with people jumping around him. “I’m not telling him that. That’d be sad, Taehyung.”
“Why? He’s just Yoongi hyung. He’ll understand.”
Again, Jimin knows what Taehyung means. He’s just Yoongi. He’s just a friend to them.
But watching Yoongi now, as Jimin walks among dancing and sweaty bodies to approach him, Jimin thinks the elder was always crush-worthy during college. During those years, Jimin didn’t have time or heart to think romantically about anyone that wasn’t his high school ex.
The same night Yoongi and Jimin had their first and only kiss, Jimin got drunk and cried with Seokjin in the kitchen over their high school experiences. Taeyang's words and actions stuck to Jimin no matter the pass of time. It hurts less and less, but his presence remains.
Many years and fuck-ups later, Jimin has had a good share of hook-ups and boyfriends. He knows how to attract someone. After pushing his black hair off his forehead, Jimin throws his arms around Namjoon’s shoulders, but his eyes are on Yoongi. “Hey, what are you guys doing?”
“Talking,” Yoongi answers dryly, characteristic of him. It's never being rude; that’s his humor.
“Obviously,” Jimin banters. “That’s what people do at clubs.”
“Is there anything else to do at clubs?” Yoongi plays along, acting as if people weren’t dancing around him.
Namjoon quickly introduces Jimin to Hoseok’s co-worker to stop Yoongi and Jimin’s back-and-forth from developing. Jimin bows his head in greeting, but the way the girl glances at Jimin’s arms around Namjoon doesn’t go unnoticed. Jimin slowly untangles himself from his friend.
He sticks to Yoongi’s side instead and joins the conversation with the pretty girl. She and Namjoon only have eyes for each other, which allows Jimin to lean into Yoongi’s space.
“Wingman?” Jimin whispers to his ear.
Yoongi doesn’t say yes or no; he just chuckles and nods.
And Jimin tenses like he has never before when Yoongi’s lips come close to his ear. “You’ve come at a great time, actually.”
The club is stuffy, and Jimin feels warm. “Mmh, I see. Now it’s time I take you away to let Namjoon hyung do the rest.”
Yoongi raises his beer bottle.
Jimin steals it from him to take a sip, and when the alcohol burns, he returns it. “Come dance with me, hyung,” Jimin says loud enough for Namjoon and the stranger to hear.
Yoongi pretends to sigh but pulls away from the bar counter. “Gotta go,” Yoongi apologizes to the girl.
“It was nice meeting you!” She doesn’t look disappointed by the turn of events.
Jimin winks at a flustered Namjoon before putting both hands on Yoongi’s shoulders, guiding him to the dancefloor. “Where’s everyone?” Yoongi asks.
“Taehyung and Jungkook are somewhere over there.”
“I think I saw Seokjin hyung with a guy, and Hoseok hyung must be closer to the DJ.” Before Yoongi suggests finding their friends, Jimin stops walking, and Yoongi turns to see him. “Why do you ask? You said you’d dance with me.”
Yoongi laughs under the flickering light. “Right.”
There’s barely any space to move between all the people, so none of them say a word when they end up slotted together. They’ve danced together many times during college; this is nothing new. Not even Jimin holding onto Yoongi’s shirt and leaning against his ear is new to them.
But maybe his question is. “Have you seen anyone you like?” Jimin asks over loud music, toying with the collar of Yoongi’s shirt. Someone bumps against Jimin, making him stumble, and Yoongi brings a hand to the small of Jimin’s back, steadying him.
“What did you say?”
“I was asking if you’ve seen anyone you like? Here. Namjoon liked that girl. What about you?”
Yoongi doesn’t move his hand. “I have no intention of hooking up with someone today.” Opting for not saying a word, Jimin pouts. Yoongi’s eyes flicker down in a quick motion.
Maybe Jimin is imagining that. It’s too dark inside the club to know for sure, but Yoongi’s gaze is undoubtedly on him and no one else. “What about you, Jimin?”
They’re swaying their bodies, mimicking those around them. “Haven’t seen anyone that has caught my eye either!”
Yoongi hums, agreeing, and then breaks their intense staring, craning his neck as if searching for someone that could catch Jimin’s eyes. But the hand on Jimin’s back urges him to press his chest to Yoongi’s and force the elder to turn to him. “But hyung looks good tonight.”
That makes his friend laugh, and the hand on the small of Jimin’s back travels to Jimin’s waist. “You’re funny.”
“Funny? You’re supposed to say ‘thank you’ or return the praise.”
Yoongi leans closer. “You know you always look good, so there’s no reason to repeat it.”
It’d be good for Jimin to remember that Yoongi’s a flirt. All of Jimin’s friends are flirts, Jimin is one himself, but the comment still makes his heart beat faster. This is the attention he wanted. “You’re so mean! I don’t think I always look good; I need to hear it.”
They haven’t stopped moving, but Jimin feels like time halts when their eyes meet. “What’s up with you tonight?” The loud music, thrumming against their chests, drowns Yoongi’s words.
Jimin thinks of Taehyung’s advice. “How do you feel about that saying ‘friends don’t kiss’?”
Yoongi laughs again, soft but rough. “You’re funny.”
It’s a simple answer, but all that Jimin needs to hear. Yoongi is putting Jimin down gently, and Jimin takes the hint. He tries to pull away, but he’s unable to as Yoongi drags him close again, grasping his wrist.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
Jimin can still blame his actions on alcohol -that he hasn’t had, but Yoongi doesn’t know that- or on his broken heart -which is nonexistent-. “We should look for the rest!”
Yoongi isn’t taking any of that. “But you and I aren't done talking.”
“Yes, we are! I just embarrassed myself.”
“No, you didn’t.” A pause where they don’t move an inch as people dance around them, music ringing in Jimin's ear until Yoongi’s words reach him. “You look very pretty tonight, Jimin.”
And the fixation occupying his mind keeps growing.
“You think so?”
“Mmh. Being single suits you. Even though it doesn’t happen that often.” Jimin chortles, and when Yoongi’s hands return to his waist, Jimin moves his body, pretending he cares about dancing. Their faces are unnecessarily close. “I also think friends can kiss.”
And there’s nothing else to say or do. Yoongi is the one that shortens the distance between them, and Jimin is glad; he prefers when someone else takes the lead. He doesn’t cup Jimin’s face this time, only tightens his grip on Jimin’s waist and keeps him impossibly close.
There are no fireworks, no explosions. It’s just a kiss like all the others that must be happening around them: a good, deep, wet kiss. But Jimin only cares for Yoongi’s tongue inside his mouth, Yoongi’s lips between his teeth, Yoongi’s soft hair twisting around his fingers.
When they pull apart for air, it’s just a short pause until one drags their lips together one more time. It’s a bit rushed, slightly clumsy, with a desperation Jimin can’t explain, but it’s fun. Jimin even finds himself smiling against Yoongi’s lips. Kissing is so much fun.
And Jimin is glad it isn’t awkward. When Yoongi breaks the kiss to latch his lips onto Jimin’s neck, and a whimper escapes Jimin’s lips, Yoongi doesn’t let Jimin feel embarrassed. “Maybe the saying should be ‘friends don’t kiss each other’s necks.’ Maybe that’s crossing a line.”
Jimin laughs loudly. “Yeah, definitely. That’s crossing a line.”
“Mmh,” Yoongi returns to press his forehead to Jimin’s.
“Kisses on the mouth are good; it’s just strengthening the friendship. But it’s weird if it’s on the neck.”
“Exactly,” Yoongi pecks Jimin once.
But Jimin doesn’t let it end there; he drags Yoongi into another kiss. In no time, they get used to the other’s taste and pace, and then they don’t stop. When Yoongi cups Jimin’s face and tilts his head, Jimin feels hot, and it has nothing to do with the sweaty people around him.
Jimin doesn’t know how many songs pass or how many people misstep around them until a loud smack against Yoongi’s back interrupts them.
A flushed red Hoseok stands behind them. He’s visibly drunk; even his laughter is slurred. “Oh, it is you! What the fuck are you two doing?”
“Definitely not making out,” Yoongi deadpans; his hands haven’t moved from Jimin’s waist.
“Woah! We’re kissing between buddies now?” Hoseok raises an eyebrow before throwing his arm around Yoongi’s shoulder, finally robbing him away from Jimin’s waist. “I also want a kiss.”
Jimin starts to notice people around them again. Hoseok presses his forehead to Yoongi’s head, and Yoongi sighs after getting a kiss on his cheek. “Let’s get water in your system,” Yoongi mutters. “Are you coming?”
Jimin’s brain is catching up to everything that just happened.
Maybe it's the club lights, but Yoongi’s cheeks are pink; his lips are swollen. Jimin’s lips are also wet, and his heartbeat is still fast. But the spell is over.
Jimin stands frozen for a second before he nods and follows Yoongi. He just kissed his friend. It happens.
It’s different from kissing a stranger that Jimin won’t see again. He knows that. He knows that they’ll probably talk about it later, or maybe they won’t talk about it at all. For now, they don’t. Yoongi and Jimin are back into friend mode, taking care of Hoseok's drunk ass.
Yoongi and Jimin continue to interact throughout the night, calling taxis and finding water; they don't say a word about the kiss.
For some reason, Yoongi ignoring whatever happened only makes Jimin stick more to him. But they don't kiss again, and eventually, they part ways.
Unlike those years ago when Yoongi and Jimin kissed for the first time, and Jimin woke up with red-rimmed eyes after crying over his high school ex all night long. Today, Jimin wakes up thinking of Yoongi's smile while they kissed and Yoongi’s soft touch against his body.
When preparing his coffee, Jimin brings a finger to his lips; he wraps a hand around his waist. Yesterday night should be it; it shouldn’t happen again; it shouldn’t turn into something more than filling a void. But Jimin remembers Yoongi’s touch and decides he wants more.
Yoongi and Jimin don’t text much outside their group chat, so it feels weird to reach out to him. Their texting habits won’t change even if they kissed and none of them reach out. Jimin doesn’t have time to think much about it, and it must be the same for Yoongi.
But they have an impromptu meetup a few days later. Taehyung writes in the group chat after work, saying he’s craving a drink and will be at a bar if anyone wants to join him. Jungkook and Jimin read it just as they leave the gym, so Jimin replies that they’ll be there.
It’s a surprise when Yoongi shows up at the tiny bar an hour later, announced. Jimin’s cheeks are already pink from alcohol but seeing Yoongi removing his coat as he spots their table and folding his sleeves makes it worse.
“Hyung didn’t say he was coming!” Taehyung complains.
“What if we weren’t here anymore?”
“I imagined you’d still be around. I doubt Jiminie would leave a bar on a Friday night after just one drink.”
Yoongi sits next to Jimin with a teasing smirk before looking away. Everything is the same as usual. That’s Yoongi’s usual banter.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jimin bites.
“What are you drinking?” Yoongi leans into Jimin’s space, ignoring him.
“Somaek.” Yoongi steals Jimin’s glass and gulps a considerable amount of alcohol, Adam’s apple bobbing. He’s drinking from Jimin’s glass. It's an indirect kiss.
That’s not the only childish thought that comes to Jimin’s head. Taehyung and Jungkook sit in front of them, making it feel like a double date. Especially when Yoongi shifts in his seat as Jungkook rants about a professor and rests his arm across the backrest of Jimin’s chair.
It seems like Jimin isn’t the only one to make that connection, judging by Taehyung’s intense gaze on them. Jimin tries to avoid it, but a question from Jimin’s best friend was inevitable. “So, what happened that night at the club?”
Taehyung snacks on nuts, acting uninterested.
Jimin can see Jungkook squeezing Taehyung’s thigh under the table in a subtle attempt to ask his boyfriend to behave and not meddle.
Yoongi is unfazed when Jimin turns to him and tilts his head. “Right. What happened, hyung?”
He could be imagining the glint in Yoongi’s eyes.
There’s chatter around the bar, people laughing and clapping, and shots hitting tables, but Yoongi and Jimin share a small moment of serenity.
Taehyung interrupts their moment, plopping another nut in his mouth. Jungkook sips from his coke, defeated. “You were sucking faces.”
“Yeah,” Yoongi drinks from Jimin’s glass again, even though he has his own. “Strengthening our friendship, wasn’t it, Jimin?”
“Should we worry about it? Get prepared for a divorce and the group splitting?”
Yoongi lets out an exaggerated groan, “Yah! Taehyung.”
“It was nothing. Calm down.”
Yoongi’s words don’t hurt Jimin. He thinks they should, but they don’t. Hearing him say the kiss meant nothing only makes Jimin wonder how hard it’d be to make Yoongi kiss him again; it only makes him more interested. Maybe he’s got some issues.
“It was nothing?” Taehyung turns to Jimin, and Jimin knows why his best friend is so protective, so he doesn’t get upset at the insistence.
“Yeah, we’re good. We’re friends.”
Yoongi and Jimin even clink their glasses to show how much of a good pair of friends they are.
“See, baby? They're friends,” Jungkook grips Taehyung’s nape firmly, finally silencing Taehyung. They change topics to something less awkward and continue to drink.
But when it’s late and Jimin is tipsy, he’s tipping his body closer to Yoongi, faces getting close one more time.
Jungkook is standing by Jimin’s side, though, stopping him from doing anything stupid. “Come on, Jimin ssi,” Jungkook says, petting Jimin’s head like a puppy. “I’m driving you home.”
“No, it’s too early,” Jimin complains and sticks to Yoongi’s body. “Hyung will take me home.”
He wants to stay behind and get Yoongi to kiss him again.
“No, he’s not. You’re coming with us.” Taehyung insists; his voice has a pitchy edge, showing how drunk he also is. Jimin glares at him, but before the argument turns heated, Yoongi snakes his hand to Jimin’s waist.
Just like Jungkook had done to his boyfriend earlier, Yoongi pinches and manages to turn Jimin into putty. “Maybe I’ll take you home when you’re not that drunk, Jimin ah,” Yoongi whispers when Jimin turns to him. Though Jungkook’s eyes widening by a fraction meant everyone heard.
Jimin stares at his hyung, discovering that he can be pretty handsome under the right light, and ignores Taehyung’s fake gagging in the background. “You better not lie, hyung.”
His drunk antics force a chuckle out of Yoongi. “I’m a man of my word.”
“I’ll decide if you are.”
Taehyung doesn’t ask about Yoongi, probably thanks to Jungkook’s stern look while driving. Jimin is silently thankful. He doesn’t think he could explain whatever is happening to Yoongi. Especially to his best friend, who constantly warns him when he’s about to do something wrong.
Jimin might have warning flashes on his head, but he still feels a familiar warmth when he sees Yoongi again. It’s a Friday night, and Hoseok wants to go bowling, so some of them meet at their favorite spot. Jimin wears pants a little too tight for bowling, but no one bats an eye
Except for Yoongi, of course.
He’s sitting next to the girl from the club -Hoseok’s co-worker that is now navigating the texting phase with Namjoon- but he checks Jimin out blatantly when Jimin arrives with Jungkook, uncaring of anyone catching his wandering eyes.
Thankfully, Jimin and Jungkook arrive sans Taehyung, who is too tired to join.
The cheap alcohol is why this is their favorite bowling alley, and everyone starts ordering drinks once they rent the lane. But their last time at the bar pushes Jimin to opt to remain sober tonight.
He feels Yoongi’s eyes on him when he asks the waitress for a milkshake. Yoongi asks for water.
They’re playing with two teams: Hoseok, Namjoon, and his date, Hyungseo, are one. Yoongi, Jimin, and Jungkook are the other team. No one but Jungkook takes the game seriously.
Everyone but Namjoon's date ignores Jungkook's victory dance when he strikes, but after Namjooon whispers to her, she catches on to the joke. When it's his turn again, and he shows off with another strike, Jungkook pouts at the lack of attention, causing them to snicker.
As a striking contrast, when Jimin knocks three pins -a terrible shot- his friends clap and cheer to tease Jungkook. Jimin exaggeratedly bows. He continues his cocky act and plops on his seat with a grand gesture, throwing his leg on Yoongi’s lap, mockingly manspreading.
It’s a usual move for Jimin, something he always does, but tonight, Yoongi shifts and rests his hand on Jimin’s thigh instead of staying unmoving. He has never done that before. It’s not a safe space: near the knee or in the middle. His hand is higher than a friend would dare.
It’s a bold touch, but Yoongi isn’t watching him; he’s calling out Namjoon on his lousy posture. Under the alley’s LED lights, Yoongi’s white shirt shines blue. It’s absurd how good he looks with the horrible lightning.
Jimin stares for a long moment but gets nothing in return.
After a huff, he also ignores Yoongi and focuses on his milkshake, wrapping his lips around the paper straw. A beat passes, and then a firm squeeze on his thigh makes Jimin fight a smile.
“You don’t get the attention you want and you go sulk, drinking milk like a baby.”
Jimin gasps. “Excuse me? I’m not sulking.”
“You’re pouting,” Yoongi is leaning closer, fingers digging Jimin’s inner thigh.
“You’re seeing things.” Jimin looks away, hoping the LEDs hide his stupid blush. Yoongi doesn’t answer for a long moment and then lets go of Jimin.
A withdrawal is not what Jimin wanted, so he faces Yoongi, only to find the elder already staring at him. “Did I cross a line?” he asks about the touch and the flirting
“No.” A long pause where it’s just the two of them at the bowling alley. “It’s okay if you do,” Jimin mumbles.
“Hyung’s turn!” Hoseok interrupts them one more time.
Now that their friend’s eyes are on them, their staring ends, and Yoongi acts as if Jimin’s leg is heavy, grabbing it and putting it down. Jimin’s expression remains serene as Yoongi picks a ball with Jungkook’s advice.
When he reaches the lane, he spreads his legs, arches his back, and sticks his ass out instead of a standard pose. He puts the ball between his skinny legs and throws it with both hands, making Jungkook complain loudly, and the rest burst out laughing. Even Jimin has to snort.
Yoongi is ridiculous, not the suave man in Jimin’s head. He’s Jimin’s silly friend who takes care of them silently and giggles at his own jokes. It should be a huge turnoff, but when Yoongi bends laughing once he notices he got a strike, Jimin can’t contain his laugh either.
Just like Jimin had done, Yoongi’s return to his seat is grand, acting cocky, but it looks good on him. Jimin seriously has issues if he still wants to kiss him silly.
“It’s not milk, by the way. It’s a milkshake,” Jimin says when Yoongi puts his arm around Jimin’s shoulders.
“So milk with ice cream. It’s a drink for babies either way.”
“I’m not having alcohol for a reason. Do you remember?” Jimin doesn’t drag their game any further.
Yoongi chuckles. “Are you going to give me a prize for striking? You haven’t even said ‘good job, hyung!’”
Yoongi mimics Jimin’s voice tone, and Jimin acts offended. “Huh? And you say I’m the one that wants attention!” Jimin tilts his head, getting into Yoongi’s space. “You’re so cool, hyung. We’re going to win because of you. You’re better than Jungkookie and made everyone laugh.”
It’s taunting, and Yoongi sticks his tongue to his cheek, not enjoying Jimin’s brattiness. He pinches Jimin’s waist, “fine, quit it. I hate it.”
Jimin rests on his chair again and tries not to giggle. Since they met, he and Yoongi have constantly bantered, but the tension is new
He thrives on the tension. But he enjoys it, even more, when Yoongi’s fingers thrum against his shoulder and his lips grace Jimin's ear before whispering. “I’m going to get something to eat. Do you want to come with me?”
They’re definitely not heading to the order counter.
Instead of answering him, Jimin announces to the group. “Hyung and I are going for food!”
“Can you get me something?” Jungkook asks innocently. “Fries!”
