[Fire on fire]
Yoonmin diki au in which Yg and Jm - bosses of different districts - finds themselves against each other over the same task once again. The news put both of them on their toes at the mere possibility of seeing each other again;
their encounters had always been physical, heated. However, someone harming Yg will turn the cards on the table upside down.
First of all, thanks to @Charlotte⁷🪞💋|6.9k for beta reading my work and the moodboard that is so pretty i wanna cry. She's veeeery patient with me and helped me a lot during writing.
Thanks also to @bun⁷ FACE | logged out ☁️ who brainstormed this with me and heard me ranting about these two. And thanks to all my moots who answered 'yes' at the twt prompt.
Hope you all because I'm working hard on this and I'm really hyped
Enemies to enemies who fuck to strangers to lovers
tw: mention of fights, weapons, smoke and blood
"I'm glad you came, Kitty." The man sitting behind the mahogany desk has a smug look that Jm isn't liking at all. He despises the way in which this man looks greasy, dirty and viscid to him. Actually, Jm is so disgusted by him that he doesn’t even bother remembering his name.
But the money he pays is good enough to close both of his eyes over the man's appearance.
"You said you had a work for me... how could I refuse, sir." Jm sits down on the chair, making sure to spread his legs the right amount. He knows how much importance this man gives to
masculinity and those kinds of shit. So he acts accordingly. His leather pants make the prominent bulge of the big blade he’s hiding in his pocket visible. And the gun is in sight, supported by the garter he wears out of his pants.
You could say that these things are his insurance.
"Of course I have. You're one of the greatest bounty hunters I have had the pleasure to work with, kitty. That's why I wanna give this work to you." The man is trying his best to please him. But Jm doesn't care about fake honeyed words.
The man could be licking at his feet and still Jm wouldn't care. He just cares about the money put on the plate, right now. Tons of money. And it's not like he even really needs them but at least they make this work bearable.
"What will I have to do?"
"You need to retrieve some classified files for me, little kitten." The man is using his tangled fingers to support his chin. He's batting his eyelashes at Jm and the act is so plainly disgusting that Jm feels the need to puke.
The bat of eyelashes makes even more sickening the way in which he keeps calling him ‘kitty’. Of course, is Jm’s work-name but still; this man gives it an entirely new meaning and Jm knows it.
"What's important about these files?" Jm scrapes at his chin, in that annoying way he knows makes this fat man's skin prickles. He smiles to himself, proud of his little stunt, when the man leans back on his chair, taking a little distance.
"Business stuff, kitty. Nothing your pretty head should dwell on. Too much effort, isn't it?" Jm scoffs like he agrees even if, in reality, he's already planning how to find out more about these files.
"Of course. Wanna give me any more info to work with?"
"My men will give you the papers with everything you need to know. I just hope you'll be faster and cleaner than the man my competitor hired." There's a visible moment of weakness passing over the man’s face and making the marble expression crumble for a moment
“Who is that they hired?" Jm's own heart stops for a brief moment as he waits for the answer. Could it be /him/?
"I heard people call him Agust. They say he's pretty good." Jm knows. In fact, he knows that damn well.
Moments later, Jm is standing outside, shielding himself from the cold air with his leather jacket as he curses himself for not having dressed warmer. His grip on the stack of paper in his hands, is starting to hurt for how strongly he’s holding onto it as he tries
to steady himself. The fact that he’s gonna be on the same work as Agust makes him restless, almost floaty.
Jm lets himself breathe in deeply, trying to regain his composure before slipping a cigarette out of one of his pockets. He thinks that he almost saw a little trembling
in his fingers, as he holds the stick, but he tries not to mind it. It’s been a while since the two of them met, a while enough to let Jm wonder if Agust still remembers him. The mere thought of him and Yg meeting again does something to Jm body,
something so messy that he’s already fearing could compromise his work.
Because, of course, he knows Agust.
He had met him years before, when he had just started working in this world. Back then, Jm was part of another gang, a pretty rough one if you ask him.
But it was just work for him, so he bit his tongue and kept working. For how much he hates his previous boss though, Jm must admit that he has to thank him because this is how he got to meet Agust. They picked a lot of fights with him, more than Jm can remember.
And, even if he's sure that Agust doesn't know it was him - because he always kept a mask - he, on the other side, did keep tabs about the pretty black-haired boy.
Agust was gifted, that’s for sure. His ability in fights had no comparison, mostly because he was smart about it.
He'd never make something messy when don't need to. Hence, he mostly didn't even use weapons; no blade, no guns. It was something occasional; that was probably why he was also known as Hands of Mida’s Min.
Jm too, once he became his own boss, got into a lot of fights with Agust. The problem is that it was different between them. A whole lot different, because every hand-to-hand combat between them ended up mostly with rough sex in whatever abandoned warehouses they could find.
At first, it was all about the drill. Jm used to love riling the man up, making him come out of his own cave just to fight Jm. But then, when one night Yg shovelled him against a wall, one of his big hands forcefully closed around his throat, Jm took his chance.
If he thinks about that night now, he finds himself wondering if he should regret it considering how things went in the end. But as he replay for the nth time the moment in which he leaned in to forcefully attack his lips on Yg’s, he can’t find an ounce of regret.
Because in the end, Yg was like a fever dream, one of the only men Jm admired in this damn world splattered with blood.
Of course, their work wasn’t praiseworthy as in the end they both wanted money. However, Yg had quite a strong moral compass. He would never pick tasks he
didn't like or that required him to be messy or to kill. He was still in charge even when someone would offer him a job; that was one of the things that Jm liked about him.
Five streets apart, Yg is showering. The hot water is working nicely for the tension of his muscles. He leans his head forward until his forehead touches the tiles to let the water hit perfectly the tensed spot on his neck as he mulls over the woman's words.
A classified file isn't really his area, not at all. But the offer was good enough that Yg decided to give it a chance. Enough to ask for 5 hours to think about it just to keep her on her toes. He does like these kinds of silly games, honestly. He loves knowing that she spent
these five hours sitting beside her phone, waiting for it to ring. He loves knowing that he has enough power to have her in his pocket even if she was the one paying him for his job.
As Agust reached out for his robe, his smug chuckle resonates in the empty and spacious bathroom; his phone was ringing, and she was the one calling.
Back in his apartment, Kitty tried his best to make sense of all the information written in the stack of files he received. However, for how much he tried to concentrate, he actually couldn't. His mind was a mess, and he was feeling like the room was almost spinning; too many
thoughts and emotions were bothering him. Part of him was /really/ keen on the mission ahead; he even wanted to cross paths with Agust again. He had imagined a scenario already in which they would be on the same task. Now, it was actually happening, and Jm was conscious of this
deep desire; he wanted Yg to see him win, to see how good Jm could be.
However, part of him feared the meeting. He feared the possibility of finding himself in front of Agust. As the name 'Agust' rings in his ears, Jm can’t help but wonder if Agust still remembers him.
It’s been a whole year since the last time they met, long enough that Jm himself was now wondering which of his memories were part of his imagination and which one were actually related to something that really happened.
Then again, another kind of thoughts hit him. What if he needed to actually fight him? Could he stand an actual confrontation? A physical one? Just at the mere thought of having to /touch/ Yg - in any way – Jm’s heart skipped a bit. His blood was running fast, the ringing in his
ears defeaning him to the point that made Jm unsure of whether his doorbell was actually ringing, or it was just his imagination.
Jm breathed in for the nth time in the span of two hours, trying his best to look collected as he approached the door.
