What about young Jm being obliged by his father to marry Yg and to stay in that marriage for at least three years?
Jm, a college major who is always partying and going out with friends, ruining his father reputation. And Yoongi, a shy CEO who no one ever sees out.
And what about they finally filing the divorce papers and finally split up? Just that Jm, the one who cried because he had to marry Yg, is now crying because he fell in love. But is Yg available? Does Yg want him too?
"You can't ask me such a thing!" Jm just bolted into his father's studio, yelling at him. His face is red with anger and streaked by a path of tears.
"I told you countless times that being photographed while drunk and with boys won't have done good to my image. Didn't I?
"You– you can't!"
"I can, and I did. People will stop talking about my son as a playboy. Besides, it's not forever, and Min Yg is the son of a dear friend. He will treat your right."
"I always knew you hated me. Since mom died, you—"
"Son, you better not finish this sentence"
"You know what? I will get married tomorrow, and I will never stop hating you for what you did to me." Jm slammed the door shut before running to his room. He took a couple of bags out of his closet and, with tears running down his face, he packed what he thought he woyld need.
"I've heard the screaming from my office." Jin entered the room without even knocking.
"Don't even talk, hyung. I can't handle more today." Jm kept his back turned to Jin. He wasn't able to stop the tears, and he didn't want Jin to see him crying. Although Jin was his father's
assistant, he was also his best friend. "How can I even marry someone I don't even know?!" Jm threw a shirt inside one of the bags. "Why does he hate me that much? It's not my fault if I resemble mom that much..."
"Jm-ah... you know he doesn't hate you. Besides, I know Yg."
Jin is now crunched near Jm, hugging him from the side.
"Do you think I care that you know him and that my father says he's a good guy?"
"No, maybe not. But trust me to this... he is a good guy." Jin ruffled his hair up before standing up to leave.
It's useless to say that Jm didn't sleep that night. He sat on the floor looking at his bags full of clothes and thinking about the next day.
He was feeling like a caged bird. He couldn't even run away. There's was no chance he could get out of this.
He was just that, a caged bird who couldn't fly anymore.
When the sun rose, one of the maids got inside his room with a tailored suit. Jm was still sitting on the floor, eyes red with sleep.
"You should get dressed, sir. The car will be here in 2 hours."
Jm didn't say a word.
Jm walked into the place where he was to be married with a beautiful blue suit he deemed too pretty for such an occasion.
He kept his face carefully emotionless. He didn't smile neither acted sad. His face wasn't anything but a blank slate.
In the room, there are his father and Jin and another couple of men; Min Yg and his father.
Jm easily spots Yg; the younger between the two. He gas long dark hair and oale skin. Jm wonders if he's pale because of the wedding.
The wedding wasn't anything more than singing papers. No one asked Jm anything, not even to say 'yes'. They just asked him to put his name on a piece of paper. He didn't utter a word nor looked at his father.
Whe the papers were signed, Jm's father patted Jm's shoulder. "I'm going. Yg will bring you and your luggage to his house." Jm didn't turn back. He didn't spare a look to the man. "Jm-ah... don't be like this." Jm shrugged his shoulders, getting his father's hand off him.
Still, no words left his mouth.
The man sighed, but nothing more that hurt and hate came to Jm from his presence.
Jm was left alone near the desk of the lawyer. To his side, Yg was standing stiff and alone as him
Yg cleared his throat awkwardly. "My– my car is outside, if you wanna follow..." Jm noted the raspy hint to his voice. The hoarseness coming from a long silence. He wondered if he too had refused to talk.
Jm turned around, heading to the exit, again without a word.
Jm's mother didn't stay around much to teach him a lot of things. She died when he was ten, and since that day, Jm hasn't been the same anymore.
However, during his early years, Jm did learn something very important from his mother. Something that he holds close to his heart.
"My little Prince, you should always sing you know?" His mother would stroke his hair sweetly after singing him a lullaby before sleep.
"Because even birds who are caged sing, my baby." She would smile at him before Jm would ask 'why' once again. "Because it makes them
feel free. Okay?" Jm would nod at her - eyes wide and pouty lips. However, he'd never know the importance of this lesson until today.
The ride was uncomfortable. Jm stayed on his side, glued to the window as he observed Yg from the corner of his eyes.
The man was concentrated on the road, but Jm could see he wanted to talk. He would open and close his mouth as his knuckles went white for the grip on
the steering wheel. Jm was feeling sorry for Yg as much as he was sorry for himself. However, he wasn't able to say a word. He couldn't come out with anything.
"I'm sorry." Jm was shell-shocked by hearing Yg's hoarse voice filling the little space of the car. For a reason
he didn't know, he felt tears prickle at the corner of his eyes. No one had said 'sorry' to him yet. And surely, it wasn't Yg's duty. Still, the man apologised to him.
Jm looked outside. He didn't want Yg to see his pain nor his tears. "You shouldn't be the one who is sorry."
They didn't say anything else because there wasn't anything else to say.
They arrived at Yg's house, and Yg helped Jm with his luggage. He walked Jm to his room and showed him around. During each moment, Jm nodded in silence, feeling the weight on his chest getting heavier.
The following days, Jm and Yg made sure not to meet each other's around the house. It wasn't difficult considering that Yg was mostly at work. So, Jm thought it would be good to have a night out with Th and Jk.
He started to get ready before Yg would come home. He didn't even think the older would mind. He chose the most sexy outfit he owned, hoping that making himself pretty would lift his mood.
It was around nine when he started padding towards the exit. Yg had give him his keys, and it wasn't like he was keeping him in the premises of the house. Still, he tried not to be seen as he tried to sneak out.
"Where are you going?"
Jm frooze in his steps. There wasn't anything demanding or authoritative in Yg's question. Still, Jm felt like a teenager caught red-handed.
"I'm going clubbing." Jm tried his best to ignore the knot in his throat. Why did this feel so wrong?
"Mmmh, you do you. But I think
you shouldn't." The nonchalance of Yg's voice was getting on Jm's nerves now.
"Because I don't want your father to scold you." When Jm turned around, he found Yg sitting in the sofa, legs spread and elbows placed on his knees. He could see that Yg was tired but this
view was making he think more of his teenage years, when his father would scold him whenever he came back late. Jm would find him sitting just like Yg now and this was making the scene and Yg's words even more unbearable.
"I don't think he asked you to keep an eye on me!"
Jm made a task sound, feeling his skin prickles.
"I– I just don't want him to get angry at you if you get photographedonce again... if you feel lonely, you can invite them here, you know?" Yg rubs at his face, tiredness spilling out of him.
"Do you think it's just loneliness?! Do you think my life would end just because he married me off?!" Jm now was yelling, feeling tears falling down his cheeks. He didn't think about Yg seeing him like that, nor about his ruined makeup. He just couldn't keep it in anymore.
Jm didn't wait for a reply as he opened the door and slammed it to his back. He didn't run away, though; his eyes were too glassy to allow him to see where he was going. He let himself slide down the wall, sobbing hard as he curled up to himself.
"Jm!" The door opened, and Yg's bellowed voice came to him as a punch. The man had come running after him. Jm stopped breathing and sobbing. He kept his face hidden in his arms as the pad of socked feet came closer. Jm wondered if Yg was about to touch him.
Jm expected Yg to say something stupid like "You're here" or "you didn't leave." But Yg didn't utter a word. Instead, Jm felt him sitting beside him.
"You'll catch a cold if you keep staying here, dressed like this." Yg's voice was soft. Jm wondered what Yg was thinking about
him. He he was thinking of Jm as a kid and at the mere thought a sob was elicit from him. The pain in his chest didn't seem to lessen.
"Shhh... please, don't cry. I'm sorry." Days after, Jm would have started to feel ashamed at how hard he started to sob at Yg's word.
It was like this man,in just a couple of weeks, had started to mend years of pain. So, Jm let Yg's soft warm caress him as his sobs spilt out of him.
Maybe this is why Jm didn't even winch when Yg pulled him closer, caging him in his arms. Jm was startled by the action, of course
because Yg had no reason to care for him now. Jm is nothing but a stranger for him; a stranger who happens to be his husband but still a stranger.
Still, Yg was hugging him and swaying them back and forth, almost like he was lulling him. There was something comforting in this
closeness, something that made Jm stop sobbing even if the pain was still there.
Jm doesn't even know how much time has passed. He's just aware of his eyes getting heavy and someone carrying him inside.
Maybe, after all, his father was right; he's just a kid.
A/n: I have a dentist appointment now, so I will resume the updates later. Meanwhile pls, do let me know your thoughts. Do you like the story?
Jm woke up cocooned into a nest of blankets. He feels his eyes puffy and his head pounding. He surely didn't have a hangover, but still, he feels just the same.
He sits up, looking at his pretty clothes all crumpled and ruined. He sighs deeply because he does remember what
happened, but, honestly, he would prefer not. On one hand, he feels cheap for having accepted Yg's care so effortlessly. He's not that touch starved, right? He rubs at his face, cringing at the memory of Yg hugging him. Besides, he doesn't know what to say to Yg when he'll
Thank you? Foregone.
Not saying anything? He might come out as rude.
He looks around his room, hoping that an idea will come to him. Maybe something simple. However, anything Jm notices is a glass of water on his nightstand and the texture of the blanket; surely not his
He throws the blanket away like it has just burned his body before padding towards his bags to find something more suitable to put on.
Before walking out of his room, Jm takes a couple of deep breaths.
He's scared of facing Yg, but after yesterday night, does he have a choice?
He pads downstairs slowly, trying his best to school his face into a blank slate. He does try, really. However, Jm is quite sure that there are emotions written all over his face. He's sure there's fear, sadness, and something he feels weighing on his chest but can't really
recognise. The worst part is that he's not even sure Yg will be home. He's putting so much effort in talking to him, but there's a high possibility Yg will be at work.
Jm tries with the kitchen first, just to find it completely empty. There's no sign someone has even been there. He avoids Ygs studio and room, not wanting to pry. So, the living room is everything that's left.
One of the little windows is slightly ajar, and Yg is standing there, with his elbows on the little windowsill and his head outside. His long hair is moved by the breeze, and Jm can see his side profile striking against the warm colours of the sunset.
For a moment, Jm's breath catches in his throat. He's downright staring, but something compelled him not to walk closer. He feels like intruding in what looks like a private moment. He wonders what Yg might be thinking and why he's even home.
Still, once again, Jm is left with nothing but the comforting knowledge that maybe it's for him. And even if it's not, just this scene is enough to make Jm aches a little less.
"You're awake." Jm is startled when Yg's voice breaks the silence. The man is still turned toward the outside.
"How did you–"
"I could see your reflection on the glass. You were staring." There's no mock in Yg's voice. Jm noticed how he seems to always just point out things.
There's never more than that.
"What for?" Jm can't help but look at Yg's wrinkled shirt. He didn't change last night.
"Yesterday night." Jm is pondering if he should pad closer.
"I pretend I didn't just hear you apologise for being human." Yg finally turns
around. His shirt is open till his chest, and there's a beautiful pendant in the middle of it. Jm wants to look at the jewellery from a closer point of view, but he doesn't dare. Besides, Yg's words are still ringing in his head as he looks the man coming closer.
"Wanna have breakfast? I think you might need it." Yg brushes past him, not sparing Jm more than a swift glance. It makes him feel like Yg is trying not to let himself dwell too much over Jm.
Of course, he stayed with him last night. Of course, he's stayed in this morning.
Still, a part of Jm, the one most used to be treated like chores, wonders how spontaneous all of this is. He hates how it feels comforting being cared for, but how his mind fastly supplies a reason behind it.
Jm follows Yg in the kitchen. He looks at the man fixing two cups of coffee and some bread with jam.
"Did you sleep well?"
"Yeah..." jm sits down, looking guiltly at his lap.
"Listen. Stop the pity show. I'm not mad neither I think bad of you after yesterday night." Yg slides a cup of coffee towards Jm. "Moreover, I don't know you, and I won't ever judge you. So, can we start off again?"
"You're doing this because?!" Jm doesn't look at Yg still nut he wants to ask. He wants to know why Yg is acting like this when they're just married on paper. Just so Jm would stop ruining his father's reputation.
"Because we have to live together? Because it's human decency to
care for who you live with? Because, contrary to what you may think, I care about you?" Jm thinks he'd love to hear Yg talk like this. Even if he does not believe him completely. Still, it feels good.
"Of course I do." Yg sighs before sitting down on one of the stools. "When my father told me about the marriage, I thought that I was sorry for you, and I didn't even know you back then."
Jm scoffs. "Sorry for me or for you?"
"Maybe both of us. In the end, we've been sold out." Yg buses at his bread filled with jam. "However, there's a difference between us."
Jm makes a tsk sound because what it's even this all about? "And what will this difference be, Mr.?"
"My father used to tell me a story about a cane." Yg stands up and starts washing the plate and the cups of their breakfast. "There were two cane. At the first blow of wind, one of them bent, and the other broke." Yg dries the cups with a weird expression on his face.
"And you know what he told me after?" Yg turns around, laying back on the counter. "That I always have to be the one who bends."
Jm bites at his bottom lip, feeling weird. Jm can see Yg as the one who bends, actually. "What should this mean?"
"That I grew up to accept most
of what my father threw at me." Yg rakes his hair in between his hair. "You, on the other hand, wanted to live /your/ life. That's the difference."
Jm looks at Yg's eyes, and at the way they're glistening. Maybe he's scarred the same way as him, and Jm does feel sorry now.
"Are you saying my choices are wrong?"
"No! I'm saying I understand, and I won't keep you from living your life, just..." yg stepped closer, looking at Jm intensely. "Just two rules: we work together and not against each other, aaaaaaand I don't want you to be scolded. Okay?"
There was something Jm never experienced, not even with his close friends, and it was protection. Yg was willing to keep him safe, even from the most stupid thing as his father's scolding. It made a warm sensation filling Jm's belly, and he decided
that this felt good enough to accept Yg's conditions.
"Good. So this is our new start." Yg outstretched a hand toward Jm. "I'm Min Yg." Yg shrugged, asking Jm to play along, and Jm reached out with shaking fingers.
A/n: how ate you finding them? Do you want more?
The problem is that things don't change overnight. After their little talk, Yg and Jm don't talk like Jm expected too. He could see Yg around the house before and after work, but mostly, Yg wasn't around.
Jm tried his best to keep up with college, even if it felt pointless.
He had never liked his major, and following classes and activities was even more tiresome like this. Moreover, the house was too big and too empty, and whenever Jm tried to study, he would start feeling the loneliness around him.
It was a week later, on a Wednesday, when Jm decided he was done with staying at home and wanted to go to campus. At least, to see Jk and Th.
"You disappeared on us, dick head. Where the fuck were you?" Jk smacked him on the head as soon as Jm entered the library. His voice
was so loud that it made them earn a scolding.
"Would you please keep your mouth shut?" Jm sat down with a heavy body. It was like he had already finished his energy while dragging his body out of the house.
"Leave my baby alone. Don't you see he's sad?!" Th hissed at Jk before
patting Jm lightly on the shoulders. "Is it hard? Living with him?"
Hard isn't the right word in Jm's opinion. Because it's not Yg who makes it hard and it's kot even hard per se. It's lonely. It hurts knowing that his father sold him off. He feels caged like the little birds
his grandmother used to have at home. But it's not hard.
"I think he's decent. It's not that the problem." Jm opens his textbook, trying to find the page with the exercises, but his vision his blurry. "I think I'm most hurt than anything else."
"What do you mean with /decent/?
Jk's brows are furrowed and his lips are set into a pout.
"He did take care of me the other night... but... I think it's mostly out of pity. Or whatever. He said it's because he wants us to get along, at least." Jm shrugs before looking down back at his book.
However, I don't think he pities you, Chim. He's in the same boat as you are. Maybe it's just empathy." Th reasons with him. Jm can hear the words, but it's hard to let them scrap at the surface. He's afraid he will get hurt if he let himself believe them.
There's silence for a while. Jm is struggling with calculus and sipping at his hot chocolate when Th bursts out yelling.
"YAH I HAVE AN IDEA!" everyone's eyes are on them, and Jm bows his head in apology.
"Do you want us to be threw outside?!?!"
"No but listen, why don't you introduce Yg to us?"
"NO! what the fuck?! Have you lost your mind?" Jm is downright hissing at this point and his throat feels scratchy.
"What's the problem? We can evaluate if he's good to you or not."
"Me and Yg barely talk. I can't introduce you three. It would be embarrassing. Besides, he
won't ever agree to something this stupid."
"Have you asked him to know this?" Th raises at eyebrow at him, challengingly.
"Then do it." Th lays back on his chair, a wicked smile playing over his lips.
Jm went back home with slouched shoulders and a beaten up look. He entered the apartment, sighing out loud and throwing his shoes on the floor.
"Jm, is that you?" Yg's face appeared behind the kitchen door. The man was stunningly beautiful. Jm looked at the apron covering the
withe shirt and at his messy hair. The sleeves were rolled up and his hands were covering in flavour.
"W– what–" jm cleared his throat awkwardly. "What are you doing?"
Yg disappeared in the kitchen again, and Jm shuffles his feet till the threshold. Yg is cooking something.
"What are you doing?"
Yg doesn't turn around. "Cooking. My best friends are coming for dinner." Jm feels something weird raising up in his belly. The idea of having people around the house feels uncomfortable.
"Oh. Okay." Jm is about to turn around. He wanted to stay in his
room and study, but maybe he could go to Th or Jk.
"Where are you going?" Yg is suddenly confused. He looks back, over his shoulder, to see if Jm is still standing. "You can help, you know?" Yg smirks at him.
"Aren't you gonna eat?" Yg looks at Jm with big eyes.
It's like he's very surprised. Like them, eating together is routine.
"Yeah... they wanna meet you." Yg is turned toward the counter again. Jm wonders if Yg is being shy now.
"Jm-ah, you sound like a broken record." Yg's shoulders slump heavily.
"I- I-" Jm breathes in "my friends asked to meet you." Jm blurt the words out, feeling slightly lightheaded. "But I don't understand. We barely talk and–"
"Wouldn't you like to see the face of the guy your best friend shares a house with?" Yg tiled his head cutely, and Jm can
only think about the way his veiny hands cover in flavour are in contrast with his pretty face.
"I think so?!" Jm looks down at his feet, curled one around the other. He feels suddenly under the spot.
"So, you do understand why my friends and your friends want to meet us." Yg gives him a little smile before going back to his cooking. Jm looks at his back for a moment, pondering his options.
"But I don't want my friends to meet you and me here. I..." Jm looks around the room.
There's nothing his in the apartment apart from his room. There is nothing he can cling to if the night gets out of hand. There's nothing familiar for him.
He would prefer for Th and Jk to meet Yg outside. At the college bakery, at their favourite coffee shop. Even in a club.
Wherever, but not here.
Jm thinks he saw Yg stiffen, but he doesn't prod. He just shuffles back to his room for a quick shower and a change of clothes. He puts on something casual; a pair of jeans and a sweater. God knows how much he doesn't want to be here tonight.
The point is that he's afraid. He knows the feeling very well. A feeling that seems to resurface whenever he starts getting close to someone. He fears a lot of things about proximity with another human being, but getting attached is the biggest.
After the other night, when Yg lulled him sitting in the landing, Jm felt so warm and took care of that he now can't let himself nearer Yg.
Because the more he will orbit around Yg, the more he will feel him, the more he will get attached to him.
He tries his best not to come back in the kitchen too soon. He doesn't want to be around 'domestic-Yg'.
However, when he's walking back to the living area, he hears the doorbell ring. Jm glues himself to the hallway wall, waiting patiently.
"Hyung!!!" Jm hears two voices coming from the door, and he doesn't move. "Are you alone?" One of the two voices asks.
"Oh... no, it's..." Yg closes the door. "He was here before,I told him about the dinner. Then he disappeared." Jm doesn't know why but he can imagine Yg shrug
"What do you mean he disappeared?" In this second voice, there's something apprehensive, and Jm shrinks in, feeling guilty.
"I proposed him to cook together and he left and..." Jm wonders what Yg is about to say. If it's something about their conversation or what. "It doesn't
matter. Come on, sit down, I cooked plenty!"
"Oh yes! I love your cooking, hyung." Jm thinks that he never eat something Yg cooked in this last month. He wonders if he's really that good. Jm inches a little closer.
"Anyway, I have big news!" Jm doesn't know who is speaking.
"I'm getting married!!"
"Finally!" This is Yg speaking, Jm knows. "I'm happy for you! I know you'll have a good life together." Jm keeps inching closer to hear better. Jm is trying to understand what's the emotion he heard in Yg's voice just now. He thinks it seems longing.
But what Yg could be longing for?
"Listen, hyung. I know we should have been each other best man, but..." Jm hears the sound of wine being poured."Do you still want to be mine?" Jm feels his heart sinking. Was Yg supposed to get married for love?
"Of course I'd be your best man, Nam. You don't even need to ask!" Jm pads even closer, hiding behind the living room threshold. The smell of homemade food is delicious, and it makes Jm's stomach rumble.
"What's that?" Jm hold his breath for a moment. He hears padding and then
"It's Jm..." Yg is looking at him with very wide eyes and mouth agape. "You're–" Yg is a loss for words, and Jm isn't going to talk either.
"What?!" Suddenly, the other two guys are towering behind Yg, all looking in disbelief at Jm hiding in the dark.
"Why the fuck are you hiding?" The first one to talk has pouty lips and he seems offended by the fact that Jm was hiding and listening to their conversation without them knowing.
"Did you– was he here all the time?" The tallest look down to Yg but Yg's eyes are still on Yg.
Jm knows the other two aren't happy he was hiding and eavesdropping, but Yg doesn't seem to care. Still, Jm knows this wasnt a good first impression.
"Are you hungry, Jm-ah? What about eating something?" Yg offers him a lopsided smile and a roll of his shoulders.
Jm nods because he doesn't know what else to do. He's not sure he wants to sit at the table with Yg's friend, but he can't turn down Yg's offer when the other so kindly ignored that he was basically spying on them.