“No,” Yoongi’s answer is as lazy as his movements, taking his time to stand next to Jimin. “I’m not rich. Buy your own food”
“Play our turns,” Yoongi says. “And you better win for us!” After a grumpy nod, Jungkook’s eyes wander to the hand on the small of Jimin’s back, and he seems to understand what’s happening. Hoseok also gives them a curious glance but just nods along.
They don’t even reach the order counter; the hallway leading to the bathrooms is far closer. Not a proud achievement, but Jimin has had make-out sessions in bathroom stalls. It’s always thrilling to do something like this in a public place, knowing they might get caught.
Biting his lower lip to avoid a smile, Jimin drags Yoongi inside a stall. Yoongi cages him against the wall before finally closing the distance.
The desperation from their previous kiss is back, but there’s also a new simplicity. “Eager hyung,” Jimin allows himself to tease.
“Couldn’t even take me outside. Do you think there’s someone next to us?”
Yoongi’s answer renders him speechless. “You know you’re hotter when you shut up.” It’s so condescending it makes Jimin burn with want. He doesn’t get to reply; Yoongi smashes their lips together again.
When Yoongi pulls away to breathe, he stops by Jimin’s neck. His breathing tickles against Jimin’s skin, and the buzzing in Jimin's chest worsens when he whispers. “Can I cross the line? Kiss your neck?”
And then Yoongi’s lips are dragging along Jimin’s neck.
If someone is on the stall next to them that they didn’t see earlier, or if someone enters the bathroom, they are most certainly getting a show front row of Jimin’s loud and needy whines echoing against the walls. He’s so stupidly weak for neck kissing like he's still a teen.
A small bite on Jimin’s shoulder drives Jimin to grip Yoongi’s long black hair, and after a particularly strong pull, Yoongi pushes his thigh between Jimin’s legs, forcing them open. It burns everywhere in him, spreading like this for Yoongi in a dirty bathroom stall.
The elder seems to like it, too, adding pressure to Jimin’s crotch with his thigh when he captures Jimin’s lips with his again. Jimin admits a thought between messy kisses: “I wanted you to do this last time.”
“Do what?” Yoongi’s hand grips his hips.
“Touch me like this.”
Yoongi’s chuckle should be low, but it resonates in the stall. His following words, though, are only for Jimin. “You also got stuck in my head after that kiss.”
Jimin's heart skips a beat. “Really?”
“Mmh, got me thinking about many things I hadn’t thought of you before.”
After small deliberation, Yoongi presses his thumb to Jimin’s lower lip. “How good you’re with that. I mean, you’ve told us your share of stories.” They know each other from years ago; Yoongi has heard a drunken Jimin retell dirty anecdotes more than once.
“You want to check it for yourself? See if they are true?”
Yoongi’s grip on his chin is firm. “You’d do it right now? Here?”
“Wouldn’t be the first time I do.”
“But it would be crossing another line.”
Jimin shrugs before leaving a soft peck on Yoongi’s mouth. “It’s nothing.”
they share another small kiss before jm gets on his knees, ignoring how dirty the floor is, expertly unbuttoning yg's jeans. it happens quickly like it always does. yg finishes getting hard inside jm's mouth, and when jm pulls away, with wet lips, their eyes meet.
yg's flushed cheeks make him look pretty. he’s pretty everywhere, pink skin and carefully trimmed hair. jm thinks it’s fitting. he enjoys this part, putting on a little show for the man above, riling him up, wanting to be good for him, needing yg to want more of him after this.
he basks on the feel of yg's fingers carding through his hair, calling him 'good' and praising him. jm can't stop himself from looking up while trailing his tongue from the base to the tip. yg's low groans are the best incentive to bob his head faster, letting his jaw go slack.
jm takes his time with him, getting used to the weight on his mouth until yg shifts, supporting his forearm on the wall behind jm, gaining leverage enough to fuck into jm's mouth. he keeps jm's head in place, twisting jm's hair and pulling. he does exactly what jm likes.
and when he's done, and jm's face is ruined, he pulls jm up on wobbly legs. yg presses his face to jm's neck, kissing him while he sticks his hand to the front of jm's pants, wraps him entirely on his hand, and strokes until the only sound in the bathroom stall is their panting.
Jimin doesn't let an awkward moment settle between them; after cleaning up with toilet paper and tucking himself back into his pants, he leaves the stall without looking at Yoongi. He washes his face and mouth and notices Yoongi silently cleaning his hands on the sink next to him
He finishes first and steps back to wait for Jimin. After spitting twice on the sink, he catches Yoongi staring at him through the mirror reflection, arms crossed over his chest, leaning against the stall.
“Stop looking at my ass,” Jimin jokes. “You just came five minutes ago.”
“Well, stop bending over like that.”
Jimin looks at him while still bending. “I’m not doing anything! Just washing my face. You have a terrible aim, you know.” He banters. Bickering is natural; it’s them.
Jimin jumps when he feels a hand on his hip. “I aimed where I wanted.”
“It was an artistic choice.” The grip on his hip tightens.
“Hyung, I just sucked you off; you can touch my ass if you want,” Jimin tries to read Yoongi’s mind.
“I still have to ask for permission. Maybe oral and handjobs are good for you, but ass grabbing is a huge no.”
Jimin rolls his eyes but gasps when he feels a smack-turned-into-groping. Jimin twists to face Yoongi, but that only allows the elder to settle both hands on Jimin’s bum.
“You’re hot.” Jimin thrives off attention, and this is his favorite kind. “And very good with that mouth.”
Jimin likes feeling desired, but there’s something funny about seeing Yoongi's familiar face once the high from tension wears off. “You’re just horny, hyung.”
“Mmh. You got hard from blowing me. I think you’re worse than me.”
“What? Why? Sucking people off is hot.”
“I prefer eating out,” Yoongi speaks calmly like he means eating at a restaurant instead of ordering and not what he’s actually saying.
“Well, I’ll have to try.” Yoongi’s gaze is dark, and Jimin escapes his hold while laughing. “Some other time, of course. Not now!”
Yoongi accepts defeat and follows him, but Jimin gets another playful slap before they return to their friends. Jimin feels fuzzy and relaxed. Crossing the line wasn’t bad at all.
“And the food?” Namjoon asks when they return, the only one that seems to have believed their lie.
Even though one wonders about them and Yoongi and Jimin don’t tell anyone, Jimin is confident that their friends know something’s up. Jungkook must have told Taehyung what he saw at the bowling alley, and Jimin is surprised he hasn’t gotten a text from his best friend yet.
The only people oblivious to the situation going on are Namjoon and Seokjin. The latter hasn’t seen Yoongi and Jimin interact lately, but Jimin isn’t exactly subtle with him, either. Seokjin texts him after work during the week, wondering if he wants to come over for a movie.
Jimin asks if Yoongi is coming over too. When Seokjin says yes, Jimin agrees to go.
At Seokjin’s and Namjoon’s apartment, it’s just the boys from their group except for Taehyung and Jungkook. While handing out beers, Seokjin jokes that only single people got an invitation.
“I don’t want to see anyone acting clingy,” he adds before sitting next to Jimin and tapping his thigh lightly. Yoongi sips his drink while Hoseok stares at them with a guilty frown. Yoongi and Jimin don’t glance at each other even if the comment seems directed at them.
Usually, it’d be an odd thing to say to Yoongi. While Jimin is clingy, Yoongi really isn’t. Out of their friend group, Yoongi is the one that engages in the least skinship. Instead of constant touches, he’s all about careful and sporadic affection only when he feels comfortable.
That is, of course, with the exception of the last three times they’ve been together.
Perhaps Hoseok and Taehyung have talked to Seokjin behind Jimin’s back, which wouldn’t surprise Jimin at all. Maybe they’re waiting to see if Jimin and Yoongi will say anything.
Obviously, they won’t say a thing; Yoongi and Jimin haven’t even talked to one another.
They behave for the most part of the night. Only when the movie starts and the lights are off, the elder starts with a hand on Jimin’s nape, thrumming his fingers against Jimin’s neck.
The familiar yet new touch forces Jimin to stay in place, and it spreads warmth through his chest. He barely pays attention to the film that someone keeps pausing to discuss politics within the group. Yoongi’s touch also ceases with the film, cautious when there are eyes on them.
When the movie finally ends is past midnight, and Hoseok excuses himself, saying he has a wardrobe fitting early tomorrow. Yoongi doesn’t have an office job, and Jimin has afternoon classes, so they ask if staying a while longer is okay, with intentions unclear to anyone but them
After another long conversation, Seokjin heads to his bedroom, and Yoongi and Jimin remain with Namjoon. Oddly enough, Yoongi allows himself to be more touchy around his closest friend. He rubs his hand up and down Jimin’s spine while talking about their newest music obsession.
Namjoon doesn’t comment on it, making Jimin wonder if it has to do with his ignorance or if Yoongi has said something about them to him. It’s hard to theorize when Jimin is high off attention from Yoongi, absentmindedly playing with his ear and then moving to his hair.
His head is fuzzy when Namjoon yawns, standing up and saying he doesn’t care if they stay until they finish their beers -which have remained untouched for hours-.
“Don’t do anything that could upset Seokjin hyung,” is all he says before closing his bedroom door.
There are no words between them; right after the click of a door lock, Yoongi leans in, catching Jimin’s lips at a hasty pace, yet still, Jimin grows impatient. He twists Yoongi’s hoodie while kissing him harder, pushing him against the couch’s armrest and feeling him smile.
“Knowing there are people around turns you on. Doesn’t it?”
Jimin tries not to feel embarrassed when he nods. Yoongi has heard Jimin say worse during his first year of college. “Does Namjoon know?”
“About your kinks or about this?” Jimin just nods again, and Yoongi shrugs.
“He knows what he needs to know.” The answer is concise, so Jimin doesn’t argue with it. Also, kissing Yoongi again is far more interesting, mostly when he whispers against Jimin’s lips while trailing his hands to Jimin’s hips, “what matters is what you want to do now.”
Jimin stares at him, puzzled by how he’s gone from having only innocent thoughts about this man to— “I got ready before coming here.”
A beat passes as if Yoongi needs time to register what Jimin just said, and then he kisses Jimin roughly, gripping the flesh of his thighs.
“you came over just because you wanted to get fucked, didn’t you?”
jm wishes yg would call him out on that, call him ‘easy’ or ‘slut,’ but he doesn’t. there’s no time to dwell on it; yg is in a hurry to get things done. “did you bring condoms?” jm nods. “lube?”
jm chuckles. “do I look like a fucking drugstore, hyung?”
there’s no verbal answer, only yg grabbing jm’s chin and pulling, forcing a gasp out of jm. “i asked a question. answer it without being sarcastic for once.”
well, that might even be better than getting called a ‘slut.’
“i don’t have lube with me,” jm answers.
after a frustrated sigh jm presses his body to yg's, trying to persuade him into agreeing that this is still a good idea. “but I stretched before coming. you can put it in dry.”
they stare for a long moment, yg isn’t convinced.
jm whispers to him, “please, i like it when it hurts.”
yg curses under his breath, and jm knows he’s won him over. it's unexpected when yg presses his forehead to jm's and communicates his worry. “i don’t want to hurt you.”
“you won’t. i’ll tell hyung if it's too much.”
“promise you'll tell me,” yg squeezes jm's chin tightly, showing the severity of his words.
he waits for a beat before removing his hoodie, undershirt riling up with it and revealing a strip of pale skin. it disappears after a second when yg fixes the black shirt.
he throws his hoodie to the floor and points it with his chin. “get down there. let's avoid the couch.”
“how does hyung want me?”
“on your back.”
even though he’s already gotten scolded, jm can’t stop himself from complaining. “the most boring pose. as expected of you.”
his bratty answer gets him a reward: jm almost moans when yg pulls his hair. “if you get on your hands and knees like i bet you want, we’ll even wake up the neighbors. so listen to hyung and lay on your back.”
jm can’t believe he’s just finding out about this side of yg.
he’d never guess, judging by how calm and sweet the man has always been but he’s glad now he knows.
jm gets up on shaky legs, internally thanks nj for the low beam lights in his living room, and kneels on the ground. he stretches yg's hoodie to cover sj's pretty carpet.
they need to avoid any incriminatory stain, which makes the sex even better. by the time jm gets on his back, throws a string of condoms to the ground, and pushes down his sweatpants, yg has already unzipped his jeans, settling between jm's legs. it’s uncomfortable but perfect.
yg grabs a condom and frowns in concentration while fumbling with it. while feeling relaxed with him, this is still a part of sex jm usually dreads. when it’s not sexy, he always feels the need to say something, but yg is there before jm can try to fill the silence.
“you have to be quiet, or we’ll get caught.” yg pauses before smirking. “can you even be quiet, though?” there's a mocking tone in his question as if he’s sure jm will end up whining loudly.
“i can be quiet,” jm tries to convince him that he’s good. “but hyung can help too.”
when yg is hovering over him, jm drags yg's left hand to his mouth. yg looks endeared when he hums, “is that how i help?” jm nods before circling his lips around yg's fingers. “wait, not those ones,” yg chuckles, pulling his fingers away but bringing his other hand to jm's mouth.
“i’ll use these ones on you, so get them nice and wet for hyung since you forgot to bring lube.”
jm can’t say no to an order like that so he obeys. the push of fingers inside his mouth is rough and lasts long; yg only removes them when spit drips from the corner of jm's mouth.
before jm can ask if they’re going to start already, yg covers jm's mouth with his dry hand. “to keep you quiet. is it okay ?” he asks.
it’s more than okay, and jm's enthusiastic nod has yg laughing. yg's hand stays in place even while he uses his wet-with-spit fingers on jm.
he covers jm's mouth when he slides one finger— two fingers inside. whenever he pulls them out and slams them inside, he asks if jm is okay, attentive to his reaction, and jm nods and nods.
yg's hand drowns the sounds threatening to escape jm's lips when he aligns himself to jm.
jm keeps nodding every time yg asks if he’s doing okay. jm wishes he’d just stop asking. he nods when yg pushes inside, and when he remains unmoving, just stretching him. he nods when yg thrusts, and finally, yg stops asking right before he picks up the pace of his hips.
yg's grunts are barely audible next to jm's ear, but it sounds like he's enjoying himself, praising jm now and then. jm is having the best time. just like yg had done in the bathroom stall, he fucks jm roughly, with hard thrusts that push jm's body up and down sj's pretty carpet.
jm tries to grasp anything for leverage but it's hard when they're pressed together from head to toe and they're so tangled jm doesn't know where they start or end. jm searches for the coffee table’s leg first, but it rattles too much, and yg pins his hand to the ground.
“be quiet, baby,” yg warns.
the pet name only makes jm more desperate, and he holds onto a pillow that somehow ended up on the floor, but it doesn’t help at all. his body keeps shaking with each roll of hips. as last resource, he holds onto the hair on the back yg’s head.
jm thinks yg asks him to pull harder, but he’s too delirious to know if he's imagining it or not. he pulls nonetheless, feeling so full. yg's nice perfume embraces him and his friend's empty beer cans remind him they're not alone.
jm snakes his free hand to stroke himself.
yg presses his hand to jm's mouth harder, giving jm trouble breathing. it's not as good as choking, but jm can only imagine the possibilities with yg's big hands.
he's running out of breath, eyes growing teary, frenetic gaze searching for the hallway that leads to the bedrooms.
the burn in jm's muscles from the odd position cramped between their friend's coffee table and the couch, the lack of air, the way yg drags his cock deeper each time, and the closed doors with people behind them only make jm's orgasm hit him harder when it finally arrives.
he stops moving his hand, body tensing, and desperate mewls filter behind yg’s hand; he tries to hold his release in his hand and hopes anything dripping falls on yg's hoodie.
yg doesn’t stop chasing his orgasm, fucking jm with sloppy thrusts regardless of how sensitive he is.
When he finally finishes, he takes a long moment before letting go of Jimin's mouth and dropping on top of him. Their panting is even, same rise and fall of their chests. Yoongi praises Jimin, calling him good and pretty, while he pulls out, shushing Jimin after his grimace.
It’s a slow process for Jimin to return to his senses; he has to blink a few times, shift his limbs slightly and meet Yoongi’s worried gaze. “Did I hurt you?”
“No,” Jimin croaks.
“Did it feel good?” Yoongi whispers, pushing Jimin’s hair off his forehead.
“You’re feeling good? Did I press too hard?” A pause before a lazy smile appears on Yoongi’s face. “It looked like you were into it so—”
“You were good, hyung. I’m good too, shocked, sleepy,” Jimin breathes.
Only fond can describe Yoongi’s gaze. “Can hyung get a hug?”
Jimin giggles at the request and throws his arms around Yoongi. He’s light-headed and likes the warmth and proximity, but after a minute of feeling Yoongi breathe against his neck, Jimin begins to squirm. “We need to clean up.”
“Give me a second. You’re soft, and I’m tired.”
It’s expected of people to enjoy cuddling after sex. But Jimin usually gets tense afterward and doesn’t know how to act. He’s had ex-partners complain about how fast he’d leave after intimacy. Taeyang always left in a hurry after sleeping with him, so Jimin is used to that.
What just happened with Yoongi was great, ticked almost all of Jimin's boxes, but Jimin feels strange letting the hug last longer. “Come on, hyung. They’ll find us like this.”
Yoongi moans a low complaint but listens to Jimin nonetheless. They clean up in silence and hurriedly.
Before they know it, they’re stepping outside with red cheeks, rapid beating hearts, and tense silence, laughter threatening to escape.
Only when they’re outside the building does Jimin allow himself to make a sound. “Can't believe we did that in Namjoon and Seokjin’s house.”
“Namjoon has done worse in my house. You and I are good.” Quietly, Yoongi moves closer to the lane, swapping places with Jimin on the street.
Jimin ignores that and just tilts his head, feeling better with the cold of the night and a few inches separating him from Yoongi.
“Hyung, I didn’t know you were so kinky. Have you been browsing through my porn tabs in secret?”
“Come on. I’m just a dude. I’d say that you’re—” Yoongi chortles. “You’re something.”
“And you haven’t seen anything yet.”
Yoongi smiles to himself but doesn’t reply.
“Are you walking me home?” Jimin asks after a block.
Yoongi stops walking, frowning as if Jimin’s question is stupid. “Yes, of course I am. But, before we get there, I wanted to know… is it okay if I go upstairs with you? Are we going to talk about this?”
Jimin’s face pales.
the actions and words of a cruel first lover shaped jimin’s perception of love. years later, he’s unable to escape his past, but after a series of failed relationships and connections, his friend yoongi takes on the challenge of mending jimin’s relationship with love
"What do you want to talk about?"
A prolonged pause worries Jimin until Yoongi breaks into a small smile. "Don't look so worried. I don't think I'll say anything bad; I just— we've implied more occurrences of this, so a talk is overdue."
It might be but Jimin doesn't like it.
A talk might put an end to this, might put their friendship at risk, and might make everything awkward. But Yoongi wants to talk, so Jimin nods.
Even under the night sky and the distance between them, Jimin feels Yoongi's piercing gaze when he says, "you start, hyung."
Yoongi steps closer to Jimin, and they resume their path. Jimin is grateful; while walking, he doesn't need to hold Yoongi's gaze. "We can start with the implications behind our comments. Do you expect this to happen more often?"
"Do you?" Jimin flips the conversation to Yoongi.
"Yes," Yoongi's answer is fast and straightforward. He isn't as confused as Jimin. "That's why I want us to talk."
Well, if Yoongi wants it to happen again, then— "I'd also like it if it happens again."
Jimin glances at his friend, surprised at the bluntness.
His expression is calm. "Sex and kissing sound good."
