a/b/o namkook au where jk finds out he's pregnant and he's very much aware that nj doesn't want to be a dad, will never want to. so he does the only reasonable thing and breaks up with nj on a saturday night.

“i- jk, really. i don’t understand what’s going on right now.” “i told you.” jk shrugs, doesn’t dare look nj in the eye “i don’t feel happy anymore.” he’s sitting on the couch, stiff, hands on his closed knees, trying to feel safe,

doing his best to make this easy for them. “but we can fix it, right?” nj pleads, kneeling in front of him, hands next to his on jk’s knees. jk grits his teeth, desperately wants to give in and let nj have him.

ever since he’s become pregnant, his nose has grown impossibly more sensitive. jk’s always had a sensitive nose, and now it’s even worse. he seems to smell /everything in their home. now, he can pick up the distress and hurt he’s causing in the single person he loves the most.

“no.” he breathes through his mouth, avoids nj’s insistent eyes. “is it something i’ve said? something I’ve done? jk, i will do anything, i swear, i can- i will do anything, just-” “there’s- there’s nothing you can do.” jk stills himself, his fingers playing with his ring.

the promise ring nj bought for him. a promise. jk doesn’t recall what the promise was. or he does, but it’s better to pretend he doesn’t. “no. you were happy. things were good, you were happy. you never lie to me, jk-ah. you told me you love me. it was two days ago.

were you lying?" “i wasn’t. i’m just-” jk breathes, the sound wet to his own ears. “i can’t.” “you don’t- love me anymore?” nj asks, the nail on the coffin. the one thing jk could never lie about. it goes against his nature, not to love nj, and they both know it.

“i love you. i’m-” he sniffles, and when nj touches his cheek to comfort him, jk flinches. nj’s hand retreats, hurt. “please, just accept it.” “jk-ah. if you really love me there’s nothing we can’t do to make it better.” nj’s voice is trembling, but he talks anyway.

“if you’re not happy we’ll go to therapy. i- i’ll make you breakfast every morning and i- i- jk, please. everything was fine yesterday. this morning- this doesn’t make any sense.” “it does.” jk insists, stubborn. but he feels himself crack.

“no, it doesn’t.” nj snaps back, his voice a mix of confusion and grief and heartbreak. it tips jk over the edge. he doesn’t know how to lie to him, never has. “i’m pregnant, hyung.”

silence.jk keeps his eyes closed, feels nj going stiff against his knees, and braces himself. it’s out. nj had a chance to be spared, but he didn’t take it, and now it’s out, between them. nj doesn’t talk, doesn’t breathe. jk takes what’s left in him to get up,

doing his best to avoid touching nj, looking at him. he couldn’t take the look on his face. “do you understand, hyung?” he asks, walking to the kitchen door. “i’m pregnant. i won’t give it up and you don’t want it so i’m doing this alone.” it's simple, really.

he turns towards nj when the alpha doesn’t respond. the man is sitting on his knees on the carpet, right where jk left him, hands in the air, mouth agape. they stare at each other. jk gives nj the time to elaborate. “you’re deciding that on your own?” nj asks when he finally

speaks. “don’t you think i have a say in- in-” “in what? you want to raise a child you didn’t want with a man you would eventually resent?” jk questions him. his hands are trembling, but his voice is firmer than he’d hoped.

“i’ve been that child, nj-hyung. i don’t want to be that parent.” “jk.” nj pleads, his eyes big. “i want it. i know i’m young and i could wait for it to happen again in the future but- then what? we’re gonna be over either way, it’s better to get it done as soon as possible.

this is your out.” “you really thought this through, uh?” nj’s voice is not mean, and his intentions aren’t, either, but jk would deserve it, right? he pretended things could be fine until they weren’t anymore, and now he’s abandoning ship. nj could have every right to be angry,

if he wanted to. but nj won’t get angry, jk knows him too well. maybe it’d be better, if he could get mad at jk, if he screamed. but jk knows nj, knows how he will fold on himself and crumble.

“there’s no other way.” jk replies, tipping his head lower. “can’t you give me some time to think it over?” the alpha pleads. jk is tempted, but he’s had time to think. “yeah well. you’ve got time. nine months of it. but i really don’t want to raise an unloved child.”

“jk. i would love them. if course i would. i wasn't planning on it but if it's there, i would love it. it just wasn't in my plans-” “you don’t- nj. you don’t raise a child you don’t want, that’s how you fuck them up.”

jk knows all too well. the resentment his mother bathed him in will never wash off, even after all ngkookthese years. he doesn't want the same for the life that's growing inside of him.

one single but willing parent might raise a child better than a couple that was forced to keep it. “how long have you known?” nj asks. “what do you think?” jk spits back, despite himself. he really didn't notice, did he?

he was already at work when jk had to rush out of bed to throw up his dinner. didn't he smell it on him? not even an inkling of a doubt that something might be going on? nj’s nose has never been strong, but jk had hoped for a bit more attentiveness.

“jk, please-” nj is begging, and jk has no intention of hurting him the way he's hurting himself, so he breathes in and tries to control himself. “four days.” he answers. “i was really happy at first and i wanted to believe that it could work. i wanted to try to tell you.

“but then you-” jk doesn't need to say it.

nj was caressing his hair and leaving pecks on his forehead, after dinner. tangled on the couch, a sappy series on their tv, bellies full. jk had felt himself swell up with fondness as the protagonist of the drama announced her sister she was pregnant.

he was about to say something about it, to test the waters, to get ready to do it himself. the day after, maybe, on sunday, when they had the whole day to themselves. but then nj had spoken before he could, mindless, oblivious. jk tries not to recall the words.

he'd known nj wasn't as keen as him on being a father, but he hadn't thought that he would be outright opposed to it, terrified by the very idea of it. he'd thought that they'd been together for long, and maybe nj had changed his mind now, they had grown so much.

and nj would've made a great father, wouldn't he? then, those words. jk felt his body go rigid, and nj had nosed the skin behind his ear, soothing, not realizing what had made jk go stiff in the first place. nj's arms around his waist, his hand on his hair, his rainy smell,

his chest pressed against him, the house around them, filled with their lives, with their love, with everything they had managed to share. up until then. the sudden heartbreak had filled jk's whole body, and he had to excuse himself to run to the bathroom to throw up.

“fuck.” nj murmurs now, eyes downcast, as he recalls just what jk has been replaying in his mind for the last two days.

/doesn’t a pup sound like a nightmare to everyone else? really- i don’t get why people would want something like that. i would- i don’t know. it sounds terrifying./

“yeah.” jk confirms, hand coming up to cover his stomach. “does anyone else know?” nj asks, looking up at him from where he’s still kneeling on the carpet. “th and jm and sj-hyung. is that- is that a problem?” nj shakes his head.

“no, just- i just wish you’d told me sooner.” “well, i’m glad i didn’t. hearing you say you don’t want it- you know.” his stomach contorts, he grits his teeth. “if i had told you, you wouldn’t have said that. i wouldn’t have found out that you- that-”

“i don’t want us to be over, jk.” nj admits, simple and honest. jk wants to laugh, he wants to cry, he wants to beg nj to want this, to want them. but it wouldn’t be fair to anyone involved. “i know. me neither. but there’s no other way.” he simply says.

“can’t you think about it, too?” “i won’t give it up. i’m sorry, i’ve made up my mind.” jk shakes his head. “but I will think about it, shouldn’t you think about this, too? jk, us?” nj gestures like it's obvious, and jk gets it, he does. but it's not so simple.

it's not just them anymore. and maybe they should've talked about it sooner, when they were still in time, when this could've hurt less. but the truth is, it's only going to hurt more. the band aid needs to be ripped off sooner than later.