He sits at the head of the table with Yg on his right side and the two guys on his left. Yg has already foxed something for him and Jm's mouth waters at the perfectly cooked food.
"So, these are Nj and Hs." Yg points at the two guys. Jm nods and looks at his lap. He's so
embarrassed about what happened early that he doesn't know what to do.
"We're glad we're able to meet you. We thought you ditched the dinner." The first to talk is Hs, and Jm looks at him with a half-assed smile.
"I wanted to know who was taking care of my hyung." There's a
mischievous smile on Hs's lips and Jm thinks that Th would love him.
"Hoba... don't push it." Yg clears his throat after speaking as he stands up to grab more wine.
"What do you do in life?" Nj looks at him with a little smile. He's trying, and Jm appreciates it.
"I go to college..."
"And go yo parties." Hs supplies shrugging his shoulders.
"HOBA!" Yg didn't yell, but his voice is stern. Yg didn't even look up from his
plate, but Hs nodded in apology.
"I'm sorry... they're just protective and don't know where to draw the line." Yg looks at Jm with a blank face, and Jm wonders what's going inside of his head because, for Jm's part, he's thinking about Yg lulling him to relieve all of this.
Hs especially is a lot to handle. It's not like Jm expected to be liked or whatever, but neither this. Jm didn't want to marry Yg either, so what's the hostility even about?However, Yg is being so good to him, and this is playing with Jm's need of comfort. He wants to be touched.
He wants Yg to tell him that it's okay, like he did the other night. He wants him to tell him that there's no need to worry.
The more Jm thinks about it, the more he feels scared.
The dinner goes on without nothing to be noted. Jm tries his best to answer the questions the guys makes, but mostly, he looks down to his plate.
The more he sits here, the more it feels like this is not his place. Besides, he's completely unable to keep his mind off the fact
that Yg wanted Nj to be his best man. That Yg had been thinking about getting married before meeting Jm and that now, he's stuck with Jm for a long while.
Jm wonders if whoever Yg wanted to marry will wait for him. He wonders if they still meet and if Yg luls them to sleep
too, telling them it will be alright.
At the idea of Yg doing so, Jm's head snaps up and turns toward Yg. The man is telling a story to Nj and Hs about something that happened at work. There's a pretty pout over his lips and he's flying his hands around while talking.
Meanwhile, Jm can't stop thinking about the fact that this man, sit right here, belongs to someone else.
"Jm-ah, are you okay?" Jm realises that Yg stopped in the middle of his story, and he's now checking on him. Jm must look pretty weird with his eyes set on Yg and his mouth
"Yeah... just..." Jm rmrakes his mind for something to say. Whatever will be good. "I feel unwell." Jm stands up, and he feels his legs wobbling. Maybe he is unwell. "I'm sorry." He bows to Nj and Hs before exiting the dining room.
"I'm the worst person in the world." Jm is banging his head on the plastic table, making the coffee in Jk's and Th's cups slosh. "I will have a bad karma for this."
"Can you stop banging your head and tell us what happened?" Th is rubbing at his temple soothingly.
"You're gonna make your brain cells throw up." Jm stops and rests his head on the cold surface.
"I've ruined Yg's life. I've ruined it and I'm a terrible person." Jm is downlmrright whining and stomping his feet cutely.
Jm tells Th and Jk what he heard while spying on Yg and his friends.
"You don't know that. You don't know if he had someone, neither if he was really engaged. You're just assuming like always." Th sipped at his coffee, unfazed by Jm's story.
"I'm not. I heard the sadness in his
voice!" Jm's head snaps up. "I know it."
"You should start asking him things, you know?" Jk too didn't seem bothered by the situation.
Jm stood up. He was feeling restless because his friends didn't seem to give the situation the same importance. "You don't understand...
Anyway, I'm gonna go clubbing tonight."
"What?!" Th and Jk looked up. Jm hadn't been clubbing the last month because of what happened the first time he tried. He wanted to give Yg what he asked for. However, now, as an insane idea took place in his head, his resolution crumble.
(Wanna suggest a jimin outfit for the night?)
Jm went back home, trying his best not to meet Yg in the house. He could hear the sounds that hinted at Yg's presence, but he did his best to be as silent as possible.
He got ready with religious care, doing the best makeup he could do and dressing as sexy as he could.
He put on a pair of leather pants and a loose shirt tucked in. The shirt was revealing, with a low neck showing his collarbone and part of his chest. He completed the fit with a couple of silver chains, which give to the simple - but extremely sexy - outfit the right light.
Jm was sure he would end up sparkling under the club lights. He looked at himself in the mirror; he was satisfied with his appearance. More than satisfied. This would be a great night.
Jm waited to hear Yg in his room to run towards the door and close it behind his shoulders, making as little sound as he could. Then, he hops down to reach the curb and hail a taxi.
The club where he told Th and Jk to meet is just 20 minutes away. Jm enters feeling ready to
dance and have fun.
If he has to be honest, he needs to dance and drink this night away. It's difficult to admit, but after what he heard, the other night, Jm changed his mind.
If at first he wanted to be good and spare any trouble to Yg, now he wants to make as many troubles
as possible, so Yg can be free from this marriage.
He knows he probably should handle the matter differently, talking to his father or just to his lawyer to cancel the deal. However, for how much he wants to be the adult here, he knows his father won't listen.
This marriage isn't about Jm nor about Yg. It is about his father, and the only thing Jm can do is make it bad for the press so his father would intervene.
Jm can't say he knows Yg, not entirely. He just saw the surface. But, if the surface is as good as the deep of him, Jm
knows he deserves the best. Yg took care of him even if they were stranger. He made him dinner, and he closed an eye on the fact he was eavesdropping.
Jm can't keep him caged.
There's a little voice in his head telling him he will regret this. It's not like Jm is so oblivious not to realise how much comfortable he is around the older. But this isn't enough to decide for the older's life.
Jm, contrary to what everyone thinks, isn't selfish.
He doesn't know how much time passes. He knows that the buzz given from the alcohol it's starting to help him loosen up. He's dancing with Th and Jk, keeping his bottle of beer safe in his hand. At some point, he feels an hand climbing down his spine before securing itself
around Jm's hips. He doesn't mind it, it's not like things like this never happened to him when in a club. Jm knows he's good looking, but he wants to play this kind of game in his own way.
Jm spins around and meet eyes with a beautiful guy. He's tall and had broad shoulders. Maybe that's what he need to make his father cancel the marriage and set Yg free. Maybe, he can just upload a photo of he and this guy and let the press speak.
He doesn't need to do anything, especially not cheating. It's not like he and Yg are really married, but Jm doesn't want to kiss anyone nor to engage in anything with someone. He just needs something big enough to make his father realise that it's not with a marriage that he
will cage Jm. Besides, Jm want Yg to have Nj as his best man and marry whoever he intended to.
"Hi pretty. Wanna drink something?" The guy nods and Jm make him follow till the counter, slipping away from Th and Jk. He sits at one of the stools with said guy and order for both
"What the fuck are you doing, Jm-ah?!" Th is already on him with a pissed look on his face as his eyes shifts from the guy to Jm. Jm rolls his shoulders before turning his back to Th. He doesn't want his friend to make him regretting what he's doing.
He's doing it for Yg and Th or Jk won't understand. They didn't even took his words into consideration when he told them what happened.
Jm and the guy start talking; the guy is trying to act sickeningly sweet and Jm knows it's just because he wants to end up being sucked off in
one of the bathroom stalls. But he doesn't care, he won't give him more than this but he will ask for the damn picture and leave.
Minutes passes as Jm tries to sneak the question into the conversation. More than once he was about to but the guy said something cheesy and turned
the conversation. Half an hour later the guy has gained a lot of inches of closeness. He had kept coming closer through all the conversation and now he's practically breathing down Jm's neck.
"I think you should move a bit..." Jm is starting to feel uncomfortable from the
"Baby, come on... I know you want it to."
"No, I don't...." Jm is about to stand up when he feels a hand wrapping around his wrist.
"What are you doing?" Yg's voice comes sharp as a blade, startling Jm.
"I‐-" Jm tries to speak, but Yg pushes him to stand up and then behind his back.
"He asked you to move. He was clearly uncomfortable. Don't you understand basic decency?" Jm has never seen this side of Yg. The man is angry, but still, he keeps his composure.
"Man, chill. He
was down for this!" The guy moves to the side to look at Jm hidden behind Yg. "Weren't you, doll?"
"I wasn't..." Jm's voice comes out muffled. He didn't even realise he was pressing his forehead in between Yg's shoulderblade. Suddenly, this night wasn't going smoothly anymore.
The guy doesn't push it, and Jm wonders if it's because of Yg or because he doesn't want to make a scene. When the guy is gone, Yg turns around with a stern expression.
"Are you out of your mind?" Yg isn't yelling, but Jm feels reprimanded. The older's expression isn't
"Why?! And how did you come here?!"
"Your friend used your phone to call me and you should be grateful. Why do you have to be so reckless?" Yg rakes his fingers between his hair.
"Reckless? How me helping you is reckless?"
"Helping me?! How do you think you being photographed would help me?!" Yg eyes are wide and Jm can see the discomfort led set of his eyebrows. Yg doesn't look like the night in which he took care of Jm.
"I wanted to... like..." Jm stops abruptly. He can't say to Yg what he
was doing without telling him he had actually heard his conversation. It's not like Yg doesn't know it, but Jm is afraid of entering the topic of marriage and love now.
"Never mind. Let's go home." Yg shakes his head before making his way towards the door.
Jm looks at the man's back for a second. His shoulders are hunched forward, and Jm can see that he's tired. He looks at him, walking with his slouched posture for a couple of steps more before turning around and looking at Jm with a raised eyebrow.
Jm scrambles to reach for him.
There's something tugging at his heart that he doesn't understand. Of course, he feels bad for what happened, but there's something else.
Finally, they're outside. Jm's Chelsea boots resonate on the curb as he does his best to keep up with Yg's long strides.
"I'm sorry." Jm stops suddenly. He has left his jacket in the club, and he starts feeling cold. Yg stops too, straight and stiff for a moment before turning around to look at Jm.
"Yeah... I thought it was a great idea though..." Jm looks down at his feet as he hugs
himself to warm up a bit. "I know it doesn't seem... but I was doing it for you." Jm sighs. He keeps looking down, because he can't face Yg. "I'm sorry you're tired, too and that you had to come."
Jm just hears Yg sighing before he comes closer and puts his jacket over Jm's shoulders.
"I am tired because I worked all day, but this doesn't mean I won't come if you need help nor if you wanna go out." Yg is trying his best to close his jacket on the front so it hugs Jm
"Th told me you were about to do something stupid... why would you do that? Do you want to piss off your father so bad?!" Yg is angry, Jm can tell. Once again, he feels reprimanded, and he feels all of their 5 years gap.
"No... I... I did for you."
Yg rubs his face with his free hand while, with the other, he keeps Jm's jacket closed. "You said it already, but you don't wanna explain to me why."
"You're a kid. This is what you are. You think this-" Yg gestures between them "it's about your father and what he
did to you or me. I don't know. But it's not. Right now, it's about us and how we can make this bearable, and I thought I had been clear about it."
Jm flinch at the "bearable" part. Is this what he is to Yg? A weight to carry?
"Is this what I am to you then? A kid and a
weight?!" Jm would like to smack himself for how broken his voice sounds. He had thought that Yg cared. That even if he had no reason at all, he wasn't doing whatever he did that night because of a contract.
"No! This is what you're making yourself. You doing stupid things that
will cause troubles makes you become a kid!" Yg takes a step back before messing his hair again in a nervous gesture. "Whatever you would have done tonight, it would have ended bad for you, not for your father. Not anymore, Jmah. I don't want you hurting yourself without a
Jm feels tears pricking at his eyes, but he tries his best not to cry. "But it's okay if you're the one hurting?!" Jm regretted what he said as soon as the words were out.
"Me?!" Yg's eyes are wide and Jm takes a step closer, looking at him with his head tilted on
the side. Yg is pretty even like this, with a tired face and dark bags under his eyes. Jm thinks he is this pretty because he his the kindest person Jm ever met. Maybe that's the reason.
"I heard you and Nj. You were supposed to get married and have him as a best man.
You hadn't had either of the two. You had to give up to be stuck with me..." Jm looks away because he needs to resist the urge to touch Yg. Suddenly, the older's eyes are red-rimmed, and Jm feels nauseous. "So, yes... I'm sorry."
"God..." Yg is hiding his face in his hands, and Jm feels even worse. "You're, ahhhh... listen, let's go home. I don't wanna have this conversation in the middle of the road." Yg rubs at his face before turning around and heading to the car. Jm feels like he said the wrong thing.
The car ride is uncomfortable but, fortunately, is short. They enter the apartment in religious silence, and Jm looks at Yg toeying his shoes off. He looks at him heading to the kitchen, and he counts to ten before talking.
"So, what's the problem with me wanting you to have
the things you dreamed for." Jm raises his voice to be heard in the kitchen but he doesn't dare to move.
"The same thing that it's wrong now. You aren't asking /me/ what I want. You're doing what /you/ want."
"Then tell me, hyung. Because I heard you that night... I heard you pretty well..." When Jm enters the kitchen, Yg is sitting in the counter with his sleeves rolled up and a glass of whisky in his hand.
"Ask..." Jm wonders why Yg seems so hurt.
"Why didn't you marry?!"
Yg sighs deeply and lets the liquor slosh fast around the glass. " I had a marriage planned... and my father did knock it off to seal the deal with you. It's true, Jm-ah. You understood that right."
Jm feels a sudden pang in his chest
He didn't expect this to hurt this much, but in the end, he was right; yg wasn't meant for him.
"But I honestly don't mind be with you... you actually saved me from someone who was cheating on me the whole time." Yg lets out a dry chuckle
before chugging down the liquor all in one go. "I did know... I knew it all the time but I was too afraid to leave." Yg jumps down the counter. He wobbles a little on his legs and Jm spring forward to help him. It's the first time Jm touches Yg like this. He's gripping at his
naked forearms, and the touch feels comfortable. Yg is breaking his heart, and Jm doesn't understand why it feels like a breakup. Still, touching Yg grounds him.
"Stop saying that. I am not. I am free now and, contrary to what you think, I didn't have such a big
dream. I thought it was, really. But when I looked at the reality of it, it was a pipe dream, and I was just a little mouse under a spell."
Jm doesn't look at Yg. He is imagining the man following the music of whoever was singing. He thinks about himself too, about the fact that he hasn't sing since he came here. Is he caged like Yg was? And still, it doesn't feel like it. Maybe Yg is right. Sometimes we think
that we are free or caged when we aren't. Sometimes, it is just how we look at reality. So what this thing between them is? Is a cage on which they need to be for a while? Or can they fly around? Feeling the breeze and the wind, singing contentedly because they aren't alone?
"Hyung..." Jm realises that it's the first time he calls Yg like this. However, right now, with his own hands gripping at the older's arms, he feels like he can. "Would you like to dance?" He doesn't know where this is coming from. He's not drunk, or at least not enough for not
knowing what he's doing. What Yg just said made Jm feels lighter. The sense of guilty suddenly vanished and he can be free, at least for tonight.
"Dance? There's no music though." Jm is surprised Yg didn't said no, even if his eyes are wide and hie eyebrows arched.
Jm stops for a second. He could move and grab his phone from the table but this would mean breaking the bubble in which they are wrapped right now. He can't move.
"Don't worry but--" Jm takes a step closer, align their bodies better. "Do you know how to dance?"
Yg circles Jm's waist with his left arm and takes Jm's hand in his with the other. It's enough of an answer for Jm, who starts swaying first as he tries his best to recall a song suitable for this.
"Can you close you're eyes?" Jm asks quietly because he's afraid of breaking
this moment. He almost doesn't want to breath. He's surprised by how easily Yg compiles. Jm takes a moment to look at him, at his pretty features and at how relaxed he seems just now. Then, he starts singing.
The words are unfamiliar now. His mother used to sing them to him almost every night but, right now, with Yg they have a different meaning. Jm wonders if, after tonight, he could really rely on the older. If he would finally be able to stop thinking there's no reason why they
shouldn't stay closer.
Yg doesn't seem fazed by the fact that Jm is singing. He keeps his eyes shut like asked and follows the swaying. Jm thinks it's the first time he ever sang for someone who isn't is mother. And maybe this thought made him stiffen.
"Don't... you sing heavenly." Yg's voice is crocked, ruined almost like he's trying not to cry. Jm doesn't know if he should stop or not. He must have frozen for a second because Yg stomps on his feet and he squeezes at his waist to apologise.
They regain their rythm pretty easily and Jm stops singing.
"Didn't know you did know how to sing. Wasn't in the informations your father gave me."
"My father--?" Jm's voice is chocked but Yg forces him to keep dancing as he finally reopens his eyes.
"When he came to me he
said you were a party boy with a stubborn mind. Nothing more." Now Yg is looking at him so intensely that Jm feels like leaving the room. However, he can't. The grip of Yg's hand is strong and Jm wonders if it would left a faint mark. "I think there so much more to you, though."
Jm can see the faint wetness in Yg's eyes. He would like to reach out and touch him. He imagine himself asking him to close his eyes and leave a butterfly kiss on his eyelids. Yg seems so fragile right now that Jm doesn't even mind what his father said about him.
"More?" maybe he should look away because Yg's eyes burn but he doesn't move. They're still keeping the dance position even if the sway stopped minutes ago. It's like none of them really wants to move.
"I'm sorry if I said you were a kid before. I should have said 'thank you' instead..." Jm thinks Yg didn't really answer his question. He didn't say why 'more' or what's 'more'.
"No, listen... I thought it would have set you free from this okay? I didn't... I shouldn't have...
and you're right, I'm a kid." His words are making no sense but honestly, whatever is going on between them right now is just too much. Jm has never learnt to deal with his own feelings nor with his own wrong actions. Yg was right before; he should just stop trying to get back
at his father. And even if there were good intentions too, still he fucked up.
"We can do this. I told you the first night and I will tell you again, Jm-ah." Yg leaves his waist to cup his face. Jm feels warm. "Look at me, huh? We can do this. Okay?"
That night, Jm went to bed feeling a little better. He's still worried of how he feels around Yg; he's worried because it doesn't really know where these feeling will lead him. Besides, there's difference between acknowledging said feelings and naming them.
Jm doesn't want to be left behind again, he doesn't want to have to regret being mature and handling this marriage like Yg asked him to. That's why he won't name the feeling of warm he feels around Yg since the day the man lulled him.
Thanks for having called him
- time shift
- more angst
- this au is still an happy ending don't worry
- mention of cheating (not between yoonmin)
[Six months later]
Rhey decided to have dinner together on a daily basis and to, at least, spend the night together on Saturday. Yg had invited Hs ans Nj over a couple of times. Nj's wedding is approaching and, sometimes, the man comes over with questions about
catering, food or dressing code. Jm looks at the two men talking without intervening.
Between him and Yg things has changed. The atmosphere is more relaxed but Jm feels like there's still a wall between them. Not like this prevented him from falling.
Jm realised it the day of his birthday. Yg had baked him a cake and bought him a gift.
When Jm had come home that day, Yg was waiting for him. The gift was a surprise; Jm hadn't expected anything.
"How do you know?!"
"Jm-ah... I've read our marriage papers, you know?!"
The marriage was still a delicate topic, but Jm acted like he didn't hear Yg. He opened the gift with trembling fingers. Sitting on a velvet cushion, there was a beautiful pendant.
"Hyung..." Jm was looking at the necklace, and his throat was dry. "This is a lot..." the moon
was covered in little diamonds, and the chain was embodied with blue stones.
"I don't think so." Yg wasn't looking at him, pretending to be busy eating. Jm stood up and padded towards Yg with the box in his hands.
Yg looked at him confused. "What?"
"Thank you..." Jm signalled Yg to stand up and hug him, arms around the olders neck. The contact made the breath in Jm's throat catch.
"You shouldn't have..."
"You don't like it?" Yg sounded unsure. Jm felt him trying to sleep away from the hug. Jm hugged him tighter.
"I love it but it's a lot... besides... I don't know when your birthday is." Jm fought the urge to hide his face in Yg's neck. They hadn't been so close since the day they danced in the kitchen. However, Jm didn't want to let go, and Yg didn't seem to mind either; the older's
arms were around his waist. Jm's body was singing.
"It doesn't matter. I went searching for yours anyway." Jm felt Yg rolls his shoulders. Jm takes a step back, a small smile on his lips.
"You could have asked..."
"Nah... wouldn't have been a surprise."
Jm didn't question the gesture. Deep inside, he was afraid to find out it was just a way to keep this marriage bearable. Jm, for once, wanted to believe this meant more.
When Yg put the necklace around Jm's neck and brushed his fingers on his skin, Jm thought that it was the
first time someone touched him so delicately. That Yg had always been just this with him; delicate and careful. Jm liked to think about himself like a vase in Yg's hand's and, sometimes, he wasn't even scared of being let fall.
"EARTH CALL JM!" Someone was yelling in his ears.
"Hs for fuck sake don't yell." Nj smaked him on the head and Jm tried to focus on the conversation again. He was playing with his pendant, feeling it burning in his hand.
"I asked you what you'll wear for Nj's wedding"
"Me?! I won't come!" Jm stood up to go and grabbed a beer for himself. Yg was looking intensely at him; Jm could feel his eyes burning holes in his back.
Jm shrugged, keeping his back turned toward the others. "I don't fit. It's quite simple."
"But you're hyung plus1"
Jm stiffened. When he turned around, Yg was already looking at him. Jm wondered what the older was trying to tell him.
"I--" Yg stood up under the oretens to grab another can of beer, too. He padded slowly toward Jm, slouched posture, but eyes fixed on him.
"You really won't come?" For a moment, they were the only two in the room. Jm felt like moving closer. He felt like touching Yg's face and asking why he seemed so sad while asking such a simple thing. Yg was leaning closer, too, towering over him.
"Hyung... if you want to..."
Was it easy like this for Yg to obtain something from Jm? Maybe.
Jm agreed to go somewhere where his only anchor was Yg, and he did just because Yg asked. Too easy.