Yoongi hums, assessing Jimin's answer. With each passing second, Jimin turns more anxious. He doesn't want to disappoint Yoongi. "We'll be hooking up, but we'll be just friends the rest of the time?"
"Yes," Jimin whispers.
When they stop at a red light, it's so late that there's barely any car on the street, but Yoongi is a good citizen and won't cross until the stoplight changes color. "Why are you making me scoop the word out of you?" he jokes.
"What word?" Jimin asks.
"The three words."
The light turns green, but Jimin doesn't move an inch. He does when Yoongi settles a hand on the small of his back and guides him to step forward. "Friends with benefits," Yoongi says, noticing Jimin's lost expression.
"Is that what you want?"
"Is that what hyung wants?"
"You're getting on my nerves, Jimin ah," Yoongi's voice is light, but the scolding is still present. "Don't avoid my questions. I'm your friend; I won't judge what you want or feel."
"But I don't want to say something you don't want and then make everything weird between us."
"My dick in your mouth was probably when things started to get weird, Jimin." The comment earns him a glare, but Yoongi only laughs. He scratches his neck, showing he's also nervous. "Things are already weird. I don't think disagreeing on something will make anything weirder."
Noticing he's not the only one struggling and agreeing with Yoongi's statement pushes Jimin to say, "well, friends with benefits sound good. We've had good sex, and there's no interest in something other than good sex. We don't like each other that way." A long pause. "Right?"
"Yes," Yoongi takes time to give an answer, and Jimin wonders what's going on in his head. Maybe just organizing his thoughts. "But I'm not a friends-with-benefits kind of guy. And I should have said so sooner, but I was distracted, so I'm saying it now before it happens again."
"What does that mean? Do you have a crush on me after fucking once?" Jimin teases.
"No." Yoongi's annoyed face is familiar; his head's tilt and scowl are safe territories, but his words aren't. "Not yet." The longer he takes to explain, the faster Jimin's heart races.
"A kiss was alright; I've kissed other friends. You looked good that night. We had fun. But I'm already thinking of you differently than before, and if this keeps happening— I'm a bit clingy, and I'll probably catch feelings. More feelings than the ones I already have for you."
"Which are all tame: I think you're attractive like anyone right in the head would think. I care for you, worry about you, and enjoy your company as any friend does. But if we keep kissing, I think those already positive feelings can turn into something that could be unwanted."
Jimin won't pretend he doesn't feel slightly flattered. "You don't want to be friends with benefits because you think I'm amazing, and you'll surely catch feelings for me?" It's cute how Yoongi nods. "So no more sex?"
"I think that's up to you," Yoongi says.
"Are you okay with me catching feelings for you?"
It surprises Jimin how calm he is when asking that, especially when Jimin doesn't understand his own feelings. He wants to say yes but knows how stupid that would be, how much harm he'd cause.
"I think I'm okay with it, Jimin."
"I think it's stupid to try to avoid the inevitable," Yoongi explains. "However, if you don't want feelings mixed into this, then we agree that it has to end. And I'll behave and won't cross the line with you."
"And if I think it's okay?"
"Then we'll see what happens."
"But we won't be friends with benefits?"
"No," Yoongi's answer is definitive. "I'm not doing that. If there are no feelings, there's nothing."
"Then what would we be?"
"If there could be a space for feelings, then we'll be 'seeing each other.' Figuring things out."
"Hyung, you know I'm terrible at dating. I have a curse," Jimin jokes, trying to put down the tension between them and the heat on his cheeks. "You'd put our friendship in danger for something that— I'm a lost cause when it comes to figuring it out."
"First of all, that's why we'd be figuring it out. We don't know what could happen. Maybe we don't work together at all, and that's fine. As long as we don't behave like horrible people, I think we can remain friends."
Jimin doubts that, but he doesn't argue with Yoongi.
"Secondly, I think I'd like to take on the challenge."
"I've known you for so long; I always wonder what goes wrong with other people that makes you run away. Maybe I'm too cocky, but I think I might break that curse of yours."
Finally, Jimin laughs.
Maybe it's the leftover attachment from sex, the shared camaraderie from doing something forbidden together, the giddiness after getting attention, or perhaps it's just how pretty Yoongi looks in the middle of the night. Jimin allows himself to toy with the idea presented to him.
He lets Yoongi drag him into another kiss when they reach Jimin's apartment. It's slow this time, with two hands cupping his face as he breaks Jimin apart into tiny pieces. When the elder breaks the kiss, Jimin twists his shirt and pulls him closer. "Don't go yet," Jimin says.
"Earlier, you asked if you could come upstairs. Don't you want to come?"
"Maybe some other time." Yoongi pets Jimin's hair, and while it might be to comfort him, it mostly turns him on.
"Seeing each other means having less sex, hyung?"
That makes Yoongi laugh under his breath.
"Probably." Jimin doesn't like that, but he only pouts. "Every time we've seen each other after the kiss, we've hooked up or tried to; now we'll see each other more. We can't be having sex each time."
"We'll see each other more?"
"Of course. Let me know when you're free."
"Why?" Jimin plays dumb just to hear Yoongi's following words.
"To take you out on a date." While still scared of the outcome, Jimin can't pretend he's not giddy. "Not as friends, obviously. But let's try not to hook up in a public bathroom again. It's the first date."
"If I get a kiss by the end, I can try to behave."
Yoongi hums before pressing his lips to Jimin's again. It's another relaxed kiss with Jimin following his hyung when he pulls away with a silly smile. "Jimin ah , I also want to do more than this, but it wouldn't be smart."
Jimin's jutted lips don't go unnoticed; Yoongi presses a thumb to them. "I'd like to see how things go between us when there's no sex. At least for a while. I wouldn't want to confuse horniness for feelings."
"Fine," Jimin gets away from Yoongi with a weak push. "You're right."
When Jimin is alone inside his apartment, showering and removing any remnant of what he did with Yoongi, he thinks of what just happened, of what he just agreed to do with Yoongi.
He's afraid, but a small part of him is hopeful that Yoongi will be different from everyone else.
He can't pretend he didn't like Yoongi's honesty. He likes many aspects of Yoongi, including the sides of him that he's just getting to know.
Jimin isn't opposed to the idea of trying something with him. He thinks he might be a little eager when he goes to sleep with a smile.
He expected the conversation with Yoongi to end differently. He thought things between them would be over, their friendship would have ended, and he'd ruin everything one more time. After being the one who started their kiss, he'd be the bad guy. A bad person with someone new.
Someone he cares a lot about, to make it worse. But it wasn't like that.
He didn't expect to be sitting on a rooftop on a Thursday night, with a drink in his hand and Yoongi across from him, squinting at his phone after asking Jimin to give him a minute to reply to a client.
Blue light paints his face, and he's frowning. It's a look Jimin has seen a thousand times, but he finds him attractive like never before. It could be the dark blue silk shirt and the slightly angry face.
When he puts his phone down, Jimin smiles. "It's all going fine?"
"Yeah," Yoongi takes a long gulp of his drink. The lack of a wince after drinking whiskey also makes him attractive. "I don't usually reply to work at this hour. Just so you know."
His voice tone reminds Jimin of the absurdity of it all. "This is so odd."
Jimin crosses his legs, and Yoongi's gaze turns downwards. Wearing tight pants was a good idea. "Saying that! Trying for me to get to know you. I already know you, hyung! I know you're your own boss and flexible with your schedules, but sometimes clients are messy."
"You've ranted in our group chat about it. I already know everything about you! What are we doing here?"
Jimin glances at the group of friends or couples at the other tables. It's a bit cold, but Jimin's tank top makes him the best-looking person in the room.
"We're on a date."
Jimin focuses on Yoongi again. "Dates are for people to know each other better and see if they want to commit."
"Not always. I just want to have a drink in your company."
"And how is that different from our college drunken nights? We've had plenty of those, just you and I."
"I didn't think you were hot back then, and now I do. So that's one big difference."
"You didn't think I was hot?" Jimin asks, pointing at Yoongi and then himself. Yoongi takes another sip. "You're lying."
"Okay, I knew you were attractive, but I wasn't the target audience."
"And since I wasn't the audience, I wasn't affected by it. Now, I know you put effort into looking good for me, and I fall for it; every time I've seen you after that night at the club. Now I'm the target audience."
"Yes, you are." Yoongi smiles. "What do you think changed?"
"What do you mean?"
Jimin sits back on the chair, twirling his glass. "What changed for me was you comforting me after my break up, the lane and umbrella thing you do, and liking my Insta story. Was the kiss all it took to get your attention?"
Yoongi snorts. "Wait."
"There are a couple things to unpack here. I can't believe you say we know each other already— we're always learning something new about those around us. For example, the lane thing does it for you?"
"You do it to protect me, right? From anything coming towards us."
Yoongi says it so nonchalantly that Jimin swoons.
"When I was ten, my mom told me it was polite. She told me to do it with anyone I cared for." They're quiet, but Jimin's expression must say it all if Yoongi laughs so loudly. "What's with that face? It really does it for you."
"Why are you still doing things your mom told you to do when you were ten? That's so adorable and sexy."
Yoongi's silent laughter always comes with his shoulders shaking. "It's the bare minimum."
"It's not. You obsessing over me after one kiss is going for the bare minimum."
Yoongi clenches his jaw before leaving his drink on the table. He sits with his legs spread and his elbows on his thighs. Jimin will have to order another cocktail soon. "I have a confession to make."
The word confession is enough to make Jimin anxious one more time.
"I didn't say it before and didn't want to because I thought it was unnecessary, but you've pushed me into a corner."
"What is it?"
"I wouldn't call it a frustrated crush, but I had a bit of a short-lived thing for you years ago. So a kiss from you was larger than you'd think."
The prudent words make it easier for Jimin to not react badly. He's just interested and slightly confused, if he's honest. "You had a thing for me?"
"Right after we met. It lasted like two months, and then I got over it."
"You didn't say anything to me! We barely talked."
"But you were cute and shy with me, then you'd insult Taehyung and make me laugh, and you were pretty sexy while dancing."
"You just said you didn't find me hot!"
"At that moment, I didn't know I wasn't your target audience. When I found out, you weren't that sexy anymore."
"What exactly happened?"
"The guys picked up on it, so they dared us to kiss one night we were drinking. I thought it was good, so I wanted to use that and ask you if you wanted to kiss again, but later that night, I found you crying over Taeyang in the kitchen with Seokjin."
Jimin tries not to flinch.
"I thought it was okay; those things happen when people drink, but then we got closer, and you'd constantly talk about him even when sober. You and he still texted too. I understood I had no chance, and I liked being your friend, so that was it."
"I haven't seen you like anything other than a friend in all these years. But of course, if you come up to me, looking beautiful, wanting to kiss me, twenty-one-year-old Yoongi couldn't allow me to refuse." A long pause. "I think the past made it easier for me to end up here."
At the lack of an answer, Yoongi's expression shifts. "Jimin, did I say something wrong?" Jimin shakes his head. "What happened?"
"It's nothing, hyung. Just- just thinking of everything he ruined for me."
The strain on Yoongi's face turns to worry. "Jimin, I'm sorry."
Words pour out of him as Jimin panics. "No, no, I'm sorry, hyung. You just said I always talked about him, which made you stop liking me, and now I'm talking about him again. On our first date! No one talks about exes on the first date; I told you I'm terrible at this."
"It's just startling to know such a good person had his eyes on me, and I was hung up on someone so mean to me. So silly," Jimin tries laughing.
Yoongi doesn't follow. "Hey." He doesn't say anything until Jimin looks up. "He won't get between us again, alright?"
They share an innocent kiss that night but nothing more. Surprisingly, Jimin isn't bothered. It was a good night, even without a kiss; Jimin enjoyed how Yoongi observed him as they discussed usually mundane topics that somehow became interesting during the date.
Even the brief mention of Taeyang can't rob Jimin of how giddy he is when Yoongi drops him off at his apartment. Jimin is pleased when Yoongi texts him before bed, saying he had fun and admitting he restrained himself from holding Jimin's hand with his the entire night.
Jimin replies, saying his hyung should just hold his hand next time if that's what he wants. Yoongi's last text says that he will.
There's no next time that soon, though. Unfortunately, Jimin is busy with classes and too tired to go out at night, but the texts don't stop.
Yoongi has always been a dry texter, but Jimin can see how he puts effort into replying, even if it's just an emoji. They tell each other about their days, and it would be all friendly if Jimin didn't send selfies lying in bed and Yoongi replied with a silly 'I'm so gay.'
When he finds himself giggling at his phone, Jimin recognizes a too-familiar feeling. His favorite rush when getting to know new people, the effortless flirting, the high from attention and interest. It always happens, but by now, Jimin knows that it always crumbles afterward.
He tries not to get too hooked up on those superficial feelings. He might feel drawn to Yoongi now, but it will subdue with time. However, it's hard to ignore the lightheadedness when Yoongi asks if he can pass by Jimin's job, claiming he's close by. Jimin knows it's bullshit.
He teases Yoongi about it and only gets flushed cheeks when the elder replies, "well, yes, I wasn't close by. I just want to see your pretty face."
Jimin meets Yoongi outside the library and laughs when he receives a hot chocolate and a sandwich. "What's all this, hyung?"
"There was a coffee shop on my way here."
Jimin decides not to tease him further, and when they sit on a bench, Jimin breaks the sandwich in half. He gives Yoongi the larger part. "Thank you for the food." The only response is a grunt. "I should do something for hyung too."
"You don't have to do anything, Jimin. Just keep sending selfies," Yoongi says.
He makes Jimin giggle before falling into a comfortable conversation. It's similar to when they were friends but also so different, especially when they share a few kisses before Yoongi has to go.
Maybe it's too soon after his previous break-up; maybe Jimin is making a mistake by letting the feel-good moments cloud his mind; perhaps he'll regret it when the time comes, and he can't like Yoongi more than a crush, but for now, he enjoys crushing on his handsome friend.
He's so lost in the praises, texts, and fleeting touches that he forgets how afraid he was of his friends finding out.
Taehyung rests on Jimin's bed, scrolling down his phone and side-eyeing the outfit Jimin is preparing for tonight's get-together at Seokjin's apartment.
"A skirt?" Taehyung asks absentmindedly. When Jimin ignores him, he glances up, locks his phone, and says, "it's just going to be the seven of us."
“Exactly,” Jimin mutters, putting a jacket over his first option and then searching for one that would fit the second option.
It’s a conversation that had to happen eventually. Taehyung didn’t say a word for too long, but now he sits up and searches for Jimin’s gaze. “You’re wearing a skirt for Yoongi?” Jimin keeps quiet. “Are you guys fucking? You’re wearing a skirt to fuck tonight?”
"It's Yoongi hyung!" Taehyung flails his arms around.
"And Yoongi hyung is a good fuck!" This is not how the conversation should have gone, but they're here now, and Jimin blurted it out.
"Disgusting! I don't want to know!" A long awkward pause. "Well, I do want to know."
"Not how good he is, but what's been happening between the two of you since you both said it was nothing," Taehyung specifies.
"We're seeing each other," Jimin looks away from Taehyung and opens his drawers. "figuring things out."
"Oh, I see." Jimin searches for anything.
He grabs black tights that he won't wear but to avoid Taehyung's gaze, he puts them on the mattress, pretending to consider adding them to his fit. He still flinches at Taehyung's question. "Do you like him?"
"A little," Jimin licks his lips. "Yes."
"You really do?"
Jimin doesn't like how Taehyung implies that he might be stinging Yoongi along; Jimin already feels like he's doing that. He'd appreciate it if his friend supported him instead of worsening his fears. "I like him the normal amount we have to like someone on the talking phase."
“We have fun together.”
Noticing his clenched jaw, Taehyung tries to use a different route. “Jimin, I know most people don’t have to know everything they feel before jumping into things. People discover feelings as they go, but Yoongi isn’t a random person. He’s your friend.”
“I know. Hyung and I have talked about it. We said we’d remain as friends if things don’t work.”
“Are they working?”
Jimin shrugs, not in the mood to talk anymore. He thinks they are, but a side of him reminds him that it won’t get better than this. “We’re at the nice part.”
“The nice part?”
“When everything is cute and smooth, you think your feelings are stronger than they are.” Jimin doesn't go into more detail. Taehyung knows exactly what he means.
“And what then? When things aren’t cute or smooth.”
“We’ll see then. Tight or loose?”
"Loose. It's easier to lift." A pause. "If you want to get fucked in it."
"Talking from experience, huh."
Taehyung rolls his eyes, admitting Jimin's teasing as a truce, but then he frowns. "I might be annoying, but it's because I worry about you."
"I know, baby."
"Yoongi is also my friend, and I worry about him. And if I were talking to him about you, I'd probably also question his intentions with you and your well-being. I want you two to be happy, and I sincerely hope things work out for you."
Jimin stares at his best friend. "Me too."
The skirt is a failure. There's no other way to describe it.
Yoongi barely glances at Jimin while they're at Seokjin's apartment. The last time they were here, they had sex on the floor, but tonight, Yoongi only said Jimin looked pretty upon arrival, and then that was it.
He's waiting for Yoongi to change seats and touch his thigh, for Yoongi to follow him to the kitchen when Jimin stands up to bring something to eat. He was expecting Yoongi to grab him while nobody is watching and do something when Jimin walks past him, but Yoongi doesn't.
He's too busy talking to Seokjin, and Jimin doesn't get it.
For the rest of the night, he mimics his hyung and ignores him; he doesn't go after him when Yoongi disappears to the kitchen. He sits on the floor with Hoseok and Taehyung and plays a card game and drinks.
Pettiness has always come easily to Jimin. With such an awful boyfriend during high school, Jimin mastered being petty and resentful. It was their game.
But everyone he dated after Taeyang, has been head-over-heels about him, so he rarely found himself in a situation like this.
The last couple of weeks made Jimin believe Yoongi was in the palm of his hand, dropping anything to get close to Jimin but now he's dismissing him. Taeyang used to do that, and Jimin doesn't like it now.
Around the fourth time Yoongi leaves for the kitchen, Jimin stands up.
He thinks he hears Namjoon saying, "not the kitchen." But he pays it no mind.
Jimin doesn't greet Yoongi and doesn't even know if Yoongi's eyes are on him. He simply opens a cabinet with force in search of napkins; he bends, giving Yoongi a chance to redeem himself.
Yoongi doesn't come from behind or grab his thighs under the skirt; he waits until Jimin finds the napkins and meets him with a smile. "Hey, do you want a drink too?"
That's not what Jimin wants. "No, thank you."
"Wait, don't go. Stay with me until I finish preparing these."
Jimin presses himself to the counter and ogles Yoongi's arms flexing as he pours the drinks only for a moment. Then, he looks at the door. Maybe Yoongi is testing his patience and will cage him, kiss him, and get his hand under Jimin's skirt once he finishes.
"Can you help me with these? I'm a bit dizzy, and I'll probably spill some on Seokjin's carpet."
"Not the worse you've done there," Jimin says but doesn't wait for Yoongi to reply, grabbing the drinks and heading outside. He bends again to leave them on the coffee table.
Yoongi walks past him as if Jimin hadn't just shown him a flash of skin. And then he's back to talking with the house owners, and Jimin is back to playing cards.
But in a minute, Jimin's phone screen lights up with a text from Yoongi. While locked, Jimin can't read the content.
He ignores it.
"We should play something else," Jimin tries. "Something more fun."
"We've already played every game there is," Jungkook sighs. The problem with being friends for so long. "Baby, you remember that game we did with the girls last time we saw them? At Sumin's?"
Taehyung and Jungkook try to devise the drinking game's rules from memory, and Jimin pretends to pay attention while his screen lights up again with another text from Yoongi.