“i will want a family someday anyway, hyung. will we break up, then? when we’re thirty-five and married and everyone thinks we will be together for the rest of our lives? do you want to drag it out when you know it’s going to end anyway?”

nj looks at him. opens his mouth. closes it. nj always knows what to say. “i don’t.” jkk replies for him. “i want us both to be happy when there’s still time.” “i’m only happy with you.” nj confesses. jk feels like lying down for a long time.

he's filled with so much love for nj, he doesn't know where the guts to leave him are coming from. he used to think he could put nj before everything. “that’s not true. you will-” the words choke him, and he has to look away once more. “you will find someone else.

you’ll fit somewhere else.” “and you?” nj asks “you’re going to find another alpha to raise my child with?” it hurts. jk feels it in his lungs. “don’t say that. it’s not your child if you don’t want it. and i can do this alone.”

in fact, he cannot think about raising nj's child with anyone else, even if he couldn't admit it to his face. “but you don’t want to. you’ve said it yourself, jk. you want a family.” “i know.”

the silence stretches out after that. jkk wants a family, and maybe the family will be him and his pup. it would be enough. jk doesn't need and alpha or any other person to raise his child. he's got th and jk and he's got sj-hyung.

he's got his parents, and friends at work. he doesn't need the nuclear family, doesn't necessarily need a husband to come home to. the pup would be enough. he'd talked about family because he'd thought about having it with nj, but with nj out of the picture,

the only thing that matters is the pup in his belly. nj gets up from the ground, sits on the couch where jk was sitting moments ago, fingers rubbing at the ruddy splotches under his eyes. his hands are trembling, and he's filling the room with the acre smell of despair,

a scent jkk didn't know nj was able to produce. “i’m going, then.” the alpha says, looking around. “where?” jk asks, genuinely confused. he's the one who's breaking up with him, he's the one who’s going to leave. “i don’t know, i guess- at ygi’s?” nj shrugs.

“oh, no. don’t worry, i’ll go to th and jm’s.” nj looks impossibly more hurt at that, he bristles. his scent gets deeper, too, keeps getting worse. “are they- waiting for you?” he asks, cold humor in his voice, but jk knows the question is not meant to hurt.

“hyung.” he can only say. “fuck." nj lets out a breathy laugh "you’ve planned this whole thing out for- days and i was unaware- i thought-” “hyung.” jk tries again, but he knows he couldn't say anything to make this better.

“i’m sorry. you’re right. about everything." nj says, and jk didn't expect to hear these words, but he's not surprised by them. nj is an honest man. "i just. i’m not sure i can take it. doing- doing anything without you. i don’t know what the point is. i’ve only ever- shit.”

“hyung. I’m sorry.” jk murmurs, looking down at the man he woke up with for the last three years. “how did this happen? you were mine an hour ago.” it’s true. and for a moment, jk feels like giving up, like kneeling down in front of nj and telling him it’s okay.

he won’t leave him, he will give the baby up and stay with nj a little bit longer. they can still be happy for a while, it’s still allowed. it’s actually scary how close jk is to giving in. nj shakes his head, and cries.

he cries with his head in his hands, his chest taking in big chunks of air, loud and desperate. jk has never seen him like this, so distressed and out of control. "i’m sorry. i won’t say anything anymore. i don’t want to rope you into something you don’t want.

you and- you and our-” nj shakes his head, his face blotchy. “i'm not being very mature about this, so i won’t say anything anymore. i won’t- i won’t guilt trip you into staying with me when you don’t want it.” “nj-hyung, it’s not that. it’s not that I don’t want you.”

“you simply want this baby more than you want me.” nj concludes for him. it's true, isn't it? jk wants a pup, and nj doesn't, and that's kind of a big deal breaker. especially now that a pup is actually between them.

“i want it with you. ideally, i have this baby with you and you love us and you raise it with me and we live happily ever after. but i can’t have everything i want and neither can you.” “You’re- you’re so smart. You’re right.” Namjoon sniffles,

“you should go, if they’re waiting. i w-” a sob wracks through him and stops him mid-word, “i will pack my things and tomorrow you’ll be free to come back.” sorrow fills the air between them, thick. jk doesn't know who the scent is coming from. he thinks he might vomit.

“you don’t have to leave.” he tries, for no reason other than the fact that deep down, he wants to beg nj to stay. a selfish part of him wants to agree with the possibility that they could raise this baby together, that nj might grow into this new role,

that he's always thought the alpha would make a great dad. but he's more mature than that. right? “i do. i can’t stay here." nj shakes his head, hiccups. "it’s- everything smells of you, i c-can’t take it, i can’t."

“okay.” jk gives up. he hasn't cried yet. he used to think pregnancy hormones made you cry all the time, but maybe his work backwards. “yeah. okay.” nj repeats, but he doesn't move from the couch. looks at him for what feels like the last time. might be the last time.

“nj-hyung. It’ll get better.” jk lies. nj smiles at him, bittersweet, and the tears aren’t stopping, his chest still moving convulsively. jk fears he might be on the verge of a panic attack.

“it won’t. but i really, really get why you’re doing this. i want whatever makes you the happiest, jk. everything else- it’s okay.” jk knows it's true. nj loves him so much that he actually believes this. actually believes that jk's happiness is the only thing that matters.

it's worse when nj gets up, his legs wobbly. jk wants to run to him and hold him and be held and let nj feel the soft skin of his tummy, let his alpha feel what they've made, together. are you proud, hyung? you did this. we did this.

he was his, an hour ago. they were his.

time passes, somehow. jk comes back to a half-empty house three days later. it’s cold. some of nj's things are gone, but others stay. jk's favourite hoodie, the one he always steals from nj when nesting time comes, is still in their shared drawer.

nj’s books, too many to move in so little time. jk knows them by heart, remembers nj telling him about them. nj's shampoo, his fuzzy socks, his gummy bears. bits and pieces left. jk doesn’t touch any of it, he wouldn’t bear it.

nj texts him a couple of times, but jk mostly doesn’t answer. nj asks him how he’s doing, if he needs anything. jk knows that, theoretically, they could stay friends. just like th and jm fret around him, run to his every wish, nj must be feeling the need to help in some way.

since they didn’t properly fight and since they don’t hate each other, didn’t break up on bad terms, jk could accept his offers. but then he imagines the possibility of nj back home, his broad shoulders against the door, his familiar scent against the furniture.

jk couldn’t take it. it would be like dangling the single thing he can’t have in front of him. he wouldn’t be able to let nj go this time. so he doesn’t answer. time passes, somehow. morning sickness leaves space to bloating, to numbness.

jk finds himself staring at the mirror, lost. his hips are wider, his thighs get more supple, thick. their house his silent, empty. no more epik high, no more reading out loud, no more cooking hip by hip. there's only jk now, his baby bump slowly swelling.

he touches it, reverent. he'd thought this pup would feel his, would make him feel less alone, less lost, but all this pup makes him think about is nj. how nj used to come up and kiss his nape when jk was making breakfast, holding him by his waist.

how nj would snore in the night, arm flung safe around his omega. how nj would laugh at his anecdotes. nj, nj, nj. he fills every space with his absence.

jk knows that nj is still at yg’s place, and hs has told him that he’s not doing very good, but that jk should think about himself for now. jk asks hs if he thinks he made the right choice, and hs avoids his eyes.

jm, th and sj - jk’s older brother - all agree that jk did the right thing. it woul’ve been of no use to prolong their suffering. but hs hesitates, looks away, swallows. jk wonders what nj told him, and he wishes he could know.

he wishes he could still reassure nj that this doesn’t mean jk doesn’t love him anymore, but he knows it would be to no avail. he wonders if nj hates him at least a little bit, now. maybe it would be for the best.

the pup in his belly kicks for the first time on a saturday night. exactly seven weeks have passed since jk left nj. jk is alone. jm and th have spent the afternoon here, but now they're home, and there's no one to feel his pup's tiny foot pushing against jk's abdomen.