The day of the wedding, Jm sperted a purple suit. When he came out from his room, Yg looked at him, eyes wide and mouth agape. Jm smiled a little before shooting a text to Th.
You choose the best suit babe!!
It wasn't a secret that Jm wanted to impress Yg.
It was stupid of him. Stupid because there was no way Yg would give him more than a glance. Jm would always have to reprimand himself for wanting more. More touches than the occasional brushes of hands. More glances. More sweet words. Jm always wanted more. Still, it was innocent
the way in which Jm wanted to be look now. At least, Yg would make a good impression like this. They looked good in their suits; Jm's purple found its way in the detail of Yg's suit. They matched perfectly.
They don't talk until they are sitting in Yg's car. Jm feels uncomfortable because he knows that this will be a night filled with strangers' faces. It's not like he isn't used to it since clubbing had been a second nature for him for so long, but this is different.
Jm would be no stranger for them. He would be Yg's husband.
"Can I say something?" Yg is looking at the road and Jm out of the window but he still nods instead of using words. Yg sighs before speaking. "You look stunning... I should have said that earlier, sorry."
"You don't have to be sorry Hyung but, thank you." Jm feels his cheeks warm up so he doesn't turn to look at Yg.
"Isn't that why you're seem so sad?" Yg sounds confused.
"You aren't sad because I didn't complimented your appearance?" Yg asks again and Jm feels
something unpleasant in his belly.
"You complimented me just because you thought I was sad?!" Jm is hissing and he finally turns toward Yg. They're stuck at a red light and Yg looks uncomfortable.
"No, god. No... I wanted to even before... I just though..."
Jm turns his face towards the window again and the rest of the ride is silent.
When Yg pulls up, outside of the reception building, he sighs deeply and Jm mimicks him, laying back in his seat.
"I'm sorry I snapped at you..."
"Wait,do you really think I look good?"
Jm feels the leather scrunch as Yg turns to look at him. "Do you think I could lie to you?"
"But you said you thought I was sad and--"
Yg took Jm's face in one of his hand, pinching his chin in between his callous fingers and making Jm look at him. "I truly think you're
stunning. Not just now, okay?" Yg's eyes are firm and hard and Jm finds himself nodding while his skin burn.
"So... why are you sad?" Yg soothes Jm's skin by swiping his thumb on his jaw. Jm closes his eyes, taking in a deep breath.
"There's no one I know inside..."
"You know me. I won't leave your side and I won't let anyone make you uncomfortable. Do you trust me?" Jm nods and suddenly he feels shy because what if Yg will think of him as a kid now? Can't he handle things like this alone? Can't he be a grown up like Yg is?
They enter the place slowly. Yg offers him his arm and Jm wraps his own around it with trembling hands. It feels so weird to be this close and the mean voice inside Jm's head supplies a new fear. 'he's doing it for the others... don't read so much in it.'
Jm does try not to listen, not to let this thought having the best of him. He grips at Yg's arm tighter and follow him inside. Yg guides them to their seats and Jm looks at all the people sitting and waiting for Nj and his fiance to exchange their vows. Jm wonders how many of
them are married. He wonders if Yg had written his vows for his marriage before knowing that she was cheating on him. He wonders of he would like to write them again for someone, one day.
"Are you okay?" Yg's whisper makes goosebumps rising on Jm's skin. He doesn't dare to turn in fear of smacking his with Yg's face.
"I was just thinking..."
"What about?" Jm's heart starts beating fast and hard.
"That one time... you wrote vows?" Jm decides to turn around.
He wants to look at Yg, to see what the mention of his previous almost wedding does to him. Jm finds nothing more that a hard pair of eyes.
"I didn't and I'm grateful of it."
"Why?" Yg seems on the verge of saying something, his eyes getting a little warmer, however the music
starts just on cue with Yg's mouth opening and they're obliged to shut up.
The ceremony isn't long and Jm finds himself hiding his face when Nj said his vows. It's weird how he easily took a like on him. Nj felt like a friend more than an enemy pretty fast and Jm is actually
grateful for his presence sometimes. It helps smooth out the folds between him and Hs. And, sometimes, it even helps him and Yg talk things out. Jm finds himself clapping his hands hard when the two husbands turns around, greeting their friends.
Everyone follows the couple to the adjacent room and Jm is surprised by how easily Yg's hand find him as they walk out.
"Wait..." Yg tugs him back, letting everyone else go. Once they're alone, the older fishes a handkerchief. "You smudged your makeup when you were crying."
Yg comes closer, wanting to wipe the black under Jm's eyes a little. But Jm turns his head fast to the side. "I wasn't crying..."
"Oh, but you were. I saw you and heard you." There's a smug smile on Yg's lips now as he turns Jm's face to clean his eyes. They're so close that Jm
can't help but look down at Yg's lips. They're set in a pout as every time Yg is concentrated. "Shit, Jm look up otherwise I risk ruining your make up." Jm bites his tongue as he refocuses on Yg's eyes. He wonders if Yg realised what Jm was looking at.
"Here! Now you're good to go." Jm smile at Yg, letting out a small 'thank you' as they hurry to reach the others.
The venue is beautifully decorated. There are little bulbs dancing down the ceiling and every table is adorned with flowers. All around everything is white and
shiny. Jm feels like he just stumble in a fairy-tale. They easily find the couple and Yg hugs Nj as tight as he can. When Yg had stood up to put his signature in the book, after the vows, Jm had felt something in his heart grew cold. However, now, looking at Yg he realises that
the man is happier than he thought.
"Thanks hyung. You don't know how much I appreciate you being the bestman... like... all the work you helped me doing during these months."
"Oh, shut up. You know I would climb a mountain for you." Nj's face is streaked with tears as he hugs
Yg again. The husband too, who Jm sees now for the first time, is looking at the two friends with wet eyes. Jm thinks he and Nj would be really happy together.
It's easy for Jm to let Yg pull him around. Whenever someone comes to talk to them, Yg smoothly ontroduces him as his husband. It makes Jm tingles because it's the first time he hears Yg call him like this in public. He should berate himself for letting himself wonder about it,
especially because it's not gonna last. Still, Jm feels contempt when Yg tries his best to make Jim feel comfortable around all these people Jm doesn't know. Jm follows the conversation keeping himself glued to Yg and with a small smile on his face.
It's later, when Nj and Mg opens the dances, that Yg and Jm have time to talk together. Yg is fast to sit down on one of the chairs, and Jm follows him, even if honestly he would like to dance.
"They look happy."
"I don't think they just look happy. I think they are."
Jm offers him a smile and Yg grabs one of his hands, entangling their fingers. "Are you feeling at ease?" Yg's question I'd full of worry and Jm smiles.
" I am, thank you." Yg just hums before letting his eyes wander back to the dance floor. They stay in silence for a while.
Yg keeps holding his hands and Jm taps his foot on the ground.
"Would you---" Yg shifts uncomfortably in his chair. Jm turns around, head tilted on the side questioningly. "You know, would you..." yg hits with his head to where the others are dancing.
"Yeah... I can't ignore your tapping foot forever. You're dying to dance, aren't you?" There's a hint of a smile Jm doesn't miss as he eagerly nods. Yg stands up with a tired sound, but Jm knows it's just for show.
They don't go to the centre but Yg keeps them on the edge
of the dance floor. He wraps his arm around Jm's waist as he gives him his hand. This is so familiar that Jm feels himself smiling.
They start swaying in time with the slow music. The hold is warm and comforting, and Jm melts in it.
"Why are you so happy?" Yg nudges at Jm's ribs
with his long fingers.
"Weddings are cute. I like seeing people happy." Jm does like this, in fact. He never had this kind of happiness. His parents' marriage is not something he can remember, but surely his house never felt loving. And Jm always thought that people who are in
love will build a lovely house.
"Yeah? Would..." Yg looks around, suddenly shy. "Have you ever thought of marriage?" Jm tilts his head, questioning Yg. "Before me... before being obliged to marry me. Have you ever thought about it?"
"I never even fall in love. Of course I haven't thought about it." Jm would like to giggle to lessen the weight of his words, but he doesn't.
"Never?" Jm likes to pretend that Yg almost seem offended.
"I--" Jm feels suddenly warm. He thinks about all the little moments shared
with Yg. He thinks that those, for him, feels like love. "It might have happened..." Jm's eyes shifts down to Yg's lips, fleetingly.
"You asked me something during the ceremony." Jm's eyes snap up, locking with Yg's.
"I think that I am grateful I saved my vows because I might need them one day." Yg's voice is getting lower and lower, and Jm wonders if they were this close before, too.
Jm bumps his forehead to Yg's.
"Hyung, do you think it won't be too late for you to be happy after this?"
"Yeah... this thing, with me..." Jm feels a pang in his chest at the thought. Yg's is growing so much on him that the mere thought of divorcing eats Jm alive. He looks down at their shoes, at the way they're almost touching and still they haven't stomp on the other once.
"Listen, this might be not the best moment, but..." Yg cups Jm's face with one hand. He lets go of Jm's hand and keeps him close by the waist. Jm feels his heart racing dangerously. He looks at Yg and he can bet his eyes are big now.
"EVERYONE PLEASE, ONE
SECOND OF YOUR ATTENTION."
Jm feels Yg going stiff at the sound of Hs's voice. They both takes a step back fast, like they were just burned.
"I want to thank someone tonight." Hs is smiling blinding and Jm tries his best to smile too.
"Yg hyung, who helped with this from the start alias the day Nj proposed to all of this. Yg booked the catering, the music, the decorations. Everything. So thank you, man, for giving our best friend the best day." Hs runs toward Yg jumping into his arms and Jm takes a step to the
side. Everyone is clapping their hands, and Nj is coming to crush Yg in a hug, too.
It's later when everyone goes back to dance, and Yg easily finds Jm, dragging him to the dance floor again. "Come on, I heard these are gonna be the best songs of the night." Jm giggles at Yg's
antics but follows nonetheless.
"You did put a lot effort into this, huh?" Jm is amased by how much work Yg did for Nj.
" I had a good reason." Yg makes Jm spin, and the younger giggles.
"You did good, hyung." Jm smiles and then they're together again. Swaying slowly as they
look at each other.
"I wanted to say something before..." Yg tries timidly, and Jm would like to stop all of this because he knows it would do something weird to his heart. "I'm already happy, Jm-ah." Yg is smothering the suit on Jm's back with his hand, moving up and down.
"You might think that happiness comes from big things. Maybe it's being young that made you think so, and I do understand. But, for me, happiness is something comforting, calming, and homely. For me, happiness is asking you to dance because I know you like it. For me, happiness
is looking at you playing with the pendant or smiling at me."
"Hyung, please don't..." Jm feels his eyes watering and the urge to touch Yg is getting stronger and stronger.
"Jm-ah, I'm not talking about anything big, okay? I just--" Jm stops Yg before he can say anything else. He wonders if it is just Yg's way to not make him feel guilty once again or if there's more. But Jm doesn't want to find put I'd there are feelings down there.
They still have a due date.
So maybe Jm shouldn't have done what he did in that moment. And Yg shouldn't have held him when he did it.
"While it lasts, right?" Yg looked at Jm with confusion in his eyes. Something that Jm should have taken into account. When Jm leans in,
kissing Yg, he doesn't expect Yg to kiss back, to hold him close. He doesn't expect a slide of lips to feel this good, nor the warmth that he feels all around at this.
Still, Jm thinks he should have thought about it twice.
Jm takes a step back, realising that everyone is clapping around them. When he turns around, sliding away from Yg's hold, he realises that the cake just came in.
He takes the thought of the kiss away from his mind, and he goes along with the clapping and cheering.
Yg comes back his shoulders, wrapping his arm around him. "Jm-ah..." Jm knows Yg might want to talk, but he's determined to ignore what just happened.
"Hyung, shhh... it's cake time and I'm famished."
"Are you, now?!" Yg's voice is edging on the irritated side.
"Mmh, I am!"
Jm is able to glide around the topic for all the night. They don't have much time alone anyway because the night goes slowly and everyone dwells into chit-chat.
And they don't talk in the cat either because Jm is dozing off and the wine is getting to him.
It's only when they are walking towards the door that Yg tries again. "Jmah, can I say something?" And maybe Jm would have let him talk if he hadn't been distracted.
"Hyung, there's someone at the door." Jm can see a silhouette in the dark. Whoever is, is tall and slim and Jm
feels a shiver down his spine.
"Who is it?" Yg's voice rings in the empty space of their hallway.
"You took your time, huh? Didn't think a wedding could last for an entire day." Jm stops in his track; the voice is the one of a woman.
"Guess you won't know, Mina. What are you doing here?" Yg searches for Jm's hand, squeezing it hard.
"How long did /your/ take? 5 minutes top?" Yg pulls them towards the door as he makes the keys tingle.
"I don't think it's your business. Besides,we're tired after today. So..."
Yg asks her to move with his head as he switches on the lights in the corridor.
"This is him, right? Such a pretty thing you have, Yoongi." Jm feels his head spins as he understands what's happening. "I wanted to see it for myself."
"Why?" Yg's voice is stern
"Just because. Anyway, was Nj wedding fun? Was it better than what we planned?" Yg is rubbing at his temple with one hand and she zeroes on their linked hands. "Oh, you two are holding hands. Was it for the show, Yg?" She tilts her head on the side and Jm thinks she is beautiful.
"You should stop talking!" Yg pulls Jm closer, hiding half of him with his own body. "As I said, we want to go to sleep."
She takes a step on the side. "Are you sharing a bed or not, since this is just fake? Because your father said it's just on paper. That's why I am here."
"I want you back after this thing with the pretty boy who ruins his father's reputation is done. I want to finish what we started." She takes a step forward, coming closer to Yg, who starts laughing.
"Forst of all, watch your mouth. You dont know shit about him." Yg
turns the key and starts opening the door. "Second of all, I already called off our wedding. There's nothing to end, and there was nothing from the start."yg looks at Jm, pulling him inside. "Come on, baby. Come inside." Jm feels like he's going to puke.
"I'm not done, Yg!!" She yells at them as Yg closes the door. In his mind, Jm is counting down to ten.
He waits enough. Enough not to be heard from outside. When he deems she might have left, Jm speaks.
"You just called me baby because she was here." His voice is steady but
deep down, Jm is angry. He feels his stomach twist and his eyes getting full of tears. "You used me to go back at her." Jm takes a step forward even if he feels his legs wobbly.
Yg opens his mouth to speak, suddenly pale.
"Don't you even try. You're just like my father."
"You wanted me to be at the wedding because it wasn't right to go without your 'husband', right? It was just because you needed to keep the pretence going. I'm just so... I'm so stupid, hyung." Jm starts walking towards his room.
"Jm, no! I didn't took you to the wedding for
that!" Jm stops in his track.
"You're so full of shit! I was stupid to trust you, that's the thing, /baby/!" Jm closes the door of his room as harshly as he can.
"Jm! Open the door!!" Yg is out of Jm's room, knocking hard while Jm is throwing his suit on the floor.
"No! I still have something to say. Open!"
"I don't wanna hear you!!" Jm is walking around half naked, trembling because he feels too angry and hurt. He never
thought he would have been able to feel his heart shutter when the time would come.
"Do you really want me to talk like this?" Jm is hugging himself, well hidden under his duvet.
"Hyung, go away..."
"Jm-ah... we need to talk. Please, let hyung in."
Jm can't open the door. He's crying right now because he regrets kissing Yg, trusting him, falling for him. Still, was so easy to fall for Yg. It was easy to love him because Yg had given him comfort and warmth. The point is that it was just for show.
"Jm-ah... Are you crying?"
"I'm coming... I can't bear to hear you cry." Yg opens the door tentatively, and Jm hides better under the sheets.
"I didn't tell you can..." Jm's voice is muffled, but he doesn't ask Yg to leave. He feels Yg's weight dipping the mattress.
"I don't want to go to bed like this, Jm. I don't want to leave you here like this or to make you believe I don't care. I won't be able to sleep like this."
Jm sobs harder. His chest hurt so much that it's almost like he can't breathe.
Jm turns on the other side. "I won't leave a space for you here." The voice is cracked by the sobbing, but the sentence makes Yg giggle.
"You're such a kid... come on, slide a bit." Yg wiggles his but to claim a bit of space before lying down next to Jm.
"You look like a burrito, but..." Yg puts a hand on Jm's back, tentatively. Jm wonders if he's him trembling or Yg. "Can I talk to your face, at least?" Jm shakes his head, dining the request.
"Okay... First of all, i didn't want you to come today for show. I wanted you to come
because you're Nj friend, too. Because I wanted to share the day with you. Not because we're married on paper."
"But you didn't ask me till Hs pointed out I didn't want to come." Jm huffs. He thought it didn't matter, jot really. But right now, every little things seem to
have a big meaning.
"Because I thought it was a given. You participated in planning with me. Why should I have thought you didn't want to come?!"
"Because!" Jm raises his voice a bit and then bites his tongue. "Sorry... I shouldn't have yelled..."
"It's okay. I'm sorry I didn't ask then... but please, trust me. I wanted you to be there more than you think." Jm wipes his face with his hands before turning around.
"Why? I'm no one, hyung. Literally. Most of the people that were there didn't even know you were married. You
could have gone, and no one would have questioned the fact that you were alone."
"But I didn't do that for people! I--" Yg sighs, lowering his face a little. "You stopped clubbing because it was bad pybblicity, right? That's what I could give you; a bit of dancing,
a bit of alcohol...just..."
"You thought I missed nights out?" Yg nods his head, still looking down.
"I wanted you to do something you might like."
"I did like dancing with you tonight..."
"Yeah?" Yg is now looking at Jm who nods slowly.
"I like weeding too."
"I do know this now." Yg smiles a little. They look at each other in silence, for a while. Jm feels Yg trembling slightly.
"Are you cold, hyung?"
"Just a bit. Don't mind me. There's something else we still need to talk about." Yg looks at him more intensely now. Enough for Jm
to feel like squirming. He sits up fast and raises the duvet.
"What are you doing?"
"Can't let you be cold if we need to talk more." Jm shares a bit of his duvet with Yg. Not minding the fact that his hyung still has his suit on. He tucks Yg just right before lying back down.
"Thanks..." Jm shrugs like it doesn't matter, but actually, he's dreading what's about to come.
"I shouldn't have kissed you, I'm sorry. I just..."
"Wait... do you regret it?" Yg's eyes are wider than before. "Because if you regret it, we'll stop talking about it now.
But, if there's more... please don't shut me out... don't pretend it was jothing, Jm-ah."
"More like what?" He's acting dumb, he knows it.
"Jm-ah, don't play dumb with me..."
"If I tell you all now, you might just get angry or I don't hyung... I just can't."
"Why should I be angry?!"
"Because I shouldn't have fallen for you!" Jm covers his mouth as soon as the words are out. He feels warm all over because of the and Yg isn't talking.
"You-- do you like me?!" Yg's eyes are wide. More than wide. "Jm-ah..."
"Don't. I know you
don't feel it. I'm not a kid. But I don't want you to use me like you did before, against her. My father has been using me all my life. And you did the same!! You could have said one hundred different things, but you chose to call me 'baby'. It hurt!" Jm is crying again. He
doesn't know if it's the rejection or the fact that he's realising there are no mutual feelings. Or maybe it's the fact that he's sobbing and Yg is holding him, and they are so close that Jm thinks this hurt even more.
"I was serious, though. I do feel happy with you, Jm-ah."
Yg lulls him for a moment. "And it wasn't my intention to use you. It was just a knee-jerk reaction. I would never hurt you on purpose nor use you. Okay?" Jm nods against Yg's chest. Everything hurts so much that he doesn't even ask why Yg kissed him back. He doesn't dare.
A/n: stopping here for today cause I need to adult and study and update diki Au, too. Buut, this is my link three. You can find me on ao3, kofi, and especially CC to scream at me. How are you finding the au, btw?
[Fire on fire]
Yoonmin diki au in which Yg and Jm - bosses of different districts - finds themselves against each other over the same task once again. The news put both of them on their toes at the mere possibility of seeing each other again;
I hope i was able to find all of your qrtwt in the notifications. Thank you for all the interactions!! I thought to make this more interactive and let you choose some things
Before today updates, polls time(?)
Would you ever like to see Yg's pov?
Yg didn't confess back. Do you think he likes Mimi that way?
A reminder (that will become clearer later). They have a 5 years gap; jm is still in college and just did his 22 birthday with Yg. I'll make him graduate soon. Do you want him to grad during angst time or happy times?
I think jm might be ready to introduce yg to th and jk. He kept this stalling because he didn't felt like he should. Still, after the other night, he thinks he needs his friends eyes so...
When Jm wakes up, he's alone. He fights the urge to check if his pillow is warm or if it has Yg's perfume still on. He doesn't wanna know. Instead, he dresses fast and takes the first bus to college. After what he said to Yg yesterday night he's too embarrassed to even look at
the man. Besides, there's something else he needs to take off his mind and maybe, talking with Th will help.
Moreover, graduation he's coming and even if he keeps stalling he needs to finish his dissertation.
This all is too much.
Jm finds Th and Jk at their favourite café, as usual. Th is revising, and Jk is playing games, but both of them stop when Jm sits down. Instantly, Jm lays his head on Th shoulder, asking for cuddles.
"Bub, it's everything okay?" Jm had kept both updated about the wedding and
how the night went. However, since he and Yg kissed, Jm had stopped texting because he was ashamed and afraid of being scolded. He trusts his friends with all his heart, but old habits are hard to let go of.
"I did something bad..."
"Really bad or something you think is bad, huh?" Th carded his fingers in Jm's hair, soothingly.
"I kissed Yg when I know he doesn't feel the same." Jm felt Th goes stiff and looking at Jk. He even saw him kicking the younger from under the table, but he didn't say a thing.
It's not uncommon anyway.
"It's not a bad thing. Maybe--" Jm sees how Jk searches for Th's eyes. "Maybe it was the heat of the moment. Besides, you don't know if he doesn't like you back."
Jm snorts at this. His chest still heavy from all the crying he did yesterday night.
