cw // mpreg omega wei ying spends his heat with his best friend alpha lan wangji and gets pregnant. when he finds out, wei ying rushes to share the news with lan wangji. but when he gets there, he hears lan wangji say the words that changes everything between them.

it wasn’t supposed to be like this. he was supposed to spend his heat all alone, like he always did. but all his plans had south when got an unexpected heat and then lan wangji showed up at his door for their movie night.

one thing had lead to another, scent making them delirious until they were just bodies mingling together. and wei ying had woken all alone in bed, an entire week after his heat, all cleaned up, wearing fresh clothes with cut up fruits and chocolates next to him.

and the scent of an alpha who was nowhere to be seen. as if he was never here. it should have given wei ying enough answer but lan zhan was his best friend, so he gave him benefit of the doubt. he had picked up his phone and called him, multiple times. but none were answered.

wei ying : lan zhan, where are you? hey is everything alright? lan zhan call me back please? okay call me when you feel like it. all his messages were read but never replied to.

lan zhan was someone who did nothing without intention. if he wasn’t here to wake wei ying up, make him fresh breakfast like he did always before, if he wasn’t picking his calls, if he wasn’t there after spending their cycles together, that gave wei ying an enough answer.

wei ying had swallowed all his pain and frustration and decided to call lan zhan later. if he wanted to avoid him, wei ying would give him his space for now. that is what he was supposed to do. not talk to lan zhan unless he contacted him first.

but now that he is sitting here, staring at the positive pregnancy test, wei ying is speechless. “wei ying, is everything alright? we are coming in now” wen qing’s voice is distant in his ears. it is only when there is a hand on his shoulder does he react.

“qing jie…” wei ying cries, tears springing in his eyes. “what am i going to do?” “oh, wei ying” miamian sigh, hugging him immediately. wen qing pats his back soothingly, letting him cry until he is drained.

“what will you do now, wei ying?” mianmian asks, guiding him back to the living room while wen qing gets him a glass of hot water. truthfully, he does not know. lan zhan has been his best friend for years. wei ying does not want to lose him. he will not survive that.

and if lan zhan’s reaction all this week is any indication, their relationship is already on thin ice. but he needs to tell lan zhan. it is his child as much as it is wei ying’s. and wei ying knows how it feels like, living with one parent. he does not want that for his child.

“i will have to tell lan zhan” wei ying wraps his arms around himself. “you are keeping the child?” mianmian says, surprised. wei ying raises a shaky hand to rest over his stomach. “ya, how can i not? i always wanted a baby. always wanted something—“

/something with lan zhan/ goes unsaid but all of them hears it the same. “we will be here with you, wei ying. when are you planning to tell him?” wen qing asks. wei ying smiles at them. “he isn’t going picking my calls. im going to go to his apartment. it is his free day”

wei ying will catch him where he will have no option but to talk to him. if he is stubborn, wei ying more stubborn then him. he leaves immediately, before he loses his confidence. he promises to call them and books a cab.

wei ying reached there too quickly. he hasn’t even gathered his thoughts yet. with a deep breath, wei ying gets out of the cab and starts to walk to his apartment. he knows the route by heart, he has walked here super drunk before and made it back safely.

this has always been his safe place. lan zhan’s apartment. but today, wei ying feels none of that safety. he takes a deep breath, as he gets closer, just a turn after the stairs and he will be— “think about it wangji” echoes a familiar voice in the empty hallway.

lan xichen. but why is he here? wasn’t he supposed to be on a business trip in london? “at least talk to wei ying once?” lan xichen continues, making wei ying’s feet freeze at the mention of his name. did lan zhan tell him about what happened? of course he did.

if there is anyone important to lan zhan other then wei ying, it is lan xichen. wei ying peeks out from behind the wall, ready to make his presence known when lan zhan’s voice reaches his ears. “there is nothing to talk about” lan zhan’s voice is difficult to discern.

and then, with only one sentence, wei ying’s entire world comes crashing down. “i do not want what he wishes for”

————————

wei ying does not know how he makes it to wen qing’s apartment. the sun has long set when he knocks weakly on the door. the door opens immediately, like they were waiting for him. it only takes one look at him for their faces to fall. they don’t say anything.

only pulls him into a hug. and wei ying breaks. it doesn’t hurt because wei ying lost a chance of being with lan zhan. to get a semblance of this love he has been holding onto like something precious. it hurts because wei ying has lost his best friend.