no one to touch him. jk touches the spot where the pup has kicked. "baby?" he calls, tentative, "are you there? i'm your dad. i'm here. we're going to be okay." it's a lie at best. jk doubts. he doubts he can do this alone. his body hurts, and his skin is breaking out.

his mom cooks him food, and th coddles him, but jk fears that the pup might feel that something is wrong. did jk betray them? was he so selfish that he decided to bring them into this world without a second parent? his bump grows, becomes visible through his clothes.

he borrows the shirts his mom used to wear, a silent peace offering between them. he feels ugly. he thought pregnant omegas were supposed to feel pretty and glowing, but he feels ugly. he’d thought he would have someone beside him telling him how beautiful he looks,

knocked up and happy, but the people who tell him aren’t the one he wants. in the dark of his room, he asks himself: do you want to be a dad or do you want to be a dad to nj’s child? do you want a pup or do you want to raise it with nj?

did he make a mistake? did he mistake his desire to build a family with the love of his life for a desire to simply be a parent? he tucks those doubts in the back of his head, safe and threatening at the same time.

his ob-gyn, a gentle beta woman, tells jk that it would be better if an alpha was there to soothe him during his prenatal visits. jk brings jm and jm cries, his hand holding jk’s tight tight tight. jk knows that it hurts jm to see this.

he knows jm is thinking about a different universe where th gets pupped and jm doesn’t get to raise the child with him, for whatever reason. but this is different, isn’t it? jm and th both want a pup. it’s different.

jk is five months along when his ob-gyn looks at him with a grimace and his stomach contorts. the pup has been kicking a lot these days, happy. jk has grown fond of waking up in the middle of the night just to press against his own skin, soft,

imagining his pup pressing back with their tiny hand. he’s supposed to find out about their sex today. when the doctor looks at him like that, though, he feels sick. “what is it?” he asks, alarmed, eyeing the ultrasound on the screen as if he could discern anything about it.

jm has brought th along, and it’s the omega who’s holding his hand this time. “jk-ssi, please don’t worry. it’ nothing.” the beta rushes to reassure him. th brushes his thumb against jk’s wrist. “the pup is perfectly healthy. it’s you i’m worried about.”

jk relaxes back into the hospital bed. “me?” he asks, confused. “i’m fine.” the woman smiles, a bit sad.

“i hate asking and you’re probably going to hate it, too, but- i must. jk-ssi, do you live with an alpha?” jk slowly shakes his head. the pup in his belly moves a bit.

“i thought so. i know it sounds cruel, but your omega needs to be close to an alpha in a moment like this, jk-ssi. omegas are vulnerable when in this state, and usually-” “i feel fine. i can do it on my own.” jk tries not to sound too defensive, too scared.

he thinks about nj, on his knees in front of him, eyes big and teary as jk broke his heart. “i don’t doubt that, jk-ssi. but you should consider living in close proximity to an alpha. an alpha you trust, obviously. it doesn’t need to be- the other parent. your body needs it.”

“you could come stay with us, jk.” th suggests, and jm immediately nods beside him. “we can take care of you!” “i don’t- no.” jk shakes his head. he’s left nj, he can’t leave their home. it’s the only thing from his past life - a happy life - he can still cling to.

“just- consider it, jk-ssi.” the ob-gyn says, looking at him. jk nods. “i will. thank you.” he will. she nods back at him and smiles. jk does his best to smile back and then the doctor is turning towards the screen where the ultrasound is showing.

when she looks at jk again, her smile has grown bigger. “now. do you want to know about the sex of your pup?” she asks. “oh. that. right.” jk murmurs. he looks at his friends, and th is almost bouncing with enthusiasm.

for a terrible, infinite second, jk asks himself if nj would want to know right away or wait for the birth to know. would he want a surprise? being the hopeless romantic he is, nj would probably wait, and then be happy either way.

then, lucid, jk remembers nj doesn’t want this at all. ("really- i don’t get why people would want something like that.") “yes, please.” he answers, because he’s alone in making this choice, because he’s the one who’s supposed to answer. there’s no one else.

“it’s a girl, jk-ssi.” th squeals, jm cries, jk looks at the screen, and tries to metabolize the information. a girl. he looks down at his naked tummy, the skin stretched taut. he smiles. a girl.

jk keeps himself busy. working with his brother - who would have guessed - turns out to be a blessing for once. and if sj changes everyone’s shifts to accommodate jk’s needs, it’s nobody’s business, and no one protests.

the pastry shop they own together takes up the best of jk’s days. he would work even more than before, not to think so much, but sj doesn’t let him, threatens to fire him on four different occasions when jk refuses to go home earlier. he’s grateful.

he tries to follow the doctor’s advice and he works out ways to spend more time with jm and th, so that jm’s alpha pheromones can work on his body, but he refuses to move out. it’s weird, but it’s good. he can tell that it’s working. jm and th are at his house, constantly.

they cook him dinner, they laze around on weekends, they sweep the floors, they improvise lady gaga concerts in his kitchen, they hold him when he cries, the sleep against him in his bed. even hs comes over a couple of times to hang out.

jk knows it must be difficult for the alpha, being nj’s best friend and all, but he can tell hs is genuinely happy to have a reason to spend time with him. they watch the sappy dramas they both like, and they avoid the elephant in the room.

when he starts browsing for a crib, his mother tags along, and sj follows. they buy a big one made of wood - his mom pays - and sj helps him colour it red. there’s talk of emptying out the room nj used as a studio to turn it into the pup’s room, but the thing is,

k hasn’t entered that room in months. thinking about the nursery thing would mean calling nj and asking him to take his remaining stuff out so that he can convert it. he can’t. jm offers to do it for him, but jk simply shakes his head.

the crib will stay in jk’s bedroom for the first months, anyways, there’s no need to touch the studio. he will think about it when the pup will be in his arms and things will feel less heavy.

it’s a slow day at work. he’s six months pregnant and tired. sj is finishing up some stuff in the laboratory in the back of the shop and jk has cleaned the tables many times already, rearranged the pastries more than once, swept the floor.

he sits behind the counter, pen and notepad on his thighs, and he starts writing. at the top of the page, he writes: possible names for my baby. he adds a couple of hearts for good measure and smiles to himself, satisfied. the list is short, not many names satisfy him.

nali. haewon. ryung. soohee. the door opens and jk smells him before he can see him. it’s like a storm walks in, rain and wet soil. jk looks up, his body already reacting to it. the notepad drops from his knees, but the pen stays in his hand.

nj is different. paler, thinner. the skin on his face looks pulled taut. he’s got his glasses on and they still aren’t enough to cover the dark circles under his eyes.

jk can smell it on him, how exhausted he is. could recognize the scent of nj's tiredness among hundreds. it runs bone deep, through the vessels who carry his blood. "hyung." jk calls. he gets up. nj's eyes fall on him behind his lenses, widen.

jk wonders what he sees. can he smell him now? if nj sniffed at the air between them, would he be able to distinguish jk's scent from the one belonging to the pup? jk can't smell the pup on himself, but he knows that the people around him can.

th says he smells different now, his chocolate honey washed out by the pup's fresh scent. it's like fresh linen, hs said once. it's funny, that jk's pup smells like jk's favourite smell. fabric softener, sun dried clothes. does nj like it?

"jk-ah." nj breathes. his hair is longer, teasing his neck, covering the spot jk used to playfully nip. they both had the same idea, then, letting their hair grow out. jk flicks his own fringe out of his face, embarrassed. does he look okay? why does he even care?