Th was standing there, bundled up in a big scarf and a long coat and, honestly, Jm thanked their soulmates for having sent him here now.
“You look like shit.” Th let himself in, toeing his shoes off without even taking his hands off of his pockets.
“Thank you, dear. You, on the contrary, look fabulous as always!” Jm rolled his eyes as he tried his best to keep his voice cold and sarcastic.
“Thank you, babe. There’s a lot of work behind it.”
The smile Th showed Jm, was so blinding that it almost made Jm forget about everything else, because Th was the sun and now, he was feeling warm enough not to let his mind wander in the dark and abandoned place of what had been his broken heart.
The two sat down on the couch. Th had helped himself with a cup of hot tea and Jm was watching him drinking it with a satisfied expression on his face, waiting for him to ask. Their bond has always been Jm’s lifeline; they were probably the only two only ones on heart to share
this kind of understanding for each other.
Sometimes, they joked about it, about a long red thread linking them together. However, during days like this, in which Th knocks at Jm’s door at the exactly perfect time, Jm wonders if maybe there’s no joke. If, by any chance,
they’re really linked in some kind of way.
“So, what’s troubling you?” Maybe it’s because it’s not even surprising anymore that Jm doesn’t even question how Th /knows/.
“I got an offer for a new job.” Jm leans his head back looking up at the ceiling; the light is creating
beautiful shapes there and Jm feels attracted to them. "I have a good rival for this, you know?” The chuckle that escapes him sounds jarring.
“Agust.” When the name leaves Jm’s lips, he finds himself wondering if Yg knows that Jm is onto the same stack of files.
He wonders if he too has considered the fact that they will probably have to fight.
The moment of silence between him and Th stretches for a bit, but Jm isn’t worried actually. He knows better than rush whatever Th is about to say but he enjoys the little tension,
he lets it settle on his sore muscles, as he follows the pretty shapes on his ceiling with his eyes. He thinks he might have seen a pair of cat-like eyes up there, shining brightly in red and orange shades.
“Are you worried you won’t make it or are you tense because it’s /him/?” Th always knows how to ask a question, how to not leave anything outside but this time…
“You didn’t ask the most important question…” Jm turns his head slightly on the side to look at Th in the eyes. “You should have asked me if I think he remembers me.”
“So as I said, I would really appreciate you could revert back with your answer, Agust.” The woman is trying her best to be polite and convincing, but even if he can’t see her, Yg can tell she’s actually worried he will refuse.
“I’m sure you already know who else is on the hook for this, right?” Yg is toweling dry his skin as he listens to her on speaker. The mirror is covered in steam but Yg is still able to see part of his face; he looks at the way his long hair is falling over his forehead and
at the smug smile tugging at his lips. He does feel /good/ being wanted like this. He knows how good he is and that people would pay tons of money just to have him on whatever task they want.
However Yg isn’t that easy to buy. It’s not about the money because he doesn’t need It. In all these years working in this field he actually was able to stack up a lot of money. Surely more than what he’ll need in his life.
Enough to buy the penthouse in which he lives, his sports car and every other shit. Yg doesn’t really care about money, he cares about the target, about the aim.
Besides, there’s another problem, Yg has started to get tired of Agust lately.
He can’t explain why but mostly it’s like he’s starting to realise how much this work stole from him. It’s not just about his wasted teen years because for as much the wound is still burning, he got over it. It’s more about what keeps being stolen from him because of this work.
“What do you mean?” She sounds insecure. There’s a little waver in his voice that Yg notes as fear; the opponent must be interesting.
“Darling, I’m not playing games here. Who they hired?” He tries his best to sound compelling without raising his voice a bit. He doesn’t want to
let her know that the answer will probably be decisive for his participation. There’s nothing wrong in wanting a bit of fun too, right?
“I heard they intended to ask Kitty.” Suddenly, Yg is standing in his bathroom completely naked;
at the mere mention of the name, he loses his grip on the towel. Now, the withe piece of wet fabric is pooling at his feet and Yg swear he’s standing in the middle of a choppy sea. “Agust? Are you still there? Are you agreeing or what?”
“I’m in, Suran. I’m in.” Yg closed the call without waiting for any other word from the woman. He doesn’t care how much money she will offer him anyway. The only thing he seems to be able to focus on for now, is the name that was just thrown his way.
It feels like he had just been slapped and, unconsciously, he brings a hand to his face.
How long has it even been? When was the last time he saw Jm? What was the younger wearing? What did they do? Did he still have pink hair?
All these questions flooded his mind as Yg tried hard to shrug them away. He tries not to think about the way his skin burns because he doesn’t know what to do about it. He doesn't know what to do with feelings he can't even name.
Moreover, he’s aware nothing good comes from dwelling over Jm, especially when sober.
With slightly trembling fingers, he picks the towel up again to finish drying his hair. Then, he dresses without care, throwing on his worn-out cargo jeans and a withe t-shirt.
He hides the big hole on the t-shirt with his green bomber jacket and puts a beanie on his still damp hair. He does look like trash, but it’s not far from what he’ll be at the end of the night.
The Busan Blues is almost empty when Agust walks in. The few men in there look at him as he swings the door open and Yg tries his best to keep his cool and appalled persona. Here, he’s only Agust; the only man who doesn’t care around any weapons even when walking around one of
the most dangerous districts ever. The only man who no one will ever dare to touch.
Yg knows better than getting drunk where everyone can see him and make a target out of him, of course. Still, he does sit at the counter and orders his usual whiskey on the rock.
The other men already stopped watching but mostly just because they know Yg is here to make sure everything is okay. He needs to do that once in a while, to show his face around his bars and let everyone know he’s still the one having the upper hand.
Usually he would prefer to sit at home, enjoying the news Nj brings him. However, he’s aware of how important it is to show himself around sometimes.
Nj comes from the back of the bar, a big smile already plastered on his face.
“Lee told me you came. I thought I would need to come over tonight.” Yg shrugs before downing the liquor. It burns like hell as it goes down his throat, but it’s actually what Yg wanted.
“The back room is ready?” Yg locks eyes with Nj, hoping that whatever he’s trying to
convey right now is clear. He really feels like getting shitfaced and he can’t do it here, in the open, under everyone’s gaze.
“It’s always ready for you, boss.” Yg rolls his eyes because Nj knows damn well how much he hates being called /that/ from him,
but he doesn’t introduce himself in one of his lectures about the fact that they’re friends so Nj isn’t supposed to see him as a boss.
“Good, ‘cause you're drinking with me then.” Nj seems taken aback but Yg pays him no mind as he gulps the last trace of liquor
from his glass. “Let's go.”
Nj follows him without even questioning it. It’s not like it’s something new for them to see each other and drink the hell out. However, Yg is aware of the fact that Nj can smell his distress; maybe from the way he dressed or maybe from the way in
which he’s caring himself because he knows he’s stiffer than usual.
The room is actually really clean; the velvety red couches are empty of any kind of litter, be it forgotten clothes or spilled drink or snacks. The floor is freshly wiped and the dim lights show how perfectly
clean the big windows are.
“I think I've never seen this place this clean.” Yg whistles to emphasize his stupor. He sits down on one of the couches, choosing the position near one of the big windows.
Outside Seoul is covered by a thick layer of darkness exactly as Yg likes it. Because it’s easier not to see the dirt like this, it’s easier to forget how much she keeps stealing from him, hiding everything in between her crowded streets.
