People tell disabled people to get a job. But never how to stay in one. How or when to explain your disabilities without losing the ability to work. For example, this is what happened when I worked In DC for an international agency.

(Nothing hush-hush, it's right on my LI. I worked for them through a placement agency and they are, in my opinion, the devil, and I'm ashamed that I ever didn't realize it.)

So here I am, deliriously happy, working a help desk job. I answer phones, I tell people things about Word they could easily find by looking in the help menu. They pay what is just a silly amount of money for someone in their 20s.

Oh I was so happy. Every day I was surprised they still let me in. I had health insurance and although I had to go two or three weeks sometimes, gentle adjustments by a chiropractor and proper medication was helping with my back. Then.

One day I couldn't get out of bed. Which ever way I rolled. Well I couldn't quite roll. I of course took a few days off, saw some doctors. It was deeper than that. Short story long, I ended up using the short term disability coverage my employer provided.

I tried to go back to work. But it took me an hour to do the ten minute walk from the parking garage to the building in downtown DC a block away. I knew I was in trouble. But they said they would "accomodate" me.

I should have learned that day. No one has the patience, or the time for those of us slowing down their precious pace. And we just get run over or run out the door. No mater how many times you say "what takes other people 1 hour takes me 4" people will NOT get it.

It's accomodations when they know you shouldn't be working. And those same accommodations are too inconvenient when they realize they can push you out. Why pay you to do the job slower, even if you do the job better, when they can find someone to do it fast and good enough?

There's always someone quicker, faster, louder. That's capitalism. The same people who tell you to charge what you're worth are also telling you that you ain't shit for asking them for it.

I really enjoyed that job. And I could have done that job from home. Even then, in the late 90s, we were remote connecting to computers in the building and sometimes to remote traveling employees.

For those on slow connections I could walk them through their desktop configuration with my eyes closed. We had a whole department of people whose literal job was to work remotely. But I wasn't permitted to support them remotely.

So first I went back on leave. Then on the last day of the FMLA 12 week period they fired me. Not even in person. I didn't get a phone call. A letter when I got back from the hospital, all because I didn't return a form. Clearly they were looking for any reason.

I didn't fight. They'd find a way to push me out. That's what they do. And that's what people who aren't marginalized don't understand. And not all people who are marginalized get it either.

When you are #DisabledAndWorking, there's a constant struggle. Do I disclose this health issue? It won't affect my job performance or quality... but what if it affects HOW LONG it takes for me to reach that quality?

Maybe who cares if you're not hourly. Maybe they'll think you're trying to sneak in some overtime if you are.

When you are #DisabledAndWorking, sometimes the health problem you have is embarrassing. Or hard to explain. Try being in a position that hinges on your previously proven intellect-- but then you can't come up with the word "table" at lunch.

When you're #DisabledAndWorking you know that every day you come in to the office every day you sit down at your freelance work It might be your last day. Because maybe this time you did you work perfectly but forgot what day it was & hence someone's birthday.

And you know how it works. Will that be the direct reason you get dismissed? Of course not. Will it be a contributing factor? You bet. But you'll never be able to tie those two things together. And you will sound ridiculous for the attempt.

It's so hard to explain to people who aren't in the same position the balancing act one constantly has to do. If you disclose too early, before you have proven yourself, you'll get written off with "she's disabled so she can't" prejudice.

If you disclose too late, you're full of "excuses" - it doesn't matter how real your symptoms are. If they interfere with your job and you didn't tell them until after the fact, they will 100% believe you're faking.

"Why didn't you sue?" By now you should know, given what we've all been through these last few years that the rules are in place to protect the privileged FROM us. Because you need privilege to get them enforced.

And if you HAVE privilege, you're so used to not needing to obey the rules that you don't understand what it's like to live a life where they are strictly enforced. It's not like that for all of us. You can't get away with stuff we can't.

You want to fight back? You need a lawyer. That will cost you either money or time.

And here's the kicker. People who work in traditional #DEI see this problem. People who mockingly tell us to "get a job" they SEE this problem. You can't convince me they don't. Disabled people aren't this new type of person that was just invented.

But I suppose you earn the most social capital by telling us you want us to work beside you then denying us what we need to be there. As of Wednesday... I don't know I'm just fed. up. I don't know how we're supposed to ... exist.

Update: Just sending love and out to everyone going through these kinds of issues and worse who are still struggling to remain #DisabledAndWorking And/or can’t be, because of *gestures at worlds* I have spent two hours acknowledging everyone Twitter would show me.

(Some of you were private or Twitter marked you as spam so I could see that a person replied but not the reply itself. I’ll try from a newer account later.)

Some of you I apologized too. And I appreciate your replies that I didn’t do anything wrong. But some gatdamn body owes you folks an apology. Whether they like it or not I am sorry for what they did to you. And I love you. I care you are alive.