"you look-" nj stops as if on cue, then hesitates, and jk doesn't breathe. bigger, his mind suggests. his ankles swollen, his bladder constantly under pressure, his chest softer. his cheeks are rounder, he knows.

a month more, maybe, and then he won't be able to bend over and tie his shoelaces anymore. maybe his shoes won't even fit anymore. he'll have to move to sj's or to th and jm's at some point, he knows. nj never finishes his thought. it makes jk nervous, makes his stomach twist.

of course. he looks different, he looks like something nj didn't want, like a nightmare. that's the word nj had used, that night. a nightmare of a life, a nightmare of a body. nj used to kiss him all over and press adoring words against his skin.

jk looks down at his own hands, bites the piercing on his lip, tells himself not to cry. he had to take nj's promise ring off when his fingers started becoming thicker. it's nobody's business if he keeps it on a chain around his neck, hidden just under his sweater.

they made a promise once, and jk has no doubts he's going to keep it. "why are you here? do you- need to talk to sj-hyung?" he asks, looking up again. nj looks a bit dumb, his mouth still open over unfinished words. he shakes his head, swallows.

"i wanted to see you." he answers. jk doesn't know what to say. here he is, nj is seeing him. "not much to see. well. much.” a strained laugh leaves his throat. “but not-" he swallows in next words. not a nice sight. "jk." nj repeats, like his name alone makes sense.

jk feels a sob making his way up his chest. he knows, now, why his ob-gyn wanted an alpha beside him. nj's presence makes his muscles relax, despite everything. he leans against the counter. "coffee?" he asks, because he wouldn't know what else to say.

nj is simply looking at him, and jk doesn't fucking know. nj nods. "with milk, please." jk scrunches his nose at that. nj never adds milk to his coffee. no sugar, no milk, scalding hot. the perfect opposite to jk's latte, sugary and warm, foam against his lips.

"milk?" he checks, to make sure. "please." nj confirms, a tense smile on his lips. jk nods and moves on autopilot. he knows how to make a coffee. it's just- nj is here now. five months have gone by, and now nj is here.

the last time jk saw him, they were hurt, but they knew each other. now, he doesn’t know. nj wants milk in his coffee. what else? jk’s chest constricts. jk gives nj his coffee. "thank you." jk nods, and doesn't know how to take his eyes off of him.

it's nj. every single particle in his body begs him to let his alpha have him. jk doesn't know how to turn it off, his body. his omega. it feels right for the first time in months, and jk hates the effect nj seems to have on him, despite his best efforts.

nj sips on his coffee with a calm that jk finds unsettling. what is he here for? he wanted to see him. he saw him. nj’s eyes on his make him want to bend over and be claimed. he finds something to hold on to, a rag, and squeezes.

“i wanted to talk to you.” nj’s words make something twist in jk’s stomach. talk. he covers his grown belly with his hand, and nj’s eyes follow his movement. what does he want to talk about? jk survived the heartbreak once, he’s not sure he can do it again.

jk’s mind runs through the possibilities. nj is moving abroad for work. nj has found someone new, and he wants the ring back. nj has found someone new, and he wants their pup to meet his new partner, he wants to share. nj has found someone new.

his ring feels cold and incandescent against the skin of his chest. “talk?” jk asks, something acid in his throat like terror. the pup pushes against his lower ribs and he has to stifle a whine. “about us.” nj adds, serious. ah. what a weird choice of words. us.

there used to be a “us”, once, made up of nj and jk both. there’s no us anymore, there’s jk and there’s nj, two heads under two different roofs, two lives going in two different directions. sometimes, a stubborn corner of jk’s heart refuses to believe it.

when he’s almost asleep, when he’s just teetering the edge between consciousness and unconsciousness, he pretends that “us” can still exist. it’s cruel to use such a word against jk.

jk has a different “us”, now - jk and his pup, this kicking thing at the center of him who’s going to grow up into a real person, into someone who’s going to call him dad and ask him about the meaning of words, about the name of things.

“nj-ah?” sj emerges from the laboratory. jk turns to look at him. he’s got flour on his face and his white apron is stained with sugary red. sj puts his hands on his hips and raises an eyebrow. “you’re here?” he asks nj, like it’s absurd for the man to walk in here.

nj deflates, his shoulders fall, he lowers his head a bit in a useless emulation of submission. sj likes nj, sj is - was - nj’s friend and it makes things worse. because sj has purposefully distanced himself from nj to focus on jk, and now they don’t know each other anymore.

he did everything right. but everyone is protective of jk, a tight knit fence around him and his pup. jk doesn’t know how to feel about the hostile scent coming off of his brother in waves. he doesn’t need to be protected. not because he’s an omega and not because he’s pupped.

“hyung.” he glares at sj, and sj blinks at him, gulps. “we’re fine.” he doesn’t really know who he’s talking about - the pup and him, nj and him. they’re not fine, but he doesn’t need sj’s help. doesn’t need things to be this complicated around him and nj.

just because they broke up, doesn’t mean everyone needs to pick a side. jk misses hearing from yg. “okay.” sj takes a step back after a too long pause, his neck red. “i’m here if you need anything.” “i know.” jk tries to soften his voice, his stance,

to control the scent that must be wafting off him. sj looks at him with something in his eyes and leaves the room. nj is still there, on the other side of the counter. he looks small.

jk has a hard time believing this is the same man who used to be an underground rapper and once spat mean words to crowds of people. he looks vulnerable, ironically. the ob-gyn said jk is the vulnerable one, right now, but jk has a hard time believing it today.

“i really don’t understand, nj-hyung.” he says, and his words sound painfully familiar to his own ears. “what’s there to talk about?” “you could- we could have dinner?” nj suggests, to jk’s dismay, “and we could talk. there’s stuff i-”

“no.” jk says. he’s in love, but he’s not stupid. he can’t trust himself to sit across nj and not cry, and not beg, and not make a fool of himself in front of the person who he wanted to grow old with. “jk.” nj begs, like his name could be convincing enough.

it almost is, coming from nj’s mouth. jk shakes his head. “not dinner, then. you decide. but i need to talk to you.” there he goes again. i need to talk to you. the apocalyptic scenarios jk’s brain rakes through are more in number than he would like to admit.

he doesn’t want to find out. “i don’t think it’s a good idea.” jk says, and the pup kicks again, harder this time. he grimaces, and it doesn’t escape nj’s eyes this time. “are you okay?” he asks, visibly worried, droppin his hands on the counter.

he’s looking at jk’s distended stomach again, and it awakes something in jk he doesn’t know how to push down. “i’m fine. peachy.” jk snarls, getting defensive himself. nj’s eyes dart to his face. his scent grows thicker with frustration.

“i only want you to listen to me, jk. just once. i know you don’t- wanna see my face anymore. i get it. it’s- fine. i understand. but i need- let me-” nj rushes, stumbles over his own words, something jk has never seen him do.

nj is always so eloquent, knows the right word for every feeling, knows just what to say. “i’ll leave you alone, after that.” that’s the thing. nj will leave him alone, after that. jk would need to give up one thing more, then.

he would need to give up every tiny tendril of hope, those secret dreams he was keeping to himself. the possibility that, at night, at dawn, nj might be thinking about him, too. what, then? “i don’t-” jk starts, his chin trembling. nj stops him before he can say anything.

“jk-ah. i listened to you, then. i did what you asked me to do, i stayed away i- i left- i let you decide- even if i wasn’t sure. i did what you thought was right and i thought you were right. i wanted to think you were right and we were doing the right thing. now, i’m-”

jk shakes his head, one hand coming up to tug at his own earlobe, nervous. he feels himself reliving every moment of that night, and he doesn’t know what’s going on. he believes nj doesn’t know, either.