————————

the thing is, wei ying does not know what he used to do, who he is used to be without lan zhan. his day started with lan zhan and ended with him. only now that there is a lan zhan shaped emptiness in his life does he realise how involved he was in his life.

wei ying cries every night, unable to function like a normal human being. if not of wen qing and mianmian, he would have faded away. they make him move into their apartment, more like informs him that he going to live with them and move all his stuff into their spare bedroom.

wei ying is forever grateful for it, he does not think he would have handled it all well all alone. not when every inch of his apartment reminded him of lan zhan and that fateful night.

every night wei ying stares at the messages he sent lan zhan and that glaring read written under them. it’s been six days since the last message and wei ying has by now lost all hope.

“looks like it will just be me and you” wei ying caresses his stomach, smiling while tears swells up in his eyes. he is used to being left alone by people he considered his everything. he will go through this all alone. if not for himself then for this child he is carrying.

everything will be alright. wei ying will make sure it does.

————————

will be updating the rest tomorrow

another week passes but lan zhan does not contact him. it is better this way, wei ying convinces himself. he has his baby to take care of. he does not need to feel the added stress.

it is just, does lan zhan regrets it all this much? was wei ying really not worth a relationship? worth fighting for? lan zhan had seen him at his worst, had now seen him at his most vulnerable. that was his first heat, his first time. lan zhan had taken it and left.

if he tries to remember how that night had unfolded, he comes in blank. he remembered those golden eyes clouded with desire as those hands had made him mad with pleasure. it had been instinct, for an alpha of lan zhan’s vigour to claim an omega in heat. and that had been it.

if at that time wei ying would have known that those days of intimacy would take them where they are right now, he would have thrown himself off a cliff. but despite of all the pain, life doesn’t stop.

wei ying is still a student. a student at the same university, in the same course, in the same class as lan zhan. and that means after weeks of hiding away in the apartment, he will have to face lan zhan and lan zhan will have to face him.

“can’t I just drop out?” wei ying mumbles, eating the nutritious meal mianmian had made for him. both of them has made it their responsibility to take care of him through this. from a nutritious diet to ensuring he isn’t sad for too long.

it is heart warming, how even after everything he still has someone’s willing to help him. it was lan zhan’s responsibility or like he had made it his responsibility to give wei ying everything he wanted before he even asked. wei ying sighs at the thought, earning him a glare.

“no one is dropping out. it is the last semester, just a few months more” which should be comforting but wei ying feels him dreading those months. “wei ying, maybe we can go and talk to lan zhan?” mianmian offers but wei ying immediately says no.

wei ying had told them every thing that had happened and they had only shared a look, asked him to maybe have this conversation with lan zhan in person.

“you know lan zhan. he would never do anything he does not want to. he has not messaged me back jie. I don’t think it can get clearer then this” wei ying brushes it off again. he does not want to have this conversation again.

sensing his bad mood, they do not press it any further. when they reach his department, wei ying wants to bolt and hide somewhere. it is only wen qing’s firm grip on his arm keeping him from doing just that.

“wei ying, you are stronger then this. we will be one phone call away. but we are going to give him a chance today. if he does not behave, i will deal with him”

a flutter of hope ignites within him at her words. maybe, just maybe— wei ying shakes his head. he gives them a weak nod, trying his best to smile back. but if the complicated expression that comes on their face is any indication, it must not be quite convincing.