He glances at it after the third message. —What's wrong? —Are you ignoring me? —What happened?
Pleased by Yoongi's attention, Jimin types a fast — u r ignoring me
He catches the moment Yoongi frowns at his screen, and reads his next text as soon as he sends it. — No, I'm not. You're impossible to ignore tonight.
Jimin doesn't answer, just leaves his phone face down.
But the device buzzes, and Yoongi is watching him, waiting for him to check it. He's not shrugging or neglecting Jimin after the failed texts.
A part of Jimin hopes to find Yoongi scolding him on the screen when he unlocks it, but instead, there's a simple — Let's talk outside.
Jimin meets his gaze and holds it for a long moment before Yoong gets on his feet with languid movements. "I'm going to the store. Anyone wants something?"
He glances at Jimin, and in his bored eyes, it's certain that he's not playing along. "I'll come with you," Jimin mumbles.
The tension in the room is palpable, but Jimin overlooks it as he follows Yoongi outside the apartment. Jimin hadn't noticed it, but Yoongi brought his jacket; he doesn't put it on but hands it to Jimin. "It's cold, and you're half-naked."
"I'm not half-naked."
They remain silent as they reach the elevator, but Yoongi walks past it and opens the staircase door. "Let's talk here. I don't have anything to buy." Jimin snorts a little. "And you're half-naked."
"I'm not!" Jimin bites, pulling at the long sleeves from Yoongi's hoodie.
"You look good, but I want to focus on this conversation and not on potential people checking you out on the street," Yoongi sighs and sits on the staircase, arms stretching over his knees. The place is dark, and Jimin plops close to Yoongi, their sides brushing.
"That you're jealous of imaginary people," Jimin nudges Yoongi's side.
The dry chuckle echoing in the staircase is enough to create a calmer atmosphere between them, but Jimin still winces when Yoongi faces him, black hair falling on his forehead. "So what was that?"
"You used a tone I didn't like when you commented about the carpet. And then you ignored my texts, claimed you weren't doing it, only to do it again," Yoongi's voice isn't soft, nor is his gaze or his clenched jaw. But he's not angry. "Can you explain what that was?
Jimin shrugs, unsure what to say. Now that he has Yoongi's attention, he doesn't want to ruin it with the wrong answer. "I was doing the same you were doing."
"What was I doing?"
"Ignoring me! You've ignored me since I arrived, and I even dressed up for you, hyung."
When Yoongi bonks his head to Jimin's and holds his hand, Jimin is confused by their conversation. "Calling you pretty wasn't enough?" A pouty Jimin shakes his head. "You need more than that?" He nods. "I'm sorry. Next time, hyung will say more."
Jimin meets Yoongi's eyes.
There's no mischievous glint in them; he doesn't snicker, mocking Jimin. It looks like he genuinely means what he says. "Why are you apologizing, hyung? I'm the one that—"
Yoongi tilts his head, smiling. "Ah, so you know you've been bad."
"Are you sorry?"
It's not enough with a nod. "I'm sorry I ignored your texts and got mad at you."
This time, Yoongi frowns. "That's not the problem. I mean, I'm glad you're apologizing for the texts. I really didn't like that." He doesn't raise his voice to scold Jimin. "But about getting mad?"
"You don't need to apologize for that. You were mad that I didn't do enough; I get that. I'd prefer you apologize for not telling me you were mad."
"Hyung does more than enough," Jimin tries to assure him.
But Yoongi just chuckles. "Thank you, but you follow what I'm saying?"
It's not hard to follow, but Jimin still feels silly when he says, "I'm sorry I slammed the kitchen cabinet, made a snarky comment about you, and ignored your texts instead of telling you I was mad?"
He gets a soft peck for his attempt. "Fine, I accept your apology."
The expectations Jimin had for this conversation were so different from what just happened that he can only giggle. "You're so easy, hyung! You're going to accept my apology just like that?"
"Yes. What should I do if not? Yell and make you beg for forgiveness?"
"Not exactly," Jimin whispers, remembering begging for forgiveness after doing similar things. "At least put on a fight. You just accepted my apology without making sure I won't do it again."
"If you behave like this again, that's on you, not on me," Yoongi answers quickly.
"You already know I don't like it. So if you do it again, I'll understand you do it because you don't want me to stick around."
Yoongi mentions ending things so casually, not as a threat but as a possibility, giving Jimin responsibility. It scares Jimin more than he predicted.
"I don't want to end things with hyung," Jimin hurries to say, squeezing Yoongi's hand.
"Thank you for the reminder," Yoongi chuckles before Jimin is pressing their lips together. "You could say it more often."
"I don't want to end things with you," Jimin repeats. "I like you."
Feeling Yoongi smile against his lips and putting a strand of hair behind Jimin's ear might be the best reward after a failed night. "I like you too, Jimin. I like you a lot. And it's been very fast, so I'm a bit scared but that's not what we were talking about... "
Flattered and overwhelmed, Jimin pecks Yoongi on the lips.
"We were discussing—" another peck. "That you won't behave like this again—" one more soft kiss against his pink lips. "And I'll compliment you more." Yoongi cranes his neck for the fourth kiss, escaping Jimin's attack.
It's not rejection when his cheeks are flushed, and he's feigning a complaint. "Yah! Jimin ah, let hyung speak."
"Okay." The giddiness from texting until late at night returns stronger than ever, and Jimin might not be able to control it anymore.
"If you're upset, you say it."
"No games. I know hyung is the funniest in the world, and you and the little ones enjoy making fun of me, and I've always let you, but I'm not talking as your friend anymore. We're figuring ourselves out, and I've figured I'm not too fond of those kinds of games. Okay, Jimin?"
Jimin is unsure how to reply. He appreciates Yoongi's effort and tries to express himself in return. "I get it, hyung, I really do. But maybe I'll behave like this again, and it's not because I don't want you or care for you, but it's just how I react, and I don't control it."
"What are you trying to say?"
Jimin huffs, knowing he's making no sense. He doesn't even make sense in his head, but he doesn't give up; if someone can understand, it might be Yoongi. "It's instinctive of me to shut down and ignore and be snarky. It's easier to me."
When Yoongi keeps quiet, Jimin grows uncomfortable. "You know Taeyang—"
"I know Taeyang," Yoongi whispers. Jimin doesn't need to detail his long relationship; Yoongi was there during the last years. "I think I understand what you're trying to say."
Jimin sighs in relief.
"That's also why hyung tried to be comprehensive tonight," he whispers. "But warning me that it might occur doesn't give you a free card to pull if it happens again. This isn't forewarned is forearmed. If we know it might happen again, more reason to try to avoid it."
Yoongi needs a second more to gather his thoughts before facing Jimin. "I know what I'm getting into with you, Jimin. I know what kind of relationship you had and how it affected you. I think you're remarkable for going past that; I don't know if I would be as strong."
"I admire how you grew around it." He doesn't give Jimin time to accept the compliment. "I've never had an experience like yours, so I don't want to come as insensitive when I say that the only thing I ask from you is to put in a little more work into burying that past. For us."
Yoongi rubs his nose, showing how nervous he is. "Who am I to ask that of you? You've already put in so much work to get out of the relationship and leave behind that crying kid I met, but— he's not the standard you should have for us. I'm someone new."
"I know, hyung."
A surge of affection for the man hits Jimin. "You couldn't be insensitive even if you tried. I understand what you mean. It's like I've already known you like a friend, and now I'm getting to know you as something more. It's never late for me to unlearn and learn again."
Before kissing Jimin, Yoongi's smile is wide, gummy, almost childlike. "You're so smart; I couldn't have said that better."
"Hyung is much smarter than me," Jimin laughs. "You understand me better than I understand myself."
Yoongi's disagreeing hum is sexier than it should be.
Jimin melts into their next kiss, grabbing the collar of Yoongi's shirt and pulling him closer. He licks inside Yoongi's mouth when a hand trails from his knee to his thigh, squeezing the flesh. "I wasn't ignoring you on purpose," Yoongi tries.
"You've been touchy lately."
"In front of everyone, too. So I wished the same today or more since I got prettier than usual for you."
"And you are so pretty," Yoongi's whisper sends shivers down Jimin's spine. "But Namjoon can look past one incident in his house. Not two. And we did say no sex for a while."
"To prove a point that has been already established. I was very bad earlier, but you don't hate me. I like you. We can surely say this isn't just horniness. And we're not inside Namjoon's apartment anymore. "
The response comes as a dry chuckle against Jimin's neck.
"Are you sure this isn't horniness?" Finally, with Yoongi's hand under it, the loose fabric from Jimin's plaid skirt comes in conveniently. We're on a stairwell."
"Are we ever going to have sex in a bed like normal people?"
Jimin laughs. "Take me home, then."
They lock gazes. "We can't ditch our friends, though. Can you wait, or do you want me to blow you?"
He plays with the skirt when asking, and it should be attractive to hear Yoongi offer that, but it doesn't affect Jimin. "I can't wait. But I want to blow you."
Yoongi doesn't question him, and Jimin is glad.
When they return, Jimin wonders how long he should wait before rinsing his mouth without making it suspicious. But as soon as Namjoon asks a sarcastic, "so what did you guys get from the store?" Jimin bee-lines to the bathroom.
When Jimin returns, he doesn't get a single side-eye. Not even when he plops next to Yoongi on the couch, and Yoongi throws his arm around the couch's backrest behind Jimin.
He smiles to himself, thinking of Yoongi ordering his friends to move and leave a spot for Jimin.
That night, Taehyung doesn't stop Jimin from leaving with Yoongi, as he had done at the bar weeks ago. When he and Jungkook are saying goodbye, Taehyung only gives Jimin a look that warns him of a future conversation.
No one else asks a question or brings up the topic.
Jimin is grateful that their friends don't request justifications. He wouldn't know what to say if they did, and he wants to reach somewhere with Yoongi before trying to explain to anyone about them.
But, even if it was promised, they don't reach anything at Yoongi's apartment.
Yoongi doesn't push him against the door as soon as they enter, doesn't drag him to bed to have his way with him. He yawns. Jimin can't believe it.
Before he can be snarky, he takes a deep breath. They just had an important conversation and Jimin should respect that.
He's been in Yoongi's apartment a few times; it's small, and if Jimin stays by the entrance, he can watch Yoongi pouring himself a glass of water in the kitchen. He tries to speak his mind even if it's embarrassing.
"So," he starts. "I thought I was coming here for something."
Yoongi frowns. "Do you want a cup of tea? I think I'm going to make one for me."
Jimin opens and closes his mouth. "Something, hyung. Why are we having a tea party after midnight?"
"Something? Sex?" Jimin nods. "Well, we just got here. Can we sit down for a minute?"
Jimin throws his hands in the air before turning around and searching for his jacket on the wall hanger. It takes seconds for Yoongi to reach him, touching his arms and coaxing him closer. "Wait, wait, why are you leaving?"
"I don't get it. Don't you want me?"
"Of course I do!"
"I think I've been obvious with my attraction." Yoongi manages to take Jimin's hands away from the jacket by holding them on his own.
"Is it the skirt, then? Are you not into that?"
"I like the skirt. You look beautiful."
"So why's a cup of tea more interesting than me?"
"It's not more interesting than you. It's—" Yoongi glances at the kitchen. "It's tea, so we can sit down for a minute to talk and be together. I don't get it either. Do you expect me to just grab you as soon as we enter here?"
"Yes. Why do you ask that as if it's something bad?"
"It's not bad," Yoongi speaks carefully. Jimin can see in his eyes that he's mindful of his words. "I'm glad you told me you had a different expectation of how this was supposed to go. Thank you."
It's sweet, but Jimin doesn't want sweet words right now. "Why don't you grab me?"
"This has happened all night. I understand you didn't want to make the guys uncomfortable earlier, so you didn't touch me even if I flaunted myself at you all night." Yoongi gulps. "But now it's just the two of us, and I'm starting to feel confused and a bit stupid."
"I don't want to be asking and begging for sex when you don't want it at all."
"I want it." Jimin rolls his eyes just before Yoongi gives up explaining with words. He steps closer, caging Jimin against the wall and smashing their lips together. "Okay? I want it," he repeats.
Yoongi cups Jimin's face with one hand, wrecking any chance of Jimin shunning away from his gaze. "But we're not friends-with-benefits. We're not just hooking up. I want to spend time with you."
"You should have said so instead of telling me we'd be doing it tonight."
Yoongi laughs lowly just as he squeezes Jimin's middle, keeping him in place and ensuring he doesn't escape in the next few seconds. "But I was planning on having sex with you later. I just wanted to talk for a while before getting to it. Not anymore, though."
"I don't think we should," Yoongi says.
Jimin wants to disappear. He's done embarrassing things all his life, but this might be one of the worst. Acting needy, shameless, and sleazily through the night, only for Yoongi to reject him.
"Jimin, I think we should talk some more."
He'd rather hide in his bed for the following days. Jimin wiggles, easily fleeing from Yoongi's arms since the elder doesn't put up a fight and lets Jimin do as he wishes. But he sighs. "Don't go, please. Stay and talk to me." A pause. "Can you do that for hyung? That one favor?"
His pleading words and big round eyes earn him a strong push. "You're so manipulative! Using that voice and looking at me like that!"
Yoongi's characteristic smirk returns when he notices Jimin has stopped wiggling. "Is it working?"
"Of course, it's working! You're evil!"
Yoongi leans in for a deep kiss, leaving Jimin breathless. "And you're so handsome. You shouldn't doubt how much I want to bend you over any surface close to us, Seokjin's coffee table or my bed." Those are the compliments Jimin likes. "I'm sorry my actions made you doubt that."
Yoongi shrugs as if his comment is unimportant. "I wanted to do things differently from before. I suppose I'm scared we'll go back to how this started or that once the lust wears off, you won't want me anymore. Since you blew me earlier, I thought we'd take it slower here."
"I should have said so before we entered the apartment, though. I wanted to do things my way without considering your expectations. I'm sorry." Jimin blinks at him a few times, surprised by Yoongi's calm expression of his fears. "See? I'm also learning."
The peck on his lips makes Jimin's pout go away, but no kiss will make him less embarrassed about throwing himself at Yoongi for nothing. Either way, he can't bring himself to say no when Yoongi presses their foreheads together. "Can you have a cup of tea with me now?"
By the time the tea is lukewarm on the floor next to the couch, they haven't moved to the bed. The conversation keeps going, and it's easy for Jimin to ignore the voice in his head asking about sex when Yoongi is petting his head and touching his ear and neck while talking.
Jimin throws both his legs over Yoongi's lap and covers Jimin's knee with his hand. It's so different from their usual move: the friendly one at the restaurant or the flirty one at the bowling alley.
"How do you expect me to know you want me if you're so collected?"
They've been debating for a while now, going in circles, but it's fun to see Yoongi grow frustrated. "I'm not collected. Are you forgetting the part of the night where we had intercourse in a stairwell that poor neighbors could be using?"
Jimin snorts. "But it feels nice when someone wants you so bad they can't get your hands off you. And you're not like that."
"I am like that! At the bowling alley, for example. But I'm an adult too. I can control my urges." Silence falls between them. "Even teenagers can."
"Yoongi." The firm grip that Yoongi has on Jimin's knees makes it impossible for him to Take off his legs from Yoongi's lap.
"Teenagers should; just because they're young doesn't mean they can't differentiate right from wrong. Using someone for sex is wrong."
"Making someone think one can't control their urges is wrong too. Or neglecting someone from the quality time before and after sex under the pretense that they desire you a lot is also wrong."
Yoongi's words sink, and they also hurt. "Can we not talk about him?"
Jimin pushes himself into a sitting position, and Yoongi raises an eyebrow at the display of core strength. The memory is locked in Jimin's brain for future teasing, but for now, he only wants to plop on Yoongi's body and ask for cuddles, which Yoongi gives enthusiastically.
They talk for an hour more, and then they're too drowsy to do anything that isn't moving to the bed to sleep. Their familiarity erases any first-time awkwardness.
It's only possible for Jimin not to dwell on his past and how it influenced his actions today when Yoongi hugs him.
Sleeping side by side under the same blanket, sharing clothes, giggling when a position is awkward, and settling for Yoongi's head resting on his chest, in the end, is not what Jimin had wanted for this night, but he doesn't hate it.
In fact, he likes it a lot.
When Jimin wakes up, Yoongi isn't in bed with him. Faint sounds come from the kitchen, meaning he's making breakfast, which is the most Yoongi thing to do: wake up early and prepare food for his date.
Jimin isn't such a morning person, but for Yoongi he makes himself stand.
"You're up," Yoongi's voice is particularly gruff in the morning. Combined with the white shirt sticking to his back and the mug of coffee in his hand, it's not good for Jimin's weak heart.
"Good morning, hyung," Jimin sits on a high stool and sways his bare feet.
There's a calm atmosphere between them, different from last night, resulting from their tangled arms and the warm sunlight painting the room. "What do you want to eat? I'll make anything you want." Yoongi supports himself on the counter while glancing down at Jimin.
While the offer is charming, Jimin doesn't want to risk eating something that will mess with his stomach. "Just coffee and an apple... Do you have oats? I could have oats."
Yoongi isn't having any of that. "I thought you could cheat on your diet during the weekends."
"I can. But I rather play safe in case something happens later." Yoongi squints his eyes, and Jimin feels embarrassed to say it aloud, especially after how needy he was last night. "Don't look at me like that! You know what I mean! You're also gay."
Finally, Yoongi snorts.
"Right. A bottom-friendly breakfast, then." Jimin has to roll his eyes at that. "Lots of fibers for you."
"God, shut up." This is the less sexy conversation Jimin has had in his life, and he refuses to say one word more, but he sees that Yoongi has chia seeds in his cabinet.
"Can I have a spoon of chia seeds instead of oats?"
"I was going to offer them either way; what kind of chef do you think I am? It's part of the menu." Yoongi grabs the packet and slams it on the counter.
"The menu," Jimin laughs. "Do you do it often?"
"For my guests."
"I'm jealous now." Yoongi doesn't question Jimin, but a raised eyebrow is enough prompting for Jimin to explain. "I thought I was getting special treatment, but it's just the house's specialty."
Yoongi snickers before sliding a cup of coffee across the counter for Jimin.
"You get special treatment, Jimin ah, don't doubt that."
"Hyung, please. You have chia seeds for your hook-ups."
"Sometimes it's for me." In the form of a knee reaction, Jimin scrunches his nose, and the action doesn't go unnoticed by Yoongi. "You don't like that?"
"You made a gesture just now."
Jimin is embarrassed around Yoongi one more time; he hadn't realized he had shown his displeasure so blatantly. "No, it was nothing. I'm okay with whatever you're implying there."
"Mmh." A pause. "We can talk about it if you want."
"More talking?" Jimin plops on the counter to show how tired he is. "That's all we've been doing since yesterday."
"I'm sorry for wanting to know with exactitude and detail what you like and expect in the bedroom." This time, the apology is mischievous. "It's research."
At least they've stopped talking in code and subtext; they're getting somewhere. But Jimin wants more. "Well, desk research can get a little boring. Practice-research is better."
"Without theory, there's no practice."
"I feel like you're punishing me."
"Don't you like that?"
It still might not be as direct as Jimin would want, but the back and forth is doing it for him. "Punishment? I do like it. Physical punishment more than others."
Yoongi drops what he's doing to lean over the counter, resting on his forearms. "That wasn't hard to tell."
Jimin bites his lower lip. "Do you only like being on the receiving end of it, or do you like to give?"
"I prefer being on the receiving end. I can try to be dominant, but it's not my thing." A pause where they stare at each other. "Hyung looks disappointed."