“please. at your own terms, jk. you pick the place and the time. but i need to talk. and i need you to listen.” jk's body tips him over. his second nature has always been to give nj everything he wanted. he relaxes his shoulders, sighs. gives in. it feels good. he nods.

this isn't jk's original plan. jk's original plan looked different. in his original plan, nj comments the drama with him, but doesn't say those words, keeps caressing his hair. in the original plan, jk tells him over breakfast, or in nj's favourite park,

their bikes discarded next to them. it goes like this: nj's eyes light up, and he opens his mouth but doesn't know what to say. jk laughs and nods. "it's- you're pregnant?" nj asks, his heart going faster than ever. jk nods again, and then they're kissing.

kissing, crying, laughing against each other, nj's hand softly resting on jk's belly. the alpha asks: can you feel it, already? jk shakes his head, pouts. for now, their pup manifest itself in the form of morning sickness.

in the original plan, nj holds jk's hair as the omega empties his stomach into the toilet bowl, water and wet cloths ready for him to press against jk's forehead. in the original plan, nj takes photos of jk's bump. one photo per week.

nj asks for daily photos but jk blushes violently and refuses. one photo per week, the skin stretching against this new life. in the original plan, nj urges their ob-gyn not to tell them the sex of their pup, and doctor laughs, agrees.

in the original plan, nj massages jk's heavy feet at night. he tells him how beautiful he is, how his skin looks healthier, brighter. jk blushes and hides his face against nj's neck, where he smells like nj the most. he breathes in, safe.

in the original plan, their friends throw them a party in place of the gender reveal party, since they won't have one, nj adamant on finding out at birth. everyone is there. th and jm, sj, hs and yg, nj's sister, their parents.

jk coos over the baby clothes their friends bought for them, and if nj cries at the sight of those impossibly tiny blue shoes, it's no one's business.

this isn't nj's original plan. nj's original plan looked different. in his original plan, jk falls asleep against nj as they're watching this new drama, and nj wakes him up softly, words murmured against his temple. they slip into bed in silence,

jk's milky scent lulling nj into a quiet sleep. in his original plan, nj goes to sj and explains why he needs him to give jk a week off. sj looks at him all weird but smiles. "a week?" he asks. nj nods. "fuck. you're making an honest man out of my jk-ie?"

in the original plan, nj books an apartment in paris for one week. they kiss under the tour e/iffel, they hold hands in the l/ouvre, they drink wine in their temporary bedroom. they get drunk and giggly and horny.

jk is bathed in moonlight, his piercing glinting up at nj, and nj fucks him until they’re too tired. in the original plan, nj doesn't get down on one knee, because jk doesn't like a scene. they're in a park, any park in paris, and nj turns to jk on the bench they're sitting on.

maybe there's a pond, with ducks. nj has a ring, and he asks jk. jk cries and says yes, and the ring fits perfectly on his finger. in nj's original plan, this is where their life starts. nj is making more money. they can travel. jk can see every country he's always wanted to see

japan, california, hawaii, morocco. in nj's original plan, it boils down to a single point, a single wish. in nj's original plan, jk is his and nj follows everywhere he wants to go. jk asks and nj finds a way. jk wishes and nj fulfills that wish.

this is not the original plan.

they're sitting in a park. it's may. jk is dressed too much, too warm, a stretched out hoodie and joggers. he's uncomfortable and too hot, but he’s ashamed, so he layered on. he knows his body is not the one nj wanted to make love to.

he tried to cover it, desperately, and now he's sweating and cursing himself for giving a fuck. he's carrying a whole pup, who cares if his muscles gave out a little. nj wouldn't think about him that way anymore, anyway.

he avoids nj's eyes, frantic. his nape is sweating like crazy, his hair there growing wetter by the second. his back hurts, his feet ache. he can feel the back of his knees sweating.

"thank you for coming." nj says, and jk nods, looking at a teenage girl playing with her golden retriever. something touches his hand, and before jk can panic, he realises nj is giving him a bottle of cool water. it feels good against his skin, forgiving.

"ah. thank you." jk didn’t even realise how thirsty he is. "can we talk, then?" nj asks, to make sure. it's sweet. jk feels bad about being so snappy and insufferable. pregnancy is tiring. he made nj wait two weeks before he was ready for this, and nj had waited, patient.

jk wondered just how much nj's patience can be tested, how much jk was allowed to postpone this meeting, their last meeting. he wills himself to be brave. he wills himself to think about his future pup and how he can make her proud.

"you said you wanted to be the one to do the talking." jk reminds him. he looks at nj's knees, at the strip of thigh showing under his khaki shorts. jk's mouth waters. what the fuck. pregnancy is weird. he's already pupped, his brain isn't supposed to go down that road.

but nj smells like wet leaves and open fields and jk's nose finds it all a bit too much. it's a good thing he keeps his eyes trained on nj's knees and doesn't look at his face, or his arms, or- "yeah. i believe- last time- i didn't have the chance to talk.

everything happened so fast. you were right, what you said. i went with it because i knew why you felt like that. i knew it would be bad if i- stayed. we needed this, i think. but i didn't have the time to think, to tell you anything."

jk knows it's true. the way he put an end to a four years relationship in a matter of minutes that night, without giving nj the time to elaborate it. nj didn't have the days jk had to think about it, to take a decision and make a speech that made sense.

nj didn't have that. jk guesses nj has had the time to prepare his own stuff to say, now. it's only fair. "i'm sorry i ended things like that." he says, meek. nj hums, noncommittal, then keeps talking.

"i don't think you were wrong. i think you did the right thing. after what i had said-" jk winces. will the memory of nj calling a pup his nightmare ever leave his mind? "i knew it was no use talking, trying to make you change your mind.

and in the days that followed i- i don’t know it was- hard.” jk recalls hs’ face when jk had asked him how nj was, the unhappy curl of his lips. “i wanted to trust that we were doing the right thing, that you had your reasons and that you knew what was best.

so i didn’t put up a fight.” jk nods. a part of him had been disappointed in how little it had taken, to convince nj to walk away. but the part of him that remembers things correctly also remembers the words he used, the harshness of the images he’d conjured to convince nj,

how brash he was, how headstrong. an nj had always trusted jk, trusted him to the point he let jk decide what was going to happen, what was going to end. nj had not put up too much of a fight because he knew jk too well, and when jk said that staying together could only hurt them

nj had no other reason to stay. he couldn’t hurt jk. jk knows all these things very well, because he’s lived with nj long enough that he knows every working of his brain, every reaction and every thought process. he stopped doubting that maybe nj hadn’t put up a fight because

he didn’t love him enough very early on during these long months. and everyone around them would probably agree. “i wanted you to live this months the way you wanted, i wanted to-” jk can’t help but interrupt him. “this isn’t the way i wanted.”

what he wanted was a white picket fence and someone his pup could call her parents, her dads. what he wanted was for nj to be over the moon, for him to hold him at night, for him to paint the crib red with him on a sunday, for him to hold his hand at the ob-gyn visits.

“you know what i mean, jk.” nj’s voice is sad when he talks, and jk knows. “if i had come back and asked you to let me back in, you would’ve said what you said then. that i was forcing myself, that i would fuck them up because i didn’t really want them.”

“it’s not- i don’t think you would, ah-” jk is already going to cry. he sniffles, presses his fingers against his nose in an attempt to rein his tears in. “well. maybe you were right.i know how your parents made you feel, i know your mother made you feel guilty for- everything.

i get where you’re coming from. you think i would hate our life with a child.” “yeah, nj-hyung, i know you would.” “no. see. that’s the thing, jk. i-” nj stops, takes a deep breath. “jk-ah. would you look at me?”

jk wipes at the tear that has fallen on his nose and looks up. nj is looking at him, and it takes his breath away. because nj is looking at him the same way he used to do seven months ago, one year ago, three years ago, five years ago, when he still had to make the first move,

when they flirted with each other at jm’s birthday party for the first time. this is the man who bought him flowers and dedicated every love song he’s written since they met to him. this is exactly the same man who asked him to go live together while they were eating ice cream,

the same man who made him take two whole days off work because they “needed to christen the house, jk” and proceed to fuck him over every single (flat and non flat) surface of their new place.

only, now jk can see something else in nj’s eyes, and it scares him. the dark circles under his pretty dragon eyes, the lip he’s chewed red and dry, the light stubble growing on his chin. “jk, i. i wanted to do things differently. it’s true. when you said you were pregnant, i.

i didn’t- i had no clue. i had this whole plan for us and it’s obvious we should’ve talked more, the both of us. when i said that a pup sounded like- like something i didn’t want, it’s because i thought we had a lot of things we wanted to do before that, right? i had- ugh.”

he stops, shakes his head. then nj turns, takes something from his satchel bag, keeps it in a closed hand with so much gentleness jk would believe it if nj told him he was holding a living, fragile thing inside his palm. “i had booked- booked a thing. it doesn’t matter.”