————————

wei ying enters the class just a minute before it starts, to ensure he does not run into lan zhan. he can feel someone observing him intensely as he walks to the farthest empty seat he can find. he does not look at the glaringly empty seat beside lan zhan.

the seat that everybody always left empty for him. at first. nobody else wanted to sit beside lan zhan and change to lan zhan never wanting anyone but wei ying to be by his side. “wei-xiong, are you okay?” it is now huaisang’s voice that reaches him.

he didn’t even notice him there. “wrong? why would anything be wrong?” wei ying asks innocently. now huaisang gives him a blank face. “for starters, you are not sitting with wangji xiong. and you smell— different”

wei ying freezes. he was sure his scent was the same. “do i?” wei ying refuses to look at now huaisang’s questioning gaze. he does not mention how effortlessly he has evaded the first question. “did something happen between you two? i have never seen you without him”

wei ying swallows hard, willing the tears to go away. he does not want to be apart from lan zhan either but how can he explain it to anyone? thankfully, he is saved from answering when lan qiren enters the class. but that does not stop now huaisang from giving him curious looks.

lan qiren begins to take the attendance and when he takes wei ying’s name and he answers, wei ying swear he sees his eyes going is slightly wide and shifting between the seat next to lan zhan and back to him. he stares way too longer at lan zhan as if asking for answers.

lan qiren must have gotten an answer there because his face clouds over. he already does not like wei ying, he barely tolerated his presence in lan zhan’s life. maybe this will be the final nail in the coffin. with just one lingering stare at wei ying, the class begins.

————————

it seems like wei ying attracts problems even when he is actively trying to avoid them. wei ying rushes out of the class the moment the bell rings. even lan qiren is not out of class yet when he hears the man call him. “wei ying, meet me in my office”

wei ying turns just slightly, enough to only meet lan qiren’s eyes, not the figure standing in front of him. “yes, professor lan” he says and all but bolts out of the class. he is going to be sick.

just being in lan zhan’s presence, knowing he has all his attention it makes wei ying feel things. he’s always had lan zhan’s attention but where was it when he waiting for him to call? just a little /i can’t do this anymore/ would have been enough. better then this mess.

question: how angsty do you want this thread to be?

wei ying feels a knot form in his stomach as he makes his way to lan qiren's office. he can't imagine what the man could possibly want with him. he tries to shake off the feeling of dread that has settled over him, but it's not easy.

when he finally reaches the office, he takes a deep breath and knocks on the door. lan qiren's voice calls out for him to enter, and he does so, closing the door behind him. the room is cold and austere, with only a few books and scrolls on the shelves.

he truly was expecting lan zhan to be there but still seeing him standing next to him makes him wince. wei ying's heart sinks as he sees lan zhan's cold expression and avoids looking at him directly.

"take a seat both of you” lan qiren says, gesturing to a chair in front of his desk. he observes them like he is trying to decipher something. wei ying sits down, feeling nervous and anxious. he wonders what lan qiren wants to talk to him about.

lan zhan would not have told him what happened between them right? from the corner of his eyes, wei ying tries to gauge lan zhan’s reaction. his shoulders are stiff, hands clutching his knees tightly. his jaw is tense like he is when he gets impatient.

"professor lan," wei ying begins tentatively. “is there anything you need to talk to me about?" "yes there is," lan qiren replies sternly. "i have received confirmation that you and lan zhan are both been chosen to play at the annual recital together”

wei ying feels a sense of dread wash over him. he knows that he can't avoid lan zhan forever, but the thought of practising with him all alone for days, it makes wei ying want to throw up.

and if lan zhan’s little jolt that only wei ying sees is anything to go by, he doesn’t like it either. “im sorry, professor lan," wei ying says, trying to sound apologetic but it falls flat. “im afraid I can't perform. i have prior…engagements”

lan qiren raises an eyebrow. "and what engagement would that be?" wei ying opens his mouth to answer but hesitates. he can't tell lan qiren the truth, that he's avoiding lan zhan because he is carrying his nephew’s child, his grandchild.

"i have some event," wei ying says instead, hoping that it will be a convincing enough excuse. but of course lan qiren does not buy it. “wei ying, this was me informing you, not asking for your opinion” he says sternly.