"But I do know. I confessed, and he didn't say he likes me back." Jm looks at Th and Jk, offering a small but defeated smile. "It's not like I can make him live me... and there's more..." Jm bites his lower lip to suppress a sob. "His ex came back claiming she wants to have Yg
after the divorce."
"WHAT?!" Jk yells, and everyone in the café turns to look at them. Jk starts bowing in apology, and Jm lets out a chuckle. In some way, he can now understand Yg's statement about happiness. He does feel happy too, with these two dorks. And it's nothing grand,
it's just about finding home and comfort. Maybe that's what Yg meant yesterday.
"He let her at the doorstep, but I don't think he won't consider this."
"But you told us she cheated on him!!" Th is bewildered.
"And? Doesn't mean Yg stopped having feelings. Maybe he has and
he doesn't care about her wrongdoings. Maybe he will consider this as an apology."
"Oh my god... are you hearing yourself?!?" Th smacks Jm on the nape. "Please, repeat what you just said in your head." Jk was shocked, too. He was looking at Jm like he was an alien.
"The fact that he loved her doesn't mean he wants her back. Besides, you said he told you he's happy with you. Maybe for him it's enough." Jm shrugged at Jk. He was adamant in keeping thinking like this because giving a reason to the rejection would maybe make this hurt less.
"You know what, I think it's time we meet him!" Th snapped his fingers like he just had a brilliant idea.
"First of all, it's been more than six months. I guess you two are more than acquaintances now. Second of all, I think it's better if we judge. You're clouded and,
honestly, I'm starting to think you have two blind eyes, baby." Th's smug smiled rubbed on Jm the wrong way. "Right, kookie?" Th elbowed Jk who was looking at him with his mouth agape.
"Yeah... I think we should judge." The younger nodded like he was a raggedy doll, and Jm
thought he was cute, even if he had just sided up with the devil incarnated.
"I still think it's a bad idea... you will expose me, I fucking know it." Jm felt like pouting and whining but he didn't want to attract any more attention today.
"Shut up, now shot your husband a text."
"Can you not call him that?" Jm cringes at the way the word sound. "He's not, like we're not..."
"Listen more and talk less, babe... text him saying that you're taking us home with you tonight and that we need to meet him."
"Yes, before you change your mind again." Th was sporting a smug smile that didn't sit right with Jm.
"Why do I have the impression that there's something I'm missing?!?" Jm arched his briw, stopping his fingers from hovering on his phone screen.
"Because you have trust issues!" Th elbowed Jk, who was agin distracted by his game. "Isn't it, Kookie?"
"Yeah... you never tryst us." Jk huffed out a sigh before going back to his occupation. Meanwhile, Th looked at Jm's phone over his shoulders.
"Come on, baby chick. Text
"Fine" Jm rolled his eyes but still texted Yg.
I'm bringing Th and Jk home
Wanna meet you
It's not mine idea
Do I need to cook dinner?
"He's so sweet, Chim. You have to keep him!!" Th is cooing as he lays his chin on Jm's shoulder.
"Stopppppp... he's not a pet."
"But you out a cat emoji on his name." Th points at the screen, cheekily.
"Because he looks like one,
okay?!?" Jm pouts harder. "Now, stop."
"Say we don't need dinner. We can order. Don't wanna burden him with our mouth to feed, too." Th is laughing, and Jm knows it's about how much Jm loves homemade food.
Jm sighed deeply, and then, finally he pulled out his books. He would try his best to study and concentrate not to think about Yg meeting his best friends.
"Hyung... we're here
" jm peeks with his head inside the apartment, gesturing at his friends to stay behind. "We're coming in!" As soon as Jm said those words and opened the door more, a Yg with messy hair, sweatpants and hoodie came padding from the living room, rubbing
"Sorry, I feel asleep." Jm has to stop himself from cooing out loud and carding his fingers in between Yg's messy hair. He's pretty even like this.
"Are you tired? We should let you rest then!" Jm takes a step back, almost tripping on Th's bag.
"Don't be silly!
I waited to meet them for months!" Yg takes a step forward and,smiling at Th and Jk, reaches out with his hand. "I'm Yg. Don't bother with honorifics, okay?" Jm turns around to see Th and Jk's expressions, and of course, they're already in love with the man.
Yg lead them in the living room, and Jm is pouting so hard he feels his lips hurt. He knew that taking them here would leave him without reference points. There's nothing in the living room that can help him feel grounded. Nothing that seems familiar. Besides, Th and Jk seems to
go along with Yg pretty well and Jm doesn't know what to do.
Yg asked about college, plans, hobbies. And that's it...
"We like clubbing a lot. Don't we, Chim?" Th looks at him, a wicked smile covering his mouth.
"Yeah, I saw. I think the last time I went clubbing I was
maybe 20." Yg chuckles before standing up to grab something to drink for all of them. Then, he looks at Jm. There's something really warm in his gaze, or at least Jm thinks. He wonders if it's because of yesterday night, if he pitues him. This makes him feel grateful for having
Th and Jk here. He doesn't think he could have handled his first meeting with Yg after yesterday, alone.
"Really? We could go then!" Th is eager, Jm can see that. He looks at him, going all round eyes and boxy smile.
"Yeah, okay..." Yg's voice is full and cheerful. Jm wonders
if he really hasn't realised what Th is trying to do. Jm votes closer to Th and hisses at him.
"What about tonight?!"
"Tonight?!" Yg turns around with a very surprised expression, and the the only glass he had time to grab.
"Why not? We're all already here anyway." Th shrugs like it doesn't really matter. Jm looks at Yg, who is searching for something from him. Jm wonders if he's looking for
"Jm-ah, are you okay with it?" Yg is scratching his lobe, and Jm finds him endearing.
"I--" Th turns around to look at him with a furrowed brow. "I'm okay only with what you're okay with, hyung." Honestly, Jm doesn't want to oblige Yg to do anything.
"I-- okay, then. Let's go." Yg doesn't seem excited. Maybe there's a bit of fear in his eyes.
"Perfect! Me and Kook will steal something from Jm's wardrobe! You should help your husband with his clothes, Chim." Jm feels his cheeks going on fire at the word. He wonders if Yg
feels weird too at being called Jm's 'husband'. It's not like Yg didn't introduce him as such at the wedding, but none of those people knew it wasn't real. But their friends know so, how does it feel for Yg?
Th makes Jm show him his room. He goes to such a length as pulling Jm from his arm. When Jm is free from Th and Jk, he goes back to the living room.
"Are you sure you're comfortable with it?" Jm is wriggling his fingers.
"Didn't I tell you that night you tried being
photographed? If you want to go out, just ask?" Jm nods because Yg did tell him that. It's not like Jm took him for his words, but he remembers. "So, here I am, taking you clubbing." Yg spreads his arms with a half smile. It makes Jm giggles, and Yg's smile gets warmer.
"So... what should I wear?" Yg gets shy again and Jm wonders how nervous he is. How difficult this can be for someone who didn't club for what, seven years?
"It's been long, huh?! Youre old, hyung!" Jm teases him.
"Yah! I'm still the older here. Just not old like /that/!"
Jm laughs with all his body, getting closer to Yg and taking him by the wrists. "Come on, grandpa. We're gonna see what you can wear." And Yg pretends to be offended. There's a pout on his lips and Jm's eyes fall there for a moment. Maybe a moment too long because he thinks about
kissing them... he thinks so hard that he bumps into a wall.
"Be careful!! Don't want to have a bump in my wall!" Yg caresses the wall, checking if it's okay.
"You're so... oh my god." Jm is whining and Yg nicks him on the nose.
Jm always afraid that his confession would have ruined their interactions. Still, there's no trace of awkwardness coming from Yg, not even when Jm enters his room and makes a beeline for his wardrobe. There's no sign of resentment or pity or whatever. It's like the words didn't
even left an impression on he older. At this point, Jm doesn't know if he should be grateful or sad about it.
"Put this. I think you'll slay!" Jm gives Yg some clothes, but the older looks at them unsure.
"Jm-ah, I don't think-"
"Trust me! I'll go dress to now. See you in 15."
When Th, Jk, and Jm were ready, they went into the living room just to find Yg already there. The man was laying beside the window - almost like that one morning Jm found him there and was mesmerised. Jm stopped breathing. Yg was gorgeous, standing like that, pensive, while
holding a glass of liquor. Jm looked at him for a while. He wanted to know what Yg was thinking about desperately. He was used to Yg's silence, to his brooding. Still, there was something about it that Jm wanted to break. He wanted to pull him out wherever he was with his mind,
he wanted to keep him in the ground - steady and glued. It's not like Jm thought about Yg this way. The man wasn't sad. It was just that Jm aleays feel shut out by his silent manner. Even if he shouldn't.
Th elbows him in the ribs, and Jm stumbles forward, suddenly pulled out of his thoughts.
"Hyung, we're ready." Yg turns toward him before chugging his liquor down. Jm notices the nervous tick in his jaw as the older throws his head back.
"Guess we can go, then."
Maybe the tingle Jm felt was because of Yg's deep stare. Maybe it was the effect of Yg's outfit or the look of his fingers covered in rings, or maybe it was the look Th gave him when Yg walked toward the door first.
Still, Jm doesn't know exactly why his skin started buzzing.
When, half an hour later, Th, Jk he and Yg arrive at the club, Jm is a nervous mess. He had spent his time in the car complaining in his mind about Th's idea and about the killing outfit he chose for Yg. The other half of the time went by wondering how should they behave in the
club. Should Jm dance with Yg' Should they sit down in a booth and just drink? Should he let Yg see how he really is? How he lets the music drag him?
Jm's thoughts are so loud, that the moment he's inside the club the loud music makes him snap.
"Jm-ah, you've being weird since
you came home. Is all okay?" Yg has just pressed a hand on the small of his back, guiding him closer so Jm can hear him.
"Yeah... just... something startled me. Don't worry, hyung."
They follow Th and Jk to a booth even if Jm has the feeling they won't be use that a lot.
"Hyung, do you like dance?" Th is practically laying on the table, looking at Yg with big eyes and a boxy smile.
"I--" Yg scratches his nape and starts getting squirmy.
"Because Jm does like it. He's very good at it, do you know?" Jm kicks him under the table. He knows what
Th is hinting at and Jm's inside are getting all warm just at the thought.
"You like that a lot?" Yg turns towards him. His feline eyes are prodding, searching and Jm feels bashful.
"We slow-danced twice. You should now I like it. Jm pouts and feels his cheeks getting warm.
"You don't slow dance in a club, Jm-ah. It's a different kind of music, thus a different kind of dancing." Jm wonders if he's imagining the little smug smile tugging at Jm's lips.
"Not really?! Always used to sty on the sideline, drinking." Yg's chuckle makes Jm
"Jm can teach you. You'll just need to follow him!" Th butts in again. His chin is carefully placed over his interlaced hands and Jm is cursing his exsistence right now.
"He already came here, Th. Don't push it." He hops that Yg would see that Th is on a roll and
that Jm doesn't have a say in it.
"We can dance, you know?" Yg is laying back on his seat, arms crossed over his chest. "If you're that good, you can teach me." Jm doesn't really get what kind of game Yg is playing tonight, but Jm can't really deal with all of this.
Not after kissing the man the night before, not after confessing, not after not hearing an 'I like you' back. Dancing with Yg, staying close to him, pressing against him is out of the question.
"You know what? I'm going grabbing our drinks!!" Jm stands up on a whim and almost
stumble on one of the table's legs. Fuck, he's a mess.
The cue is long and Jm is getting bored. He tries to glance at the table plenty of times but he can't see the guys. It's almost his turns when Th comes up behind his shoulder, yelling in his ears.
"Why did you sprint away like that?!"
"Because you're playing me dirty. I don't want to be too close to him, especially not after yesterday." Jm puffs his cheeks and cross his arms over his chest, angrily.
"You have to just dance with him." Th raises a brow, skeptical.
"You know damn well /how/ I dance. You did that on purpose." Jm is hissing and baring his cute crocked tooth at Th. He spent countless nights sexily dancing with his two best friends, it's not like they don't know.
"Of course I did it." Th pulls Jm by the arms toward the bathroom, ignoring Jm's whines about their drinks. When they're well hidden inside one of the stall, Th speaks. "Listen, I think he doesn't love you like you love him, /yet/."
Jm follows Th's eyes; he know that his now looks droopy and that he's pouting but he can't help it. "But I still think he's attracted to you." Jm shrinks in himself; even if he's trying not to let Th's words get to him, they still sting.
"Chim... you said you already knew! But I didn't hear you say 'the man finds me attractive'. But trust me, he does and I'm not talking about 'I want to shovell you to a wall' kind of thing but more 'I'd kiss you silly' kind."
Jm scrunches his nose at Th's words. "You need to understand that he came out of a big relationship. Even if he was cheated on, he was still about to marry. I doubt he would jump into something right away. But this doesn't mean he has no interest in you. Can you trust me?!"
Jm feels his chest getting heavier and heavier. He thinks about the woman he saw the other night, about how he confessed without hearing anything back. He thinks about all his fears and all his feelings. The latter are getting especially big, making Jm more scared each and
"Why should we dance?" Jm huffs out a sigh.
"You don't need to go hard on him but I think that dancing, staying close and talking in a place that makes /you/ comfortable, is still helpful." Jm nods even if he isn't completely sure, before pushing Th out of the stall
Th and Jm goes back to the booth with the drinks just to find Yg and Jk hovering over the younger's phone, playing some kind of game. Th chuckles, nudging at Jm.
"I think that the two introverted just clicked." Jm looks fondly at how Yg is asking explanations from Jk and how
the younger gives them to him, without stopping play. They're evidently comfortable.
"Here we are with alcohol!" They set down the drink and sit back at their places.
"So... made up your mind about dancing?" Yg is leaning back, one arm stretched over the backrest of the
leather couch. Jm is noticing the confidence coming from Yg tonight. It's like the outfit makes his feel differently, like Jm just created a monster. Jm chuggs his shot down before offering a hand to Yg.
"I think we can dance." Jm ignores the somersault his belly just did when
Yg grabbed his hand.
The dance floor is packed. People are glued to each others and Jm feels nervous. He wants to maintain a safe distance with Yg but there's not much he can do with how crowded the place is. Yg seems the first to realise and stops Jm from pulling him.
Yg is determined as he pulls Jm closer.
"Stop wandering, here is fine." Jm nods because he can't find in himself the courage to say anything. Yg is so damn attractive that Jm doesn't trust himself around him. He tries to concentrate on the music, though. Keeping a little
distance to Yg, he starts swaying slowly, at first. Yg is looking at him as Jm can feel his eyes boring holes in his skin. It doesn't feel like wanting or longing, still it draws Jm closer, makes him feel warm.
It's minutes later when he feels Yg's hands on hos hips, bringing
him closer. "I can't follow the rhythm if you don't help." Yg's voice sounds hoarse. Jm looks at his hyung, at his intense eyes and do come closer. Yg is confident and demanding, neverthless there's shyness in his demeanour. Jm can see it in the way he looks around now that they
are close or in the stifness of his body.
"Just follow me, it's easy!" Jm places his hands on Yg's shoulders, trying to imprint the right movement and rhythm to the older's body. They find their beat easily and starts swaying together. Like this, is easier to talk.
"I'm sorry they dragged you here!" Jm needs to lean his head closer to be hear by Yg.
"I'm okay with it and they are two good kids." Yg's smile is unmistakable right now. "I'm glad you have two good friends beside you. I think sometimes, life must have been hard, huh?" Jm
feels on of Yg's hands caressing his side, soothingly and he wonders how this man can always know.
"A bit... since mom dies at least." Jm looks down at the little space separating them. It feels double to Jm because, every time that Yg shows him that he cares, Jm would like to
mold with the older.
"You never talk about her."
"But I sang you her song." Jm smiles warmly at Yg. He did realise back then, how much he was giving of himself just by singing a song. However, he does understand that Yg couldn't have guessed that night.
The beat of the music changes suddenly. This tune is more sexy and filled with bass; Jm feels his body itching to follow. He starts moving his hips sensually, feeling the grip of Yg's hands with each sway. Yg is almost still, looking at Jm with something new in his eyes.
"I think this is a bit too much for me... don't know how to--" Yg's voice is almost as loud as a yell but Jm won't listen. He comes this far already.
"Oh, come on... you're already here." Jm steps closer, wrapping his arms around Yg's nape and pulling slightly at the hair on
his nape. He wonders if Yg's is already blushing or if its because of the club lighting. "Just follow me." Jm comes close enough to be able to feel Yg's chest against his. He keeps swaying, well knowing that he isn't that far from Yg's crotch.
Jm should have know that Yg was everything but inexperienced. He feels the older pulling his closer and putting one of hil in between Jm's legs. Now, with every sensual sway, Jm is almost grinding on Yg.
Jm didn't see this coming but he won't stop.
Not just because he's used to dance like this with Th or Jk and there's nothing wrong with it, but because it feels good. The way in which Yg is looking at him feels more than just looking. Jm wonders if this is Yg appreciating his moves, his body or if there's more.
More than what Jm is ready to ask for.
They keep dancing as the music goes for a crescendo of sensuality in its beat. Jm turns around, glueing his back to Yg's front. Yg's hands doesn't wait for wrapping around his waist keeping Jm closer. Their breath is coming in laboured
now and Jm keeps blaiming the crowded place, the lacking of air even if, for his part it's more about desire and arousal. There's nothing he can do about it though, not even when Yg's hands are gripping hard enough to bruise.
"I-- I think we should stop, Jm-ah." Yg's voice is wary and Jm feels his chest hurt. This, once again, sounds like rejection and Jm isn't ready to face it. He just nods to the older, gesturing for their booth.
Maybe, he did cross a line.
"That kid will send me to afterlife pretty early." Yg enters his office and slam the door behind himself.
"Who? What happened?" Nj, his secretary, is already sitting at his desk. Every file, notebook and pen is neatly placed and his coffee is still fuming beside his laptop.
"His friends took me clubbing and dancing yesterday night..." Yg plops down on his wheeling chair before crossing the distance between his and Nj's desk with it. He takes Nj's coffee and sips from it. "Decaf?! You too want me dead?"
"Can you stop being dramatic? Is just coffee!"
Nj takes his cups back with an offense pout and Yg spins his chair back to his desk.
"This is just coffee and that was just dancing, of course." Yg is making the quotation marks gesture with his fingers.
"Who teaches how to dance to kids nowadays?! Fuck, he's
just 22 and he's the sinful dancer I had the pleasure to dance with." Yg is pouting as he scrambles around his phone for the number of the coffee shop down the block.
"I'm still confused."
"JM! FOR FUCK SAKE!! That kid gave me a boner in the middle of the dance floor with
all his swaying and grinding and rubbing..." Yg bangs his head on the desk as he dials the number. "Can i have a double iced americano please? Same office as always. Yes, I can wait, don't worry at all."
As soon as the phone call is done, Nj starts laughing behind Yg. "Are you
telling me that this is the big problem??"
"Didn't you heard me? A. BONER. Nj... something that shouldn't have happened." Yg starts rubbing at his temples nervously. "I shouldn't be horny around him. I should- give him time? Understanding? I don't know, but surely not a boner."
"I heard you yesterday too... having a breakdown over the kid confessing." Nj looks at his laptop, unfazed. "Still, another thing I'm not surprised about."
"I still don't get you..."
"The kid looks at you like you hold the sun, hyung. And contrary to you, I don't think this
happens because he's /obliged/ to stay with you. I think it's a natural proceeding of your situation?! You take care of him and as I came to understand no one ever did."
"He may be mistaking caring for love since he never had it. Besides, he never even fell in love, how could
"How did /you/ know?" Nj takes off his glasses to look at Yg. "Back then, with Mina. How did you know? Because you neither had been in love before, back then. Still, you said you loved her."
"And you could see I was wrong."
"Don't pull this at me! You chose the
wrong person, yes. But you knew pretty well your feelings, hyung." Nj sighs deeply. He actually hates bringing Mina into the conversation, and Yg knows it. He keeps his temple glued to the desk, waiting for the next scolding to come.
"I think you should take his feelings into account, seriously."
"Because I can't jump into a relationship like this. Besides, he's a kid and he still has a lot on his plate quite literally and emotionally speaking." Yg stands up, hearing the elevator ping.
He opens the door of his office, ready to receive his coffee. Once back inside again, he sits at his desk, pensive. "He still needs to graduate. He has this beef going on with his father and this very questionable crush for me. How can I chain him into something he might find
out is too big for him?"
"Yoon, that kid was ready to do something really stupid to make you happy. I don't think his feelings are questionable. I think he fell pretty hard and you're making him feeling rejected. I bet my ass on it."
"I AM NOT?! I told him he makes me happy."
"Even the coffee makes you happy, doesn't mean you love it. Rain makes you happy, listening to music makes you happy. And of course you like all these things, hyung. But love... is a bit more, yeah?"
Yg sips at his coffee, careful not to spill it on his white shirt. He thinks
about the day of the wedding, how Jm was crying while Nj was saying his vows, how he himself found his mind wondering around the words "I promise to keep you safe all your life" as he looked at Jm's profile and at the tears falling down his cheek.
"We both know you like him... you're just scared." Nj drops his voice a little, careful around the last words.
"Am I not allowed? Huh? What if this comes back at me in full force?" Yg stares down at Nj. "I'd like to remember you we aren't really married and that the contract
will end at some point. You know what happens to a bird that was caged for a long time when you open the cage for him? He will fly around the house for a while, scared to leave... then one day, you wake up, and he has found a new flock to fly away with."
Yg lays back in his chair. "I was careful with my words. He does make me happy, but like I said, he will fly away some time soon."
"I still think you're wrong... besides what did you said to him after yesterday?"
"What should I have to say?! You gave me a boner, I think it's
better if we keep a safe distance from now on?! Nothing. I said nothing. We went back to our booth, drink a little with his friends and then went home. I thanked him for making me live something I have forgotten since I was 20 and bid him goodnight."