“a thing?” jk prods, confused. a thing. “a place, away. for us.” nj shakes his head, lets out a little laugh. for some reason, it breaks jk’s heart. “it’s dumb, now. but i couldn’t. i didn’t- know. what to do with it. god, i sound- it’s.”

nj’s face contorts, and jk thinks that maybe he couldn’t take it, if he had to see nj cry because of him, again. “what is it?” jk encourages him, and he can’t seem to bring himself to look away from nj’s closed hand.

“i carry it around with me because i fear that yg-hyung might find it around his house and give me shit for it. ‘s why i have it here. i probably shouldn’t-” “hyung, what is it?” jk repeats. nj bites his lip, sobs, opens his hand.

despite its unusual octagonal shape, the object is undeniably recognizable. a ring box. jk’s heart stops. a ring box. “you-” he says, then stops. the shape of his promise ring sits, familiar, against his chest. he doesn't ask himself if nj still has his own promise ring. can't.

but this is a different ring, isn’t it? he looks at nj’s face, and this time nj is not looking at him, but at the box in his hands, like it weighs a ton, like it hurts him. “you wanted to-” “of course. yeah.” nj nods. he shifts the box to his other hand, and jk’s eyes follow.

nj was going to ask him to marry him. nj had already bought a ring. nj bought a ring and hid it somewhere in their house and jk broke up with him, told him he wanted this pup more than he wanted him.

“hyung, i’m-” “i told you. it doesn’t matter. it doesn’t change things. showing you this- i don’t even think i should’ve showed you.” to demonstrate, nj puts the ring back in his bag. for some weird reason, jk misses it immediately.

“i don’t want you to pity me, or to think that- that you should take me back because i wanted to marry you. but i. i had different plans- ideas. a child scared me because a child meant you couldn’t do all those things you were always telling me about.

visiting the states, getting more tattoos, opening another shop with sj-hyung. i thought a pup would change things. i don’t know. i had this idea that- that we had like this bullet list of things to do, and we needed to get them done. that’s what i meant.

i want this to be clear, jk. it felt scary because i’ve always felt like time with you passed too fast, went by before i could give you everything you wanted. i thought that- that i would need more time to make you happy, to find a way to give you-”

nj leans forward with his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands. “i’m sorry. i had it all wrong. i’m sorry i thought that- that we had all these stupid things to do and i didn’t ask you. i’m sorry i fucked things up so bad.

there are so many things i need to tell you and- it’s coming out wrong. there’s so much.” “you-” jk’s throat is clogged up, there’s snot on his lip. he hopes no one is looking at them. “we wanted different things.”

“no.” nj shakes his head. “no, i wanted- i wanted to find this perfect way to make us happy, together. i fucked up." a pause. "i went to a therapist, these past months.” jk is surprised, but in a good way. “you did?”

“yeah. i realized how strict and rigid my mind was. is. i don’t know how much changed, but i tried. all these absolutes i was thinking in- what we needed to do, what i was convinced you’d want, what we were supposed to feel.

i had made my mind up about things, and without even thinking about them. i thought that having a pup in your twenties would ruin things, and i never questioned it. i don’t know why.” jk doesn’t know what to say, so he waits for nj to talk again.

“this is the thing, jk. you think i didn’t want a pup, that i don’t want one, and i know why you would think that. it makes sense. because of what i’ve said, because how i acted. but i- i had never took time to consider how it actually made me feel, to think of-

a family, with you. all i could think was- you, you, you.” nj looks at him, and swallows. jk feels himself going red under his gaze. “so when you told me i clearly didn’t want a pup, i would’ve lied, if i had said it wasn’t true. i would’ve rushed it.

it’s good that you made me leave. but i. i truly didn’t think about it, before. you have to believe me, jk. i was so focused on planning stuff, i fucked up. so i took my time.” “it’s- ah. half a year without you, jk. i thought that pregnancies were fast,

and that nine months is nothing. but i’ve spent the last six months without you and, jk. i can’t.” “hyung.” “i want this pup, and i know you don’t believe me, i know why. fuck, you have every right not to. but i- i will do everything i can to show you.

i finally had time to think about what i wanted instead of what i thought we were supposed to want.” jk doesn't know if he's supposed to ask, if he's allowed to. but he wants to be brave. he asks. “and what- what do you want?” nj takes a deep breath, and he looks at him.

“jk. fuck. i want you. i want you and our pup and our home. i want to read them stories and feed them homogenized fruit. i want to paint the studio and hang fluorescent little stars on the ceiling and hear you sing lullabies.

i want to see our pup crawl and then walk and then run. i want to see their first day of school and take pictures. i want to teach them how to write and how to count. i want to-”

“it’s a girl.” jk manages to choke out, because one more thing on the list and he would kiss nj right here, right now. “what?” nj asks, his eyes big, his face pale. “our pup. it’s- it’s a girl.” jk repeats, silent tears falling down.

nj looks at him and jk believes him. he trusts him. maybe he shouldn’t give in so soon, maybe he won’t. maybe, later, with a clear mind and away from nj’s scent, he will think about this more. he definitely should. because problems still stand.

how can nj be so sure this is what he truly wants? what if he convinced himself he wants this because he wants jk back? “a girl?” nj checks, his lower lip trembling. jk nods. nj doesn’t cry, he explodes. face in hands, shoulders shaking, sobbing loudly.

a couple of heads turn towards them. a pregnant omega making an alpha cry. jk smiles tentatively at them through his own tears. he allows himself to touch nj’s back, and it’s like he’s waited for his whole life for a single touch.

jk's heartbeat sounds like words in his own ears: he wants me he wants me he wants me. no, he wants us. he wants this with us, the three of us. he wants me like this, he wants me still, he wants me.

“please don’t tell me you wanted a boy.” jk jokes, and that makes nj sobs louder, but he’s also laughing, somehow, and it makes jk feel warm all over. “you know those gender reveal parties where the dad gets all upset when it’s a girl.” he keeps going, and nj is laughing again,

but he’s still crying, his face red, his glasses dirty. “it’s a girl.” the alpha repeats again, as if it actually mattered. “i didn’t t-think you already knew.” “i’ve known for about a month, now.” he confirms. nj nods, tries to recompose himself, fails, starts crying again.

jk scoots closer to him and rests his cheek on nj’s shoulder. maybe it’s too much, but it feels good. he inhales nj’s rainstorm, the scent who went missing in their bed after a month without him. “i’m sorry. i’m- i’m a bit-” nj starts. “it’s a lot.” jk agrees. nj nods.

“it is. sorry. but i really- really want this, jk. you have no idea how much i’ve thought about this.” jk finds tissues in his bag and gives them to nj. nj thanks him and blows his nose loudly. jk smiles a bit. it hits him.

it’s nj. fuck, it’s nj, it’s really him, clumsy and awkward in his arms. it’s nj, he’s here, they’re here. jk doesn’t know how much he should let himself feel hope, feel happy. but he can’t help it. his body relaxes, and nj’s scent responds in comforting waves, attuned to him.

“we need to do a lot of talking, i think, before we do anything.” jk reminds him, careful. “but- you would want to-” nj looks at him, and his eyes are all red, swollen. jk shifts so they can look at each other better. “you would let me try and show you?” he sniffles.