“you will be practising intensively for the next few weeks. i will be supervising” wei ying grimaces. there goes all his plans on avoiding lan zhan. and on top of it all, he has another lan to look out for.

“uncle” lan zhan says suddenly, his voice carefully blank. “i will be unable to join as well. i also have prior engagements” wei ying blinks, trying to process what he just said. for a moment, wei ying is frozen, staring at lan zhan in disbelief. this is not what he expected.

does wei ying repel him so much? it is fine if he does not want to be with him and move on. regret what happened between them. but it is not lan zhan who is suffering life altercations from the situation.

lan qiren gives them both a confused look, “you two were the ones who came to me for a referral to apply. and now both you have, as you said ‘prior engagements’.” both of them remains absolutely silent, not providing any further explanation.

“very well then. i will be cancelling your performance ” wei ying takes a deep sigh of relief. and so does lan zhan beside him. it makes wei ying angry, the way the alpha is acting as if— he does not wish to continue the thought.

wei ying stands up to leave but lan qiren makes him stop. “lan zhan you can leave. i have to ask you something ,wei ying” if lan zhan is curious, he does not show it on his face. he leaves as quickly as he can.

“wei ying” lan qiren’s voice is soft when he asks, “is everything alright between you and lan zhan?” wei ying tenses up. is he— does he know? “nothing professor lan. why would there be anything wrong?” he laughs, saying it as casually as he can.

“im to believe that the lan zhan and wei ying who were, much to my disdain, never not together are unable to even look at each other?” lan qiren raises one curt eyebrow. the knife in wei ying’s chest plunged deeper. he knows it very well how close they were, inseparable.

despite of lan qiren’s constant rebukes, lan zhan never left his side. and with lan zhan’s constant reassurance, so did wei ying. and suddenly there is this abyss between them. wei ying remains absolutely silent. no words coming to his mind.

lan qiren sighs when he sees he isn’t going to get an answer. “the reason i wanted to talk to you is something else” he pauses as if searching wei ying’s face for answers. “do you know lan zhan has applied for a phd program abroad?”

wei ying’s heart drops. lan zhan applied for a phd program abroad? wasn’t— they were supposed to do that together. they had this deal, years back, whatever they do in the future, they do it together. it is really cruel to see all those dreams crumbling right in front of him.

“no. no, he didn’t tell me” wei ying confesses, swallowing the lump in his throat. betrayal coursing through him. there is a knowing look in lan qiren’s eyes when he nods. “I wish for him to stay here and work in the university. try to convince him. he only ever listens to you”

a bitter laugh bubbles out of him that. listens to him. oh how he wishes lan zhan listened to him. but he only had himself to blame, didn’t he? with a heavy heart, wei ying gives a weak nod and leaves the office. he lets out a deep breath he didn’t know he was holding.

he was half expecting lan zhan to be standing outside the door, like he always did when wei ying was alone with lan qiren. the way his golden eyes would go wide in concern and the way his voice would drip with softness when he said his name, “wei ying”

a tear slips out of his eye, staining his cheek. he already had everything and more with lan zhan. how did wei ying manage to fuck up the only precious thing left in his life?

————————

wei ying does not talk to lan zhan. not when lan zhan avoids him like a plague. now he understands those who say how cold lan zhan can be when he wants to be. he was warm with wei ying, like the sunshine on snow but now he is like a snow storm keeping everyone at a distance.

one month passes painstakingly slow. like every second of it is meant to give wei ying the cruelest misery. lan zhan does not pay him any mind as if he isn’t even there. they share classes, every single one of them but lan zhan does not spare him a single bliss of his attention

mianmian and wen qing give him the scariest looks whenever they pass him but he never does anything. it is the lack of action that wei ying hates the most. it was easy to rile lan zhan up but even with the constant glares, he does not respond.

in just a month, there is a gentle curve in wei ying’s stomach. it isn’t visible of one’s not paying attention. he can easily hide it under his hoodie. it scares wei ying, the visible changes in his body. the mental reminder of it all was enough.