“I was waiting for you actually.” Nj is still standing. He’s completely turned toward the window too and Yg wonders what he’s looking at. “I heard the news and I knew you would have come by.” His voice doesn’t let out what he thinks about it.
With Nj sometimes this is the trickiest part.
“Who told you?” Yg spreads his legs, taking as much space on the couch as he can to avoid Nj sitting next to him. He needs to get shitfaced and possibly forget his name but he knows that if he’ll show Nj his weakness now,
the night will turn into a heartfelt talk.
Nj doesn’t get to answer though as the door swings open and Lee comes in with two bottles of Yg’s favourite whiskeys and two glasses. The blue haired guy bows fully ninety degrees before leaving without a word.
“You shouldn’t ask such questions. Really amateur of you.” Nj smirks playfully at him and Yg lets out a chuckle. It’s pleasant how easily the tension drops, how easily Nj makes space for Yg whenever and wherever.
“Yeah… I know that streets speak. This job is all about it, isn’t it?” Nj hums in agreement and a shiver runs down Yg’s back because, for how much streets talk, it’s been so fucking long since he heard a word about Kitty.
No one, ever, seems to speak about the pink haired man and Yg wonders if this same thought ever crossed Jm’s mind.
“It is and still no one ever knew about you two. Don’t you ever find it weird?” Nj finally sits as Yg fills their glasses. If they have to go through this,
Yg needs a considerably higher amount of alcohol in his body.
He can still remember the day Nj found out, the moment in which he entered the warehouse, worried about Yg’s safety and found him with his pants off, pounding Jm on a wall.
He would’ve liked them to laugh about it, but it never happened.
On the contrary, Nj was always the only one of the two always on the edge about it. Most of the times, his best friend argued with him that it wasn’t smart, in his position, to fuck the boss of another district
where everyone could stumble on them. Especially considering the amount of fights the two would get into back then. If everyone would’ve found out, Yg would’ve lost his reliability.
“I don’t. We were always pretty careful.” Yg lets the liquor waver in his glass for a second
before downing his third glass of the night. He scrunches his face at the burn this time and maybe it’s not just the alcohol. Maybe what’s burning is something else entirely, a name that is weighing on his tongue and that he hasn’t said in so long.
“Well, you weren’t that time.” Yg rolls his eyes at the snarky remark but part of him is trying to stay as concentrated on the topic as he can. Part of his mind is threatening to slip away, to run to that day in the warehouse, to the shaky breaths and the slap of skin on skin.
Outside, Seoul starts to glow under the moonlight; there’s something in the way in which the light is illuminating the streets that makes Yg wonder if Jm will come up for air. He wonders if he’ll have a chance to get a glimpse of him before things get antsy.
Yg and Nj share a tense silence for a while. There’s no tension /between/ them, as Yg is aware that both of their minds are mulling over things, running on separate tracks, but is tense because filled with unanswered questions and anticipation.
“Do you think he knows that it will be against you?” Nj leans back on the couch, starting to get more comfortable as the alcohol starts kicking in.
“I don’t think he really cares anyway.”
“Huh?! Still bitter he disappeared on you?” Nj lets out a faint chuckle but it’s there,
hanging in the air mockingly and Yg shrinks in himself a little. Of course he’s still /bitter/ about it. He was sure the sex was good, or at least good enough to have Jm coming back every once in a while.
Yg shook his head, trying to underline how much he doesn’t care. “Not really.”
“Then why are you dressed like you just came out from garbage and you’re here to get shitfaced?” Nj is showing him a raised brow, clearly not believing him.
[Two years before]
Jm was sitting on one of the rooftops of his district. He was letting his feet dangling, not minding the height, nor the possibility of falling. At that moment, Jm didn’t even care about it. On the contrary, he was feeling almost restless; skin prickling and
hands itching because, once again, Yg was in the way.
Jm was supposed to help some higher ups to retrieve a priceless diamond from one of the banks of Yg’s district; it was a petty fight between two men full of money but Jm actually love those the most. They were always the
one who would pay better. However there was something spoiling Jm’s fun as Yg was supposed to guard that bank and Kitty was already pissed about it.
If when he had just started working in this world, he used to think about Yg’s ability and look up to him, now he was done with
the man. He was always around, making it difficult for Jm to finish his work without getting into a fight and, sometimes, to even finish the task at all. The point was that this time the money he would receive at the end was enough to make Jm greedy. It was enough to almost make
him think about quitting this damn job and just elope somewhere fancy. Not that he would have ever left Th behind, but still Jm liked to play with the idea. At least, it made him feeling less like a wandering orb and more like a shooting star with a destination in mind.
So, Jm was patiently waiting sitting in the cold air with just his leather jacket and a flimsy white shirt. He was trembling, feeling his fingers and toes aching from the cold, but he couldn’t get past this outfit.
During the years, this outfit paired with the pink hair and some other little details had become his trademark and, as stupid as it can sound, Jm was almost scared he would have lost his power if he’d wear something thicker.
Besides, Jm wasn’t naive. He had a clear idea of his own power and of how much of that came from his appearance. Apparently, being stabbed or having your ass kicked by a nice looking boy with a thick ass and thicker thighs was more acceptable for some people.
Sometimes, even exciting it seems.
Honestly, Jm would be a liar if he said that he didn’t like the way in which other people were always dumbstruck by the jarring contrast between his bubbly pink hair and the way in which he could use a blade with surprising ability.
And even more, he liked the fact that Agust had already witnessed it because Jm scratched his face during a fight. It’s not like Jm is proud of having ruined Yg’s pretty face but it was just self defence, really.
Moreover, the man was a prick, so full of himself that Jm wondered if he could pop like a balloon.
The problem was that Agust knew he was damn good, he knew that everyone was afraid of him even if he didn’t use any weapons. It was just his aura, probably. The deep and cat-like
dark eyes that always seemed to room your soul, the cool person and the slouched posture. Everything about Agust screamed how much he didn’t care about anything and this pissed Jm even more.
It was two hours later, when Jm found Yg near the safety box where the diamond was
“Just drop it, Kitty. I don’t wanna start a fight tonight.” Agust was there, leaning over a wall with his arms crossed over his chest. His long hair was falling over his forehead and eyes, hiding part of the big scar Jm had gifted him months ago.
In between his lips there was a lollipop, shining with spit. Jm wondered what its taste was.
“I don’t care if your old ass is cranky and tired tonight, honestly.” Jm dusted some of the dirt it got stuck on him while crawling from the back room to here.
He was trying his best to act cool and collected but, honestly, his mind was already fretting about the possibility of losing the money he was promised.
"Yg huffed, clearly annoyed and unimpressed. “Ok… Whatever you like, kitten.” Yg detached himself from the wall but his hair
was still covering too much of his face for Jm to be able to gather the older’s thoughts. However, Jm needed to move first. So, he launched over, ready to punch Yg in the guts.
But there’s something Jm should remember from all of their fights and is that Yg seems to read him
like an open book, anticipating and avoiding Jm’s moves.
“I thought you were more clever, kitty." There’s a smirk somewhere over Yg’s face, Jm knows it but he doesn’t dare to look. The more Agust’s grip around his fist tightened, the more Jm’s anger was coiling in his belly,
making him angrier. He could easily pull his blade out of his pants but would it be fair? Jm had spent countless sleepless nights thinking about it. It was actually after he scarred Yg’s face that he started wondering; was it fair winning while using a weapon
against an unarmed man?