“you- i can- i’ll do anything- but i’m going to show you how much i want this.” “i think it might take some time.” (he doesn’t. he knows he will take no time. but he also knows that, rationally, it should take some time, he shouldn’t simply throw himself in nj’s arms again,

it could make things complicated again.) “but of course. if you truly want it, hyung, of course. just. it’s- different now, you know? there’s a lot to discuss.” nj nods eagerly, and his scent changes a bit, happier. rainstorm turns into a warm drizzle.

“i know. yes, of course. i’ll give you all the time you need, all the proof you need. i’m sorry we lost so much time.” he looks down at jk’s belly, now, and the omega feels proud. “i’m sorry you had to carry this on your own.”

“i didn’t. th-hyung and jm-hyung are there a lot. maybe too much.” he smiles, and nj smiles back, tentative. “the ob-gyn said i needed to spend more time with an alpha, so-” “fuck.” nj's eyes widen again, and the way his scent changes suddenly gives jk whiplash.

“it’s fine. nj-hyung. really. you said it yourself. we made the right choice. there’s still time.” jk reassures him. he doesn't tell him how much he hated that jm had to hold his hands during the visits so that jk's omega could calm down.

he doesn't tell him how jk had sometimes closed his eyes and pretended the hand holding his was bigger, warmer, nj's. he keeps it to himself. "can you feel her?" nj asks, and then twists his mouth, like he does when he's asking himself if he should've kept his mouth shut.

"yeah." a grin takes over jk's face, and nj seems to mirror him. it makes flowers bloom in jk's chest. "she started kicking as soon as she realised she had legs and she hasn't stopped since." nj laughs, the sound still too wet. "d'you wanna-?" jk gestures to his belly,

buried under three layers of cloth. nj's eyebrows shoot up. "i can?" he asks, reverent. jk doesn't kiss him, and he should probably receive a medal for that. "i mean- she's yours, hyung." he says, feeling his face growing hotter.

nj's touches his belly. jk thinks it's better than their first kiss somehow. nj's hand is big, it covers half his belly, and it soothes something jk didn't know was hurting. "she's not moving." nj comments, half-alarmed. jk laughs, endeared.

"well, she doesn't move /all the time. that would be weird, i think." as if on cue, she kicks. it's not on the spot where nj is touching, but above. nj must feel the movement but he can't see where it is. "she-?" jk takes his hand and moves it where the pup is pushing.

"oh." nj looks up at him. at their hands, joined over jk's belly. then at jk's face again. the pup kicks again, grumpy. jk bites his lip, doesn't know what to say. for a second, he's afraid nj might freak out. "oh." nj repeats again. "i'm- she-"

"yeah." jk doesn't know what he's confirming, the happiness in his chest coming up. "i hope she likes me." nj says, then, and jk doesn't know what to say for a second. then he takes one look at nj, his big hands, his comforting scent, his thick glasses, the mole under his lip,

the scar on his chin, his kind eyes. the answer is already there. "i know she will."

(cw // won't tag this last part as nsfw bc they do not in the slightest do the devil's dance, but they do talk about Potential Future Sex, even if briefly, and they are pretty horny mfs so if that upsets you please tread carefully and stay safe!!)

"nj." nj pretends not to hear. yg is standing in front of the open fridge in his kitchen, one hand on his hip. just-awake yg is a scary yg, and nj doesn’t want to anger him. it’s too late. "nj-ah. what the fuck is this?" yg insists, his voice rising.

nj knows exactly what yg is referring to, but he still makes a confused questioning sound, to keep up appearances. "there are like- fifty tomatoes in my fridge." yg insists. "ah, yes." nj nods, and goes back to his phone. jk just sent him a meme he’s trying to decipher.

"nj. why are there fifty fucking tomatoes in my fridge?" "pregnancy cravings.” nj shrugs. “jk wakes up at night and wants tomatoes, so i bought tomatoes." "and you couldn't bring them to his house?" yg groans, exasperated.

he finds his yogurt buried under all the tomatoes and shuts the fridge. nj sighs. it’s pretty obvious to him. "yg-hyung. think. he wakes up. he wants tomatoes. he texts me. i have the tomatoes. i bring him tomatoes."

"that's- a spotless plan." yg comments, pushing a button on his expensive coffee machine. "i know. thank you." nj preens. "god. i really hope the tomatoes work and he really takes you back so you can stop putting stupid shit in my fridge and leave socks all over the place."

"hyung." nj pouts. it's not the first time they live together. when they were in uni, they lived in a tinier apartment, and nj was already leaving his socks everywhere. to him, it actually sounds like a cute little tradition. "aren't you going to miss me?"

"no." yg plops down next to him on the couch, his hair sticking in every direction possible. (he’s going to miss nj a lot, but he also really wants his best friend to go back to the love of his life and live his happy ever after.) "he really eats the tomatoes? raw?"

nj nods with a grin, like it makes him proud. "it's weird." yg shakes his head. "i think it's sexy." nj replies, a bit too fast. "i think you should shut the fuck up and let me binge p/hysical 100." yg turns the tv on and nj smiles. he smiles a lot, lately.

sometimes, he feels like stopping people on the street just to tell them he’s going to be a dad soon. "and jk is the weird one." he tsks. "jk-ie watches p/hysical 100 too." the competitors’ faces pop up on the tv screen. big muscly men, half naked-

"he does?” nj asks, alarmed, suddenly sitting up. yg looks at him with a raised eyebrow, an evil glint in his eyes. nj feels himself going a bit red. “i- i just didn’t know. i’m happy he- uh, has time to relax and watch stuff.” yg giggles, delighted,

and nj sinks a bit lower in the couch. “shut up.” he groans. “disgusting. it’s like watching you getting together all over again. i can’t believe i have to do it twice.” yg is very obviously smiling. “you were insufferable the first time and you are insufferable now.”

“you think we’re cute.” nj teases. “raw tomatoes, nj.” yg reminds him, eyes focused on the screen. “yeah.” nj has never been this happy in his life.

it’s 3 a.m., sharp, when nj’s phone rings. he has the phone in his hand before he’s actually awake. he doesn't really need to check who's calling in the middle of the night. “jk?” he asks, his voice rough with sleep.

“i’m sorry, did i wake you?” jk’s voice asks, a bit shy, on the other side of the line. “no!” nj half shouts, then remember yg keeps a swiss army knife in his bedside table, and he sleeps in the next room. “shit, sorry, no- i was, uh-”

he looks around in the dark of yg’s spare bedroom, the one he lived in for the last seven and a half months. he can't find something smart to say. it happens a lot, with jk. “ah, hyung, sorry.” jk’s voice turns coy, coquettish, and nj feels a sudden heat in his belly.

“i didn’t mean to wake you.” it’s 3 a.m. “it’s fine. i was- do you need anything? are you okay?” as the supposed date of birth gets nearer and nearer, nj’s sleep gets lighter and lighter, and every sound makes him jump a bit.

he wishes he could sleep next to jk, where he would be actually useful if something were to happen. but he doesn’t say it out loud. he waits for jk to be sure, for jk to ask him to come back. it’s a fragile stability, the one they have going on, and nj won’t fuck it up this time.

for now, he’s fine with seeing jk during the day, at jm’s and th’s, or outside. jk has stopped working, and nj doesn’t really have a work schedule, being a rapper-turned-songwriter and all. so he’s at jk’s beck and call. they’re spending a lot of time, together, actually,

just- not at their (jk’s) house, and not at night. when jk calls him, nj brings the food over and leaves. it feels a bit like a test, but nj will take it. “yeah, hyung. i’m fine. i just-” silence. jk hesitates, and there’s a bit of ruffling on his side.