"I could tell you preferred the receiving end. But you were bratty before, so I thought perhaps you liked being a little mean sometimes."
Jimin tilts his head. "You thought, or you wanted?" Yoongi shrugs. "Hyung wants me to be mean to him?"
"I- I could get behind that."
The pink shade on Yoongi's cheeks makes Jimin appreciate desk research a bit more. "Mean how? I want hyung to be mean to me too, but I think it's a bit different."
"Yeah, I don't want to be punished. Definitely not physically- unless it is being smothered, which I'd like."
"You still owe me from the bowling alley and the staircase. Do you want to practice research?"
Jimin is glad their previous tension is returning. While he understands Yoongi's slow approach and appreciates how much the elder wants them to work, Jimin wants the passion.
but he encounters disappointment.
it's not yg's fault. yg is great. after jm undresses, yg says he has a change of heart and decides to take jm on his hands and knees. he makes jm come once on his tongue and another on his cock. he's great, but it's disappointing.
He's not as rough as Jimin wanted him to be compared to the last two times. During it, even though it feels good, there's no thrill of doing something wrong, like their first kiss or the time at the bowling and Namjoon's home. There's no thrill of knowing someone could find them.
yg is attentive and present. when jm asks him to spank him, he does. but not like jm wants, not accompanied by the words jm wants to hear, and when jm stops asking for it, he quits it. jm doesn't want to ask again. yg is hitting all the right spots, so jm forgets about it.
He ignores the disappointment during it since Yoongi is kissing his neck and calling him 'good,' but his release isn't as strong as he'd thought it would be after their last hook-ups.
He can't continue to forget the disappointment once it's over, and he rests in Yoongi's bed.
Yoongi is gone only for a minute, searching for a towel, but during the one moment when he isn't looking, Jimin allows himself to worry.
He thought he and Yoongi were a good match sexually, but yesterday's disagreement and today's sex prove him wrong. What will he do now?
He thinks of what he'll tell Taehyung.
— I spent the weekend with Yoongi. I realized I like him a lot the first night, but the next day sex was boring. Should I end things with him or accept having boring sex?—
He'll sound ridiculous, and Taehyung will smack his head.
Maybe he can omit the part about recognizing his growing feelings for Yoongi. It's not that important either way.
"I'm sorry I took so long; towels were in the washing machine. I didn't expect any visits."
His soft voice makes Jimin want to hide, but there's nowhere to do it.
Yoongi sits on the edge of the bed, close to Jimin, wearing only boxers and an oversized white shirt. "Do you want to do it, or do you want me to do it?"
Jimin takes the towel from his hand. "I can do it."
He ignores the disappointment in Yoongi's eyes. Maybe he's imagining it.
While Jimin rubs his skin, Yoongi doesn't stop watching him, making the cloud of thoughts in his head gloomier. "Did you have fun?" Yoongi asks.
"Yes," Jimin doesn't want to displease Yoongi even more. Plus, he did have fun; it was good, just not as good as before.
He knows Yoongi didn't pick on anything wrong during it because Jimin was loud and responsive, but Jimin can see the wheels in his head turning now. "I noticed last time we had sex; this time, too, you get awkward after it. Like... you don't want to touch that much."
"Is that a thing that happens often?"
"Yes, I get stuffy. Like... that's enough touching. We've touched plenty for so long, so why more?"
Jimin can't pinpoint the feeling behind Yoongi's gaze. He's not sad, confused, or judging. He's just watching until he sighs, "that sucks."
His chuckle just as his gaze is emotionless. "It makes me feel a bit unwanted. Yesterday, you thought I didn't want you because I didn't jump on you and grab you; now I feel like you don't want me because you get satiated by my affection? I don't know."
Jimin isn't happy.
Such gloom isn't something he's never seen in Yoongi, and Jimin doesn't want to see it again. In less than a second, he moves closer to Yoongi to comfort him, touching his back. "But I do want you, hyung."
"To kiss and have sex like a hook-up. To talk all night like friends."
Yoongi shakes his head as if regretting his words. "We cuddled in bed yesterday, so maybe I'm asking for too much. Is it too much too soon? I don't want to be overwhelming- more than I've already been this weekend." There's doubt in how he plays with his fingers over his lap.
"It just feels very odd, and I wish it wouldn't happen again. I thought back at Namjoon's, it had to do with leaving fast to not get caught, but now it happened again. Maybe it's something I do that makes you want t pull away?" He scrunches his nose, trying to communicate.
"It's not something you do," Jimin tries. "I'm always like this. I've been this way with everyone I've dated."
"But I don't want to be everyone you've dated, Jimin." A sound falls out of Jimin's open mouth but doesn't string into a word. Yoongi cringes. "Said too much again?"
The opposite of that. Without knowing, Yoongi said what Jimin needed to hear in response to his panic earlier. He wants Yoongi; he won't run away after one less-fulfilling encounter. Yoongi won't be like the rest. "No. It's okay." A pause. "I don't know why I'm like this, hyung.
Maybe he knows, but he never wants to say it aloud.
Jimin takes a deep breath. "Yesterday, you mentioned Taeyang and how teenagers know how to differentiate right and wrong, and I asked not to talk about him, but I think I have to talk about him now." Yoongi nods.
"Since we weren't dating in public, we'd meet at his place. And at first, we'd kiss or watch movies, but then we started touching each other. He started touching me and asking for sex, and I really liked him, but I was scared, so I said just oral."
Yoongi clenches his jaw.
As Jimin's friend, he knows bits and bits of this story but not all the details. "And that went on for a while, months- but he wondered when we'd do something else, and I kept pushing it, and that's when our dates-" If they can be called dates. "Started getting shorter."
"I'd go over and suck him without even watching a movie, and then he'd tell me I had to go before his parents arrived, and I would leave. And I know it's been years, and you're not him; no one I've dated is him, but I always get this same feeling I had when I'd walk back home."
"You said teenagers know between right and wrong, but I also think it's hard for someone at sixteen to process the complexity of feeling used. Especially by someone you love so much." Jimin shakes his body, trying to get the feeling off him. "I try to avoid getting that feeling."
"It happens after, so I guess I disconnect from the situation. I'm not making sense, am I?"
"You make a lot of sense."
"No, I'm trying to justify myself from being an asshole. I've been told I'm an asshole for leaving quickly afterward. You just told me it makes you feel bad."
Suddenly, Jimin feels so sick he has to cover his face. "Oh, God. I'm just like him."
"You're not like him. Jimin, come on."
"Yes, I am. Yesterday, you wanted to talk, and I didn't. And now I get distant after we do it, just like he did every time. I'm so sorry, hyung."
Yoongi holds Jimin's wrists. "Jimin, now you're making no sense. There's no comparison, okay? There is no comparison between your issues and someone who took advantage of you and betrayed your trust. You're not hurting me on purpose, are you?"
"You're not like him."
"Don't say that nonsense again."
Jimin's head is filled with past memories, but now he knows there's a solution to make it all go away. Jimin pulls Yoongi into a hug. "I'm going to try."
"To not say that nonsense again?" He gets a squeeze on his waist, playful and reassuring.
"To not escape and disconnect."
His answer catches Yoongi off guard, who simply holds Jimin's body tighter.
The weekend was exhausting, and after it, Jimin finds himself thinking of someone who had disappeared from his thoughts years ago. Putting into words that the discomfort after sex is related to his high school years has Jimin returning to memories he thought he had forgotten.
He and Yoongi continue to text, and that's the brightest aspect of Jimin's days. When he's at campus, pretending everything is right, seeing texts from the elder waiting for him on his lockscreen, it's enough to bring a smile to his face.
He's sure everyone knows he has a crush.
While working on a class project, he gets caught -more than once- staring at his phone and re-reading messages. He apologizes, but it only makes his younger classmates giggle.
They might think it's a crush, but Jimin knows that is more than that by now. He likes Yoongi a lot.
He likes him so much he hasn't dwelled on their weird sex much. Jimin calls it strange because it wasn't dissatisfying, but it could have been better. He knows he'll have to talk to Yoongi about it, but for now, he avoids talking about sex, and Yoongi seems to be doing the same.
Yoongi wanted it that way when they started figuring things out, and now Jimin can commit to it. It has to do with not wanting to bring the disappointment up, but there's a positive side to everything.
Jimin discovers he and Yoongi have a lot to talk about that isn't sex.
And Jimin understands what the elder meant when he said he wanted to stay away from friends-with-benefits or hookups. The day Jimin recognizes their new status is on a Wednesday with no 'good morning' message from Yoongi.
Jimin pouts at his phone every time he glances at it.
Before midday, he sends many crying emojis, wondering where's his hyung.
He has to start his shift at the library without an answer, and he only receives a sad face after two hours. "I was at a client's house and ran out of battery. Just got home a moment ago. How are you?"
Without giving it much thought, Jimin writes his feelings. "I missed you."
He only realizes what he sent when he receives an answer. "I missed you too." And his heart starts beating fast when he gets another text. "Do you want me to pick you up from work? Walk you to class?"
"Yes. I want to see you."
Jimin wants to see him too, and when he finds him outside the library, Jimin doesn't stop himself from greeting him with a hug. Yoongi lets out a surprised huff before wrapping his arms around Jimin. They stay like that for a minute.
The embrace ends only after Yoongi leaves a kiss on the side of Jimin's head. One of those small characteristic gestures from him. "You look cute today."
Jimin is wearing an oversized blue hoodie, grey sweatpants, and reading glasses. "I didn't comb my hair today."
Jimin glances at Yoongi before hugging him again, breathing in his cologne and touching the soft fabric of his striped shirt. "You look handsome. Did you dress up for your client?"
"Would you be jealous if I said yes?"
"I had to be a bit fancy for the meeting."
Their hug can't be that long, or Jimin won't make it to class, but it's difficult to detach himself from Yoongi's arms. "Is your client a hot man?"
"Several old rich men that wear suits."
"So you didn't send a good morning text because you were seducing other men?"
Jimin searches for Yoongi's hand and opts not to tease the elder about how his entire body tenses at the touch. "I thought we were exclusive, hyung."
Even with clasped hands, they still don't move. "We were figuring out if we wanted to be exclusive. Do you want it?"
There are still a few doubts lingering in Jimin's mind, pending conversations and discussions, but the idea of Yoongi and someone else annoys him more than anything. "Yes. What does that mean for us? We're going out now?"
"Going out sounds good." Yoongi smiles shyly.
Jimin starts his path toward class, but Yoongi stops him with a hand on his shoulder. "Let hyung carry your bag."
"It's not heavy."
Yoongi grabs it nonetheless. "But you carry it all day long. While I'm with you, I'll do it." Another Yoongi gesture to tug at Jimin's heart.
"I'm already getting perks from going out with you, huh?" Jimin tilts his head to enjoy the pink on Yoongi's cheeks.
"And this is just a small perk. There's more than this."
Jimin searches for Yoongi's hand and isn't afraid to say, "can't wait to experience it all."
i'm going to try to update later today or on monday. i hope you've been liking the story, and i'd love to know what you think of it so far, especially the latest updates. here's the start of the thread for everyone asking : twitter.com/minjiiminie/st…
the actions and words of a cruel first lover shaped jimin’s perception of love. years later, he’s unable to escape his past, but after a series of failed relationships and connections, his friend yoongi takes on the challenge of mending jimin’s relationship with love
Dating Yoongi, as expected, is lovely.
The fear of going further, ruining the friendship, and failing, as has happened with other partners, becomes a distant memory for Jimin. Now, when he's with Yoongi, he only focuses on the elder and how happy he makes him feel.
For the following weeks, Jimin and Yoongi live in their own world. They're busy with dates at underground concerts, cute coffee shops, and simpler dates, holding hands while Yoongi does groceries and then going to his apartment to prepare dinner together -watch Yoongi cook-.
It's during one of those dates that, after a glass of wine, a soft kiss on Jimin's cheek while watching a movie turns into a desperate make-out session. It's been a while since they last had sex in this same apartment, and Jimin can't pretend it hasn't been bothering him.
While distracted with dates and knowing Yoongi under a different light, a weak voice in his head reminds Jimin of their last intimate moment together and warns him that the ones coming after could be like that again and not like their initial contact. Not suitable for Jimin.
He has tried to ignore that doubt. Yoongi isn't like other people Jimin has dated, the elder doesn't want to be, and Jimin doesn't want him to be. One boring experience isn't enough to throw everything away, but Jimin fears it could become more than one boring experience.
The suspicion worsens when Yoongi pulls away and presses his forehead to Jimin's. "Now, I'll have to go back a few scenes to understand what's happening."
Jimin doesn't follow Yoongi's gaze to the laptop; he's focusing on Yoongi only. "Or we could skip the movie. If you want."
"I'd like that," Yoongi admits before eyeing Jimin up and down. They're lying on his bed, bodies pressed together, meaning there's not much to ogle at, but Yoongi's gaze is still hungry. "I'd like that a lot."
"But— would you believe me if I said I'm a bit afraid of it?"
The confession makes Jimin giggle, playing with Yoongi's black hoodie and tilting his head. "You're afraid?" Jimin thought only he was scared.
"Yeah. I don't want something like last time to happen again." The same fear as Jimin but so different. "The rejection I felt."
"After the things you told me that day about Taeyang, I don't think you'll be able to change how you react after sex so quickly. And while, eventually, it has to happen because we both want it, for now, I'm afraid I'll only get sad again when intimacy should feel good."
"If you pull away from me and don't let me touch you again, my heart might break." Yoongi combs Jimin's hair and chuckles at the end to make his words less severe, but they pain Jimin.
"I won't do that," Jimin promises. "I'll stay close to you."
"You don't know that."
"I do!" To prove his point, Jimin circles his arms around Yoongi, buries his face against Yoongi's neck, and only smiles when he feels Yoongi's hand settle on his waist. But Yoongi only hums, not convinced. "You don't trust me?" Jimin asks.
"It's not that, gorgeous."
"It might come off as cold, but I'm just guarding my heart."
Jimin can't argue with that. Hearing Yoongi calls him pretty names helps to put him at ease but also he understands Yoongi's stance. Yoongi knows himself better than anyone else and knows when to draw a line.
He has always asked Jimin if he could cross Jimin's lines before doing so. This time, Jimin doesn't push it. "So what now? We won't have sex at all, never?"
The bratty edgy in Jimin's voice gets a snort in return. "What do you think I am? I can't resist you that long."
Hearing Yoongi mention his attraction for Jimin encourages him to make an offer. "We don't have to go all the way. I could blow you. I think the emotional connection from oral sex is lesser than being inside... and I'll hug you tight afterward. I promise."
And Jimin runs out of breath as Yoongi flips him onto his back and hovers over him. "Or I could blow you. I really want to do it, but we haven't had the chance." The scrunch of Jimin's nose is involuntary but not unnoticed. "You don't like that?"
"Not that much."
"You didn't want me to do it when we were at the staircase."
Yoongi looks concerned, and their relationship has evolved into one where Jimin feels okay sharing everything. "Well, I feel like it gives me too much power; I don't like it."
"A blowjob gives you too much power?"
"Yes! You go on your knees or just down in general for me, and I have to fuck your mouth and keep you in place." Jimin shudders. "And whenever I've gotten blowjobs, I don't know what to do with my body. I stand there spacing out."
"You were getting terrible head, I suppose."
Considering how cocky Yoongi is about his own abilities, it's a funny comment. "No, hyung! It wasn't that."
Yoongi squints his eyes, distrusting. "You don't like to take the lead? Is that it?"
"Yes, you could say so."
For a long moment, Yoongi doesn't say a word.
"If you don't like it, we won't do it. No matter how much I love cock in my mouth." Jimin smacks Yoongi's shoulder for his bluntness, but it's fond.
"Thank you." His respect for Jimin's wishes in bed creates the right atmosphere for Jimin to bring up his ever-present fear.
"There's something else." Yoongi lets out a questioning hum. "I like when the other person takes the lead and tells me what to do. I like being good, but also, I like getting scolded."
Yoongi's expression shifts into something more and more starved. "I could have guessed so."
"Yes," Jimin glances away, focusing on Yoongi's desk, keyboard, and drums. "Like when you told me I look better when I shut up in the bowling alley after calling me out for wanting attention. Or- when you pulled my hair and ordered me to reply without sarcasm at Seokjin's."
"I really liked that," Jimin's voice turns softer, and Yoongi shifts in bed, touching Jimin's thigh over his black summer pants. The fabric is so thin Jimin can feel the warmth from Yoongi's hands. "But you didn't do that when we were here. That time. You were, mmh, calmer?"
"Yes." Yoongi doesn't look upset nor seems offended at the implication that Jimin didn't like their last time together as much as the others. "We had just talked about our feelings, so I didn't want to be kinky, but you asked me to spank you."
He chuckles, but Jimin frowns.
"It's not necessarily something kinky. It's just something I like when I'm having sex."
Yoongi rubs his hand up and down Jimin's thigh, comforting and maddening. "And what do you like exactly? Be detailed, or I won't be able to do it."
Jimin takes a deep breath.
"Well, there's many things." Jimin tries to focus on Yoongi's instruments again. The hand on his thigh moves to his chin and forces Jimin to maintain eye contact with Yoongi. "I told you before that I like it when it hurts, so roughness." Yoongi remains expresionless.
"And umh, spanking, choking," Jimin feels odd having this conversation when the air between them isn't sensual. This isn't foreplay but a mere back-and-forth of ideas. "Any kind of rules so there could be punishment and getting called names. That's sexy."
"And not kinky?"
"No. Everyone has wild sex, and it doesn't have to be kinky."
"I mean, yes, but just from time to time. For example, that pain thing you like. That time we did it without lube- I don't think I could do that again so spontaneously. It happened because I was terribly horny."
"But if you want that again, we'd have to discuss it beforehand. And it can't happen every time. Otherwise, I could seriously hurt you."
Jimin lets out a disappointed sigh. "That's what I didn't like much about our last time together. You didn't have so many objections before."
Yoongi raises an eyebrow, and Jimin regrets his words, but it's too late to take them back. "You weren't discussing it with me before being rough."
"The situation between us was different, and I did try to constantly ask if you were in pain or if you wanted to stop."
Jimin remembers. "Ah. That."
Once again, he scolds himself over his choice of words. Or lack of words. "That?"
"I mean, asking constantly makes it less hot. At Namjoon's, I wanted you to stop asking already. I said I'd let you know if it hurt. Asking takes the sexiness away."
Yoongi's face finally shifts into a recognizable expression: astonishment. "You want me to grab you without talking like an animal, hurt you, call you names, don't ask for permission or follow up with reassurance, and leave you alone after we're done."
"You make it sound bad."
"I'm not making it sound bad, Jimin. It's bad."
This time, Yoongi doesn't stop Jimin from looking away. From the corner of his eyes, Jimin sees Yoongi cover his face, but he pays it no mind. He feels stupid for saying all those things aloud and not explaining them right.
He doesn't want Yoongi to be cruel to him; what Jimin suggest is just what he likes best. But Yoongi seems upset now, and Jimin's fear -that was about to cross the door and leave- returns to the bed and stays by his side. Maybe he should date someone that likes what he likes.
"I'm sorry," Yoongi murmurs. "I don't think I could do that without asking you and talking beforehand. Maybe I'm too boring or too sensitive. I'm not built for such kinks."
This time, Jimin doesn't argue if it's kinky or not. He has no energy to talk more about it.
There's panic in Yoongi's tone when he speaks again. "We can do those things under my conditions, asking about it, and not so often." Jimin glances at him and sees the alert in his gaze; he knows Jimin is in a bad mood and wants to change that. "I like those things; not as hard!"