Honestly, Jm never came to any conclusion. Some nights he thought it was fucking fair because Agust was a dickhead and he needed someone to actually teach him a lesson. On the other hand, there were nights in which Jm thought that harming Agust, didn’t
even felt like winning. Not really, at least. And for how much Jm hated the man, the hurt expression Agust had written over his face while bringing a hand to cover his eyes almost hurt Jm too. /Almost/. That was the right way to put it, because deep down a little part of him was
proud. No one ever had left a mark on Agust. Jm was the first.
However, the situation now was different. Jm was aware that taking his blade out now would be playing dirty. Agust was only grabbing at his fist however, since Jm was dextrous, he was unable to counter attack.
That called for another measure.
“Don’t you even try it.” Agust must have read Jm’s mind and started pushing him over the wall behind him, attaching Jm’s back to it. “You’re such a little shit. Wanna point your blade at me once again, huh?”
There was anger now lacing Agust’s voice. The man never raised his voice once, but Jm got to know the particular husky and breathed variant he sported whenever his anger was flaring up.
“Why not? It’s your choice to go around unarmed, not mine.” He was being a smartass, he knew it.
“Play fair, kitten. I thought cats didn’t need blades to scar someone. You have a pair of hands for that.” As Agust was talking, the grip loosened up, just for Jm to find Yg’s hand
around his neck, obliging him to look Yg in the eyes. Or at least, what of those eyes Jm could see while shielding by his hair.
“I’m letting you go in a minute, okay?” The older’s voice started to soften a bit and Jm wondered why. What game was he playing?
What was he trying to do? “But you need to promise me you will play fair.” Agust was now pretty close to Jm, so close that Jm could admire his pretty button nose and the fair skin. Such a pity that a pretty boy like him was such a dick.
The silence stretched for a while and Jm wondered what Agust was waiting for. “I know I’m handsome up close, kitty. But I’m waiting for an answer.” Jm was quite sure he would have choked on his own spit if it wasn’t for Yg playing with his neck right now. It was starting to
get hot in the room.
“I can’t promise such a thing, though.” Jm showed Yg the smuggest look he could muster. His mind was spinning a little and Jm wasn’t sure if it was for the lack of hair or for the tension.
He knew he just put himself into the worst position ever refusing one of Agust’s propositions.
Agust got even closer to Jm so that he could almost feel the older’s breath fanning over his lips. “And why can’t you do such a thing, mmh?”
“Because.” Jm shrugs, playing it cool but he actually doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing right now. Agust is /close/ and Jm is enticed by his beautiful appearance and something is bubbling in the pit of his stomach. Need. Want. And surely is not about the diamond.
So, as Agust tightened his hold on Jm’s neck, Jm takes his chance.
He launches himself forward, making his lips crash forcefully over Agust’s. It’s not even a kiss per se. Honestly, it’s all out of target and pretty embarrassing in his complex. However, Jm doesn’t relent.
He has put himself in the worst position ever with the man and this, right now, seems to him the only way to escape his situation.
Agust takes a step back first and there’s a weird expression on his face that Jm doesn’t understand. Is he disgusted? Or is he confused?
“What the fuck are you doing?”
Jm shrugs again, looking down at Agust’s lips. “What does it seem to you?” Honestly, Jm should have questioned himself after. He should have wondered why but he never did and maybe that’s why thing went to ashes.
Because when Agust kisses Jm back it’s still forcefully, angry maybe but it goes right to the target. Agust doesn’t miss Jm’s lips but he relents the grip to the younger neck to leave him space to move.
It’s like the older wants to check what Jm will do when free and Jm finds himself wondering if Agust is waiting for him to take his blade out.
The point is that Jm doesn’t need any of that. As the older’s tongue starts asking for entrance, Jm forgets what he was even doing there.
The kiss is messy and Jm can taste the lollipop on Agust’s tongue. He lets him map every inch of his mouth, tasting strawberry and whatever cigarette’s brand Agust uses and Jm finds himself liking it. He leans back on the wall, pulling Agust even closer.
They are flushed together and Jm doesn’t even blink at the realisation. On the contrary, he enjoys it. Maybe a little too much. He can feel his own bulge growing inside his pants, rubbing on Agust’s thigh.
As they keep kissing, Jm hikes one of his legs around August's middle, pulling him even closer and allowing their hardening dicks to rub together more precisely. When the older groans into Jm's mouth it goes straight to his dick, making it twitch.
When the older groans into Jm's mouth it goes straight to his dick, making it twitch. Jm's mind spins because everything feels so hot, his skin burning, it is as if he's on his way to turn into ashes.
His mind is so clouded that when Agust pushes him even harder against the wall, he can't seem to register what's happening. Jm feels the older's tongue lapping at his skin from his jaw down toward his neck. It's hot and messy with spit but Jm likes it.
Maybe even more than how he likes the fact that they are not talking. None of the two is saying anything about this. No references to the making out session nor to the way in which Agust just pulled up Jm's shirt to bite at his nipples, hard and almost hungrily.
The only thing that seems to happen is them moaning or groaning, like they're talking in some other language. Something that no one else knows. Jm lets himself feeling the way in which Agusts' tongue is mapping his skin,
trying his best not to come here and there because why the fuck everything is so hot right now? It's only when he feels one hand hovering over his belt, playing with the zip that Jm wraps a hand around Agust's wrist.
It's only when he feels one hand hovering over his belt, playing with the zip that Jm wraps a hand around Agust's wrist. "Wait... are we really doing this?" Jm would have loved to know how his voice sounded in that very moment but his blood was running wild in his ears.
He can't even see the other's expression because his hair, now even messier, is covering his face completely as Jm towers on his.
"Shut the fuck up, Park." It's everything Jm got from the older before the man is wrapping his dainty fingers around Jm's aching cock. The last thing Jm knows is that the other pretty lips are wrapped around his length.
Agust starts to swirl his tongue around Jm’s hardening cock and he, for the life of him, can’t stop moaning. Then, when Agust starts bobbing his head up and down, Jm can’t hold himself back anymore and starts grabbing at the older’s hair with his hands; forcefully,
to make it almost hurts. like it hurts. The groans Agust lets out makes it harder for Jm not to come as his cock starts hitting the back of the other’s throat. Everything is messy with spit, Jm can feel it but it makes it even more hotter.
“I’m coming…” Jm tries to disentangle his fingers from Agust’s hair but the man reaches over to his wrists to keep him in place as he starts bobbing even more fastly. Jm comes directly down his throat and Agust, after milking him dry, lets his spent cock with a popping sound.
Everything is throbbing in Jm’s body and Agust doesn’t seem to mind as he cleans his mouth with the back of his hand.
“You better leave now, Park. I doubt you have any energy left…” The smirk is evident in the older’s voice even if Jm can’t see him. Honestly,
he doesn’t care about the diamond right now, too much is going on in his body and his mind to pay attention to it.
"Agust..." Jm doesn't even know what he wants to say to the older. Thank you for one of the best blow job ever?
We will do this again? We're you trying to keep me away from the diamond? No wait, Jm kissed him first.
"Call me Yg" but honestly, as Jm tries to reply, nothing comes out. So, he zips his pants hastily and storms out. What can he even say?
After that night, Jm spent an awful lot of time thinking about his encounter with Agust. It’s not like it helped diminish the hate he always had coiling in his gut for the other man.The problem is that now there wasn’t just hate coiling at the pit of Jm’s stomach when thinking
about Yg. There was want, and desire. Just pure horniness. Whatever Yg did with his tongue to him, Jm didn’t seem able to shrug it away. He found himself jerking in the shower thinking about those pretty lips wrapped around his dick.