Yg keeps gesturing with his hands, something he always does when he's nervous. His mind feels like a sea raged with a storm. He can't make sense of anything, honestly. Especially not of his own feelings. He's not stupid, he does know he likes Jm, but still the possibility of
this taking a step forward doesn't look realistic to him.
Apart from his own fears - piling up after what Mina did to him and around this beautiful boy who seems to think so highly of him - Yg knows Jm isn't ready. The age gap is almost mocking him now, because compare to Jm he
feels ancient. He's just 27 and still, it feels like he lived already plenty. He has too many scratches and too many fears to face while Jm is there, beautiful and dreadful like a storm and Yg doesn't know how to swim.
"Are you sure you're the older?!"
"You're not funny, Joon." Yg pouts as he finish his coffee. There's nothing funny, really. Yg is paralyzed by his own feelings. Touching Jm, looking at him... it all feels too much. But Yg can't gave him something that isn't whole, that it's already lacking since the start,
"I don't understand, you were doing so good with him! And now you're piling up shitty results!"
"It was before he kissed me... now I can't just... I can't be just a hyung." It was something fleeting, that lasted too little. The moment Yg felt Jm's lips on his, Yg felt alive.
It was like he never was and Jm just brought him to life, breathing into him. It's stupid and Yg is too old for fairytales, still it felt like one. The beautiful prince who fall in love with what? A young man with a failed marriage behind him and a fake one going on.
The kind of man who is never chosen for his might but just for his money-worth and his ability to just agree to whatever. However, in fairytales, princes always deserve something more and Yg has nothing good to give. Still, that was the moment in which Yg felt it; the need to
kiss him again, to follow those lips. The cares which he would give so freerly to Jm became a questionable burden. How much was he allowed to give to someone who will read every single thoughts behind each gestures? How much Yg could reveal without burning neither of the two?
"Joonah, your pushing it."
In the silence that follows Yg's words, the office phone rings obnoxiously.
"Yoon... there's your father here..."
"Let him in. I have couple of minutes before the meeting anyway."
The moment the door swings open, Yg stops breathing. His father isn't alone and it seems that the encounter of the other night wasn't enough. It seems that Mina is meant to
be wherever Yg goes, lately.
"What are you two doing here?" Yg feels his body goes stiff. There's no Jm behind which to hide, no warm hand to hold, no excuses.
"I'm bearing good news son!"Yg's father sits down, uninvited.
"I don't have enough time, father--"
"I will be fast. Mina's father sealed a big deal with a bank we, sorry, you might be interested on. I think you two could seal off this deal in other ways too." His father is tapping his fingers on the desk, making Yg's skin prickle.
"I don't seem to understand, father."
"If you two marry then the bank will need to seal a deal with you too. Is something very big that can give the company a lot more sponsors."
"First of all, I'm already married. Second of all, nothing on earth can make me marry her."
"The first problem can be easily solved. Since Jm stopped clubbing, Mr. Park's reputation is again at his peak. For the second one..." The man stands up, a greasy smile on his lips. "I think there's not much you need to put into a marriage. It's just a sign on a paper."
"Father, I won't agree to this."
"You don't need to... I already contacted Mr. Park and Jm will be informed soon too." The man is already at the door, his back turned to his soon.
"Poor little thing, he would be really sad, won't he?" Mina too smiles before leaving the office.
"Hyung... I-- maybe I--"
"Go out. Now." Yg's eyes are still fixed on the door as he doesn't even turn around to see Nj.
"But. I-- I can stay with you or help..."
"Leave." Yg knows Nj knows better than say no to him right now. He just hopes that he's far away enough when
Yg yells at the top of his lungs.
It's very late when Yg dares to go back home. He's brought dinner for he and Jm, maybe is their chance to talk. He doesn't know if the kid already know or if his father hasn't call already. He fears to find this out.
He fear the sight of an angry Jm, crying in his bed like the other night. Or of a sad Jm, skin pale and droopy eyes. He fears meeting the kid eyes and having to admit he doesn't know how to love him enough to be able to protect him. Once again, the words "I promise to keep you
safe all your life" are ringing in his head and he's grateful for not having said it out loud when they were dancing. He's grateful because this is a promise he can't maintain and it's already tearing him apart.
"Hyung, you're home!" Jm jumps in front of him, a big smile on his face.
"Ehi, ehi, why are you this bubbling?" Yg tries his best to smile, not to let the kid see his inner turmoil.
"I'M ABOUT TO GRADUATE. I HAVE A TUTOR FOR MY DISSERTATION!"
Jm is jumping up and down like a bunny. Then, he takes Yg by the hands. "My last exam went perfectly and I can graduate, oh god."
"I'm happy for you! You worked hard!" Yg ruffles his hair, putting what he hopes is a warm smile over his lips. "We should celebrate then!" He raises
the bag with the food, giving it to Jm.
"What's in there?!" Jm's eyes goes comically wide.
"You're favourite. Go set the table, huh?" Jm smiles at Yg, nodding, before disappearing in the kitchen. The only thing Yg can do, now, is keeping the secret. He can't ruin this for Jm.
It's very late once they're done with dinner. Jm is laying on the carpet and Yg is sitting on the couch. He feels the weight of the secret pressing on his throat to come out.
"Remember the other night, when you told me you fell in love with me?" Yg is looking at the ceiling
because he can't bear to look at Jm.
"Hyung, please don't--"
"Why did you fall in love with me?" Yg would like to have a glass of whiskey, something to keep his belly warm when Jm will leave. Because Yg knows he will.
"Remember when I told you that I am a cane? And the one
night you told me that your mother told you you should be like a bird who never stops singing when is caged?"
"I don't understand..."
"A bird can never love a cane. The cane will surely move in the wind but it will be always rooted. It can't leave without die. You, on the
other hand, my little nightingale, are free the moment the cage is open." Yg sighs because what he is about to say will probably hurt him more than Jm. "I'm opening the cage, Jm-ah... and I think you should know this from me."
Jm is on his feet, a knee planted in the couch cushion and his hands on Yg's face. "What the fuck does this mean?!"
"My father sold me off to a better client, little nightingale. So you're basically free." Yg tries to offer him a little smile even if he knows that it comes
out as the most sad and twisted grimace he can manage. He already feels Jm slipping away and, with that, his heart whitering slowly.
"Sold off?! Our contract is three year long, we barely reached one!!" Jm is gripping hard on Yg's shoulder, enough to hurt and a streak of tears
is already wetting his cheeks.
"This is all I know, Jm-ah... There's nothing I can do."
"I bet you're so fucking happy to get rid of me!" Jm is hitting him on the chest as his head bends low. He can't see the younger's eyes because the fringe covers them but the way his voice
cracks already hurts enough. "You get rid of the stupid kid who fell in love with his fake husband. So easy like this huh? So you don't have to deal with anything..."
"You'll realise you don't really love me, Jm-ah..." Yg stops Jm's hands with his. The kid feels like a raggedy
doll now, hanging like this above him. "It can't be... I assure you, there's nothing to love in me. Not a single thing. And once you'll realise it, you'll be able to just..." Yg feels himself breaking down too, but it's something he doesn't want to show to Jm. It's not like he
can say to him anything; whatever will sound too much as a lie anyway. "It's the best for you, okay? Your father will leave you off the hook now... his reputation just peaked and you..."
"And I will be free, right?!" Jm finally meets Yg's eyes and Yg will keep
regretting this because there's more than hurt in Jm's eyes, there's real heartbreak, the same Yg is feeling right now.
Yg's silence is enough for Jm to let it go, maybe. Yg closes his eyes to prevent himself from crying too.
Because, there's something that Yg can't bear since the first night he saw Jm crying and it's this, is seeing the younger blotchy eyes. It's hearing the sound of his sobs, seeing him broken knowing that he can't do anything for him. Not anymore, at least.
a/n: so, how are you all handling this?
Feel free to scream at me. Besides, I'm really curious about what you think will happen eheh
Yg doesn't stay in the house. As soon as he hears Jm's door shutting close, he grabs the coat and keys and leaves. There are Jo many places where Yg would go when in search of comfort, and after this morning, he feels quite ashamed of what he's about to do.
Still, his body works on autopilot as he drives to Nj's apartment. He this his best to swallow the guilt he feels after asking Nj to leave and for probably waking the pair up, but he can't help it.
Whenever Yg's world crumbles down, Nj is his only repair.
"Hyung-" Nj looks more surprised that Yg thought. He's still dressed in his smart pants and shirt, and there's some ink smudged on his face.
"I'm sorry for this morning, I shouldn't have."
"It's okay, hyung. I honestly weren't mad at you... I think your reaction made sense."
Nj is lying on the threshold as he starts rolling his sleeves up. "Are you here just for this?"
"I-- yes... just wanted to apologise."
"I've talked to Jm." Yg might be look worse than he thinks because Nj doesn't wait in pulling him inside by the wrist.
He holds Yg's hand forcefully, gripping hard to show his comfort.
"Need to talk, huh?" Yg nods as he lets his coat fall on the floor with no care for it before following Nj in the kitchen.
"Tea or whisky?"
"Do you really need to ask?" Nj chuckles at Yg's deadpan face.
Nj places a glass in front of him as he sits down. "Do you remember what you told me when your father sold you off to Jm?"
Yg thinks about that day. Jms and his father cane into his office with strangely happy faces. If there were something Yg had come to dread, was his father's
"This is my kid! I think he will treat your Jm just fine." Yg was confused, and none of the man was taking him into account. Besides, Yg was pretty tired. He hadn't slept in the last two days, too busy knocking off every little detail of what was supposed to be his
wedding. It's surprisingly tiring to call caterings, hotels, family, and friends and explain why you don't get married anymore.
"Son, this is Jm's father. You two will marry in a couple of days."
"I warn you kid, my son is a party boy with a stubborn attitude. Don't
know what you can do with him." Yg felt a familiar irk to his skin at the man's words. He was hating the way in which he was addressing his own son. He wondered what kind of kid Jm was and how much similar to Yg's own life his was. He felt a sudden connection to him, even if Jm
was basically a stranger.
Maybe they could help each other's out.
"That the kid needed more care than what was surely given to him at home." That was what Yg told Nj. He took the deal because whoever this Jm was, was probably off better with him than someone else.
"That's right, and what did you tell me after?"
"That I agreed because I couldn't stand the way his father talked about him and didn't want him to be married to a greasy old man."
"Right." Nj nods before sipping at his tea. "And what happened after?"
"A lot of things..." yg shrugged, looking around the room. They have been living around each other since almost nine months. It was a lot of time.
"Tell me some of them, then..."
"Do you want my help or not?!" Nj raised a brow at Yg, his cup near his lips.
"Huh..." yg scratches at his nape, feeling embarrassed. He and Jm have shared a lot in those months, little things ams little moments, but they made Jm growing off on him.
"There was that time Jm failed one of his classes, and he was moping around because he was afraid he won't
graduate." Yg chuckles to himself; he can still picture the way in which Jm would walk around the house, making sure Yg will see his pout. He kept his act for an hour and then started with a tantrum, asking Yg to take him shopping to lift his mood. "I took him shopping and he
ended up buying an oversized sweater with an obnoxiously big bunny in it. He was so happy about it that he wears it in the house almost always." Yg is chuckling besides his own broken heart.
"What else, hyung." Yg does his best to ignore his condescending tone of voice.
"Oh, there was that time in which he wanted to bake a cake. He had bought everything bur while he was preparing the mixture he dropped the bowl and ended up covered in flour, milk and eggs." Yg stands up, helping himself to more liquor, stretching it with water. "I had to help
him out of his sweater because it was sticky and he didn't want to ruin his hair and, in the end, I had to help him with another cake."
Yg knows Nj is listening even if now Yg behind his back, stalling. "And there was the time he fell sick, that was a lot to handle."
"Because a sick Jm is needy and cute, and I was already down bad... he was feverish when he woke up and didn't tell me anything. I had to find it out myself. When I asked him why he didn't tell me, he said he's used to taking care of himself." Yg goes back to the table.
It broke something into Yg, the fact that Jm didn't ask for help. Still, Yg imposed his care on him. He helped Jm to bed and made him soup. Jm was pouting through all of it until Yg asked him why. "He told me that he didn't want soup but cuddles, because sick people needs bear
hug." Yg shakes his head, a small smile on his lips. He hugged Jm tight, smashing his head on his chest, and then asked if it was enough. Jm was giggling enough to make Yg believe that he wasn't that sick.
"How was it, hyung? The hug, the kiss the day of the wedding?"
Nj stands up, taking his cup to the sink. Then, he turns around, pinning Yg down with a stare. "Every little thing... how each of them felt, hyung?"
Yg looks at his empty glass, hoping to find the right answer on the bottom of it. "I think I understood it the night he sang with
me... we were swaying back and forth together and he was singing that lullaby for him. He has a beard voice, Joonah, you know? I was standing there, with my eyes closed and he was singing for me and I was just..." Yg looks up, searching for Nj eyes, for whatever he can find
help in. "I knew I had fallen... a lot before he told me he felt something." Yg stands up and starts to pace around the kitchen. "I took him to the wedding well knowing my feelings. I kissed him back, joon... but..." Yg sighs, feeling a wretch. "But I still can't wrap my head
around the fact that he might love me too. It doesn't make sense, trust me." Yg starts walking around the house, taking in the fact that Nj's husband isn't there. "Is your husband on night shift?"
"Yeah... won't be home till tomorrow, why?"
"Nope, you're avoiding
my next question. " Nj follows Yg in the living room. "Why can't he be in love with you?"
"I already told you. He might be exchanging caring for love. Besides, there's nothing to love... I couldn't even keep my promise."
"Jm knows what he's doing. Do you think I didn't saw you
two kissing at the wedding?!" Nj chuckles lightly and Yg stiffen. "He did look to me like he was very much aware of his doing, you know? It's jmjust you, hyung. You're the one who thinks that every good thing thrown his way must be a joke."
"Because it is. Look at it. Where did this lead me? To another marriage..."
Nj sighs deeply before sitting down. "You'll hate me for this, I already know. But you don't have to do whatever your father says. If you don't sign the divorce papers, there's nothing he can do."
There's a long silence that Yg fills with the replay of what happened earlier that night, with Jm. "I doubt Jm will agree. He was mad at me before..."
"Tell me you didn't make it seem like you just agree to whatever your father said." Yg looks away, feeling regret and guilt
raising from the bottom of his belly.
"I might have told him he's free now... not really far from the truth anyway." Nj rubs his face with his hands.
"Okay... we'll cover this tomorrow morning. Go to sleep now."
Yg looks at Nj confused. "There's still the guest room... I bet you weren't thinking of going home anyway." Nj gives Yg one of those looks that make Yg regret all his wrongdoings. It's been a while since he got one, maybe because until Nj's wedding, he tried his best
had reallywith Jm. Still, now, he cpuld see how he had ruined the entire card castle he had built around the younger. Something so fragile, that needed just a blow of wind to crumble. And Yg, instead of being there, helping Jm out of the ruins, was the one who blew on it.
"I think I should go home... thanks though." Yg smiles warmly at Nj, patting his shoulder in thank. "What we said... maybe I can talk to him about the possibility." Nj's eyes go comically wide.
"Please... tell him how you really feel first. I think the kid needs to know."
Yg drives faster than he'd like to admit. He was starting to regret leaving the house after their argument, but at the same time it was what he needed. Talking about his feelings with someone who could unravel the mess inside him was something he had long avoided and that,
in the end was the reason why everything crumbled.
When Yg gets inside the apartment, everything is very silent. "Jm-ah!" Yg starts calling Jm as soon as he inside, while toeying off his shoes. He pads fast towards the corridor, getting rid of his coat along the way. Jm's room
is just a couple of steps away, but something make Yg's stop.
"What are you doing?" Jm is coming towards him with a bag in his hand.
"Leaving." Jm doesn't meet Yg's eyes as he keeps padding towards him, obviously headed towards the exit. "Th is coming to get me."
"No, no, wait... please, we need to talk."
"Now you want to talk? After what you said before?! You practically threw the news at me and then left and /now/ you want to talk?!" Jm's voice has a judging edge to it that Yg knows he deserves but still burn.
"I was wrong..."
"Wrong?" Yg notices the way in which Jm stops midtrack, still not looking at him.
"Yeah... It seems I'm always wrong."
"Tell me why you love me." Yg pads closer, getting into Jm's space. He looks at the younger's face who still refuse to meet his eyes.
He takes in the way Jm's eyes scan the wall besides him and the way in which the muscles of his jaw tense. "Please..."
"There's no /why/ I love you. There are tons of because, though. I love you because you made me feel safe since the first moment I set foot in this house. I
love you because you made me want to sing again. I love you because you make it so easy." Jm sighs before readjusting his grip on the bag. "I think all this time, I waited for you. I don't know why or how, but I know I waited... but it seems I'm still waiting, hyung."
"What do you mean?"
"I thought you needed time. I felt so guilty when I kissed you because you just jumped off a big relationship but then you kissed me back and I was confused." Jm finally looks at Yg and there's hurt in his expression. A kind of hurt Yg can't bear to have
caused him. "Then we danced together at the club and I know you liked it but still you pushed me away." Yg feels an explanation raising up to his throat, ready for Jm. "I think you still need to realise what I already know, hyung."
Yg's hand move faster than his tongue, wrapping around Jm's wrist and pulling him closer. "I do know I love you, though." Yg's is whispering, lips placed over Jm's forehead. He feels like a weight has been lifted from his chest; hearing Jm saying those words, laying in front of
him all the cards made him feel wanted. It's something Yg doesn't remember to have ever felt, not this way at least. It's like Jm has just reoriented Yg's own compass, pointing to a new North, were Jm has always been waiting.
Jm grips at Yg's shirt with his free hand. "I would love to believe you. Trust me... there's nothing I have wanted more than you telling me you love me in this months... but I can't..."
Yg pulls Jm even closer by the waist, molding their body together because it feels like
Jm is slipping away. "What do you mean?"
"You didn't fight for me, hyung. You didn't tell your father that nothing would make you leave me. You did just what everyone does... you left me..." Yg feels the pain getting stronger and stronger. It's like someone has taken his heart,
gripping it hard in his hand. "And I don't want to feel like this ever again."
"Jm-ah... please." Yg's lips are still plastered on Jm's forehead. He feels the crease of his skin as the younger starts gripping tighter to his shirt. "I never wanted to leave you... I was just
scared..." Yg hugh Jm as closer as he can with the impediment of the bag. He feels the younger's body trembling in his hold and wonders if Jm is crying. "I was so scared to lose you that it's what happened in the end--."
Jm's phone starts ringing, stopping Yg from whatever he wanted to add. He feels Jm's grip getting loose as he takes a step back. His eyes are red and his bottom lip bitten. Yg feels like a statue. "I'm sorry, hyung... I need to go, Th is here."
Once Jm is near the door, Yg hears him talk for the last time. "I'll see you on the 23 for the signature of the divorce papers." With that, Jm is gone and Yg is left wondering how he was able to utter that word, the one that now is making Yg bleeding, cutting deep like a blade.
The moment the door shut behind Yg's back, everything stops. Yg doesn't know how to explain it, maybe there are no words for it. Maybe no one ever experienced finding yourself in an empty house after someone who usually giggles and fills the place with his laughs and the
padding of his naked feet on the floor, is now gone. Or maybe a lot of people did and Yg just don't know the word to describe what he's feeling.
He walks towards Jm's bed, the closest thing to him. He doesn't know how much he can handle, for how long he can keep himself
together before shattering. The answer must be 'little'. Very little, because the moment Yg touches Jm's bed, tears starts to run down his face. Is a silent kind of cry, the kind of cry you do alone, in a dark room and you don't know if it's from pain or guilt or maybe both.
What Jm said was true. Yg didn't keep his promise, he didn't protect Yg. He just sat there, looking at his father using him like a pawn. That's was his biggest fault, letting someone else control his life, well knowing what it would lead to.
Yg drift into sleep like this, hugging Jm's pillow and far away from being able to find any solution to the mess he made.
Yg sleeps soundly, surely from exhaustion. He's emotionally wrecked but he still tries his best to pick himself up. Getting ready for work doesn't even stand on his list right now; he just stands up, walking aimlessly around the house just to find himself in the bathroom,
looking at his and Jm's toothbrushes placed one beside the other. It's something that seems insignificant, but actually means more to an attentive eyes.
Yg still remembers the first night, when Jm came padding to his room and knocked softly.
"Ygssi, where should I wash my teeth?" Yg looked at Jm's pink cheeks and his messy hair. He had gave a tour of the apartment to Jm but maybe the kid was asking because he found all of Yg's
things in the bathroom.
"I just have one bathroom, Jm." Yg smiled at him before asking not to be called Ygssi anymore. Then, he stood up and followed Jm to the bathroom. He showed him the cabinets and made space for the younger's things. Still, for a long time, Jm didn't leave
anything in the bathroom.
It was maybe three or four months in when Yg started to find towels which weren't his and tons of products. And then, finally, the toothbrush appeared. It was purple and sitted prettily next to Yg's yellow one. Yg never asked Jm why he didn't brought
his things in the bathroom before or what made him change his mind, but he secretly appreciated the change a lot.
However, now, seeing something like this it work just like salt on the wound.
Yg goes searching for his phone. There's a new fuel running through his veins now. It might be stupid, but the sight of the toothbrushes made Yg think that maybe there's a solution. What if Jm left it on purpose? Or maybe he just forgot it but it still works like a little
seed of hope for Yg.
He has seven days before the 23. Seven days to make Jm believe that Yg actually loves him and to get rid of his father. Ten days to mend the mess he made.
"Before you say anything, Joon-ah. Are you sure? If I don't sign no one can do anything
to us?" Yg is searching for a pair of jeans and a hoodie. He needs to scratch at the very back of his wardrobe but, in the end, he's able to find something.
"Not until the three years are due. Then, it's up to the both of you. You can renew the contract or even add another
clause." Yg hears the sound of rustling of papers in the background. Nj might have checked this morning; if there's somethign that Yg knows is that Nj has always been reliable. He can trust him.
"So, if I convince Jm not to sign, we're okay?"