but wei ying accepts it. if he is going to do it on his own, without lan zhan. his child will grow up without the other parent but wei ying will do his everything to never let them feel the gaping presence. but then, the calm never lasts in wei ying’s life.

when the day of the annual recital comes, wei ying is ready to go to his apartment when now huaisang comes running towards him. “wei-xiong, you need to follow me! quick I don’t have time to explain!” nie huaisang shouts from across the hall, running to him at full speed.

wei ying does not get to process the situation when he grabs his arm and begins to quite roughly drag him. “huaisang— wait what are you doing!? where— stop, slow down won’t you? im preg—“ wei ying stops before the word can make it out of his mouth.

nie huaisang gives him a knowing look, softening his hold and slowing his pace a little. “it will be alright, wei-xiong” shock courses through wei ying at his words, at the knowing look. how did he know? he tries to free his arm from his grip but it doesn’t budge.

how is nie huaisang so strong? he tries to talk but the words don’t come out. he lets nie huaisang drag him to a familiar place and that is when wei ying realises where they are heading to.

“why are we going to the recital hall?” wei ying asks, completely confused. "there's been an accident with the performers, and they won't be able to perform at the recital. we need to plan a performance with lan zhan”

nie huaisang says, grabbing wei ying by the arm and pulling him towards the door. but wei ying’s entire world has stopped. perform with lan zhan, how can he do that when they won’t even look at each other?

nie huaisang looks at him imploringly. "we need you and lan zhan to perform instead please. you are the only ones who can pull it off” if it was another day, wei ying would have jumped on this opportunity. performing with lan zhan was a once in a lifetime opportunity.

but today it makes him sick to his stomach. “i don't want to perform with lan zhan," wei ying says, his voice heavy with emotion.

"i know, wei ying, but we don't have a choice," nie huaisang replies. "please, you are our only hope. and who knows, maybe working together will help the two of you patch things up”

wei ying takes a deep breath, considering his options. he knows that the recital is important, and that a lot of people are counting on him and lan zhan to get them out of this problem.

but the thought of being on stage with lan zhan, pretending like everything is okay between them, makes him feel sick to his stomach. nie huaisang must sense his hesitation, because he suddenly produces a flute from his bag and hands it to wei ying.

“here," he says. "just go on stage and start playing. lan zhan is already there waiting. i promise, once you start playing together, everything will fall into place." he says it like he already knows what is going on. like this would fill the void between them.

wei ying takes the flute from him, studying it with a frown. he's not sure if he can do this. but he knows that he has to try. he will show lan zhan it does not affect him. he can still live his life.

the hall is packed with people when wei ying walks onto the stage, his heart racing in his chest. he spots lan zhan immediately, sitting calmly with his guqin in front of him. the stage light gives him an otherworldly aura, like a god descended to bless the mortals.

wei ying feels a pang of hurt at the sight of him. why is he acting like nothing is wrong between them? he is sitting there like a robot, not a single discomfort visible on his face. wei ying wants to hit him with a flute. he does not get to of course,they the signal to start.

wei ying takes a deep breath and raises the flute to his lips, and as soon as he starts playing, he feels his worries start to slip away. it's like he's in a different world, a world where only he and lan zhan exist.

they don’t need to look at each other to recognise the notes. their souls responds to them all on their own. the music flows out of them effortlessly, their instruments blending together in perfect harmony. if wei ying closes his eyes, he can pretend nothing is wrong.

pretend they are the same lan zhan and wei ying who used to play together every night and every day. this is where he belongs, on stage with lan zhan, making beautiful music together. another dream that cannot ever become real.

the audience seems to feel the same way. they're enraptured, their eyes fixed on wei ying and lan zhan as they play. wei ying can feel their energy, their excitement.

the song that they play is something etched into wei ying’s mind. he has never heard it before lan zhan played it for him, refused to share the name of it. but it is so deeply ingrained in him that when he has to play a song, he cannot play another.

those emotions he has been feeling for the past month, wei ying pours them all into every note. every not filled with the unspoken words between them. why did you not want me? what did you leave me? why didn’t you love me?