If Jm needed to find a weak spot of the experience, he would say it was that he didn’t get to see Yg’s swollen lips, possibly shining with spit, after. The other day, the man had been so fast turning his back to Jm, that he doesn’t have a clue.
Besides, Jm would die to know if blowing him off had any effect on him. The most embarrassing thing, though, was to come just by his hand when in the shower, while chanting out Yg’s name. Because, of course the stupid fucker had to tell him to use his real name.
Of course he needed to make a hook up more personal. Jm wondered if it was a kind of plot to put Jm on the edge, to make it difficult for him to fight Yg.
However, there was no such a chance, because Jm was ready for the next time they’d meet. He will punch him so hard in the
face, that Yg won’t even know where it came from. Except that it didn’t really go like that.
The next time Jm saw Yg, the man was punching one of Jm’s men to oblivion. On one hand, Jm was feeling pissed as hell, because there’s no way Jm can let someone harm his men this way.
On the other hand though, as Jm was looking from a careful distance, there was something undeniably hot about Yg. The man was sweating, hair clinging to his forehead and heavy breath making his big chest rise and fall fast under his withe shirt.
Jm was mad and horny and, as time taught him, this was the worst combination ever.
That's was probably why, after Jm send another of his man to take the body away, hoping the guy will recover, that Jm pulls Yg in one if the alley, away from curious eyes. "What the fuck were you
doing out there?" Jm hisses at Yg. He wants to assert his dominance once again, to remind Yg that the fact that he had suck him off wasn’t a reason to put his nose into Jm’s business.
“Reminding the prick he should stay out of my district.” Agust is laying over the wall, using a foot for leverage. He looks cool with his cargo jacket and the sweat dripping from his neck. Jm doesn’t know what happened next, but he shoveled Yg to the wall and kissed him silly.
It started like this. The more they meet each other, they more they fought, the more hating words were spread between them, the more hated were the kisses after. They would hide and it was mostly Jm to drag Agust somewhere. It was like Jm was trying to answer to a primordial
need, to the need to lash out his anger, to assert dominance. Pinning Agust to a wall, fucking him senseless or putting him on his knees to be sucked dry was Jm way to remind the older that Jm had a lot of power too. That he could rule Yg the same way Yg wanted to rule him.
Sometimes it was the other way around though. When Jm was the one to transpassed, it would be Yg the one resetting the power balance. It was a hating game, Jm would have said. But was it really? The heat Jm would feel coiling in the pit of his stomach when Yg kissed him, was
really hate? Was really them reminding the other who was the boss?
Most of the nights, Jm tried his best to avoid this kind of thoughts. Especially if it was after an encounter with Yg. Usually, he would nurse his confusion, blaming it on everything but the warmth in his body,
the need to be around Yg, the weird feelings in his belly when Yg would take his sweet time with Jm leaving featherlight touches. Because, when Jm realised what it was, it struck so damn hard. It was worse than being beaten up roughly. Mostly, because Jm believed it was wrong;
wrong to harbour feelings for someone you’re supposed to despise, wring to feel your heart flutter in front of a pair of pretty eyes and a wicked smile. Everything was wrong because Jm was aware of the consequences that such a thing could have on his work.
However, the more time passed, the more Jm got addicted to this new routine with Yg. Their fights became less and less physical with time. And Jm wondered which one of them was more afraid to hurt the other, because Jm knew that Yg didn’t want to hurt him either. Maybe, he never
wanted in the first place. They would circle around the other, yelling and verbally fighting until…
Until they would start kissing or having sex and, in moments like these, words would failed the both of them. For Jm’s part, he honestly didn’t want to acknowledge whatever it
was swirling inside his mind, clouding it, making him dizzy. He was afraid to speak, to let even just one word spill and ruin whatever all of this was. Because, honestly, Jm already feared the moment in which this would eventually end.
a/n: this is the end of what happened two years previous. With the next update we will go back to present day. How are you finding this?
Honestly, Yg shouldn't be surprised. After all these years in the field, it shouldn't be taken aback by the fact that his digging around the secret files matter took him to a dead end. He always does this; searching for more information than what is given when into
a mission. Because you can never know what they can hide from you and what can actually turn out to be useful to save your own life in the end.
However, this time, Yg found nothing. He searched for the supposed creator of the files, for the purpose of those files too.
He even dug into Suran's own boss. Nothing came out.
Really, Yg shouldn't be surprised because there were times in which things were shady, obscure, unknown. However, this time it irks something out of him.
He sits on his leather couch, feet placed on the coffee table in
front of him and the laptop on his thighs. His hands are travelling nervously on his long hair in an attempt to calm himself. He can't seem to be able to close an eye over the fact that this thing not only seems shady but inconsistent too. There have never been secret files that
the deep web wasn't interested in.
As Yg shot a text to Jk - his best man when Yg needed to find more - he started thinking if Jm might have started to dig into the files too. He wondered if he too was irked by the lacking of whatever kind of information, if he was the only one
doubting about all of the situation.
Jk knocked at Yg’s door one hour later. The younger was standing idly in front of his doorstep dressed in all black later and hugging his laptop bag to his chest. Yg felt his lips curling up in what resembled a sort of half assessed smile at
the jarring contrast between Jk’s behaviour and his dress code. He lets the kid come in without a word.
They’re used to this, being the less talkative people out of the group. During all these years, they built a strong connection mostly made of grunts and head nods.
Nj would always point out the fact that, if he wasn’t sure it was impossible, he would think Jk was Yg’s secret child. Honestly, Yg could see the reasons for Nj’s doubts considering how caring he was with Jk. However, it was mostly because he didn’t want the kid to live the same
life as him and that’s why he put him in charge of all the chores that weren’t handled on the streets. Yg would never put Jk in a fight, risking his life but he could ask him to put his big hacker brain to use. That he could do. It was harmless, something Jk could do
from the safety of Yg’s own house.
“So, hyung. What’s the problem?” Jk sat down at one of the stools around the kitchen aisle, before opening his pc in front of himself. The lid was covered in avengers’ and animes’ stickers, another jarring contrast with his tattooed hands.
Yg went to the living room to retrieve the stack of files before throwing them at the kid. “I’ve spent all night searching for more but it seems that literally /no one/ out there is interested in these files. How can they be so important if the deep web doesn’t even talk about
them.” Yg’s forehead was scrunched with concern and he was fighting the need to fiddle with his hands. What has he got himself into, this time?
“Are you sure?” Jk started to roam around the files, skim reading through what was already highlighted.
“Besides, Suran has never troubled you hasn’t she? Don’t you trust her?” Yg sighed because sometimes Jk was too good for this world, really. It seems to not even matter how much time he’d spent in this world, he’d never learn.
“You can never trust someone, Kook. Not in this work, at least.” Yg stood up and busied himself with preparing hot chocolate for Jk and a coffee for himself. “Of course she never wronged me. But you need to always put a /yet/ at the end of sentences like this.
You /should never/ trust someone so easily.”
There’s a prolonged moment of silence between them, filled only by the rustling of paper and the wooden spoon hitting around the little pot.
“Hyung, did Suran tell you what the files are about? Business? Bank codes? Anything?” Yg thinks about how the call went. About how he jumped into the mission as soon as Kitty was mentioned. He had been reckless and he’s conscious about it.
He feels ashamed to tell it to the younger one so he tries his best to avoid the detail.