"I did them with you, so we can take that route in bed again. I'm probably reacting this way because it contradicts what I want right now."
A beat and a flush on Yoongi's cheeks. "Slow, intimate, and sweet sex."
Yoongi stretches his lips before nodding.
He detaches himself from Jimin and plops on the bed before reaching for his laptop and closing the movie. "If you consider that boring." Jimin remains quiet until Yoongi pushes the computer away with a groan. "I feel stupid now."
"You feel stupid? I feel stupid!"
"It's hard for me to say what I want and like or dislike because I'm scared to make you angry, but I managed to do it after keeping it to myself since the last time we were here, and you said I'm wrong for wanting what I want."
"Why would it scare you to make me angry?"
"The worse I could do when angry is close the movie I wanted to see. I will not do anything to you or dump you over sex preferences. I mean, those things aren't that important to me. Positions, kinks, whatever."
"If they're not important to you, why do you feel stupid?"
Yoongi laughs to himself before replying as if he finds his answer funny. "Because I want to make love to you, and you don't want that, which is fine; you don't have to want it, but I avoided sex to not feel rejected again, and I still managed to feel shitty! Because I'm boring."
None of them say a word, and usually, Jimin would have rolled his eyes and left the room, but it's Yoongi, and he can't do that. He likes Yoongi too much. It hurts him too much to know he's making Yoongi sad one more time. "I'm sorry," Jimin croaks.
"No, it's not."
"I'm sorry I called you boring. It wasn't nice of me."
"It's the truth," Yoongi shrugs before letting out a weak laugh. "But it's not nice to hear it." Their eyes meet. "I'm sorry I judged what you like. It must have been hard to tell me, and I impose my way of thinking on you."
Jimin thinks no one has ever apologized to him the way Yoongi does. Meaning every word he says.
After a gentle tug of his wrists, Yoongi takes the hint and opens his arms so Jimin can rest against his chest, cuddling against him and searching for each other's comfort.
"You're not boring, hyung. You always make me laugh and feel good during our dates and when we kiss." Jimin's voice is muffled since his cheeks press to Yoongi's chest. He waits for Yoongi to scoff before adding, "I'm just a weird guy with weird tastes."
Yoongi doesn't reply.
But then he combs Jimin's hair. "I think there's more to it than weirdness."
They leave it at that until Jimin squirms to meet Yoongi's gaze. "We don't have to know what we're going to do about this yet, do we?"
"No, we don't have to have the answer right now."
"We'll see if things get better or not with time."
Jimin pouts, curling against Yoongi's chest, making himself smaller and smaller. "I hope they get better. Hyung knows I have a curse. It's hard to open me up, but I want to with you."
"Me too, baby." They hug in silence.
The uncertainty regarding their sex life creates a strange atmosphere between Yoongi and Jimin, but none of them address it. Most times, Jimin would have run away at the first problem, but he told Yoongi he wouldn't escape, and by now, he knows that Yoongi is different.
Even if things between them are no longer going smoothly, Yoongi still tries his best. The texting and sweet messages saying 'I miss you' continue, and when Jimin tells Yoongi that he's out having dinner with Jungkook and Taehyung, the elder just asks him to take care.
After a minute, he sends another message saying he hopes the food is good. Jimin proclaims it won't be as good as his hyung's cooking. He ignores Taehyung and Jungkook's amused expressions when an emoji with pleading eyes from Yoongi causes Jimin to break into soft giggling.
His friends don't question him, and after ordering the food, they fall into a familiar conversation. How's Taehyung thesis going? Has Jungkook found an internship already? Is Jimin going to dance classes, or has he postponed that?
They bring each other up to date.
Jimin manages to tell them about class projects, co-workers, and more without mentioning Yoongi. But when the food arrives and Jungkook starts devouring his tteokbokki, Jimin takes a good picture of his rice bowl and sends it to Yoongi.
The elder replies fast. "Is it good?"
"Haven't tried it yet. You should make it for me." Jimin blocks his phone as soon as he hits send and then grabs his chopsticks. Before digging into the meal, his phone lights up with a text from Yoongi though.
"Okay. Next time you come over, we'll have that."
"How's hyung?" Taehyung asks, stealing food from Jungkook's dish instead of eating from his own. His boyfriend scowls but doesn't complain, letting Taehyung do what he wants.
Jimin only registers the question when Jungkook meets his eyes and adds, "tell him we said hi."
"Ah, he's good. I'll tell him you said hi." However, Jimin doesn't grab his phone and focuses on eating. "He said hi earlier. I mean, he asked me to tell you he said hi, but I didn't because I didn't know how to bring it up."
Taehyung hums, still without saying a word.
His silence prompts Jimin to keep talking. "Which is weird. He's your friend; I could just mention him. I suppose I didn't want to do it earlier because I actually want to talk about him"
Taehyung's face is calm, while Jungkook's eyes are wide, with rice cake filling his cheeks.
"Is that why you asked us to have dinner with you?" Taehyung asks. "You want advice from us?"
"Well, you're the longest and most stable couple I know aside from my parents, but they don't count. I can't tell them about hyung."
Taehyung and Jungkook glance at each other.
"Well, what do you need from us?" Taehyung asks, smugly throwing his arm around Jungkook's shoulders. Jungkook concentrates on his food again.
Jimin has rehearsed this conversation but doesn't know what to say now. "Umh, you know me and hyung are dating."
"Not from you, since you keep everything to yourself." The scolding from his best friend is expected, and Jimin can't argue. "But you're not subtle either."
"Taehyungie wanted to ask about it, but I told him to wait until you were ready."
Jimin turns to Jungkook. "Thank you."
"You're ready, now?" Jungkook asks, gentle as usual.
"Yes, I am. I need opinions. Hyung and I have been having some trouble-" Jimin grimaces. It's embarrassing to talk about this in a restaurant. "When we're intimate."
Jungkook and Taehyung look surprised at the revelation.
"Everything was perfect before addressing our situation, but then we had a disappointing encounter, at least for me. And now, it turns out we don't like the same things in bed and I don't want it to be a dealbreaker, but the more I think of it, the more it sounds like one."
His friends don't laugh or judge him; they simply pay attention. "I really like him, though; I don't want to call things off."
"Disappointing, how?" Taehyung asks, and Jimin explains he expected Yoongi to be rougher with him. He retells their last conversation with red cheeks.
He should have chosen a better place for this conversation than a restaurant, but he wanted the distraction from distant muffled sounds and picking at his food.
After everything, it's startling that Jungkook speaks first. "You don't want to make love with him?"
"Making love sounds a bit stupid, don't you think?"
"No," Jungkook is direct. "It is what it is. If you prefer it, we could say slow and passionate sex." Jimin cringes even more, and the corner of Jungkook's lips curls into a sweet smile. "Making love sounds better. I know."
"Maybe the word 'love' is frightening," Taehyung tries to comprehend Jimin. "You don't need to be in love to enjoy slow and passionate sex. It does help your feelings grow since it's so intimate. Maybe you don't want that? Do you want to avoid that intimate moment with him?"
Since Jimin keeps quiet, Taehyung continues. "Holding him close, staring into each other's eyes. You know. The romantic aspect of it."
Jimin thinks of how he doesn't like the intimate minutes after sex, but he's too afraid to admit that to his friends. They'll think he's mean.
Or worse, they'll think he doesn't like Yoongi that much.
"What I want to avoid is another disappointing encounter. And if it's like last time and we don't do what I enjoy, and it's just sweet and slow and-" Jimin doesn't say boring.
"Vanilla?" Taehyung tries, and Jimin nods.
"If it's like that. I'll probably be disappointed again."
Jungkook and Taehyung keep quiet, and Jimin wonders if he said anything wrong. When Jungkook puts a rice cake in his mouth, Jimin's dread worsens, but then he asks, "can I ask what exactly wouldn't be disappointing?"
Jimin thinks of Yoongi's reaction to his preferences last time. "If hyung was mean to me."
Noticing his sad spirit, Taehyung speaks up. "Wanting that isn't bad! It's fun to spice things up."
"But I want it all the time and get uncomfortable when it's something other than that."
Jimin begins to understand why Yoongi reacted so badly. The more he repeats it aloud, the worse it sounds to his ears. He's always pulled out of a relationship or was dumped before he can reflect on his preferences so profoundly.
"Since when do you like that?" Jungkook asks.
"It's always been that way with all your boyfriends... since we know each other?"
"Yeah. I started to like those things around when I started having sex." Taehyung's expression changes. "During my relationship with Taeyang."
"Well, he was mean even outside the bedroom."
"I know," Jimin snorts, picking a piece of chicken between the chopsticks.
"Did he make you uncomfortable when you weren't doing..." Jungkook scrunches his nose cutely. "Kinky stuff. It feels odd to call it kinky stuff knowing we were sixteen."
"You were doing kinky stuff too!"
Jungkook's mouth falls open and Taehyung glares at Jimin. "What? You're telling me you wore skirts to your dates to just hold hands?"
"It was my cheerleading uniform; please don't sexualize it," Taehyung argues. "Dressing up for my boyfriend isn't kinky. Answer the question."
"He didn't make me uncomfortable. I-" For so long, Jimin has wanted to forget Taeyang, but now he keeps thinking back on him and every detail between them. "It just didn't work well when it was slow passionate lovemaking."
"We'd get bored... He'd get bored."
Jimin tilts his head, frowns, and remembers. "He'd say it didn't feel as good, and I agreed with everything he said. I was very silly and in love. Maybe I asked a couple of times to do it slowly and look each other in the eye, and it wasn't good. We barely kissed and-"
"He wasn't really present through it, or in general, it didn't feel as nice, so we'd go back to what worked. I didn't ask for it again." A pause. "I think."
"Do you remember why it didn't feel nice? Because he wasn't paying attention to you?"
"Yeah, he'd be sloppier, maybe?"
Looking back on it, now that he's an adult, Jimin allows himself to consider something new. "It was like he didn't put effort into it so it would be bad, and I wouldn't ask again." His friends are quiet; Jimin feels the restaurant has gone quiet, and he laughs. "That sounds bad."
"Yeah, it does," Taehyung is looking at him with the same gaze he'd have when they were seventeen, skipping class on the rooftop together so Jimin wouldn't have to cry alone in the bathroom. His eyes remind Jimin of other instances of careless lovemaking and a cold boyfriend.
"I once asked him to stop pulling at my hair when I'd blow him, not because it'd hurt, but I didn't like when he'd move my head with no regard because I'd choke. He stopped doing it for a while. But a few weeks later, he started to do it again." A beat. "Didn't ask if he could."
"I reminded him I didn't want it, and he stopped only to repeat it a week later, saying he couldn't help it because I was so good. I didn't ask him to stop that second time because it seemed futile then."
Jungkook shifts and touches Taehyung's thigh under the table.
Jimin knows those two are thinking the same without looking at each other. "Is that something you like now?" Jungkook wonders. "Not the indifference to your requests but the pulling?"
Without a beat, Jimin says, "yes." The choking and lack of questioning it too. "Yes, it is."
"Do you remember when his friends started that rumor about you two in the locker rooms because Taeyang showed them texts where you'd said you'd do it there?"
Worse days of Jimin's high school life. "Yes, I remember."
"Are you into like- doing it in public places now?"
Jimin thinks of him and Yoongi in the bowling bathroom, the living room, and the staircase and laughs. "Yeah, which is funny now that you say it. When that happened in high school, the idea of getting caught and people knowing frightened me so much, and now it's the opposite."
"You guys remember how when we entered college, I'd play 'never have I ever' and talked a lot about all the places I have had sex and acted as if I was so experienced as if I hadn't been crying during high school over Taeyang telling the soccer team that I'd fuck all of them."
"But you'd do that to protect yourself, right? You didn't want those days to remain sad memories, so you'd joke about them and act as if it were nothing and just one experience more between other funny anecdotes."
"I wanted it to be nothing, just a funny anecdote."
Jungkook looks between Taehyung and Jimin before joining, "but it wasn't nothing. He was constantly taking advantage of you and neglecting you and-"
"He wasn't terrible all of the time."
"But he kept you a secret and didn't care much about how you felt, did he?"
Jungkook takes a deep breath, and after knowing him for so many years, Jimin knows when he's upset. "It might seem small since it's just hair, but he should have never pulled it again in his life. He should have only done it if you asked. And I'm certain you know it's wrong."
"And I know you know why."
Jimin's eyes begin to water, and there's not just one reason for it, but he looks up, attempting to keep the tears in place. He stares at the fan in the ceiling, going in circles. It's useless; he has to rub his eyes dry. "I don't want it to be wrong."
"I don't want all those days with him to be worse than I already know they were outside our secret meetings at home. I gave so much of myself to that relationship. Can't I keep something from it? My experiences and preferences. He took and took, and I want something for me."
He turns to his friends, who look as lost as they all were when they were still in high school. They're older but still lost. "Do you think that's why I like all those things now? If I like them, they can't be that bad, can they? If I like them, it means not everything was bad."
"It didn't make me sad that when I wanted to hold his hand and kiss him, he'd just touch me; I liked it." But by saying it aloud, it's easier for him to realize that it made him sad. "Or I've decided I liked it to prevent feeling sad about him using me when we were so young."
Taehyung reaches for Jimin's hand over the table, connecting the three of them since Jungkook's hand remains on Taehyung's lap. Jimin's fingers are tiny compared to Taehyung's, but somehow they still intertwine in the most natural way.
"Then you have to start from zero."
"You don't have to establish what you like on your past experiences. Teenage experiences don't have to be decisive for all of our life. We're older, but we're still constantly learning, and sometimes to learn something better, we have to unlearn what we already know."
Taehyung glances at the phone next to Jimin, where Yoongi's unanswered message waits for him. "And this really uncool and ridiculous guy seems willing to unlearn and learn with you, but only if you want to open up about this with him. Open up and dig deeper into this."
It sounds scary, but Taehyung squeezes his hand, comforting and keeping his ground. "I'm sure he'll understand if you're not ready for that."
"I don't want to burden Yoongi hyung, but I rather do it with him than anyone else. Maybe because he's our friend and he's so sweet."
His best friends' lips turn upward, mimicking the infatuated smile stretching Jimin's cheeks. "He's so good and doesn't deserve someone like me that doesn't even know where to start untangling this mess inside."
"I think that's up for Yoongi hyung to decide," Jungkook says.
Jimin glances at this phone, tapping it to stare at the text message waiting for him and the cute pale face that appears next to the notification. He already knows what Yoongi will decide, and he can't say it doesn't put him at ease after feeling so choked up and drained.
The next time Jimin sees Yoongi, the elder waits for him after night classes outside the train station closer to campus. He's leaning against a wall, focused on his phone, and doesn't notice Jimin's presence until Jimin is touching his arm and pulling down his black mask.
Yoongi is startled and barely whispers a greeting before Jimin presses their lips together. It's a chaste peck but enough to bring a smile to Yoongi's face. "How was class?" He doesn't fix his face mask, letting it rumple under his chin, but he takes Jimin's bag from his hands.
"Good. How's work?"
Yoongi shrugs. "Stuck in a project. I'll probably stay up all night to finish it." Sensing Jimin's pout, Yoongi avoids any apologies for using his time. "I need a breath of air and an energizer. I'm sure I'll work better after seeing you."
"If you say so."
They decide to walk to the next train station to have more time together but take a detour at a night market. Their conversation topics have been unimportant until Yoongi asks Jimin if he's hungry and gets them gamja hot dogs. They stop at a less-crowded spot to eat.
The market is fast and noisy around them, and the crunch from the deep fry is even louder against Jimin's ear, but the silence between them urges Jimin to speak. "The other day, I saw Jungkook and Taehyung."
"Yeah, I remember."
"We talked about me, and I realized a few things."
Yoongi's nervous expression is funny when his mouth is full of a mozzarella stick. "It's nothing bad, hyung. Well, it's kinda bad, but I hope it's not bad for us."
A cough. The stick disappears, and Yoongi tries to turn serious. "What is it?"
Jimin focuses on his own food.
He doesn't bite on it but keeps it close to his mouth when he starts to share what he discussed with his friends and everything that has been on his mind ever since. He whispers the words and doesn't look at Yoongi, relieved that the man doesn't ask him to meet his gaze.
While Jimin mentions how his preferences and tastes protected him from past pain, Yoongi only steps closer, probably to hear Jimin better or to make him feel better. The latter works, Jimin presses his side to Yoongi's chest, and when he feels his warmth, he dares to look at him.
Market lights paint his handsome face in soft yellow against a dark night sky. Yoongi doesn't watch Jimin with pity or confusion, only with attention and concern. People walk fast and talk loud around them, but Jimin remains still in the small bubble he and Yoongi form.
"I suppose hyung was right when he said what I wanted was wrong."
Yoongi lifts a hand to Jimin's nape, softly scratching the back of his head. His fingers catch onto Jimin's wavy hair, and they pull, but it doesn't make Jimin uncomfortable. "Liking what you like isn't wrong."
"It's the way you wanted things to happen. The content was alright, but the medium wasn't the best, and you seem to have found out why." Jimin nods before taking small bites of his food, trying to lessen the bad taste in his mouth. "What do you want to do with that knowledge?"
Jimin is glad neither Yoongi nor Taehyung started to apologize for what happened to him but moved forward. Jimin doesn't want to stay in the moment of hurt; he's been hurting for too many years about the same relationship. He replies with Taehyung's words about learning again.
Yoongi hums, but Jimin feels self-conscious. "I don't want to ask too much of you. I know my tastes and all are something I should rediscover myself, but how will I know if I'm not doing it with someone? And knowing all these things, I don't feel like hooking up with strangers."
"I feel very safe with you," Jimin admits. "And I trust you a lot. I know you won't get mad if something goes wrong, but I also don't want to burden you."
"Why are you considering hooking up with strangers when you have a boyfriend?" Yoongi squeezes Jimin's nape playfully.
It's the first time Yoongi calls himself Jimin's boyfriend, and Jimin's heart races fast. "I'm not considering it! I just thought my issues weren't something I could dump on you and expect you to fix everything with me, so I understand if you want to step back from us."
Yoongi raises an eyebrow, and Jimin's words leave his mouth quicker. "I'd understand, but I wouldn't like it, of course. I want you to be with me in this process, but you don't have to do it."
"But I want to do it," Yoongi assures him. "I'm not leaving after the first problem."
"We've had more than one problem," Jimin reminds him.
Yoongi pecks him on the lips; he tastes of breadcrumbs, and it's somehow lovely. "One big problem. You're asking me to try new things with you; how would that be too much of me? I'm thankful you want to do this with me."
Jimin is speechless, and Yoongi kissing him again doesn't help. "I don't think you're a burden. We all have problems, don't we? I'm not ending things with you because you have past issues. I'd end things with you if you don't want to get better, but that's not the case, is it?"
"It's not the case. I want... I want to find out what's really mine and not the product of poor decisions when I was fifteen."
Yoongi frowns before saying something he might resonate with greatly. "You didn't make any poor decisions, though. You were in love; how is that bad?"
Before Jimin can reply, Yoongi lets go of him to bite his food, probably trying to ease their conversation and remind Jimin where they are.
Jimin steals Yoongi's snack, even if he still has some left in his other hand, and bites from it. Yoongi turns to him. "Why mine?"
"I want it now," Jimin says, handing his own to Yoongi. "This is just cheese? I like this better. Plus, you just bit it, so it's an indirect kiss."
Yoongi scoffs, calling Jimin childish without saying a word, but his cheeks are pink when he takes a bite from Jimin's snack.
Seeing Yoongi react cutely to Jimin's teasing encourages Jimin to take it up a notch. Jimin nudges his side and beams at him. "Hyung's right. There's nothing wrong with making poor decisions when you're in love."