"Yes, but wait... didn't he
leave?!" Nj's voice is careful and Yg knows he's afraid of ruining Yg's bubble.
"Yes... but he still said he loves me. He didn't use any past tense. I might still be able to save this." Yg is fully dressed now. He was able to find a pair of old sneaker to match the outfit and
his old satchel.
"I am actually proud of you, but I want you to be aware of the fact that it might not end like you plan, okay?"
"No, I won't let myself believe this. If I let the idea of a possible fail sip under my skin, I will end up ruin this. Listen, Joon, I know you're
right and that I actually did quite a mess, but--" Yg is trying his best to fit into his old leather jacket. He feels squeezed and tight but it's the fault is of his shoulders. He should stop working out. "Fuck, this jacket is too tight... anyway... when I asked him why he
loves me he didn't contradict me okay? I need to hang on that not to crumble right now..." Yg sighs, looking at himself in the mirror. He looks presentable enough. "Just... Let me have this."
"You don't know what hearing this makes to me, hyung." Nj's voice is almost joyful and
Yg feels slightly mocked.
"Yahh! I'm still your boss."
"No, but hyung, I'm happy. Go get him. What's your plan."
"Joon... you won't believe me."
SNU hasn't change a bit since Yg left five years ago. He still blends in pretty well with his outfit and no one gives him attention. This is what he needed acutally and surely coming here in a suit and tie wouldn't have help his case. He doesn't know where Jm could be but
if things haven't change one bit, it's possible to find him around his department.
If Jm is about to graduate, it means that he still might have one or two classes to follow. Otherwise, Yg might find him in the library.
The Ecomomics building is bid and Yg can't do anything but walk aimlessly around, hoping to bump into Jm. He can't enter into all of the class to check if Jm's is there, neither call him because he knows the kid won't answer. This idea might have been too stupid to work and Yg
is starting to feel like a dumbass, untill...
"Chim, are you sure you want to come? It might not be the best considering your mood." Yg recognises Th's voice. It must be coming from the stairs, so Yg walk closer to where he can hear better, hoping not to be seen.
"I want to come. Besides, if a new club opens, I need to be there." Yg hears the sound of footsteps approaching. He must be seem like a creep to the guys walking in the corridor but, truth be told, he saw worse than a guy eavesdropping when he was a student here.
"I think a couple of drinks and a dance floor might do me good." Yg doesn't know what happens next because the voice disappear. He stays by the stairs, feet glue to the floor instead of running behind Jm. It's weird; he did all of this - searching for a suitable outfit, coming
till here - just to stay froze in his spot at the sound of Jm's voice. He's here, he's okay, he didn't avoided classes. Yg wonders what this could mean. A little voice in his mind supplies that the kid is perfectly fine. Leaving Yg didn't affect him one but and he's even going
clubbing tonight. The voice is strong, actually. Yg can almost picture it taking root, wiping away the grand gestures he thought he would do. He almost feels like he's back to square one.
"Hyung?" Yg is startled by a voice. It sounds strained in the attempt not to yell.
"Please Th, shhh..." Yg turns around to find himself facing Th and his wide eyes. The kid is sheel-shocked, standing stupidly in the middle of the corridor.
"What are you doing here?" Th looks around the corridor before taking Yg from the wrist and pulling him inside the first
bathroom he sees. "What are you doing here?!"
"You already asked." Yg straighten his jacket, feign offended by Th's behaviour.
"What does it look to you?"
"Oh, you tell me. Because after yesterday night I don't know, honestly."
Th has a stern expression, Yg didn't got to see on him the one time they met. "Listen, I just need to talk to him."
"Oh, come on, I know you know." Yg feels like a kid right now. He doesn't know if it's the outfit, the emotional wreck he is or the fact that he just
sneacked inside his old Uni just to see a pretty boy.
"I thought I knew, hyung... but what you did yesterday made me doubt honestly." Th's expression changes to sadness and Yg feels even worse.
"I know. I din't handle it well but... If we don't sign those papers they can't do
nothing to us. I just want to talk to Jm for five minutes. It's everything I need."
"What if Jm wants to sign?"
"Does he?!" Yg feels his heart starts pounding harsh in his chest. He didn't take the possibility into account because Jm had said he loves him. How could he really
want to divorce? Why now that they can fix things together?"
"Nope. Just wanted to check your reaction." Th smile smugly at Yg and Yg snorts.
"Fuck, you're mean."
"We've been know. You can't talk to him now, anyway." Th goes to the sink and washes his face. It's like Yg
isn't there anymore.
"He has two classes and we have a party after." Yg doesn't know anymore what's true and what isn't. "Come tonight at the Magic Shop, it's a new club at Itaewon. You can try talk to him there." Th dries his face with a paper towel and then stares
intently at Yg. It's like he's reading him, studying him like a book. "Can I be honest with you?"
"I do like you for him. I never seen Jm that happy, really. I spent a lot of time wondering about why he had never fell in love before and I think it was because of
his father. He was never taught how love is supposed to feel but you did and you weren't even aware of it." Th rakes his fingers in between his head; it looks like he's searching for something more to say and Yg waits.
"This doesn't mean I'm not mad about yesterday but I think you too are a bit confused about love. Must be tiring always been sold, huh?" There's something about this kid that Yg noticed the first time he met him. Th knows how to read and comprehend people. It's not something to
take for granted and surely not a lot of people takes this kind of effort to understand someone who's practically a stranger. Still, Th had learnt Yg's way in a couple of minutes.
"I-- It's scary. I mean..."
"You don't need to explain this to me, don't worry."
Th pats him lightly on the shoulder, before walking toward the door. "Just... do tell him tonight. Tell him all."
With that Yg is left alone in a stinky bathroom with a hammering heart beating loudly in his chest and sweaty palm at the mere thought of seeing Jm tonight.
a/n: stopping here for tonight. But I'll leave this here because I'm really curious. Also, how did you find the update?twitter.com/_prod_minyoong…
I'm really curious
What makes you all liking this au??
Qrt this twt with something you want to see in this au
Yg feels almost stupid once he comes back home and faces his outfit in the mirror. He really thought he would meet Jm like this? Surely, dressed like this no one had looked suspiciously at Yg but this doesn't mean he felt confident in them. They brought back something about Yg's
college's days that he thought he had forgotten. As he sits down at the foot of his bed, eyes still glued to his image in the mirror, Ug thinks about how insecure he still feels about himself. He thinks about how he still finds it difficult to wrap his head around the idea of Jm
loving him back despite the younger confessing to him. It's the result of years of having been the cane that always bends, the result of never trying to resist the wind. Still, for once, Yg feels an unmistakable need to fight back, to pursue something he wants.
Because he wants Jm and there's nothing greedy or selfish in it. He doesn't want him to anger his father, nor because he thinks he should. He wants Jm because it's easier to breathe when Jm is around, is easier for Yg to look at himself in the mirror. Because for once, Yg
experienced a kind of love that he doesn't need to question.
Back when he was with Mina, he would often find himself wondering how he should show his love, how does people act when on love what's the right way to move around who you love.
But with Jm, Yg had never questioned himself. He just did what he felt like doing; he grew around the younger without even realizing it. It's a kind of love that Yg never questioned and that's probably why it scares him. Because it moves under its own accord.
It makes Yg feels insecure because now, that he needs to show it to Jm, to make the younger see it, Yg feels like he can't grasp it. Like it's water flowing and Yg is just the bed of the river.
He sighs deeply, leaning his head back on the bed behind him.
The idea of going to the club scares him. That is Jm world, a kind of world Yg is unfamiliar with. He feels like he's about to invade Jm's space, the one the younger claimed for himself when he left yesterday night.
He was clear when he said that he can't do it, that he can't be
with Yg because Yg never gives him any reassurance. And now, he feels selfish for feeling like /he/ needs to be reassured now.
Yg fishes his phone from his jeans, trying his best to will this voice in his head away.
"Ehi, Joon-ah... how do I dress for a club opening?" Yg grips at his own thigh as he drops the question. It's him reaching out and standing his ground even if he fear the rejection. He's doing his best right now but this doesn't stop him from being insecure.
"What about I take you shopping during my break?"
They decide to meet in front of a shop Nj's husband seems to like and that Hs deems right for their purpose, because of course, Nj asked Hs to come too.
Yg reaches the place with a sour mood and a grudge he doesn't know who is holding against and, when he's smashed by Hs's in between his arms, the only things that leaves his mouth is a grunt.
"I can't believe this moment came. You, asking us to help you shopping. Wow, this
almost feels like Paradise." Hs is screaming like he always is and Nj is scratching at his nape.
"An exceptional situation calls for extreme measures." Yg shrugs as he walks towards the door.
"You must be very whipped for the boy if you're willing to go to such length."
Hs nudges him in the ribs but Yg thinks he detected something weird in his voice.
"Is it bad? Me wanting to try, I mean." He stops in the middle of the entrance, blocking it for everyone else, but Hs's tone of voice stirred something deep inside Yg. He wonders if he's doing
the wrong thing, if Hs pointing this out means that there's something off.
"No, no! Why do you ask?"
"There's something off about you... like just now you--" Yg must be looking at Hs like a lost puppy because his friend's face soften instantly.
"I'm just proud, okay? I think
I never saw you like this and--" Hs pulls Yg away from the door and Nj follows them closely. "I just would like to be able to promise you it will end good, okay? And it rubs me off the wrong way that I can't."
"Hoba..." Nj's voice comes with a warning and Yg feels nauseous.
"Are you saying I'm wasting my time?!"
"No! What Hoba wanted to say is that you might need more than one try. You can't expect Jm to fall for your apologies on the spot, okay?" Nj drags the both of them near the fitting rooms, prompting Yg to sit.
"Because the fact that he loves you doesn't mean he will say 'yes' on the spot. You feel scared, you need reassurance but think about him too. Have you ever wondered how he feels? You treated him just like his father, like a deal. I believe he might could be ask for more than
just an apology."
"What more? I love him... doesn't this count?" Yg starts biting at his thumb, a nervous gesture he always tries his best not to let resurface.
"Of course it matters. But, hyung, trust and love runs on separate trails... he might love you but you need to
regain his trust."
Yg doesn't have anymore time to speak as Hs - who apparently had started wondering around the shop - throws some clothes at him.
"Stop thinking now and try these, okay?"
The fit takes half an hour. Hs and Nj doesn't seem to agree on the outfit, until Yg decides he's tired of it and starts searching around the place alone. He finally sees a jacket he likes and goes back to the pair holding it; he remembers Jm saying to him he looks good in green.
"What about this?" Hs nods at the jacket.
"I can find something to go with this, wait here." While they wait for Hs, Yg sits besides Nj, letting his head rest on the younger's shoulder. Usually, he won't seek affection like this, it's not his way. However, today Yg feels like
he needs it.
"Hyung, don't take our words the wrong way, okay? Just go with what you feel, go there tonight and let him see how much do you love him."
"How one does so?!" Yg's voice is low and he almost feel ashamed for such a question.
"There is no right way... just do
what you always did with him." Yg looks up at Nj, feeling a weird pang in his chest. Was everything he did for Jm enough?
"Hey, I have it. Try this!!" Hs comes back jumping around with some clothes for Yg. As he tries on the clothes, Yg is grateful that Hs chose things Yg is comfortable with, that he might want to wear again.
"So, what about it?"
"I think we have it!!"
"Perfect, soooo-- who of you two is coming with me?"
The club is packed, more than Yg expected and the music is just too loud. He and Hs pads slowly towards the counter, trying their best to make their way in the river of people without losing each other.
"How am I supposed to find him here?!"
"You said Jm dances so go to the dance floor." Hs is already holding a beer and giving one to Yg too.
"Oh, nono... I won't do that ever again. If he dances with me like the other time, I will get aboner."
"Who told you he wants to dance with you?!" Hs tries his best to keep
himself from laughing but Yg can see the hint of a smile. "You just need to gain his attention and ask him to talk."
"Hoba... he's here to have fun, why did I ever thought to come here?"
"Do you have any other idea?" Hs sips at his beer with his eyes on the crowd. "The 23 is
in less than a week. You need to talk to him." Yg sighs because he knows Hs is right.
"Can you come with me?"
"Nope, I will wait here for you. Go, search for him, talk to him and then I will be here when you're done, okay?" Hs gives Yg the warmest smile and pushes him off
from the shoulders. "Now, go."
Yg takes a deep breath as he starts walking his way amidst the dancing people. He keeps his beer close to his chest, sipping at it from time to time just to seem busy. As he roams around the place with his eyes, he hopes to see sign of Jm.
A wisp of blonde hair, a pair of leather tight jeans or even Th.
He's almost on the verge of crying when he finally spots Jm. The kid is dancing with Th. They're moving sinfully one against the other and Yg already feels his throat dry. Jm is gorgeous; his hips are beautifully
hugged by a pair of tight jeans with high waist and he can see a hint of skin from the croptop he's wearing. His hair are pulled back and his lips are shining with gloss. Yg doesn't know what to do with himself.
He starts moving where the two guys are, making sure to be in Th's line of vision but not Jm's. He wants the younger to see him, to acknowledge his presence and maybe introduce him to Jm. But Th doesn't look over him, dancing with his eyes half closed.
The only thing Yg can do is to keep walking forward. It's just that people are dancing and he's not careful around anyone. His eyes are fixed on Jm, giving the younger his full attention; Yg can't even hear the music anymore.
He's so deep in his thought that he doesnt notice Jm moving backwards and crushing into him, ending with Yg's beer all over Jm's back.
"For fuck sake, are you--" The moment Jm turns around and his and Yg's eyes meets, the world stops for Yg.
"I'm sorry-- I---"
"What are you doing here?" Yg doesn't know if Jm is happy or not to see him. The music is too loud to be able to catch any kind of emotions in the younger's voice. Still, Yg is able to see Jm's eyes roaming over his body, taking in the outfit. Yg wonders if
he looks good enough.
"I'm here to see you." Yg takes a hold of Jm's wrist with his free hand. He starts tmoving his thumb around Jm's pulse, to let him know that it's okay.
"Me? What for?" Jm takes his wrist away, almost like Yg burned his skin. "I'm busy right now." Jm
starts taking a step back, starts to move again in tune with the music, probably hoping to leave Yg behind. But Yg won't have it. He too starts moving accordingly, following the younger deep into the crowd.
Yg takes easily a hold on Jm's hips, pulling him closer. "Then we can be busy together." He knows he's crossing the line, but he need to have Jm closer to be able to talk with him in this chaos. Still, Jm is like water, is slippery. It's almost like Yg can't have an hold of him
for too long.
The younger keeps moving backwards and Yg keeps following. They never break they're eyes contact until Jm hits a table with his back. It's easy then, the smirks that Yg makes comes too easy. He leaves the empty bootle of beer on the table and crowd Jm against it.
"Seem like you can't leave now." Jm's eyes are wide and his mouth agape. Yg wonders what he's thinking about.
"Listen, I don't want to talk to you, besides--" Yg's hands come up to Jm's back, purposefully avoiding the bits of naked skin.
"Here, take this. I'm sorry I spilled
my beer on you." Yg takes off his jakets and wraps it around Jm, not to leave him all sticky and reeking of beer.
"It's leather, it will get ruined hyung." Jm tries to stops Yg, to not have him any nearer.
"I don't care." He ends up covering Jm's back woth the jacket; it
looks big on him and it almost makes Yg smile.
"Why are you smiling for?! No, no, better question, why the fuck are you here?! I told you I'll see you on the 23!" Jm's is pointing a fingers on Yg's chest, prompting him to take a step back. He seems mad but Yg is quite sure it's
not because of the spilled beer. However, part of him tells him it's not about him being at the club either.
"I really need to talk to you, please Jm." Yg talks near to Jm's ear. He wants to be heard, he wants Jm to realise how much Yg wants this. He wants the younger to hear
his voice breaking, pleading. Whatever will make Jm listen to him for just a second.
"As you can see this is not a place where to talk." The music changes. Yg can hear the shift in the background even if he's fully concentrated on Jm. He can feel how it gets dirtier, sexier.
Jm's eyes roams around the dance floor. "Besides, I'm here to ance and that's what I'm going to do." Jm raises at eyebrow at him before trying to get away. But Yg as come till here and he won't go home without talking with Jm.
"Then I'll dance with you and then you'll talk to
me." Yg taks a hold of Jm's wrist and, before the younger is able to go too far, he pulls him against his chest. Jm's back fits perfectly and Yg tries to keep him even closer with one hand on his hips. "I'd love to dance with you, Jm-ah." Yg says these words against Jm's skin,
hoping it sounds needier and sexy enough. He's done hiding, he's done running away. If Jm wants to dance then be it.
"But I don't wanna dance with you. The last time you didn't seem to have liked it." Jm turns around in Yg's hold. His eyes are boring holes on Yg's skin and Yg
feels like they've just started a game he will surely not win.
"Oh, you're wrong, Jm-ah. I did like it, probably more than I should." Yg presses his forehead to Jm, pulling their hips flush too. He wants Jm to stay here, to be glued to him.
"I will tell you everything if you listen to me... just please." Yg's eyes are closed. He's almost scared to look at Jm now, to see - once again - a hint of rejection. He's scared that Jm will never listen to him, that he will never give him a chance.
"God, I can't see you
like this, come on." Jm huffs and starts pulling Yg along by the wrist. They bump into the other dancers, as Jm leads them somewhere. Still, Yg follow blindly, not minding who he bumps into nor who stomp on his feet. The only thing he can see is Jm's back hugged by his jacket.
Jm pushes the door of the bathroom open and drags Yg inside.
"Be fast." The younger doesn't look at Yg, instead, he busiest himself with the hand drier to dry the beer from his back. Yg stalls, looking at Jm's skin as the crop top raises upwards. "You look miserable, hyung"
Yg doesn't know how to read Jm's words, or what to do with them. The younger isn't looking at him anyway.
"I am. Listen... I am sorry I didn't make it look like I care but I care. So much, Jm!" Yg takes a step forward before stopping again. Outside he needed to be near Jm to be
heard and even acknowledge but here he doesn't need it and he doesn't know if he's allowed to go closer.
"Yeah... it didn't look like it." Jm throws at Yg his jacket, feeling comfortable in his dried top.
"But I came here. Went shopping for a fucking outfit, even offer to
dance, just to talk to you."
Jm kets out a laugh that makes Yg's skin prickle. "It's not that easy, you know? A sexy outfit and the stunt you pulled outside aren't enough." Jm turns around to look at jimself in the mirror. He plants his palm on the sink for leverage and looks
at Yg from there. "You treated me like a deal, right? And that's what I will be for you." Jm fix his hair before taking a step back and starting to walk toward the door.
"I heard you outside. You said you can't look at me like this. Right?"
"No. I actually can't bear to see
you this miserable. But I listened to you so it's okay."
"No. You heard me but you didn't listen." Yg stops Jm from leaving, taking a step closer and invading the younger's space. "I /really/ want a chance." Yg has never been this serious about something.
"I want to show you that I do love you, Jm-ah. I just--" Yg rubs at his face with his hands. "It's not easy for me as it's not easy for you, loving I mean. Still, you do it so freely with me but I'm still learning, okay? I'm still learning hut I want to do it for you!"
"You remember the night I wanted to club, a week into our agreement? Do you remember how you lulled me to sleep? You made me feel safe for the first time in my life." Jm pushes Yg's chin up with his fingers, prompting the older to look at him. "But the other night, you reminded
me that in the end, I'm on my own."
Jm lays back on the door, arms crossed over his chest.
"I never felt like this. Even back when I was about to marry, I never felt what I am feeling now." Yg takes Jm's hand and places it on his chest. "Never in my life I wanted to give all of
me to someone. Just--" Yg looks at how Jm's eyes are fixed on his hand. He wonders if Jm can feel his heart, hectic and frantic, at the mere thought of losing Jm. "Just take it... take it all because I'm ready to give you everything."
"You know why you're ready? Because you had to face the alternative between me and her." Yg stills, he hadn't said to the younger he was about to marry his ex. "Would you think I would have never known?! Would you think no one would tell me this?"
"Jm-ah, no! This doesn't... this isn't the reason!" Yg stops Jm by the shoulders, glueing him to the door. "Look at me right now, and tell me you don't believe me when I say that I love you."
Jm shies away from Yg's gaze and Yg feels a pang in his chest. "I don't-- I--"
"You really don't, Jm-ah?" Yg is closer, speaking near Jm's mouth. He feels the younger's shuddering breath.
"I need to go now... Th might be looking for me." Jm pushes Yg away before opening the
door. Then, he looks behind his shoulders giving Yg one last look. "And even if I did, it's not enough. Right now, I don't trust you, hyung." Jm keeps his eyes on Yg's. The stare almost burn and Yg wants to be burned by Jm, he wants the younger to completely destroy him if this
would make everything hurt less. Just a little less. "I'm sorry..."
When the door closes, leaving Yg alone, he wonders what's left for him to save the both of them from drowning.
"Okay, that's it!!" Hs enters Yg's office with three coffees. "I'm done with you sulking."
"Nj sent me photos of you today you look miserable and I'm done with it." Hs sits down with a frown. "Okay, yesterday night didn't go as you wished for but that's it?! You stop
"Hs is right, hyung... if he said he doesn't trust you, you need him to trust you again."
"It's not like I can oblige him to trust me!"
"Court him. Take him out on a date. Help him with that fucking dissertation. Talk to him. I don't know, you name it. But you
can't just sit here, sulking." Hs is never angry, really. In twelve years of friendship, Yg never saw him angry like he is now.
"What's with you today?!" Yg arches a brow at him.
"What's with me?! I want you to be happy, that's what's up with me. I know you, I know everything
about you and I do understand your position, trust me. But, do you really want me to believe you're okay with let him go just because he told you so?!"
Nj is standing near Hs, both of them staring down at Yg. "How many pushes do you still need, hyung?" Nj's voice is softer,
Yesterday night went down the drain. Words weren't enough; telling Jm how much he does love him didn't mend everything. Part of him, didn't expect it to be easy anyway but the other part of him doesn't know how to move now.