but all he gets in return is a empty notes, devoid of any feeling at all. wei ying has heard lan zhan play before but none has ever sounded so… empty. like he is playing for the sake of playing. not like the lan zhan who played like every note meant something.

but ofcourse, only wei ying sees it, hears the emptiness. for everyone else it is a beautiful performance. wei ying itches to touch his stomach, to let their unborn child know that it is the only time they might hear his father play. let them get one chance of remembering it.

he sees lan zhan’s fingers effortlessly moving over the guqin, sees the distorted image of those same hands moving over his body, tracing his lips gently. wei ying takes a deep breath, willing those images away from his head. even now, those memories won’t leave him.

it disgusts him, that sometimes he wakes up with the ghost of those touches still lingering on his skin. but he can put it all away, let the notes take over the restlessness of his mind until he is nothing but the sound of his flute, blending with lan zhan.

but just as they are reaching the climax of the piece, wei ying sees something above them and his heart just stops. a stage light above lan zhan's head starts to sway precariously. wei ying's heart stops as he realizes that the light is about to fall on lan zhan.

at that moment, pure fear fills wei ying. lan zhan. no. wei ying acts without thinking, pushing lan zhan out of the way just as the light falls to the ground with a deafening crash.

a discordant note of the guqin echoes in the hall, the audience erupting into chaos as the stage light shatters into pieces, right where lan zhan was sitting.

a sound escapes lan zhan’s lips just as his back hits the floor, his arms wrapping around wei ying to take most of the impact. wei ying’s hand goes immediately to his stomach, protecting it from the crash.

wei ying feels the heat of the light brush past his arm as it crashes to the ground, shattering into a million pieces. for a moment, the world seems to stop as they both take in what just happened.

wei ying's heart is pounding in his chest, eyes fluttering all over his face, looking for any inch of discomfort. when he finds none. he sighs, relieved that he's okay. lan zhan is dazed and shaken, but unhurt. but wei ying is so scared and relieved that it overwhelms him.

he keeps staring at those intense golden eyes that does not move away from him even for a second. since that day, this is the closest they have ever been, the most expression wei ying has seen on lan zhan’s face since then.

he has all of lan zhan’s attention and it is only now wei ying feels just how much he has missed this. the way lan zhan’s brows furrow in concern, his lips pursed in confusion. it is so much and not so much at the same time.

lan zhan’s face is doing those little things he loves and wei ying’s fragile heart just caves. he rests his head over lan zhan’s pounding heart, letting the tears of pain, frustration, fear and yearning pour out of him. and once they do, they do not stop.

there are loud noises around them, people scrambling to ensure they are okay. but wei ying cannot hear them over the sounds of his own sobs and the pounding of lan zhan’s heart. his arms are still tightly holding wei ying’s waist, unrelenting and unwilling to let go.

but otherwise, lan zhan remains absolutely frozen. he lets his sandalwood scent surround him until his own goes damp. it settles him and their child, sating an urge that he does not even know he had.

wei ying’s frame shakes with the force of his sobs, his fingers clutching lan zhan’s dress shirt like his life depends on it. maybe it does, all of wei ying is lan zhan’s. be it the baby growing in his belly or wei ying’s soul. it is all lan zhan’s since the day he met him.

and lan zhan does not move under him, let’s wei ying’s tears soak his shirt. he hears though, the rapid breathing and the little hitches. oh. wei ying knows this sound. it is one he hates the most. lan zhan is crying. he is crying and wei ying is the reason.

it only makes wei ying cry harder, lan zhan’s emotions so potent that wei ying cries with him, cries for them, for what they could’ve been. everything else just fades away, until they are the only ones holding each other for dear life.

it is after what feels like hours that there are people around him, he thinks he hears nie huaisang first. “wei ying! you are bleeding!” he exclaims. it is what breaks lan zhan out of his trance. he moves so fast that wei ying is left dizzy with it.

he is suddenly sitting up straight in lan zhan’s lap, who frantically pats every inch of wei ying. there is a crazy look in his eyes as he finally finds the source of the bleeding, a cut on arm. it's not serious, but it's bleeding profusely. it does not even hurt.

wei ying tries to hide it, not wanting to disrupt this fragile moment, but lan zhan does not budge. "wei ying, you are hurt” he says, concern etched on his face, voice trembling. oh, his voice saying his name. oh, how much wei ying had missed this.

