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Jan 24
24 tweets

What we are πŸ–‡ #taekookau where I saw you again. 7 years later. You greeted me like an old friend and perhaps, I was, indeed an old friend. We smiled at each other but I could see that it was no longer same. We hanged out again. And the old question came back, what are we?

We blame this and my urge to write angst.
β™‘ General Tags β™‘ β™‘ Title : What are we (what we used to be?) β™‘ Best friends to strangers to lovers β™‘ Angst, angst & angst β™‘ Short hopefully β™‘ first person (Tae) pov β™‘ Pain corner
ο½₯ ο½‘οΎŸβ˜…: *.✦ .* :β˜….
Friends to Lovers. It sounds sweet by the name alone. Two childhood friends who know each other since a long time, who know each other's habit like a second nature. It sounds sweet, lovely even but alas, reality is far away from expectations.
I know you, I know your habits, I know you like you're a part of my soul, a part of me. So, trust me, it hurts. It hurts when we grow up, when I realised that you're my friend, not a part of my soul. I was dumb, I was wrong to think otherwise.
You aren't my soulmate, you're just my friend. I might know you the best but I don't have the right to claim you as my own. You know why? because soulmates are those who are romantically involved with each other. Best friends are gonna be exactly what they are, best friends.
and *chuckle* look at my fate. The world had to make you my best friend when all I wanted was you to be my soulmate. Best friends break apart, the forever in bff never stays, it leaves. It's true, Best friends break apart, soulmates don't.
For a long period of time, I wondered, if you were my best friend or my soulmate. what are we? We did what soulmates do, we held hands, we had inside jokes, we soughted each other at our best and our worst.
Funnily we kissed too, when everything was too overwhelming, we locked our lips. Passionately. Desperately. We clutched at each other like our lives dependent on it. Laid together in bed, with our hands interwined together like sewed by a string.
On those late nights, When I grazed at your eyes, found that softness... that love for myself. I wondered, what are we? You held me close to yourself, as if I'm a priced possession. A precious diamond of some sorts.
On those nights. I let myself be delusional. I let myself believe that indeed, maybe we were soulmates. Maybe we were one soul in two bodies. I let myself be delusional but then we grew up. You grew up, and you got her.
20 years of friendship, all down the drain because we grew up. We went to college. We reached the stage of life where friendship wasn't enough, everyone needed a partner, someone they could settle down with once this stupid college ends.
People think that a best friend and a partner have different place in someone's heart, that one can balance both but they actually cannot. I don't blame you for seeking a partner, I don't blame you for wanting someone romantically. I don't blame you kook, absolutely not.
but just because I don't blame you doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. It hurts, still does when I think about it. It hurts to see her sitting where once I used to.
It killed me when I raised my hand to clean your face because you eat messily but she already had done it. It broke me in million tiny pieces when she too, started to scold you for not eating properly, just like how I did, with that fond smile, loving eyes.
It hurted when my hand just hanged there, in air, wishing to hold you but I knew I couldn't. Because you were my best friend, not my soulmate. That was her right, not mine. That's when the delusional bubble I had made for myself popped and I was slapped with reality.
That's the funny thing about being delusional When it pops, it throws you off a cliff, your whole life becomes nothing but a lie. Maybe that's why many still stay in denial but I couldn't Cause If I did, Maybe I'll become toxic for you and that was the last thing I wanted to be
So I did what anyone would do, I stayed away. The hilarious thing is, you didn't even noticed. You were too engrossed in her. I realised, I was just a side character, a supporting role in your and hers love story. we grew apart. I left, just like that.
Even in that moment, a question stayed with me. What are we or rather, what we used to be? I still wondered, was I just delusional? Was I in denial and unable to accept that I was a side role or maybe it was you who was in denial. What are we, what we used to be? I wondered.
7 years... 7 years passed just like that.. And I saw you again. You greeted me like an old friend and perhaps, I was, indeed an old friend. We smiled at each other but I could see that it was no longer same.
Nothing was same, Your smile, your style, you habit, your love for me. Nothing was same, except that bond we had, that connection. It was still there, hiding somewhere waiting to be found.
The more time I spent with you, The more time we spent in reviving that bond. The more your smile started to become genuine and the old question came back, what are we? Or rather what we used to be? Was I delusional or were you just in denial? I wondered, again.
~ Commissioned, would be posted once I'm done writing it ~


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