He would like to have Jm back at his apartment,
pamper him, keep telling him how Yg feel. But there's plenty Jm doesn't know about him, plenty of reasons why it's so difficult for him. Moreover, they never really got the chances to go deeper, knowing each other differently.
They found themselves living under the same roof, caring for each other, and being pulled into each other's orbit. They had the chance to fall because they were similar, and they could understand each other so easily. Besides, Jm was so easy to fall for.
What he said to the younger yesterday was true. He never wanted to give himself to anyone like this before, still he did it for Jm. He let down his guard around him, letting the you get into his space, unto his life. It was so easy that Yg didn't even realise he was falling.
But they did everything in the wrong order maybe. They fell with their eyes closed and Yg wants Jm to look at him, he wants Jm to see all the things he hates about himself and still choose to stay. He too wants to look at Jm and love the younger without the fear of past ghosts.
Yg spent three hours trying to decide what to do. At some point, he felt like a switch was turned on in his head. He has Th's number! He has had it since the day in which Jm had done that stupid thing about trying to be photographed. After that night, Yg had received a text
from Th, stating he was saving Yg's number if ever needed.
This might be Yg's last resource now.
Hi Th. I'm Yg...
I was wondering...
Would you mind telling me where Jm is?
It didn't seem to me that yesterday went great
Idk if Jm wants to see you
You didn't hear it from me
But he's at my house
Only because I hope you would do the right thing this time
It's one hour later when Yg knocks at Th's door. He feels his palm sweaty and clammy as he waits for someone to open the door. He looks stupidly in front of himself, trying to decide what he will say to Jm.
Still, he wasn't ready for the sight of Jm, standing right in front of him. Beautiful, breathtaking as always.
"Hyung... I told you already..."
"What were you doing?" Jm's brow furrows as he looks at Yg confused.
"Writing my dissertation. Why?" Jm leans on the threshold,
crossing his arms in front of his chest. Yg tries his best not to think about the fact that the younger is shutting him out with the gesture.
"You have two options but you need to choose. Or you let me in or you come out with me." Yg wants to slap himself on the face right now.
"What? Why should I come out?" Jm's voice is almost high-pitched now and Yg wonders if he's nervous.
"I'm asking you out on a date but if you prefer I can just come in and help you with your dissertation. I don't know, it's just--"
"You're rumbling." Jm is looking at Yg with
something that is a mix of sadness and fondness. It hurts Yg more than the crossed arms that already yell rejection.
"I'm sorry... I--"
"What are you doing right now? Why?" Jm rakes his fingers in between his hair.
"My best and it's maybe not enough but..." Yg is starting
to regret that he didn't plan what he was supposed to say. His emotions are having the best of him and he's about to lose another chance.
"Come in, hyung... I told you already. I can't bear see you this miserable." Jm sighs, taking a step to the side to let Yg in.
"So you admit that I look miserable without you!" Yg pushes his luck, as he looks at Jm who is standing with his back to the door.
"I can see you're miserable but the reason is beyond my interest, hyung." Jm starts walking towards the corridor that, Yg supposes, leads to his
room. He follows because he can't do anything else.
"But I am and you should give the credit that I didn't let you rest for even a day... like... I came after you as soon as I realised I did wrong." Jm sits down on the bed, taking his computer back on his lap.
"Do you think it's enough?!" Jm isn't yelling or raising his voice. It's just standing there, looking at Yg with his big doe eyes.
"No... that's why I'm here, though." Yg takes a step closer, trying to understand if he's allowed or not. Still, he does. Still, he silently asks.
"Tell me what you expect me to say, hyung. 'Cause, honestly, at this point I don't know anymore." Jm sighs before scooting to the side to mutely leave space for Yg.
"Just... if you love me just give me a chance." Yg takes Jm's hand in his, drawing circles on the younger's skin.
"Okay, so... what are you doing right now?" Yg ignores the real meaning of Jm calling his name. It wasn't assertion, it was pleading, maybe asking Yg to leave. Still, he doesn't push Yg away.
"I'm supposed to write this but I'm tired today." Yg knows Jm isn't tired
but that his presence broke Jm's concentration.
"Can I take you on a date then?" Yg feels already nervous. When was the last time he went on a date?!
"I don't want to go out." Jm looks down at his lap as he closes his laptop and places it on his nightstand.
"We can have it one here!" Yg stands up, crunching in front of Jm. "We can watch a movie, and have dinner. I don't know but please don't ask me to leave."
Jm's eyes are still glued on his lap. He doesn't seem to want to acknowledge Yg's presence.
Jm's hands search for him, timidly. "What do you want to watch?" Jm's voice is so small that Yg's chest aches.
"Whatever. The stupidest and cheesiest thing will be okay." Yg's takes a little leap, pushing his face nearer Jm's, prompting the younger to look at him.
Yg nuzzles his nose on Jm's, going impossibly closer. "I think I'd like to lay beside you while we watch it and..." Yg realises that this is something they never did. Not like this. Laying close, basking in each other's warmth, breathe to breathe. "I'd like to caress you, cuddle
you." Yg lowers his voice. "Maybe being able to kiss you by the end of the night. Kiss you slowly, peck your forehead, and fall asleep next to you." Yg almost doesn't feel Jm's hand curling around his shirt, keeping in near. Yg's heart is beating fast.
He keeps pushing Jm's back, prompting him to start laying down as Yg hovers over him. "I want you to look at me, to feel me. To feel my hands, to feel me caressing you, to feel my heart beating." Jm is now fulling laying on the bed and their faces are inches apart. Yg's all being
is aching for Jm. "So, can I stay?"
There's a light pink dusting Jm's cheeks and making Yg feel proud. The younger hand is still gripping Yg's shirt.
"Y-yeah... you- you can stay." Jm's voice cracks and Yg lowers himself more. He pecks Jm's cheek, languidly. He plant his lips
on the skin, feeling the itch to move, for more. So he does, he drags them a little, breathing on Jm's skin as he takes his lips to Jm's jaw.
"Then move a little so I can lay next to you." The words whispered on Jm's skin makes the younger let out a shaky breath.
Jm does move though, making room for Yg as he tries to hide his face. They find themselves laying one in front of the other, less than an arm separating them.
"Before we do anything else... there's something I think I should tell you, okay?" Jm nods, still not meeting Yg's eyes.
A/n: supper time.
Meanwhile, this is a thread for a yooin interactive au. Vote Meanwhile maybe?
See you in a bit
Yoonmin au in which
Jimin drives to Busan after receiving a call from his mother. He can't even imagine his childhood best friend, Yoongi, now. He can't fathom what he will witness once opened the door of his hospital room. Everything that Jm knows is that Yg has lost his
"I know I'm being a mess... I-- I am scared of letting someone in and you have no idea how much. Still, the thought of losing you... seeing you leave yesterday night... I can't bear that. That's why I'm here and I'm putting my whole heart in your hands but--" Yg closes his eyes.
He knows he needs to be honest with Jm but it's demanding. Being honest about his feelings scares him because he can't still be rejected. Because even now that Jm has made space for him, he could just choose to shut him out again.
"Why be scared of me though?! Did I ever make you doubt?" Jm's voice is small but Yg doesn't cross the little space between them.
"I told you... you could still fly away, my little nightingale. I was scared of this; you having the possibility and chose to leave."
"Listen, Jm... we don't have enough history together for me to be sure shits won't happen. I won't lie... I still wonder why you're here because, let's be real, I suck. I did it all wrong." Yg sees Jm nod and suppresses a giggle. Why Jm have to be endearing in a moment like this?
"But what I need to say it's that I can't promise I won't do another mistake. This is new to me... After what happened with Mina I never searched for another relationship and what I had with her is roughly almost everything I have as a comparison. I don't know how to love you
the way you deserve. I don't know how you're supposed to love me. So, please, do t shut me down if I make another mistake. I'm asking you to..." Yg cups Jm's face, smothering the younger's skin. "Talk to me because I don't know better. I promise."
"You happened in my life in the middle of the roughest moment I had. I was pulled out of a marriage just to end in another one in less than six months. Still... I fell for you." Yg scoots closer, to be able to lower his voice. "I just hope you want to walk through this with me."
"You sure you love me? You were so scared my feelings were just about never having been cared of... but what about you, hyung?" Jm finally looks up at Yg. His eyes are glistening with unshed tears and Yg's heart clenches.
"Can I?" Yg cups Jm's face, his voice barely a whisper.
"What?" Jm's eyes move to the gap between them and Jm seems particularly vulnerable to Yg just now.
"Show you." Yg feels his blood running in his ears as he looks down at Jm's lips. It's clear enough what Yg is trying to do, clear enough for the both of them.
And Yg knows Jm is aware of it. He leans closer, brushing his lips over Jm's, making sure that with every word his warm breath is fanning over Jm's plump and glossy lips. "I do love you and I know it's true because I can't bear the thought of losing you." Yg drags his lips over
Jm, feeling the younger's shuddering breath as he aches for more. "You know what I did when my father told me the news?" Yg pulls Jm's closer by the hips before starting to draw circles on the small of Jm's back. "I screamed at the top of my lungs because I couldn't even imagine
the thought of it, understood?" Yg doesn't let Jm the time to reply as he finally kisses him. It's a slow kiss and they're lips suddenly moves in tandem, as they've been doing this since forever. Yg's kisses Jm with the slowness of someone who has wait all his life for something.
"Hyung..." It's a little later, when the both of them are almost out of breath that Jm pushes him back, cutely, with his hands sprawled on Yg's chest that the older almost thinks he was about to pull him closer. "Wait... we're going to fast... you promised me a date."
"I know I said I love you, I know you know it but I want to do slow... it's not like you can earn my trust just with this. Don't get me wrong... what you said-" Jm caresses Jm's face tenderly, with a warm smile. "I do understand you and everything that you went through and I want
this. But I also want you to really show me something, hyung."
"Of course! Wanna watch the film now? I can cook for you later." Jm's big smile is enough for Yg right now.
(a/n: supper break but... don't forget what the au summary says hehe)
They lay in Jm bed with the laptop in between them. Jm is laying his head on Yg's chest but their thighs aren't touching.
The film is lame and Yg is not even paying enough attention. There's more going through his mind; there's Jm forgiving him and giving him a chance.
There's the taste of the younger lips, his perfect weight over his chest. Everything is about Jm right now.
They don't talk during the film. Yg thinks that Jm might be lost in his own thought as much as he is. But he doesn't prod. He patiently waits for both of them to be ready.
Because, part of him, is still a little scared. It's been a long time since he was on a date. He's unsure of what he's supposed to do. His arm is snuggled around Jm, keeping him closer but it's everything Yg knows how to do.
What should he say? Or do?
"Hyung..." Jm breaks the silence with his low voice. It's nothing more than a whisper. "You know that the last time I was on a date was almost 4 years ago? I was 18 and there was this guy I had a crush on." Yg can feel the little chuckle Jm did
reverberate through his chest. "He asked me on a date, finally, a day before moving city."
"Really?" Yg thinks that it's cute that Jm had such a dramatic last (first?) date. It suits him.
"Yeah... he kissed him on the way home before apologising for having to leave the city."
Jm's voice sounds almost dreamy and, for a second, Yg feels a pang of jealousy.
"You didn't date after?" Yg feels Jm growing tense.
"I-- I started preferring hooking up..." Jm's voice sounds weird.
"That's ok. One should do what he feels comfortable with, you know right?"
"I just... as I said to you the day of the wedding, I never really fell in love." Jm is tracing patterns on Yg's clothed chest and Yg feels his breath getting short. "That's why I'm scared about us now..." the thing is Yg's answer is ready on his tongue, until Jm's phone starts
ringing. Yg watches Jm sitting to answer, a frown on his brow as he looks at the screen.
"Aren't you going to answer?" Jm shakes his head before locking the screen and narrowing his eyes back to Yg.
"Where we were?" Jm's smile is off.
"Jm-ah... is everything okay?!" Yg starts to feel cold. Jm looks down. Yg follows his eyes in the narrow space that separates their bodies. It feels like jm is measuring, and assessing the situation.
"Everything's fine, hyung."
"Why didn't you answer then?!"
"You were about to tell me something before, didn't you?" Jm takes Yg's hand in his, trying to coax the anxiety out of him. But before Yg could say anything, the phone starts to ring again.
"Goddammit!" Jm curses as he springs to his feet to put the phone on mute.
"Jm-ah... you can choose not to tell me but this is not what I planned for today." Yg feels like he doesn't fit here right now. Whatever is going on, Jm isn't here with him. He isn't here /for/ Yg. "I think I'm leaving..."
"Can't you let go?" Jm is gripping his phone, which is still ringing in his hand. "Can't you just tell me what were you about to?" Jm is practically pleading him with his eyes. Still, Yg feels like he can't just shut out the thought about the call.
"Jm-ah... I just told you this
is as hard for me as it is for you and you ask me to ignore a persistent call that just got in between our date?" Jm sighs, before sitting back on the bed, near Yg. Jm looks at Yg like he is going to never see him again before handing him his phone.
There are three calls on the display. Yg recognises easily his father's number among them.
"He's been calling me to remind me about the divorce. He wants to be sure I will be there." Jm snorts. "I don't why he thinks I won't come." Yg feels the pang hard and clear.
"What do you mean? You will go?" Yg looks down at Jm's phone, trying to discern the other numbers. Their look like a mixture of numbers right now, swaying in front of his eyes and Yg feels nauseous.
"He still thinks you'll marry her..." Jm shrugs. "What do you think I should
do? Tell him you said you love me?! I can't be the one who fixes this, hyung." Yg looks at the way Jm avoids looking at him, at how his eyes look glassy even if Yg can only see his profile.
"I didn't ask you that but don't go. I will not either. I'm telling you there are other
ways. If we don't go there, they can't do anything." Yg swallows. He wants to reach out and cradle Jm near to him but he feels like a heavy marble statue.
"I can't. You think is that easy right? For me? That I can just not to it?! You know what my father would say to me?"
Yg looks at the way Jm's jaw tenses. "That I'm just like my mother... always causing trouble." Jm snorts again. "Besides, I didn't hear anything about the divorce being cancelled... so maybe it doesn't matter if we love each other. At least not to them."
Yg stands up almost on outpilot. He feels like he is on a boat in the middle of a storm. He needs to throw up. And then the rings. It starts again, obnoxious and loud and Yg reaches out, answering.
"Hey babe... you didn't call me." Yg is sure he's falling g to pieces.
Yg gives the phone back to Jm, not bothering to look at the younger swiping the call off.
"Wait! No... this is not what it seems. It's not at all!" Jm grips Yg's arm, asking him to look at him.
"It's not?!" Yg's voice sounds hollow even to him.
"NO! I would never!"
Jm's voice sounds broken and Yg tries his best to breathe in and breathe out as Jm glues his chest to Yg's back, hugging him from behind.
"Breathe, hyung..." Yg feels Jm's chest raise and fall with him. "I would never do something like that... it's just... it's stupid really."
Jm's chin is digging between his shoulderblade as he backtracks them to the bed. Jm sinks first, dragging Yg with him. Yg finds himself sitting in between Jm's spread legs, back pressed to the younger's chest.
"I don't understand. You want to divorce but you said--"
"As I told you before... can we go back to where we were before? When I told you I never fell in love before?" Jm's mouth is near Yg's ear, sending a shiver down his spine. "I want to hear whatever you were about to say, hyung."
"I told you I'm scared because I am. Because I know I will need to be in that room and sign. Give me something, hyung... give me something to cling to because I can't bear it..."
"You don't trust me." Yg's voice is stern, almost scolding. "You don't think I can make this right? Is that?!" Jm sighs, leaning his forehead over Yg's shoulder.
"No. It's okay, Jm-ah. I get it." Yg nods, mostly to himself.
Yg tries his best to put on a smile. It's okay... the kid doesn't trust him and considering what happened in the last few days he can understand him. Still, he came here to give him a date and he will finish what he started.
"Come on... I still promised to cook for you." Yg
extends his hand to Jm, smiling at him. The confusion and the hurt on Jm's face are so palpable that it almost makes Yg sick.
"It's okay, Jm-ah. Let hyung cook for you."
The last two hours were so much of a wind whirl of emotions, that Yg has trouble steading himself. He wants this to work out; he and Jm. But the fact that Jm doesn't trust him makes him feel wrong, like he shouldn't have come in the first place. At the same time, there's no
other way. Deep down, Yg knows where he belongs.
He navigates Th's kitchen the best that he can, ignoring Jm's presence at his back. There's not much he can work with but he still manages to put together something resembling a dinner.
"At the phone, before... it's a guy from college. He tried to have his way with me at the party and now he doesn't stop calling because he wants a date." Jm is sitting at one of the two stools. His voice doesn't waver a bit.
"Why are you telling me this?" Yg keeps working
on the fried rice, not turning back to look at Jm.
"Because I know you're still thinking about it and I would never cheat. He's just the usual jerk who doesn't take a 'no' for an answer." There's a snort sitting at the back of Jm's throat and Yg can hear it in the scratchy sound
that Jm's voice does at the end.
"You can do what you want Jm-ah... I don't want to control you or-" Yg feels Jm's hands on his hips as the younger use the position as a laverage to reach for Yg's ear from the back.
"Are you saying you wouldn't mind me hooking up with whoever?" Jm's tone is teasing and Yg can hear the smirk in Jm's voice. A shiver runs down his spine.
"I-- I... no, I'm just saying that--"
"I know what you mean, but I'm just letting you know, okay?" Yg nods.
"I'm sorry, it's just..." Yg sighs. He knows what Jm is doing and he appreciates it. Still, everything hurts and he feels like he doesn't really know where he stands right now.
"I now... me too."
They stay like this for a little while - with Jm wrapped on his back as Yg finishes frying the rice and making eggs. Yg thinks that it's okay if they don't talk right now, maybe everything g is too messy to even try and unravel the boundless in this very moment.
It's okay just like this, with Jm warm and pressed to his back.
They eat in silence; the only sounds coming from Jm's appreciating hums. No wine or soju to accompany, just water. Yg feels still nauseous.
The moment in which Yg deems is good to go, he feels awkward. He has washed the plate just to avoid looking at Jm in the eyes. This is not what he hoped for the night. He knows that the thi g about the guy from college was a misunderstanding, but the divorce is still hanging over
their heads and Yg isn't sure if Jm is ready to do anything about it.
"Well, I'll go now..." Yg puts his jacket on, fiddling with the laces of his boots as he waits for Jm to say something. The younger towers above him but doesn't say anything. And honestly, Yg can't find in
himself to complain about it. He wanted to give Jm a date but this was just a failure.
He stands up only to find Jm already looking at him. They look at each other in silence and Yg can't understand Jm right now. He can't read his expression.
He'd like to know, to understand, to be able to read the younger like a book. But there's nothing Yg knows right now. There's just this young man he loves with all his heart shutting him out. It's painful how neither of them move; Yg wants to kiss Jm but he knows it wouldn't be
the smartest thing. The kid made pretty clear he doesn't believe they can reverse this.
Yg's eyes fall down to Jm's hands, hidden carefully inside his sweaterpaws and he wonders if he's itching to touch Yg as much as Yg is dying to touch him.
"Sorry if this wasn't the date you
expected from me." Yg scratche the back of his head in absence of something better to do. His hands feel useless right now.
"I think that hearing you tell me you love me made it good, hyung." Jm isn't looking at him in the eyes and his voice sounds wet, teary almost. Yg reaches
out, petting Jm's hair that sticks out in all directions.
"I can tell you for all my life, Jmah, if you want it." The younger finally looks up, meeting Yg's eyes with something near to heartbreak painted in his eyes. Jm offers him just a sad smile before opening the door for Yg.
"Park Jm!" Th comes in shutting the door behind his back. The sound makes Jm drop the mug he was washing in the sink.
"What's your problem?!" Jm turns around, holding the pieces of his favourite mug in his hands. A scowl on his face.
"What did you do to Yg?!"
"What do you mean?!" Jm started cleaning the sink from the shards.
"I know he was here. /I/ told him you were here, and I thought I would came home to you to snuggled on the couch!" Th lets the groceries bags falling on the floor. "What did you do?!"
Jm sighs, leaning with his back on the counter. He already feels bad for it and he doesn't need Th making it worse.
"There are things that can't be mended, Tae..."
"Still you sang for him and we both know you're in love." Jm closes his eyes, trying his best to keep the memory
at bay. Dancing with Yg in the emptyness of his kitchen is still his dearest memory. It's not just because he had never felt so close to someone before nor because the older had trust him enough to close his eyes and let Jm guide him. It's more because Jm had found so easy to
sing for him, to lull Yg and soothe the creasing in his brow with the song his mother taught him. A song that he hadn't dare to sing in years, not at loud, not to someone.
"The fact that I love him doesn't change anything. When he confessed before I wanted to believe it, really.
I wanted to believe that this is something that can be mended with all my heart. But it just cant, Tae..."
"But why not?! I really don't understand. You two love each other and he clearly went to out of his way to prove it to you." Th fixes himself a glasse of wine; his glasses
perched on his nose and the glass in hand make him look even more disappointed.
"Because if his father keeps calling me to remind me we have a due date it means he did do nothing concrete to stop all of this."
"You know, Chim that I love you, right? But this time
you're in the wrong. You should cut him some slack because the man is trying hard... otherwise I think you're going to regret it." Th gulps the wine down in one go, grimacing at the burn in his throat. It's weird how Jm feels his throat burning tooo, right now.
As Jm looks down at his feet, Th leaves the kitchen without saying a word more. The silence Jm is left in is filled with words he should have said; before during the dinner with Yg. Or when they were laying in Jm's bed. Or even when Yg was about to leave.
Jm is already regretting the fact that he didn't speak, that he didn't ask something. Not even when Yg said those final words that, for as much Jm pretends they didn't matter, they still cling to his skin.
/I can tell you for all my life, Jma-h, if you want it./
Jm pads back to his room, still filled with Yg's cologne. His bed looks scary, with the sheet rustled and still askew after they lay around. After Yg kissed him silly, hovering over him. After Jm thought, for a single moment, that they could make it work.