"it's nothing” wei ying insists, trying to smile through the pain, not raising his voice above a whisper. that seems to much. but lan zhan is already reaching for his hand, pulling it towards him. he inspects the cut closely, frowning.

“you are hurt” he repeats like that is the only thing he can focus on. “lan zhan—“ wei ying begins, tracking lan zhan’s face. there is that crazed glint there again, his face so— it does not seem like lan zhan. “lan zhan, hey im fine. are you okay?” wei ying asks again.

but he doesn’t seem to hear him at all. wei ying feels a jolt of fear run through him. it's one thing for lan zhan to touch him casually, but this feels different. it feels like he isn’t in control.

“lan zhan” he calls out again, he tries to pull his hand away, but lan zhan's grip is firm. wei ying is scared. sacred for lan zhan. what is wrong? “wei-xiong, I got you— shit! wangji-xiong, what are you doing!?” nie hauisang yells, falling onto his knees.

the first aid kit he was carrying falling next to him. wei ying watches bewildered. it is only then he smells it. the intense scent of sandalwood around them. he was so focused on lan zhan that he failed to smell it.

it is saturated with lan zhan’s scent. like an alpha marking his territory, warning everyone and anyone, alpha or not that it is his mate and his mate only. and no competition would be taken well. but other then that, it is the sign of an alpha going feral.

that crazed look, the constant need to touch, lan zhan is going feral. the realisation makes wei ying freeze in terror. not for him but for the alpha tending to him. they say once an alpha goes feral, they do not recover from it.

“lan zhan, lan zhan. please. are you listening to me, lan zhan?” wei ying cries his name, desperately touching his face to see those golden eyes without the crazed haze again. no, he cannot lose lan zhan. not now, not ever. how is his child going to grow up without him?

how is wei ying going to live without him? he will need to be here. he cannot just leave him like this. “sweetheart” the words comes out unbidden from his mouth. “come back to me” wei ying watches lan zhan’s fiddling eyes focus on his. the minute twitch of his lips.

the way he closes his eyes, trembling as wei ying cups his face. he tilts his face into wei ying’s palm, his arm wrapped around wei ying. at that moment, wei ying forgets what has happened. nothing else but lan zhan matters.

wei ying feels a rush of longing, but he tries to tamp it down. this isn't how things are supposed to be. he wants to pushlan zhan away gently, feeling a pang of regret when he cannot bring himself to. not when lan zhan is nuzzling into wei ying's neck and inhaling deeply.

"lan zhan, you can't do this," he says, his voice breaking slightly. "not after everything” he says more to himself because lan zhan is still taut with tension.

his words does not go unheard. lan zhan opens his eyes, still hazy and looks down, his expression unreadable. he doesn't say anything, but he lets go of wei ying's hand.

wei ying feels a sense of loss wash over him. he's never felt this vulnerable before, and he doesn't know how to handle it. he starts to cry again tears streaming down his face unchecked. he thought it had worked.

lan zhan doesn't say anything, but he comes back to touch wei ying's cheek with his fingers. but he doesn't touch him, lets them be there close enough so that wei ying can feel the warmth of them. it makes wei ying confused. so fucking confused.

does all of this mean lan zhan cares? then why would he ignore him? why? why! “wei ying” lan zhan’s voice is barely above a whisper, raspy as if it is hurting him to say his name. maybe it is.

“yes, lan zhan” wei ying responds to him like a sunflower to the sun, chasing his light. he coaxes him as his mouth moves to form words. “sorry” lan zhan’s body crumbles when he whispers, his golden eyes losing the haze but his eyelids closing before wei ying can see them.