Poor decisions like embarking on this with Jimin.
During the next week, Yoongi is present, but he isn't there. He has too much work to do and can't pick Jimin up from work or classes, and he is about to cancel their weekend date when Jimin suggests coming over and working together. Jimin has to prepare for his finals too.
Yoongi is initially reluctant, claiming Jimin's presence will distract him from his deadline, but Jimin swears he'll be too busy studying to divert Yoongi's attention.
It's late at night when a bundled Jimin shows up at Yoongi's doorstep with a bag of warm bungeoppang.
Yoongi is wearing a short-sleeved black shirt and sweatpants of the same color, making Jimin frown as soon as he gets a kiss on the lips. "It's cold today. Hyung should wear something warmer."
"It's not cold inside here," Yoongi retorts, stealing the paper bag from Jimin's hand.
"Thanks for the snack," he mumbles before taking a large bite of the bread. He must have been starving, and Jimin worries he's been working too hard.
Jimin takes off his sneakers, beanie, and scarf and complains, "don't finish them! I wanted to have a glass of milk with them."
His request manages to give Yoongi a break from work. For the next few minutes, the elder warms up the milk for Jimin, and they sit by the kitchen counter, talking, with Jimin still grumbling about Yoongi's clothes.
"You can cuddle with me and warm me up?" Yoongi tries.
"You said no distractions, hyung!"
Yoongi sighs at the reminder, but he's a man of his word and agrees there can't be cuddles for now. They go to Yoongi's room after Yoongi drags Jimin away from the sink, saying Jimin doesn't need to do the dishes.
It's easy to convince Jimin.
But he's pouty when he sits on Yoongi's bed, with a soft blanket on his lap, and pulls out his laptop to work. Yoongi is too far from him, at his desk, with flimsy clothes that will surely give him a cold. Jimin doesn't want to press more on the matter, so they work in silence.
Jimin steals glances off Yoongi every few minutes, but he's too focused on his screen every time. Jimin shifts in bed a lot until he lies on his stomach. Hours pass, and finally, after Jimin has finished summaries for three courses, Yoongi groans and stands up from his desk.
He sits on the bed, leaves a hand on Jimin's back, and asks about Jimin's lessons. Jimin tries to explain, but it's hard when Yoongi trails his rough hand along Jimin's spine, letting out deep hums after every idea.
With goosebumps, Jimin looks over his shoulder. "You're done?"
Yoongi's hand moves to the base of Jimin's spine. "I'm taking another break. Can you take one with me?"
The laptop's sound when Jimin violently shuts it close is louder than a 'yes.' Yoongi receives Jimin on his lap with a chuckle and two hands on Jimin's ass.
With natural ease, their lips meet. There's no awkwardness in Jimin shifting until he's comfortable, in Yoongi leaving small pecks around Jimin's face. But the position allows Jimin to search for another kiss, and with his arms around Yoongi's neck, he keeps his boyfriend close.
Jimin forgets any problem they've had in bed and any issue from his past until Yoongi squeezes hard and asks against Jimin's ear. "Do you want us to do something?" The question makes Jimin nervous, but he nods. "What do you want to do?"
"Hyung can choose whatever he wants."
Yoongi tsks, but his smile is sweet. "Shouldn't you choose? Considering what we talked about last time?"
"Everything I want to do isn't appropriate." Yoongi raises an eyebrow. "I mean, it's not what we should do. I said we should try new things that I've made myself dislike."
"Should I blow you, then?" Yoongi laughs when Jimin scrunches his nose. "See? You should tell me."
"No, no. You give me options, and I'll see if I want to do it."
For a second, Jimin believes he's asking too much, but Yoongi only humors him. "Mmh. You want to top?"
His quick answer brings out another light giggle from Yoongi, whose shoulders shake in endearment. "Mmh. Do you wanna ride me?"
Maybe Jimin nods because of how Yoongi's grip on his body tightens when he asks or how he licks his lips, failing to hide that it's what he wants.
Or maybe Jimin nods because the question heats up his cheeks.
"I have to prep you first." Jimin fights the urge to call Yoongi 'boring'. He won't do that again. He pouts, though, and Yoongi isn't having any of that. "Pout all you want; I'll use half of the lube tube."
It's the silliest and most harmless threat Jimin has ever heard, and he can only snort. "Get off me; I'm bringing a towel."
Jimin still giggles as he pushes his sweatpants off his legs, and Yoongi moves the laptop to his desk. Somehow, the elder manages to be sexy and dorky.
when yg returns, he sits on the edge of the bed and leaves the towel beside him. jm tries climbing on his lap, but yg shakes his head. "not like that, baby. lay across."
"what? with my chest on the bed? in a spanking position?"
jm follows the order with no questioning.
but when he's laying down, jm frowns. "you won't spank me, though. it's so mean you're making me lay like this if you won't."
"who says i won't?" yg doesn't develop the idea, just unclasps the lube tube, jm can't see it, but he hears the squelch of liquid against yg's fingers.
the soft fabric of his hoodie tickles against jm's face when he hides between his crossed arms, flustered. "i thought we weren't doing any of that." yg hums. "hard stuff."
"we're doing it." he grabs jm's bum, digging his dry fingers into the soft flesh before spreading.
he gets one slap where he's most sensitive before entering the most maddening minutes for jm.
even while working his fingers inside, yg continues speaking calmly. "it should be gradual, don't you think? a bit of what i like, a bit of what you like. i'll bore you otherwise."
jm tries to say no -yg won't bore him- but yg twists his fingers, and all jm emits is a muffled moan. yg takes that as a reply, humming as if agreeing. "and we still want to know if you'll like this." yg pulls his fingers out to spank him once, hard and clean. "you're liking it?"
his voice is serene, different from the pitchy mewls coming from jm, the hard slaps of skin on skin, and the squelch of wetness. fingers slide inside jm again when he reiterates, "are you?"
jm has to pull away from his hiding spot and pant a weak, "yes, yes."
he keeps it up longer, alternating between spanking and using his fingers. still, when jm whines about it being enough, yg listens immediately, helping jm sit upright and guiding him until jm's thighs bracket yg's. he huffs in surprise when jm catches his lips in a kiss.
it's a wet kiss, more tongue than anything, both hands on yg's jaw to tilt his head as he wishes. yg riled him up perfectly: he's achingly hard, body hurting the right amount, and he needs yg now. "put it in," he begs while lifting his body.
again, yg doesn't deny him anything.
as he sinks down, jm remembers his moans echoing inside the bathroom stall, the hand covering his mouth while fucking on the floor, and it's so similar to those times, but also so different. it feels even better, and he says it, mewling with every roll of his hips.
jm chases his own pleasure, having missed yg's hands on him, but he gets another spank before yg whispers against his neck, between kisses, "you think hyung's going to come like this? with you rubbing just to get yourself off? a little selfish, huh?"
the scolding burns so well.
burns as much as his thighs when he holds onto yg's shoulders and starts to bounce instead. "like this?" jm breathes, body shaking on top of yg's.
this time, he gets no answer, just grunting and tiny moaning. and after a beat, a thread of praises. "good boy. just like that."
praise might be even more pleasing than scolding, or maybe it's the mixture of both. searching for more of that rush, jm picks up his pace until yg tells him to touch himself, and he uses jm's brief confusion to thrust into him.
everything goes high and down quickly after that.
Jimin is panting against Yoongi, holding him tight. They're quiet except for little sounds as Yoongi pulls out and uses the towel to catch anything that could fall on his bedding or floor. "Do you want me to move so you can clean up better?" Jimin wonders.
"No, stay here."
The position must be uncomfortable for Yoongi, but Jimin stays. As minutes pass by and Yoongi still doesn't pay attention to him, Jimin starts to leave kisses on his boyfriend's face. Judging by the soft hum in the back of Yoongi's throat, he enjoys it.
"You're not tense."
Yoongi meets his gaze. "Like the other times."
He's not at all but can't understand exactly why. "I'm surprised," Jimin admits. "After we talked, I expected to have slow sex and avoid any strong stuff. But we still did that." Yoongi nods. "I liked that. It didn't feel forced."
"Forced how?" Yoongi shifts, caressing Jimin's sore skin and apologizing when Jimin flinches. "It hurts?"
"A little; it's sensitive from the slaps and all the bouncing." He feels shy saying that aloud. "It'll pass."
"I'll bring ointment later. I must have some."
"Sorry, you were saying something." Yoongi's gaze is intense on him.
"Ah, yes. I think it'd feel forced if I tried to change my preferences and habits so suddenly. But we did it this way, and you used way too much lube, but it was still good." Yoongi smiles after Jimin laughs.
"Is there anything you would have done differently? Something else you would have liked?"
Jimin hums, unsure if he should say it, but Yoongi's arms around his waist, keeping him on his lap, make him feel safe. "Mmh. When I say I want something, you give it to me too fast."
Yoongi tries not to laugh, but Jimin catches it and weakly hits his clothed chest. "Don't laugh!"
"Give me an example."
"Eugh, when I said I was ready, you could have made me wait longer for it. Made me beg a little too."
Yoongi sighs. "I get it, but it's hard to refuse you."
Before Jimin calls him a sap, Yoongi says, "I'll keep it in mind. Anything else?"
Jimin feels shy to talk about sex as if they were reviewing a movie or giving advice on a dish. He hugs Yoongi and speaks against his hair to avoid his eyes. "I liked when you called me selfish."
"But you can go a bit further." Yoongi doesn't reply, and Jimin bites his lower lip, worried Yoongi won't want this. "Like calling me names like 'slut'."
"I see. I can do that if I call you something nice right after. Did you like that?"
Jimin nods excitedly. "I liked it."
"Next time, I'll do both, then. How do you feel about something degrading that's also praise?"
Jimin pulls away to lock gazes with him. "Wait. Really? After everything I've discovered about myself, I thought you'd be more opposed to it."
"We're doing things differently now."
Jimin agrees, merrily playing with the collar of Yoongi's shirt. "What about me? Is there something you wish I had done?"
There's no quick answer, just a frown. "Maybe... when I called you selfish, you could have- told me to fuck off." Jimin stares at him before laughing loudly.
He regains his composure; he shouldn't laugh at his boyfriend's fantasies. "That would have been hot," Yoongi explains himself. "As long as you obey, eventually, of course."
"Of course. I can act up as long as I get punished for it."
Yoongi hums. "Okay, we'll see about that."
Jimin is excited, and the only way to express it is by kissing Yoongi's lips. "What else?"
"I don't know. I like this position a lot. Could we do it like this more often?" Jimin nods. "And just, more of this? More of staying together afterward, half-naked and sticky."
At the mention of nudity, Jimin remembers that this is a cold night despite feeling warm in his boyfriend's arms. "But we should lay down, grab more blankets, and cuddle."
Yoongi's smile grows wider. "I'd love doing that."
When Jimin kisses him, they fall onto Yoongi's back.
The pull they felt during their first unlabeled days returns in full force.
In the morning, after waking up tangled, Jimin doesn't let Yoongi leave the bed, pinning him down on the mattress and climbing on his lap instead. They can have breakfast later than usual.
And while Jimin has never been one to enjoy staying on top during sex since, most times, it pushes him to take the lead, he doesn't entirely make the calls with Yoongi, which he appreciates.
It's as if they're easing Jimin into starting to make the decisions himself.
With Yoongi lying on his back, grip tight on Jimin's hips while he's perched on his lap, Jimin is the one to set the pace he wants, but Yoongi pays attention, and before it can get too much for Jimin, he takes the lead from him- flipping them over and takes it from there.
He does what Jimin wanted, whispering belittling names accompanied by praises against Jimin's ear.
Jimin also does what the elder wanted, pulling him into a hug when it's all over. He doesn't do it to please Yoongi; he does it to calm down the surge of affection in his chest.
'Thank you' isn't the right thing to say after not-so-lazy morning sex, even if that's all Jimin would like to express to his boyfriend. He keeps quiet, though, and whines when Yoongi pulls away from the hug.
As Yoongi prepares breakfast, Jimin clings to him in a back hug.
It makes it hard for Yoongi to cook, but he doesn't complain. On the contrary, when Jimin tries to reach for the rice seasoning, Yoongi grumbles, ordering Jimin to stay in place. Jimin giggles before resting his chin on Yoongi's shoulder and tightening the hold around his waist.
Jimin has always been touchy, even when he and Yoongi were only friends, but it's new and amusing to witness Yoongi asking for physical affection. It only grows worse after they start having sex again, touching at all times whenever it's possible. Both tame and daring touches.
While Yoongi remains busy with his latest freelance project, Jimin spends more time in his boyfriend's apartment. They sit together on the couch, each working on their own thing, but their thighs touch or Yoongi brings a hand to play with Jimin's hair absentmindedly.
They end up with Jimin on Yoongi's lap, his hoodie and sweatpants forgotten on the floor, and laptops shut on the coffee table. Yoongi touches him everywhere, hands trailing down his chest, latching his mouth onto the skin, leaving a burnt sensation under his fingertips.
Months ago, Yoongi was just one of his friends; by now, there's not an inch of his body that Yoongi hasn't seen, touched, or kissed.
The sex hasn't turned slow and passionate yet. Jimin thinks both of them are too scared to try doing it that way, preferring to do what works.
They're too scared to risk what they've been building inside Yoongi's home.
But then, from one day to another, they must stop meeting. As soon as Yoongi sends the final project to his clients, he falls sick with a terrible cold: his body waited for the job to be done.
Jimin finds out by waking up to a selfie from Yoongi in bed with a red nose and glassy eyes, throwing a thumbs up. His immediate response is a phone call where Yoongi's voice is lower than ever as he picks up with a tired, "baby?"
"You're not even wearing warm clothes now!"
"I'm burning hot with a fever; I'm not going to wear a scarf inside my house."
"I've been telling you to wear something that protects you from the cold whenever I've been over; of course, you've gotten sick."
"You said that but took all my clothes off either way."
"You need to take better care of yourself," Jimin mutters while packing his bag for classes. He's running late, but this phone call is his top priority. "I'm checking on you after classes, okay? Do you have rice? Leave it soaking."
"You'll get sick."
"I'll wear a mask."
"I don't like this idea. You'll be here, but I won't be able to see your pretty face."
Jimin rolls his eyes even if Yoongi can't see him, pretending to scoff at the praise. "Silly hyung. Leave the rice soaking, please," Jimin repeats to hear Yoongi sigh.
"Fine. I'm on it."
"Text me if you need anything; I'll stop at a convenience store after class. And sleep! You've been staying up all these days to finish your work."
"I'll try to sleep if my nose allows me to breathe for once. I have to breathe through my mouth, and it makes my throat sore."
Finding Yoongi's grumbling cute it's a reminder of how screwed Jimin is. He hums to let Yoongi know he's listening while picking his clothes for the day and imagining his boyfriend's pout as he complains of his poor health, the cutest image Jimin has ever come up with.
In real life, his boyfriend doesn't look as cute. When Jimin arrives at his place at night, Yoongi is pale with messy hair and a runny nose. "Don't even try to kiss me," he growls after opening the door, and Jimin laughs at his grumpiness. Well, he's still somewhat cute.
"Alright," Jimin takes off his coat and scarf and doesn't miss the way Yoongi's eyes trail down his body; he drags himself closer to pull at Jimin's gray fuzzy sweater like a curious cat.
"That fabric is going to make me sneeze, Jimin ah."
"Lend me a hoodie, then."
After changing into one of Yoongi's oversized black hoodies, Jimin finds the elder sitting on the couch. His knees are pressed to his chest, looking tinier than usual. "Stay there while I try to prepare porridge for you. Is hyung hungry?"
"A little. Do you know how to make it?"
"I searched for tutorials during my shift at the library." Yoongi lets out a soft sound while fixing the blanket Jimin ordered him to put around his shoulders; there's a faint smile playing on his face. "But you can see me cook from there and warn me if I do anything wrong."
Indeed, Yoongi remains on the couch, watching Jimin cook, moving his head side to side as Jimin moves around the small kitchen, trying to remember where Yoongi keeps the pots and the spoons, and he never corrects him. He doesn't say a single word for the next minutes.
The apartment is quiet except for the pot boiling, Jimin chopping carrots, and a distant voice from Jimin's phone playing a coking tutorial. While cooking, Jimin hums a melody, and eventually, he looks up to check how Yoongi is doing.
He catches his boyfriend staring at him.
Maybe the sickness gives him a fragile look, but Yoongi's gaze is softer than Jimin has ever seen, even when he breaks into a warm smile. Jimin returns the smile but looks down and focuses on the fresh vegetables before him. The onions could be making him a bit emotional.
It's something he figured out when Yoongi agreed to stay by his side despite everything, something that was evident in every gentle kiss between hurried touches. The way Yoongi looks at him is a spotlight pointing at something Jimin already knows but keeps in the back of his head
And with all that light pointing at it, Jimin can't turn his eyes away.
Yoongi is in love with him. He doesn't need to say it for Jimin to understand, for Jimin to feel, or know. Yoongi is in love with him, and Jimin doesn't want to escape the room, so he might be in love too.
It's just a thought, a possibility. It could be the begging of falling in love, but Jimin hasn't been in love in so long, and when he was, he was still a kid, so he's unsure how it's supposed to feel. Jimin doesn't say a word, but it's okay; Yoongi doesn't say anything, either.
Even if there was a feeling, there's no need to force words to name it yet. There'll be time for that.
They eat together on the kitchen counter. Jimin thinks his porridge is bland and needs more salt, but he doesn't worry; Yoongi's runny nose won't let him catch any flavor.
He still praises the food after every spoonful, probably to make Jimin feel good.
While eating, they talk about Yoongi's sudden sickness and how it hit right after he finished his project. "Hyung needs to take better care of himself," Jimin scolds. "You didn't listen to me."
"I told you to wear a sweater or a scarf, and I know that when I wasn't around, you wouldn't take breaks, and when I'd go home after hanging out, you'd stay up late instead of sleeping." Yoongi only pouts at the scolding. "Am I wrong, hyung?"
Jimin rolls his eyes.
"You're cute," Yoongi murmurs after a second while moving his foot back and forth, kicking Jimin's absentmindedly.
"I'm not trying to be cute."
"You're taking care of me; it's cute."
Jimin huffs, but he still keens at the praise. "You should take better care of yourself."
Yoongi shrugs and goes back to his food. The lack of interest in Jimin's concerns shows that Yoong isn't taking Jimin seriously, and Jimin finds himself thinking aloud. "You're annoying."
"What? What did I do?" Yoongi scowls. "Why are you saying I'm annoying unprovoked?"
"Because you are! I'm telling you to take care of yourself, and you're ignoring me because you'll continue to accept projects, lose sleep to finish them, focus on work instead of your health, and get sick afterward, right?"
"That's how I work."
"Well, you should start getting used to it," Yoongi mumbles before filling his mouth with porridge.
"Oh, I will. I'll get used to it and call you annoying next time it happens."
They share a glance and keep quiet. It's different from the warm moment earlier, but it's the same.
It's not the cozy domesticity of looking at each other across the room, but it's still love.
Encountering a flaw in this seemingly perfect man, finding his actions upsetting for once, and choosing not to care because Jimin loves him. Jimin loves him even when they disagree.
Jimin loves him when he's stubborn and silly and doesn't do what Jimin expects him to do
Without giving it much thought, Jimin brings a hand to play with the long hair curling around Yoongi's nape, and he tilts in to kiss the top of his head. Yoongi hums, leaning into the touch.
When Yoongi turns to see him, the shine in his eyes pushes Jimin to search for his lips, but Yoongi pulls away before Jimin can reach him. "You're going to catch a cold."