“tomatoes?” nj asks, hopeful. it’s embarrassing how much he longs to hear jk asks for him to bring tomatoes, of all things, in the middle of the night. but if it’s what it takes to see a sleep-soft, mussed, pupped jk, nj will endure it.

jk laughs a bit on the other side. “no, no. i bought them yesterday. i still have some.” “oh. alright.” nj deflates a little. it’s fine. he will see jk tomorrow. he just needs to wait ten more hours, and then they’re meeting for lunch. nj can do it.

“i was- uhm.” jk huffs, annoyed at himself. nj misses him so much he can feel it in his elbows. jk mumbles something, quick, and nj doesn’t catch it. “sorry? i didn’t get that.” “you did.” jk whines.

“jk-ah,” he actually needs to restrain himself in order not to call him baby. it’s pretty difficult. “i promise i really didn’t. can you repeat?” “i asked if you- ugh. i asked if you could, if you were free- to, ah.” jk swallows, the click of it audible through the phone,

and nj imagines his touching his own ears in embarrassment. “come over.” “now?” nj is sitting up straight again, suddenly very awake. “without the tomatoes?” “yes, hyung. without the tomatoes.” the smile behind jk’s annoyed voice is almost audible.

nj almost trips over himself to get up and put on some real clothes. “i- yes. yes, i’ll be there in ten.” he says, rushed, his voice a bit too loud. he couldn’t care less. “hyung.” jk calls. “yes?” he stops in the middle of putting on his socks.

“i’m not-” a sigh. “i know how it sounded but we’re not gonna- i’m not ready to- i just want you here.” “jk. i know. i didn’t think about that.” nj is quick to reassure him, and it’s true. he knows jk is not asking for sex, he knows it will take more time to get back there.

“you didn’t?” jk asks, and nj feels like it might be a trick question. “i- uh.” he feels dumb. jk makes him feel dumb, his tongue loose, his brain like mush. “do you-” jk clears his throat, steadies his voice. “do you think about it?”

nj might laugh. does he think about fucking jk? when jk is full, glowing, bright with happiness and smelling of fresh laundry and milk? when jk lets him touch his belly, when jk is softer and rounder and pliant? nj’s mouth waters. he's a bit light headed.

he needs to get himself under control. “hyung?” fuck, he needs to give the right answer before jk changes his mind. “i- i’m happy, jk. i want to go at your pace. if i have to wait forever, if i- if you never wanna do it again-”

“but you want me? like that? even-” jk pauses again. nj hates that jk is this scared, that he has to doubt nj’s attraction to him. nj has never been more in love, and he’s also never been hornier. but he can’t exactly tell jk that, right? he thinks about his therapist’s words.

he needs to respect jk’s needs, but he’s allowed to state his own wants. “jk, you have no idea.” he says, careful but honest. “i don’t tell you because i don’t want you to feel pressured into it. but i really, really, really, really, really, really-"

jk giggles, a bit wet, a bit sweet. “come soon, please?” nj is already out of the door.

“hi.” “hi.” jk smells delectable. nj could eat him up. his belly has gotten really big, and he’s constantly touching it, supporting it with his hands. he’s wearing a worn out tshirt nj recognises from an old photo of jk’s mother when she was pregnant.

he smells like everything sweet and he smells like their pup, a scent nj has grown to recognise, unmistakable. but mostly, he smells like sleep and home. it shouldn’t make nj horny, but it does. it doesn’t help that jk is as flushed as he is when he’s deep into his heat.

“you smell-” nj stops himself before he can say something dumb, swallows. “you look good.” “my feet hurt.” jk says, his cheeks red. he makes way for nj to come inside. nj doesn’t know how to move, where he can sit. it’s their house, but he hasn’t been inside in so much time.

the lights are dimmed low, as jk likes them. the living room seems untouched, not too different from the last time he was here. it make him feel warm. “where are you going?” jk asks. he’s already in the hallway, his body turned towards the bedroom.

nj opens his mouth, stutters out half a word, closes it. jk smiles softly when nj reaches him on their bedroom door. things are a bit different inside - his books are missing, and there are a couple of new plants -

but it smells so much like jk and their pup (their pup! our pup! his heart sings) he can’t bring himself to feel bad about it. jk sits on the bed, nervous. he looks so cute, all shy and soft, nj might throw up. “are you coming?”

nj tells himself to do what feels natural, and crawls onto the bed, on the side that used to be his. jk turns towards him and grins, his eyes squinting almost shut, his bunny teeth showing. nj is going to marry this man, someday.

jk tries cuddling up to nj front to front, but his belly gets in the way. nj laughs a bit, breathy, and jk does, too. he turns, then, his back to nj’s front, but it lasts three seconds before he huffs, frustrated, and turns again. nj doesn't really get what jk is looking for,

so he lets him move around as he pleases. he feels fucking euphoric either way, his omega in his arms, at least. “i need-” jk groans, trying to plaster his chest against nj’s once more. they twist around a bit, and they find a way that works a bit better.

nj feels his heart rabbiting against his ribcage. he hasn’t been this close to jk in a long time, and he forgets how to breathe for a second. he lets jk nose along the side of his neck, where his scent must be the strongest and, hopefully, a bit comforting.

jk whines, low in his throat, and nj has to stifle a whimper. jk takes a deep breath, and nj tenses. when the omega talks, it’s not what nj was expecting to hear. “i really wanna kiss you. but i- don’t think i could s-stop, then.” jk whispers, soft, demure.

“it’s okay. there’s time.” nj reassures him. “i know.” jk replies, and settles, his forehead just below nj’s jaw. “thank you for coming. i know it’s kind of shitty of me to call you whenever i feel like it. i-”

“jk-ie. this is where i want to be. nowhere else. i’m really really happy, right now.” he tries to convey how much he believes in his own words, and feels satisfied when jk nods, seemingly convinced. “okay. thank you.” jk whispers. “thank you, jk-ie.”

then, even if he doesn’t know if he’s allowed to, he adds. “i love you.” he wants to say it, he really does, and so he does. jk rubs his cheek against nj’s sternum, and his scent turns sweeter, deeper. “i love you, too.” there’s some silence.

nj relaxes into the bed, surrounded by jk's scent, an hand on his tummy, his pup sleeping peacefully. “nj-hyung?” jk asks, then. “yeah?” nj mumbles, distracted by his own heart, by the heartbeat below his hand, by their future.

“can we not go out for lunch tomorrow?” he asks. nj feels his stomach drop a bit, his eyes open. did he do something wrong? did he rush into it? he shouldn’t have said it. fuck, he shouldn't have. “sure. uh, whatever you want, jk.” he says anyways,

even if his throat feels like it does when he’s about to cry. what matters is that jk is comfortable enough to tell him that he doesn’t feel like it anymore. should he move away? jk doesn't feel tense.

“nice. we can order in from that new bbq place and watch p/hysical 100, then?” jk tries, and nj can’t believe how dumb he is. breath rushes out of him, surprised, relieved, and he laughs, exasperated at himself.

“you really watch that thing?” he asks, tears brimming in his eyes, happiness irradiating throughout his body. he’s gonna spend his thursday eating on his couch and watching tv with jk. god must be real. “it’s educational, hyung.” jk pouts. nj hears it in his voice.

“fine, fine. bbq and buff men it is.” he grins against the top of jk’s head, leaves a kiss there. jk giggles against his chest. things slot into place, slowly at first, and then all at once. jk in his arms, their pup, bigger and bigger in his belly,

fresh linen and sunday pastries. nj wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

(the end )

[oof what a ride!!! thank you so much for reading all this and for commenting and supporting it!! it really made me super happy and, in the end, glad i didn't choose to go with the unhappy ending dsfjksj i hope this ending didn't disappoint! thank you thank you thank you]

[hopefully turning this into an ao3 thingie soon (i'm thinking about maybe expanding it a bit and finally making it - at least to some extent - nsfw bc i really made myself frustrated with the sexual tension i wrote into this. very dumb i know.]

don't mind me i'm researching