“Not really and I didn’t even ask. I thought it was all written in the files like always… besides, I was hooked up for other reasons.” Yg knows Jk won’t ask more - too respectful of
his hyung’s privacy - and Yg won’t feel that bad for lying. Or at least, half lying.
“It’s weird, you know? Like… there’s nothing in this stack of papers. It’s all really smoky. I think they must be trying to hide something.” Jk sounds pensive and Yg takes in the little pout
covering his lips when he places the mug in front of him.
“That’s what I thought too… I hoped you would be able to find something more.” Yg sits down next to him to be able to look at the screen.
“I can try a few things but I might need more time for this one.”
Jk keeps trying, roaming around the web for more information. They’re only interrupted half an hour later when Nj comes in uninvited. The man is loud, coming in and yelling. “I’m coming!!! If you’re naked please dress.”
He comes into view just a moment later and his eyes quickly fall on Jk. “Oh, you’ve gathered without calling me.”
Yg huffs before standing up to fill a cup of coffee for Nj too. “Just wanted to check something with the hacker’s brain here.”
“It’s everything okay?” Nj’s expression and demeanour change suddenly. The man sits down and looks at Yg worriedly.
“Not much. I was just taken aback about the lack of information about these supposedly secret files.” Yg rolls his shoulders, trying to give the impression that
everything is cool, he’s just checking. He doesn’t want to worry anyone because Nj is always nagging him about the fact that he keeps on not taking any weapons with him, that he might find himself in danger.
Besides, he doesn’t want Nj to think that he jumped into this mission without knowing shit (even if it’s true).
“Do you think Kitty noticed it too?” Everything around the three of them still. He hates when Kitty is brought into a conversation about a mission, if he has to be
honest because - apart from the other night - Yg has always been careful not to do so.
They started avoiding doing so as soon as Yg started hooking up with the other. Before that moment, Yg would always complain about the younger’s attitude and how he was always trying to
sneak into his district. Besides, it’s not like his hate for the pink-haired boy had wavered in front of their hooking up. Still, it was also true that Jm was attractive and Yg wasn’t a fool. So, to avoid developing feelings towards the younger, he just started to avoid
even talking about him. Not even a word.
Things changed when Nj found them fucking and started to bug Yg about being careful and shit. He never asked Yg about feelings and whatnot, still Yg thought that Nj was always sporting a knowing look when talking about the matter,
like he knew something that Yg couldn’t even fathom. Though, he never asked about it.
When they talked about Kitty, some nights ago, they both beat around the bush. Yg talked about Jm remembering him and about them hooking up like Nj knew more than he actually did and Nj
answered the same way. It was like the year of silence around the topic had given them the right insight, allowing them to swim around the conversation without need to fight against the current.
However, now, Nj’s question sounded different. He wasn’t asking about Jm because of their supposed relationship - whichever nature that might be - but because of the younger’s position in this shit. Once again, they were enemies.
Yg felt a little pang thinking about one of their first encounters as opposed to teams and his hand flew toward the scar above his eye.
“It’s not like it matter if he knows.” Yg feels the venom in his words. If before he was just wondering about Kitty knowing, now the idea
that he might already know too was making Yg uneasy.
“I think it does, actually.” Nj was scratching at his chin as a hard set took place on his jaw and expression. “If he knows, he might have tried to dig into this too. And if he dug into the files he might have found
something we didn’t. Maybe he even had more time than you.”
Yg can’t really put up with the fact that Jm is being dragged in his business conversation. One thing is to spice things up by having him as an opponent, another is to talk about him like he can /help/ Yg.
Because he knows this is what Nj is hinting about.
“Are you suggesting I ask him?!” Yg is almost hissing at this point. He can feel his jaw’s muscles work relentlessly as he grits his teeth.
Jk seems to notice the tension as he finally butts in.
“There’s no need for that, hyung. I might be able to sort things out myself. Don’t worry, okay?” Jk places one of his hands on Yg’s arm, claiming his attention.
“I still think that if things are /this smoky/, both of you might need help…” Nj stands up, clearly displeased by the turn of the conversation. He gulps down his coffee before nodding toward the exit. “Anyway, I’ll go… See you later /boss/.”
The sound of the closing door makes Yg’s shoulder slump.
Yg doesn’t leave his apartment for the next few days. He had tried to contact Suran but it was to no avail. The plan was to trick her into giving him more information than she was probably allowed to, but it’s not like Yg wasn’t aware that there was probably no way that it would
have happened. Besides, not even Jk had been able to crack anything out of the deep web. It was like the files were really non-existent.
Even in front of the evidence, Yg didn’t reach out to Nj to apologise nor to have his report given out as always.
It wasn’t like Yg was mad at Nj, he wasn’t even close to it. He was more guilty and ashamed because he was aware that Nj was just worried about him. Besides, it’s not like Nj was wrong; things were fishy indeed and Yg was no stranger to the fact that it was always better to be
wary of similar situations. However, sometimes, guilt is stronger than pride and it kept Yg at a fair distance from the Busan Blues.
Moreover, there was something that Nj had said that Yg wasn’t able to shake off of him.
“I still think that if things are /this smoky/, both of you might need help…”
If there’s something Yg is aware of is that feelings are dangerous when you work in this field; either if it’s hate or love.
Hate will most definitely lead you to dead roads, primarily because you are too concentrated on the source of that gut-wrenching feeling, that you will miss most of the targets; the hated one being your only one.
On the other hand, love will just make you blind, put you at the mercy of the world. A man in love doesn’t fight for anyone else other than his love, he can’t see anything else. A man in love isn’t trustworthy when on a mission.
Love makes him an easy target; for love, men kill but mostly get killed for the sake of just that one person.
Surely, there was no one else that knew this better than Yg; he had seen this happening so many times that it wasn’t even a surprise anymore.
Maybe that has always been the reason why he was always determined on not letting feelings seeping between him and Jm. However, hate between them was quite a different thing; it was fuel for keeping them on this field, it was the reason why each of them was still the head
of the district and Yg knew it.
Still, he wasn’t able to stop thinking about the fact that Jm might be in deep shit as much as him when it comes to this particular mission. It’s not like Yg is /worried/ for him, this is too far from what Yg is feeling.
It’s more that Yg is dying to know if Jm knows, if he’s still /that clever/. Besides, if Jm knows shit, it must be to any help for Yg too.
That’s how he came to his second plan; transpassing Kitty's district. To an inexpert eye, this would mean nothing more than a masochistic
need of starting a fight. To Yg, however, there was no better thing to do. There was no other way to know if Jm had already dived into the mission and if Yg was able to be clever enough about it, he might get the pretty pink-haired man to talk.
So, he did just that. He found the most exposed building in Jm’s district, one from which he was sure that he would have been spotted. He sat there, on the top of the roof, patiently waiting. He put a cigarette in his mouth, fighting the cold that was seeping through his
clothes and trying his best to jump into his Agust persona.
“Should I push you down from the roof or should I let you talk before?” Yg smiles to himself at the sound of the familiar voice. If Kitty was here, it means that Yg still knows how he acts so well.
The voice is still melodious even when threatening him; there’s a hint of surprise too. Yg wonders if Jm was surprised to see him or just pissed about it. It’s wistful thinking to hope that, maybe, Jm was affected by the mere sight of his back.
Still, Yg let himself play with the idea.
“I don’t know. You tell me.” Yg didn’t turn his back around, pretending to be enjoying the view and finishing his cigarette. The after taste of the smoke was enough to help him school his expression into a stone face.