"Hyung can't take care of himself, but he can take care of me?"
"Isn't that how it's always been?"
Jimin thinks of Yoongi leaving pieces of meat in Jimin's dish instead of his own whenever they dine out with their friends. He thinks of the damp spot on Yoongi's shoulder under the umbrella. He thinks of Yoongi choosing to pursue Jimin despite knowing how difficult it'd be.
Jimin closes the distance regardless of Yoongi's complaints. And for someone that said they shouldn't kiss, Yoongi returns the kiss with fervor, parting Jimin's lips with his tongue, squeezing his thigh in the process, and tasting the words that didn't leave Jimin's mouth before.
Yoongi's skin is hot from the fever, and Jimin starts to mimic his temperature. "Touch me," Jimin pleads.
"I want to, but I don't have that much energy," Yoongi chuckles dryly. "I'm a bit tired and achy from the cold."
"Then lay on your back, and I'll do everything."
"You sure?" Yoongi whispers against Jimin's lips. "It might be a little boring."
It's a cheek commentary, joking about past arguments that have been solved with time. Jimin shakes his head, doubting the possibility of feeling disappointed again. "I can do boring," he teases.
It's been a long time since Jimin had done anything intimate so slowly, and since he had forced himself to dislike slowness when he was a teen to accept what he was getting, it had never felt good until now.
He has no intention of hurrying or reaching the tipping point quickly.
His only desire is to feel Yoongi inside, be gentle with him, his aching muscles, and general unwellness. After the odd feelings he's had throughout the day, Jimin wants to stay close to Yoongi, even in a position that doesn't let them kiss or press their bodies together.
Yoongi doesn't move or flip them over to pound into him as Jimin usually likes, but Jimin doesn't miss it. Tonight, there's no urgency.
With burning thighs, Jimin lays on top of his boyfriend, and Yoongi touches him to help him finish. It's not a full-bodied end, but it's good.
When it's over, Jimin throws his arms around Yoongi's neck and stays there for a while, catching his breath. Yoongi's eyes are closed, and Jimin can feel puffs of air against his hair.
He wonders if they made love. Without ever doing it before, there's no way for him to know.
Blows of air turn into kisses. Pecks against his hair travel to his face and fill every corner until Jimin giggles and kisses Yoongi, who groans and reminds Jimin he'll wake up with a fever. It's fine; Jimin already feels hot, dizzy, and feverish for an entirely different reason.
He doesn't ask if Yoongi considers what they just did together to be love, and he doesn't ask for an explanation of his feelings. He knows Yoongi, unlike most of his previous partners, won't ask him for any answer until Jimin is certain, and Jimin prefers to find out with time.
Jimin lets the feeling settle in his chest.
In the past, with other partners, there had also been times when Jimin wondered if he was in love, and the doubts went away after some time when he realized it was only infatuation, so he doesn't act on the warmth yet.
Days go by. The rush that Jimin used to feel when he'd get a text subdues but remains. Maybe it’s because they’ve been friends for so long, but there was never a performance between them to impress the other, so once their dates become less frequent, Jimin doesn’t feel awkward.
It’s similar to when they were just friends, and Jimin knew that even though Yoongi didn’t text or see him often, he always cared plenty about Jimin.
But there are also so many new aspects Jimin has learned from Yoongi, sides of him he didn’t know when they were only friends.
His romantic and sensual side, how serious he's at work, his soft voice when talking to his mom on the phone, his habits in the morning, and how he behaves with his other group of friends
Right now, Yoongi is out with friends from a previous job and hasn’t texted Jimin in hours.
In the past, this would make Jimin panic, but Jimin doesn’t worry. It’s Yoongi. Yoongi would never do anything wrong behind Jimin’s back. Jimin trusts him.
It’s still exhilarating when Yoongi texts him after midnight and tells him he wishes Jimin could be there with him.
“Focus on your friends,” Jimin replies, pretending he doesn't enjoy getting Yoongi's attention.
“I am, but I wish you’d be by my side.”
“I can come over with you next time, but I don’t want to interrupt you during a friend's night out.”
“It’s fine. You’d never interrupt.”
In the past, Jimin would feel odd hanging out with his partner's friends. He disliked Taeyang's friends and how they'd watch him or talk about him. After that, he usually felt the friends from his other partners knew Jimin didn't like his boyfriends as much as they wanted him.
But he'd like to join Yoongi tonight. The elder has him smiling in bed over silly texts. "I'm just having fun, and it made me think of you."
"I'm happy right now, and you make me happy."
"I think you're drunk. Have you told your friends about me, hyung?"
His first relationship was kept a secret, and it hurt Jimin for years. The same way he did with sex, he liked keeping his next relationships private, never posting about them, rarely talking about them to protect his heart. But he likes the idea of Yoongi talking about him.
"I might have talked about you," Yoongi replies. "It's hard not to."
Jimin types a quick response. "I hope you've only said good things."
"There are only good things to say."
Jimin hides his face in the pillow, wishing he could tell everyone how lovely his boyfriend is.
Jimin doesn’t find out what Yoongi and his friends discussed about him until they're out on a date. While heading to a mall, Yoongi suggests they stop at a cat café, and Jimin won't say no. He likes going to pretty places and taking photos of Yoongi to post on Instagram.
Yoongi doesn't like showing his face, but Jimin hopes he'll post with a cat today. He'll convince his boyfriend to do it.
Or maybe he won't need convincing. The moment they sit down, a cat approaches them, and Yoongi is already melting, calling her and asking for a picture.
She's a tiny white kitten that settles in Yoongi's lap, probably to steal his food, but Yoongi is smitten, petting her back and asking for her name as if she'd be able to answer. He doesn't look at Jimin's phone as Jimin snaps shot after shot, but once he does is Jimin who coos.
"You're so cute," Jimin murmurs, smiling to himself.
Yoongi only hums, scratching the cat's head. "She's cute." Yoongi takes a pause before chuckling. "You know, when I was with my friends the other day, they told me I should adopt a cat. Or a puppy."
"One of my friends brought her girlfriend over, and she's a therapist, so we were being silly and asking questions about attachment styles and affective responsibility and other terms that drive therapists mad since now everyone uses them without studying them."
"You know how people throw terms to everything in hopes of justifying being assholes or making someone the villain in our heads."
"I've been told I don't have emotional responsibility and an avoidant attachment style," Jimin admits.
"Is that so? By an ex or a therapist?"
"He made me do a test of love languages. I thought of him while answering, so the result said I didn't like physical touch, which is absurd." Jimin nudges Yoongi's calf with his foot to get his point across. Yoongi knows Jimin loves touching.
"An online test isn't a therapist."
"An online test won't say you're afraid of intimacy because you dated a piece of shit when you were a teenager, and you mask that fear by having rough sex." Jimin raises an eyebrow. "It'll say you have an avoidant attachment style."
Jimin snorts. "It did say that."
"Didn't say how to fix it either."
"Only a therapist can."
"But I've reflected on it and realized what was happening, with your help and Taehyung's and Jungkook's..." Jimin tries, unsure how to feel.
"But that's probably scratching the surface since we're not professionals."
There's an underlying conversation between them, an implied push or suggestion behind Yoongi's gentle gaze and the hand stroking the kitten's head. Jimin registers it but won't talk about it now. "But what does that have to do with the kitten?"
Yoongi nods, accepting the shift.
"My love language is acts of service."
Jimin crosses his arms over the table, leaning closer. "Oh, what a shocker."
After a smirk, Yoongi glances at the kitten. "But everything in excess can be bad, so we ended up talking about how I put everyone's needs above mine."
"Right. You do it with your freelance projects, refusing to sleep and eat until you finish them." Yoongi nods solemnly. "Getting sick to please your clients." A pause where they share a knowing glance. "And you also do it with me."
"And I do it with you, sometimes, yes."
"I try not to," Yoongi adds. "I try to have limits." Jimin thinks of their argument in the staircase, which seems like years ago, considering how much he's changed from them. "But, yes, sometimes I think taking care of you is more important than taking care of myself."
"I thought you only said nice things about me to your friends."
Somehow, Jimin's pout makes Yoongi laugh. "I did. I told them our entire story, starting from my failed crush when I was twenty-one, and I painted a pretty picture of you."
"I'm not sure anymore."
"I did," Yoongi assures him. "I made sure they'd understand that you're worth every headache and ounce of patience and understanding."
"Do I give you headaches, hyung?"
"So many." Yoongi's expression is blank, but his tone is fond, and Jimin knows he's not complaining.
"But during that conversation, someone suggested adopting a pet to fill my acts of service quota and my need to look after others."
"So someone suggested you divide the attention you give me and put half of it on a cat?"
"That way, I'd learn how to divide priorities."
"I hate that idea," Jimin says. "I want to be your first priority. I don't want to share you with a cat." Again, Jimin's expression is serious, but his bratty tone allows Yoongi knows it's a joke.
"It'd be good for you too! You always want my attention on you."
"I'm your boyfriend and I already have to share you with work. You wouldn't look at me when you're working even if I'd be laying in your bed naked."
Yoongi covers the cat's ears with his big hands. "Not in front of a child, Jimin ah."
He's stupid, and Jimin adores it.
"She suits you," Jimin admits. "It's the white fur and tiny nose." The kitten meows as if aware she's the topic of conversation.
"Should I ask about the adoption process?" Yoongi looks over his shoulder, searching for any worker from the café.
"If you want to do that."
Jimin doesn't know how to feel about the kitten and their conversation until a worker crouches next to them and wonders, "you guys are interested in Minmin?"
In a whiplash, Yoongi and Jimin's wide eyes meet. "That's her name?" Jimin asks in disbelief.
The confused worker nods.
"That's our name!" Jimin squeaks with red cheeks. "I mean, his surname and part of my name."
A cute smile grows on the worker's face. "Ah, so it's a sign. That always happens. Not the name exactly, but the kittens usually do something that makes people know they're the one."
As Yoongi inquires about adoption, his low voice becomes background, and Jimin can only think of the series of signs along his life that led him to Yoongi and how he has looked past them until now.
He's staring at his boyfriend when a question brings him out of his thoughts.
"Do you want to get her together? How long have you been a couple?"
Yoongi and Jimin focus on each other and open and close their mouth. The answer could vary from their first kiss to their first conversation about them to the first day Yoongi called himself Jimin's boyfriend.
"A bit more than three months?" Jimin asks.
"Around six months?" Yoongi lifts his fingers, confused, but shakes his head and turns to the worker. "There wasn't an official date; we've been friends for years, and feelings developed."
"Thank you," Jimin whispers.
Yoongi coughs, bringing attention to his own pink cheeks. "It might sound like it's been just a little time, and I'd understand if you're wary of giving a baby kitten to a young couple, but we have no intention of getting a divorce soon."
Jimin giggles behind his hand.
"Can you not embarrass me once, hyung?" Jimin teases, but his boyfriend is frowning.
"They should know we're good adoption candidates," Yoongi continues with the ridiculousness, pointing between them. "This will last long, so she'll have a loving home."
The worker just nods.
They don't know what to say to Yoongi's antics, so Jimin tries to stop laughing and takes over the conversation. To keep Yoongi quiet, Jimin covers his hand over the table, which works wonders.
In the end, they choose a day of next week to take Minmin home with them.
And when they're walking to Jimin's apartment, Jimin laughs at them. "Did we just adopt a cat?"
"It's part of my plan to keep you tied to me," Yoongi says, squeezing Jimin's hand.
Jimin gasps. "What kind of attachment style is that? Obsessed with your handsome boyfriend?"
Their friendly back and forth remains the same as usual, but Yoongi stalls his steps until he can face Jimin, standing in the street, arms stretched and bodies connecting through their clasped hands. "Am I crossing a line with these jokes, or do you also think that far ahead?"
"Thinking about us together?" Jimin asks, and Yoongi nods. "Umh, well. How far ahead do you think of us?"
"Far," Yoongi opts for a simple answer and an innocent smile. One of those gummy ones that make Jimin's heart race. "But I don't want you to feel pressured by that."
"How far?" Jimin presses. People walk past them, and without letting go of Yoongi's hand, Jimin steps closer to him.
"Let's settle for far. I want to do all these things with you, and we won't do it next month but in time, so just tell me if it's okay to joke about it."
"I don't want to know if you think much about our future and if you see myself in your life in a few... years." Yoongi gulps. "You don't need to know; I just want a green light."
"But how far have you been thinking about us?"
"I-" Yoongi looks away, shyness decoring his face.
But Yoongi is no coward, and he meets Jimin's eyes and, with his whole chest, says aloud to the world what he feels for him. "I think, well, sometimes, I've found myself thinking about forever." Jimin doesn't flinch at the confession. "Yes. I have been thinking about forever."
The warmth from Yoongi's kitchen weeks ago engulfs Jimin, and he's becoming familiar with the feeling. Maybe this time, it has to do with the bright sun creeping on his skin, or perhaps it's how Yoongi doesn't expect Jimin to say it back but still has the courage to say it.
And looking at him, watching Jimin with the same gentleness as always and with a newfound passion that was never before, Jimin doesn't have any doubt regarding the name for this feeling.
"Hyung, do you remember that day you walked me home after we went out with the boys?"
"I think we walked this same path." Jimin shakes his head. "Remember how Namjoon hyung said people think that we should know after three months of dating if we're in love or not. Or if we're, you're capable of falling in love."
"No, it's truth."
"You even told me yourself, I tried with other people, and I couldn't fall for them. We don't know exactly if it's been six or three months between us; I don't think it matters anymore. I wasn't cursed; I just had to try with you. And I tried, and I fell, and you caught me."
Yoongi doesn't say a word. He doesn't need to; he always knows what to say and says the right thing, so he can remain quiet for now and listen to Jimin instead, Jimin who steps closer and presses their foreheads together. "I love you, hyung. In case I didn't make myself clear."
Jimin smiles so wide his cheeks hurt. "I really do love you." A pause. "I don't have anything to compare, but I know I do. I know I'm in love with you, so it's okay if you want to think about forever with me. I like that idea."
Glancing up, Jimin sees his boyfriend freeze.
His jaw is slack, and it's so adorable; Jimin giggles. "Maybe I shouldn't have made such a big deal about it and just said it randomly one day after we said goodbye, but it was a big deal to me, coming to terms with what I feel and allowing myself to feel that, so yeah."
Distant chatter and cars passing by fill the silence between them, and Jimin's smile grows when he brings a hand to Yoongi’s hair, putting a strand behind his ear. “You don’t need to say it back.”
Yoongi shakes his head. “I’m just speechless.”
“You don’t need to say anything."
"I think I know how hyung feels about me."
"Yeah? You know I love you?" After a relieved sigh, Jimin nods. "I'm not quiet because I don't want to say it back. I love you. I'll say it a thousand times now that I can say it. I was just speechless in disbelief for a second."
“I’ve been waiting for you to say it.”
“Of course. Countless times, I’ve stopped myself from blurting it. I didn’t want to be like those you dated who asked about it and urged you to reach that point. I wanted you to reach it first, but oh, was it hard to wait.”
It tugs at Jimin's heart. “It must have been hard, not knowing if I would reciprocate or if I'd run away as I've always done.”
“But you told me you wouldn't. And I knew you reciprocated. You didn’t say it, but you did. I knew you loved me, but you had to put it into words.”
Yoongi's lips are soft against Jimin, who feels light-headed but also as if he's about to burst. “I’ve made you wait so long, haven’t I?”
Yoongi laughs a low, husky laugh that sounds like home to Jimin by now. “It’s okay. As long as this is the outcome, I’d wait longer."
It seems simple, but words are powerful.
After Jimin talked to Taehyung and Jungkook about how his experiences with Taeyang had affected his following intimate relationships, putting all those vague thoughts into words and threading them made everything more evident to Jimin.
Only after saying it aloud, admitting how much he wanted to save at least some aspects of that relationship, was Jimin able to face his past. And now, it's the same, silly and almost childlike, but after saying 'I love you,' everything with Yoongi becomes easier.
Their practices in the bedroom have been changing with time, little by little, but saying the word aloud is the final push. Tonight, when Jimin falls on his back, his boyfriend hovers over him, kissing him deeply, and settling between his legs, Jimin begs him to make love to him.
Jimin would have never found himself saying those words aloud to a lover; he used to believe they were foolish and boring.
Even after breaking up, even if he wouldn't be having sex with him, Jimin would think of Taeyang laughing at him after asking for 'love' instead of 'sex.'
When he was sixteen, Jimin would laugh too, even if disappointed about never getting what he wanted and only to please Taeyang, who had no interest in lovemaking. He convinced himself that 'making love' was silly to protect that kid that gave too much to someone that didn't care.
But Yoongi isn't Taeyang, and Yoongi cares for him, and Jimin doesn't need to protect that wounded teenager by himself when he has Yoongi with him.
Yoongi, who has eased Jimin into this. Yoongi, who looks Jimin in the eyes while his hands travel lower on Jimin's body.
Yoongi, who whispers love confessions against Jimin's skin and holds him close, and Yoongi, who kisses him through it but stops to stroke Jimin's cheek with his finger.
"Hey," he murmurs, panting. "Am I making it hurt?"
"No," Jimin answers, blinking in confusion.
Yoongi's touch moves to the corner of Jimin's eye, and Jimin notices why he stops. He hides against Yoongi's shoulder, pressing his face to the naked skin. "I'm sorry. I don't know why-" Yoongi shifts, and Jimin's grip on his waist tightens. "Wait! Don't pull out."
They stay locked together, but after a second, when Yoongi tries to get comfortable and hikes Jimin's leg around his hips higher, he slips deeper inside and pulls a weak whimper from Jimin.
"Why are you tearing up, baby?" Yoongi asks.
"I don't know, it's just a lot."
"I'm not used to all the kissing and sweet words," Jimin explains. "And you're watching my face, and it's so slow, I can feel all of you every time you move, and it's a lot."
Yoongi hums, deep in his chest. "And it makes you sad?"
Jimin shakes his head. "Makes me happy."
The corner of Yoongi's lips curls the tiniest bit upwards. "Then, I don't need to worry."
"No," Jimin assures him. "I'm good. It just feels like it's the first time I'm doing this." After the confession, there's a pause and a correction. "It's the first time I'm doing this."
Yoongi leans closer for a gentle kiss.
He knows Jimin lost his virginity when he was fifteen, and Yoongi knows Jimin has had many partners after Taeyang, Yoongi and Jimin have had plenty of sex before this, but he still says, "I'm honored you want me to be your first."
Jimin lets out a small giggle. He guesses it doesn't matter how his first experience went down or the ones after that; if he wants this to be his first time, then it'll be that way. "I love you," he repeats.
"I love you too." And Jimin believes it and knows he's not lying.
No matter how much Taeyang had drilled it inside his head, no matter how much Jimin had repeated it not to question his past, he now knows that slow isn't boring. He always knew, but he didn't want to admit it.
In Yoongi's arms, surrounded by him, it's safe to admit it.
With Yoongi's arms holding him, Jimin isn't afraid of falling.
this has been happening to me a lot this year; I'm writing stories with themes I'm very interested in exploring but that are too big for me, and since it's the first time I'm dwelling on them, I feel like they're dispersed in the story, so I discover new edges in the process.
so you'll probably see me writing similar themes soon. I really like going over the same experience in different ways (I've done this with age gap and bad boyfriend before, yet this one is different from them) and even if this is a first approximation I hope it was still good
what I wanted was to write another story about past abuse, exploring hypersexuality this time, but I found other themes while writing, so maybe my message or plot got lost. However, i had this story in mind since I wrote the tk version, and I'm happy it finally exists