However, when his phone ringed showing Yg's dad ID, whatever Jm was able to imagine, to pretend, crumbled in front of him. The ruins still here, in the middle of his room as Jm tries to reach for his bed and his phone.
Yg's name is there, on his homescreen.
If you care
I... just kissing you...
I felt it Jm
All of it
Ok... not gonna answer
sleep well, Jm-ah
Jm flops down on his bed with his phone tightly held in his hands.
He feels like he's about to cry but he doesn't want to.
Whatever he felt before, with Yg, was fleeting. The moment his phone rang and Yg's father's name appeared on the screen, everything crumbled.
It was like seeing Yg drifting away and his heart being broke over and over. Saying this now would mean having to face another goodbye, having to look at Yg signing those papers with the knowledge that he loved Jm too.
The 23 comes fast. Jm stayed in his room, ignoring his phone and Th knocking him out of his door. He does his best to keep the heartbreak in check. He didn't want to crumble,to ruin under the weight of the hurt. Mostly cause he didn't want Yg to see him like this, nor his father.
Jm wanted to enter that room feeling like he was in control of himself. He wanted to be able to look Yg in the eyes and say bye like adults. He wanted to stop thinking about them kissing and the texts Yg left for him.
The thing is nothing could have prepared him for the sight that would lay in front of his eyes, nor for how it would feel to look at Yg once again. To look at him after the kiss they shared, after the words that Yg told him in between the kisses.
Yg is sitting at the very far end of the long marble table. He's dressed in a black suit and his face is void of any emotion. He's just a shell and Jm can feel his heart clench at the sight. Yg doesn't even acknowledge him as he comes inside; the heels of his boots clicking on
Yg's father and the lawyers are sitting there. A stack of white paper in between the table and some pens on top of it.
It's all too real for Jm likely. He doesn't know what to do anymore. How to act. How to even endure this.
He sits down, loosening his tie which is almost suffocating Jim.
"We can make this very fast." The lawyer stands up and gives both Jm and Yg a paper. "You just need to sign."
What I said
I felt all, jm-ah/
The pen is heavy in Jm's hand. As his head snaps up, triggered by the rustling of paper, he can see Yg looking motionless at the pen in front of him. The stare feels like forever. He keeps looking at Yg, hoping that something will happen, just like this.
His mind runs fast around the time they spent together and, just as always, it stops at the heartbreak. At Yg not fighting for him. At the kisses they shared, the confession of a love that was growing fast and steady. Jm feels his palm sweaty and his heart beat fast.
He can't expect Yg to do anything. Because Yg gave his heart to him and Jm just left him hanging. He can see it even if he doesn't want. It will be easier to just sign, to let the older go, to stop hurting. However, part of Jm knows too well that it won't stop hurting.
That sending Yg away will just make it harder. In the end, these days away from Yg didn't heal him, they didn't offer him a solution or a new life. Because, in the end, he moulded himself around Yg.
So, when Yg raises his pen, Jm snaps.
"Do you really want to sign?"
Yg's eyes travel fast to Jm's face, open wide and glistening.
Jm stands up and walks towards Yg, ignoring the darting glances of the lawyer and Yg's father. "It's simple, hyung. Is this what you really want? Do you want me to sign?" Jm wants Yg to be able to choose,
at least once in life. He wasn't able to listen to him, too blinded by his own heartbreak but does he really want to lose his last chance?
"It's a 'yes' or 'no' thing. Just tell me." Jm is now standing in front of the older, heart on his sleeve.
Yg stands up and Jm swear he saw his legs wobbly a little. "I thought you wanted me to sign after what happened..." Yg's eyes are wet and Jm wants them both to stop hurting.
"Don't think about what happened" Jm's hand fonds Yg's. "I'm asking you if you want us to divorce."
"No... I never wanted it. Not for a second." Yg's voice wavers as Jm holds his hand tighter.
The room falls into silence before Jm'sears are filled with a scraping sound of a chair being dragged on the marble floor. "Wonderful show guys. Now sign." Yg's father is standing,
towering over the table. His face settled like a stone.
"I won't sign. Not this time." Yg takes a step forward, coming closer to his father and letting Jm behind.
"You told me it was alright!" Yg's father slaps the desk with his hand, punctuating his words.
"I did not. I didn't say a thing because you weren't listening and I'm here today because I thought Jm wanted to end this. But he doesn't."
"Of course he doesn't. He landed quite a deal with you."
"He landed a deal? Or you wanted me to land a deal with him?" Yg rubs at his
temples, tiredly. "Listen... I don't care. I don't care what you want from me anymore. I'm not a pawn. Besides, I can't believe you would sell me to that cheater, really..." yg takes Jm by the wrist and pulls him along.
"Come back here and--" the voice is cut short by the big
mahogany door shutting behind them. Yg glues himself against the wall, eyes closed and fingers still wrapped around Jm’s wrist. Jm wants to day something almost desperately but he doesn't know where to start.
"I'm sorry..." Yg is still standing there, eyes closed, and Jm feels like his words just fell on the floor. "I'm sorry I didn't answer your text. I'm sorry I didn't do anything after what you did for me. You confessed and you showed me you care but I--" Jm takes a deep breath
"I was scared... after what happened, I was scared to let you in." Yg doesn't move an inch and Jm starts panicking. He can imagine Yg must be still mad and hurt but the silence it's seeping under Jm's skin, making him uncomfortable.
"Then why now?" Yg doesn't look at Jm still. His eyes are closed and Jm wonders why.
"I couldn't sign. I couldn't let you go." Is this enough? Jm wonders of he should keep talking because Yg isn't.
"Listen, hyung I--" Jm's words are cut short when Yg pulls him closer. Yg's long fingers are still tangled around Jm's dainty wrist. The pull isn't forceful or anything, yet Jm finds himself tumbling over until he is flushed against Yg's body.
Yg who has his eyes still closed.
Yg who wraps his arms around Jm fastly, hugging him close.
Yg who hides his face in the crock of Jm's neck.
Jm feels his heart stop for a minute as he adjusts on between Yg's arms. "Hyung, I--"
"Stop talking..." Jm feels the skin of his neck slightly wet and itchy as he laces his arms around Yg's neck.
"I'm sorry, really..."
"It's okay. You're here /now/.
Jm sighs, letting out all the frustration he felt lately. The hurt, the pain, the fears. Nothing matter as Yg hugh him tightly.
"We should leave now... I doubt my father will stop here but yeah... we should celebrate that we didn't sign." Yg pushes Jm a step back to finally look
him in the eyes. Jm swears his breath just got knocked out of his lungs. Maybe it's how Yg is smiling at him, or how his eyes shimmer with something he hadn't seen in quite a while. Or maybe it's the words weighing on his tongue, the need to say them.
Yg pulls Jm along the empty corridor towards the elevator. But Jm can't hold himself back anymore. He stops middle track. "Hyung, wait. Can I say it now?"
"What?" Yg is dumbfounded, looking weirdly at Jm firstly and at the elevator after. Jm too wants to leave this place but he also needs to say something important. The words are burning on his tongue.
"You told me I would realise I don't really love you. That if I had the chance to go away I would've. But I had the chance and I didn’t so, can I say it now?" Jm is close to Yg. Close enough to see his Adam's apple bop and his eyes shimmering. Jm know they already had this chance
some days ago, when Yg came over to confess. But Jm never got /his/ chance to look over all his fears, to feel like Yg is finally in reach, to say these words without fearing any outcome.
Yg nods slowly.
Jm's eyes snap to the door of the elevator, opening on a clue. He takes another step toward Yg, backing him inside the elevator as the doors close.
"I'm in love with you, hyung." Jm whispers even if no one can hear them. It's just that these words are only meant for Yg to hear.
Yg's hands clutch at Jm's hips, steadying the both of them. They're too lost looking at each other to be careful of their steps as they easily end up with Yg's back plastered on the mirror.
"You do?" Yg's voice is a whisper too and Jm thinks he might have the same feeling; this
moment is just theirs.
"Do you really have to question it?" Jm raises a brow at the older, chuckling lightly as soon as Yg looks away from him. "You know... there's something else I need to do."
"What?" Yg's head snaps back as he looks at Jm again. His eyes are wide and Jm feels his belly doing something weird. He leans closer fast, afraid the elevator will reach the floor before he's able to kiss Yg properly. The moment their lips touch, Jm feels himself sighing
contentedly. It's a relief to kiss Yg again, to have their lips meet even if it's just a peck. Even if it's just their lips being glued together as Yg's arms circle his waist tightly. It's nothing more, nothing eager or hungry. There's no slide nor dance of lips with lips.
They easily find themselves smiling into it; two big stupid smiles as they share a peck like high schoolers.
"I missed you so much." The words, whispered against Jm's lips, makes Jm just want to Hugh Yg more.
"Me too, hyung."
Entering Yg's apartment after two weeks feels weird. The place he started to call home at some point, feels now new. Yg hadn't touched a single thing. Everything is standing in the same place it was before, yet Jm feels like it's all new.
They toyed their shoes off fastly as Yg pulls Jm along by the wrist. "Do- do you want to drink something?" Jm giggles at Yg's red cheeks and nervousness.
"What's with you now, hyung?" Jm peers at Yg from the side as the man scrambles for some glasses. He has never seen Yg like
this. Not even when he came to Tae's apartment to confess. It's like there's something he wants to have off his chest but he can't. Jm wonders what can make Yg this nervous, considering they've already said what matters.
"Fuck, this is weird." Yg pours himself a bit of whiskey. He plays with the glass for a second before changing his mind and putting the glass back on the counter. Jm's heart is hammering, seeing Yg like this. He's so nervous that he's now raking his fingers in between his hair.
"Are you sure you're okay, hyung?" Jm pads closer, coming face to face with the older. He cups his cheeks as Yg's hands find Jm's wirst and wrap around them. It's almost like he's steadying himself.
"Are you gonna-- Like--" Yg closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. "Would you
consider coming back here? To live?" There's a small pausa in which Yg's eyes go wide before he adds "with me" with so little voice Jm could have missed it. Jm's heart runs wild; he had missed living here with Yg. If at first it was hard - adjusting to a stranger and his routine
- with time it became comforting and Jm had actually found difficult living with Tae after all this time. He would come up to the kitchen, hoping to see Yg cooking, just to be slapped by the messy emptiness of it.
"Do you want me to come back here?" It's not like Jm is doubting
Yg, to be honest. It's just that it's good to here words like these from Yg, it's good to let himself believe each and one of them. It's good feeling them rolling inside his mind. It's good not fearing anything, right now.
"I-- yes! I hated living here since you left."
Jm giggles at the way Yg pouts, harder and with a furrowed brow but, at the same time, he understand him. The thing is that Jm doesn't feel like answering; not with words at least. There are other ways he thinks he might be able to express himself better. As he dives to kiss Yg,
feeling brave in his suit and back inside a place he can actually call 'home', Jm's head feels dizzy.
It doesn't come as a surprise the way Yg kisses back. If Jm's kiss had started like a way to say 'yes', to seal what was just a natural part of their new arrangement,
Yg's kiss is hungry and rough. In a moment, Jm finds himself being pressed against the countertop, back grazed by it and Yg's body flushed against his. Yg's warmth easily seeps through their expensive suits as Yg's lips ask for more, imprinting a new rhytm to the kiss. Jm kisses
back with the same fervour, savouring every minute of this.
One of Yg's hands come resting on Jm's cheek, tilting him to the right angle to be able to deepen the kiss. Jm feels himself getting lost in the way Yg's tongue maps his mouth. And as they keep kissing Jm feels the both
of them getting hard inside their pants; it's easy now how the silence is replaced by the sound of kissing and their panting as they get worked up.
"I-- I'm sorry--" Yg takes a step back, lips swollen and hair a mess. "I shouldn't have... we just--" Jm can see the sheer trace of
panic in the older's expression as he realise how he was basically grinding on the younger at some point. However, Jm isn't against it. Having sex with Yg now, wouldn't be a mistake. It wouldn't be an harsh decision either; on the contrary, it's something Jm had wanted for quite
a while. And, if he has to be honest with himself, it's the first time he had wanted to make love to someone. He can feel himself growing tense as the thought makes his way through his mind and it's not even the thought per se but the fear of saying out loud. Yet, he knows the
consequences of a silence, he knows where unexpressed emotions can lead.
"Hyung..." He grips at Yg's shirt lightly, pulling him closer again. Their clothed dicks rub together making the both of them hiss. "I-- I want to--"
Jm closes him eyes, leaning his forehead on Yg's shoulder. He's trying to steady himself. "I want to make love with you..." Jm can feel his tongue burning with the weight of his words. Never in his life he had found so difficult to say something.
He can feel Yg's shoulders waver as the older sneaks his arms around him. They doesn't part, doesn't move. The momentum is gone. Yet, Yg leans closer to Jm's ear, lips brushing on the shell "are you sure?" It's gentle. The words sounds like a caress almost and Jm wonders if Yg
is as scared as he is.
"I am. Please--" Yg's hand comes to his nape, working with his fingers in between the short hair and making Jm's skin prickle.
"I want it to be good though... do you still want it to be now?" Jm thinks for a moment. He imagines Yg planning the perfect
moment, maybe even cleaning around the house and putting candles and background music. However, it wouldn't be like this. It wouldn't happen on the day Yg stood up for Jm, on the day Jm let go of his fears. It wouldn't be now that Jm, bravely, asked.
"I don't want anything special... I just want you, hyung." Jm takes a step back now, looking at the older in the eyes. "I don't want to wait anymore." It's probably in the way Yg mirrors his little smile that Jm knows he's in good hands.
Yg pulls Jm along, walking backward till his room. It's not the first time Jm is inside Yg's room, maybe the third or fourth. It feels strange how he doesn't even bother looking around, how he doesn't care about his surroundings as his eyes stayed locked with Yg's. He doesn't
care, not even when Yg makes him sit down on the edge of the bed, before prompting him to lay down and scoot up with just leaning over above Jm. Jm thinks it's the first time someone makes him lay in bed this gently, not even touching him, without rough hands pushing him.
Yg stays like this for a moment, looking at Jm laying on his bed. "I-- I think I've never been this nervous in my life." Yg's chin touches his chest as the older lets out a small chuckle. It's not like Jm can't say the same, to be honest. His heart is skyrocketing inside his
chest, trying to break free. But then there's no more time to think about it, as Yg leans down to kiss him. It starts slow, gentle, as Yg's hands work around Jm's jacket, helping him sitting to get rid of it, as their lips doesn't break apart for a second. Jm finds himself
following the older like there's a magnet keeping them gluing together. His own hands too, easily find Yg's jacket, helping the older shrugging it down.
As they get rid of the jackets, they're once again laying on the bed; Jm's back pressed hard on the mattress as Yg's body is
flushed against his. It's warm, hot, maddening and Jm feels himself easily hardening again.
"Hyung--" Jm detatches himself for a moment to look at Yg, hovering above him. He doesn't know what he wants to say but he finds himself unbottoning Yg's shirt slowly, starting from the
up and coming down blindly, not searching for the next button, his eyes glued to Yg's. Undressing feels intimate for the first time and Jm wants to feel every moment of it; the little rustle of the shirt as he peels it down from Yg's shoulders, the sharp intakes of breath Yg
makes as Jm's fingers start travel on the expanse of Yg's chest, resting on his nipples and grazing lightly with his nails. He wants to remember how Yg's eyes went hooded as he too started to open Jm's shirt, kissing him as he expertly unbottoned every single botton.
Yg's fingers travel down his skin - cold and precise - circling around his nipples before starting play around his ribs. It isn't the first time Yg see him without his shirt but when Yg helped him get rid of his sweater that one time he got all milk and eggs and flour on him,
didn't felt like this. Jm hadn't had the chance to appreciate the lust in Yg's eyes, the hunger, the desire they're both sharing right now.
Yg starts kissing down his neck, working around his clavicle, making Jm whimper easily. "Please, hyung..." Jm can feel himself getting
impossibly hard the more Yg plays with his skin. Instead, he want to feel Yg's body flush against him. He wants to be skin to skin. Yg, for his part, seems to easily understand as he unbuckles Jm's pants slowly.
"Are you still sure, Jm-ah?" Yg is standing on his knees now, both
of his hands at either side of Jm's hips, gripping at the waist of his pants and brief.
"Please..." his voice comes out in a whimper as Jm buckles up to make it clearer for Yg. It doesn't seem to take much more for Yg to easily peel down Jm's clothes, leaving him stark naked -
just his shirt flayiling open - on Yg's bed.
"Fuck... you are--" Yg's eyes roam around his body before settling on Jm's face "you are beautiful, Jm-ah." Jm feels the need to squirm as Yg's eyes look at him this intentely. It's just that he's not looking at his body, or at his
chest, not at his leaking cock resting on his belly. Yg is looking directly in Jm's eyes, hand cupping his face and drawing circle on his skin.
It gets easier from here. As Yg kisses him again, and his fingers finds their way in between Jm's legs. It's a knee jerk reaction for Jm to reach out and start helping Yg pout of his slacks. They don't need a single words as it seems they know each other bodies enough to draw the
right whimper, the right amount of pleasure.
For Jm, it feels maddening being lead this slowly. Sex had never been like this before. It had always been something fast, rough, something that would leave mark possibly. At the same time, Jm has never felt this good.
His body feels more solid than ever as he concentrate on every single centimetre in which he can feel Yg's hands roam.
The moment Yg enters him, Jm wraps his legs around him, trying his best not to come on the spot. He doesn't know what it's to blame; if it's the make out session, the way Yg spent so much time touching him or how much he's feeling right now. But Jm is on the edge.
"Are you okay?" Yg stills as soon as he bottom out. His eyes searches Jm for any trace of pain and Jm feels his eyes sting.
"It's okay... you-- you can move." Yg leans down, kissing him slowly. He drags his lips along Jm's as he starts thrusting slow.
Is it supposed to be like this? Jm can't help but wonder. As he feels Yg's dick dragging on his walls leisurely, making Jm moan, he wonders why it never felt like this.
Yg's hand finds one of his, gripping and holding it tight as Yg's thrust fasten a little. They keep kissing,
running to catch each other's lips. The grunts Yg lets out every time he hits Jm's sweet spot, making him moan, are sending Jm to the edge.
"Hyung-- I--" Jm can't hold it anymore. The heat pooling at the pit of his belly is now molten lava.
"I'm close too..." Yg looks at him in the eyes as he makes his thrusts slow but precise. It's so good that as Jm comes he instinctively finds himself gripping hard at Yg with his legs as the hand that is still holding the older's tighten harder.
They're left panting hard as Yg recollect himself. He's still hovering above him, Jm's legs keeping him in place.
"Hey... why are you crying?!" Yg's finger comes at the corner of one of his eyes. The concern expression of the older almost hurts.
"Huh? Am I?" Jm is as surprised
as Yg when he touches his own eyes to actually find tears prickling at the corners. "I'm sorry, it's just-- I've never---" Jm closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, giving time to Yg to exit him and toss the condom.
The older comes closer again, wrapping them in a fuzzy
blanket and hugging Jm closer. "I hurt you? Are you in pain?" Yg's hand fly under the open shirt to soothe on Jm's back.
"No... it's just..." Jm hides his face in the crock of Yg's neck, feeling suddenly bashful.. "It never felt like this."
"You mean--" Yg's words are cut short as Jm fast finishes what he wanted to say.
"It felt good, hyung. A lot. I just..." Jm detaches a little to be able to look at Yg. "I never had this kind of slow, intimate sex... I'm glad it was with you." Jm looks at the way Yg's eyes get
"Can I be a selfish prick?" Jm giggles, nodding slowly. "I'm happy you made love with me... I'm happy it was me..." Yg kisses him slow and, this time Jm must say, lovely.
It's much later, as they still lay naked, that Yg speaks again. "So, I do remember someone being about to graduate." It was the last thing Jm told him before the bad news, before the world Jm got used to crumbled down.
"I am!" Jm's smile is blinding, Yg thinks.
"Would it be too much if I'd organise something for it?"
"What kind of something?" Jm's eyes blow wide as he looks at Yg with his rosy cheeks and his beakie out.
"Just tell me if I can." Jm nods eagerly before starting to whine about wanting to know more about it.
"No way, little bug. It's a surprise." Yg looks at the way Jm's eyes grow wider at the term of endearment. It might be the cutest thing Yg ever saw. "Just trust me on this one, okay?" Jm nods and it's almost grateful.
"Will you spend the night?" Yg's words breaks the little silence that followed his previous sentence and the staring contest they were having.
"I remind you asking me to come back live here." Jm has a smug smirk painting his lips and Yg chuckles at it.
"I did but you still haven't said 'yes' or 'no'."
"Isn't obvious?" Jm fakes an offended pout and Yg finds it endearing.
"Say it. Please." Yg leans closer, placing their foreheads together.
"Yes." Jm's lips brushes with Yg's as he leans a little closer. "I want to come back
"We can go taking your things tomorrow. Meanwhile, your toothbrush is still in the bathroom." Yg nuzzles his nose to Jm's as he feels a silly smile playing on his lips. "I'm glad you're staying. I'm glad you're coming back. I'm glad you love me."
"I do, hyung. A lot." Jm hugs him closer, breathing in the scent of their skins mixing together. "And I feels stupid saying this, but I never knew love before you."
Yg kisses Jm's forehead before placing the younger's head near his beating heart, making him hear how wild it is for him and hiding his own teary eyes. "I'll never love like this, Jm-ah. Never again."
- end of season 1 -
A/n: Thank you for coming till here with me. I hope you liked the story and how it developed. Feel free to let me know what you licked about it. It started as a wild thought and I never thought it could come till here. I'm very happy about it, about how it progressed and about
their dynamic. More scenes will be added to the a03 version before the start of the second season.
I hope you will accompany them to their next journey.
I'm grateful for all the support and I hope to see you in my others universes too
Feel free to comment about the story with me here or on cc. And if you'd like to support me, here's the link to my kofi.
What about young Jm being obliged by his father to marry Yg and to stay in that marriage for at least three years?
Jm, a college major who is always partying and going out with friends, ruining his father reputation. And Yoongi, a shy CEO who no one ever sees out.