“What are you doing here?” Jm sounds annoyed but, at least, he wasn’t trying to push Yg down off the building.
“I was wondering… Are you busy lately?” Yg knew his question was misplaced and could be misinterpreted but he didn’t want to go directly to the point.
“Quite a lot actually. Too much to be here playing with you.” Jm huffed, whining slightly. Yg wasn’t able to see him but maybe it was better to say that he wasn’t ready yet.
“I am too… but I came to give you a warning.” Yg stands up now, his feet brushing to the edge of the
roof. He lets himself feel the vertigo before taking a step back.
“I won’t take anything from you. Besides, you’re probably just trying to distract me.” Yg sees Jm rolling his shoulders from the corner of his eyes. Jm must have shifted a little to the side and Yg wonders
if the younger was trying to have a glimpse of his face.
Finally, Yg turns around. There’s something swaying inside him as he turns around, maybe it was the lingering vertigo of before or maybe he was too fast. The image of Jm sways a little in front of Yg’s eyes and he stops
breathing for a moment, taking in what’s in front of him. It’s been quite a while.
“I’m not here to distract you, believe me.” Jm rolls his eyes, arms crossed in front of his chest and a foot tapping impatiently on the floor. Part of Yg has to fight the urge to just leave Jm
here, with his stubbornness that seems to haven’t waver since the last time they saw each other. Still, he doesn’t. August keeps his eyes trained on Jm even if it hurts, even if there’s this weird sensation shimmering behind them.
“Listen… I know it’s fun to be against your enemy after a long time but I-” Jm seems to reconsider what he was about to say. “Wait… you know that. I don’t need to make a lesson for you. Anyway, I won’t let you trick me.” Yg sighs because Jm has always been so fucking
stubborn and, every single time Yg tries to save his ass, Jm just saw it as a act of power. However, for once, Yg isn’t trying to assert dominance.
“It’s not what you think. I’m just giving you a head up.” Yg roams in his cargo jacket for another cigarette. This conversation, paired with having Jm in front of him after a long time, is messing with him.
“I know how to defend myself from a fishy mission and a viscid man, thank you very much.” So he already noticed; this means that Yg isn’t being paranoid. However, Yg doesn’t have time for another word as Kitty takes the blade out of his garment.
“Now, leave before I scratch your other eye, /August/.”
Yg isn’t sure if what makes him leave this fast is the tone in Jm’s voice or the fact that his hands are trembling, wanting more than just this faint proximity they’ve been granted.
He doesn’t question his action, he just walks past Jm, bumping their shoulders together.
“Then, I’ll patiently wait to meet you in another circumstance, Kitty.”
a/n: hey there!! I thought to listen to the request and update to distract all of us from crying :( I hope you'll like this part that made me a little insecure, don't ask why, it just happens Ig.
Btw, lemme know how you're finding it, pls. Feedback help me going a loooot
That night, Jm comes home to Th sprawled on his carpeted floor. Jm reeks of smoke and blood and Th is pretending to be asleep.
“You smell like shit.” Th doesn’t move. His hands are well glued to the ground as he tries to keep his feet high up. Jm doesn’t ask about it.
“Thank you, love.” Jm toes off his shoes before glueing himself to the closed door. He feels tired to the bones and stiff. After having met Agust, Jm had been nervous and on edge and due to this all his muscles are now tangled.
“Something happened. You smoked a lot.” Th always knows and Jm doesn’t even try to deny it.
“Met Agust.” He discards his leather jacket on the floor as he talks. Then he proceeds to take the blades and the gun out of the pockets and the garment. He places them on the little
table near the door; if he wasn’t a bounty hunter, this would seem a normal scene in which the husband comes home from work. "It pissed me off, so I smoked.” Jm reaches for his liquor cabinet. He starts opening all the little doors, searching for his favourite glass.
It's stupid, because who has a favourite glass for soju?Apparently him.
He paddles aimlessly around the kitchen, trying to will out the thought of Agust. It's unsettling how much Jm resents him and still he's pulled to him.
When he saw Agust hanging out on the rooftop, Jm ran out of the quarter without even saying where he was off to. He has always been reckless but he is a bit more when it comes to Yg. Not seeing him for a year had put him on the edge for so long...
Jm's train of thoughts stops when he hears the jarring sound of something breaking; shattered to pieces, on the floor, his favourite glass. Jm would love to scream now. Looking at the shattered glass it's almost ironic because he feels like that.
It's not like he's being overdramatic, it's just that all the fantasies he had about meeting Yg went down the drain tonight. To be honest, he’s disappointed. He had spent an entire year thinking about meeting Agust again and he had imagined something rough.
Enough to allow him to let out all of his frustration. However, it didn’t happen.
Is it stupid of him to want for more? To expect more from someone he's still supposed to hate?
"Are you okay in there?" Th's voice comes muffled to Jm whose ears are rumbling with the sound of his blood spinning. Still, he wills the sensation aside, pouring himself some soju before going to sit on the floor, near to Th.
Th doesn’t move for a moment. Jm knows he’s pondering what to say so he lets him think. Besides, it’s not like Jm wants to talk about it.
“He thinks I can’t take care of myself.” Jm lets out a tsk sound and Th snorts in reply.
“Is he wrong?”
“I CONTROL A DISTRICT, TH WHAT THE FUCK?” Jm is yelling and whining before finishing his soju in one shot.
“You have power and you’re good with your work.” Th finally sits down and looks at Jm right in the eyes.
“But it doesn’t mean you can take care of yourself. What did he say?”
Jm rubs furiously at his face. He’s so frustrated he might cry. “He told me that this mission is fishy. I told him I already knew.” Jm pours himself more soju as he takes his shirt off.
He needs a hot shower to get rid of the cricks in his neck and shoulders.
“Did you?” Th sits behind Jm, starting to massage his neck and shoulders. His hands are warm on his bare skin and Jm relaxes a bit.
“Yes. No.” Jm finishes his drink and Th waits patiently, keeping his
ministration on. “I did notice something was off, but I didn’t give it too much thought. Besides, there’s /always/ something fishy and I never give it too much of a thought.” It’s true. Jm has always been more reckless, always acting before thinking.
On the other hand, he knows that Agust is the opposite. He had the pleasure of observing him working, of seeing how attentive Yg is to every little detail. His way of talking too is measured, while Jm’s mouth is always fueling a fire.
“You didn’t ask him anything, right?” Th’s tone of voice is soothing even if Jm knows he would like to scold him.
“I threaten him to scratch his other eye.” Jm looks down at his lap and a moan is elicit from his as Th presses hard on one of the bundles of muscles on his
“Are you alright?” Th places his chin on Jm’s shoulder, looking at him from the side as he hugs him closer. Jm knows Th is aware of the fact that he’s trying his best not to talk about the fluorescent elephant in the room.
“I hoped meeting him would have been different.” Jm lay back, placing all his weight on Th’s body and lets his best friend hold him. He thinks no one would image that the though ‘Kitty’ - who scratches people with his blade for work - would be such a cuddly kitten
behind close door. He’d giggled at the thought if he didn’t feel so hollow on the inside right now. “I feared this moment. I imagined it for so long… and then… and then I just looked at him, heard him talking and threaten him to leave.” Jm is starting to feel cold.
His bare skin prickles with goosebumps but the hug feels to good to move.
“He came out of his way to warn you and you threatened him. You are a panic gay, Park!” Th giggles in his ear and it helps release a bit of the tension. “For real though… I think what he wanted to say
must be important. Can’t you drop this mission?”
Jm understands the worry, he really does. However, he has never dropped a mission and surely he won’t this time. “No. Agust would think I dropped because I don’t want to be against him or because I am scared of something.
This is out of question.”
Th sighs deeply. “At least, speak with him. Try to understand.”
“Won’t do…” Jm stands up and puts his shirt back on. “He said he’d meet me in another circumstance and you know what that would be?” Jm leans down and picks Th’s chin in between his
fingers, bringing their faces closer. “When I would be able to punch him right in the face and succeed in this fucking mission.”
Yg’s deep sleep is interrupted by a series of knocks coming from his front door. He turns to the side hoping that, if he ignores the knocking long enough it will just stop. However, whoever there is out there, is fucking persistent. Yg sighs deeply before standing up.
He had spent last night patrolling the district and fighting with a dickhead that had tried to break into one of his banks.
Still, Yg pads toward the door, mentally lamenting his lost sleep. When he opens the door, he finds himself facing Jk, the kid’s big eyes wandering over
Yg’s body who doesn’t seem to realise he’s naked - a part from the grey pair of boxers - until the cold hair hits his skin.
“Make yourself at home while I get dressed.” Yg turns swiftly around taking his way toward his room. He throws on a pair of grey sweatpants and a black
shirt. Enough not to scar the kid for life.
When he comes back to the living room, Jk is sitting on the floor with his laptop ready on the coffee table.
“Do you want something to drink?”
“Banana milk.” Yg smiles to himself as he picks the drink from the fridge.
There’s this jarring contrast between Jk’s appearance - all black clothes, high-platform boots and tattoos - and his behaviour. The boy is just a pure soul and Yg wants to protect him as much as he can.
He sits down on the couch next to Jk. “So, what’s up?”
“Hyung, can I ask you something?” Jk is playing with the red straw of his drink and Yg can see the hesitance in his movements. Jk usually doesn’t ask, he usually respects Yg’s tendency to silence. So, surprised, Yg nods. “You have a big scar on your shoulder…”
“That I have…” Yg leans back. He thinks about the fact that he does have a lot of scars. “I have a lot of scars due to this work.”
“This one is different… You have stitches around it. I saw them. How did it happen?” Jk looks at Yg with his big eyes and Yg wonders if it’s out
of pity that Jk looks at him like that.
“I was helping Sunmi… I helped her get out of here and I got my shoulder busted, nothing more.” Yg rubs at his face. He suddenly feels more tired than just because he lost a night of sleep. There’s more to this aching-bones feeling;
it’s the names of the people who left piling up and the memories hurting. Or, maybe, it’s just that he’s getting lonelier and older. “Enough of me, what do you have kid? And I hope it’s good to have woken me up!”
Jk got the message perfectly fine. He turns around fast and puts his complete attention on the desktop.
“Okay, so, the first file seems to be in the hands of Mr. Lee, a millionaire and an architect. He works in the new glass building, you know which one, right?”
“Of course. It was quite a big thing last year, when it opened. Honestly, I think it looks like trash but who am I to judge?” Yg layd back on the couch again, ruffling his hair tiredly. “What about him?”
“Mr. Lee? Apparently, he rarely leaves his office. He works there till
very late at night. But since he has an office on the upper part, it’s easy to see when he’s gone. You just need to check the lighting.” Jk clicks over some tabs to be able to show Yg the building and where Mr. Lee’s office is located.
“That’s easy. Anything helpful about the files? How can I recognise them?” Yg rubs at his chin pensively. It’s too easy…
“Actually, I don’t know what they look like but there’s a safe and you can clearly see it in the office’s photos. I think they might be there.” Jk stays in
silence for a little while before speaking again. “I know it’s not my place to say this but… Hyung, if you decide to go, please-”
“Don’t worry, kid. Now-” Yg stood up, heading toward his room “Come with me, I need something to look more casual and less
‘your-friendly-district-boss’. Mmmh?” Yg gave Jk a small smile and a wink, enough to make the kid believe he was fine and that this will be fine.
As soon as they entered Yg's room, Yg walked inside of his closet while Jk sat on his bed. Yg opted for a pair of black pants with
a simple line that surely looked casual. Then, he threw on a white shirt and a black jacket. He looked at himself in the mirror, deeming the outfit perfect to look like someone who might just have been around the building. Pretty casually.
“What do you think about it?” Yg walked out of the closet, letting Jk judge the outfit.
“Hyung… there’s no pockets in these pants.”
“What would I need pockets for??” Yg was a little surprised.
“You need to take a weapon with you. What if you need one?” Jk was swaying his
feet back and forth, pouting slightly at Yg.
“You know I don’t use them. Kid, you can trust me, okay?” Yg knew Jk wasn’t convinced in the slightest, still the kid didn’t say anything. He just nodded, with his eyes down-casted and his hair covering most of his face.
“You have to wait till 10 p.m. We should go to the Busan Blues. You can see the glass building from your back room.” Jk perked up a little at the mention of Nj’s club. On the other hand, a shiver ran down Yg’s spine. He still hasn't talked to Nj since what happened some days
before. He hadn’t told him that he had tried to warn Jm nor that he was still about to hop into this mission.
“I- I think it’s better to wait here.”
“Hyung… it’s okay if you don’t take weapons with you but, at least, talk to Nj hyung first… please!” And what was Yg supposed
to do? Say no to the kid’s big doe eyes?
So, an hour later, Yg is walking into the Busan Blues with a black beanie over his head and his cargo jacket to hide his outfit. As always, the place goes silent as soon as he walks in. Yg takes his mask off, giving a look around -
looking unbothered and unfazed as he does so. Once he starts walking toward the counter, the chit chat restarts around him and Yg takes a deep breath in.
“Hey, Jb… where’s Nj?” The guy turns around with wide eyes and starts bowing frantically to Yg.
“I’ll call him, sir. Just a moment, sir.” Yg shakes his head at the scene and waits patiently. Then, he sees the red curtains separating the counter and the back swaying and he gets ready for ‘pissed-Nj’.
“Boss… it’s good to see you.” Nj bows at him, face school in a blank
slate and lips set in a thin line.
“Nj-ah… you know I hate this, especially coming from you.” Yg takes his beanie off and runs his finger between his hair, nervously. “Can we talk, please?” Nj shrugs his shoulders before making his way toward the back room.
Yg doesn’t wait any more time and, as soon as the door is closed behind them, he finally speaks. “I’m sorry. I know you’re worried and I was a jerk.” He gets rid of his cargo jacket, throwing it on one of the leather couches.
“You don’t understand /how/ worried I am, hyung. You never take weapons with you, you never listen when I tell you something it’s dangerous…”
“Nj, it’s my work. What am I supposed to do? Stop being Agust? You think I don’t ever think about it? You don’t think I would like-”
Yg doesn’t finish his sentence. He doesn’t want to say that he too has been thinking of stopping this. That he would like to wake up on a normal day and enjoy his morning in bed and not having to go to bed when everyone wakes up. He doesn’t talk about Jm either because has Nj
ever realised that Jm was the start of this? That the fear of getting attached, of developing feelings had done him wrong? Because it’s Jm's fault if Yg has started wondering about quitting, about having a normal life and maybe… maybe falling in love.
“You could stop, hyung…”
“No… I can’t stop being /him/.” Yg sits down, angling his gaze towards the glass building. There are still hundreds of lights on in there.
“Why not? You can’t-”
“I’m retrieving the first part of the files tonight. So, not whisky for me but may I have a coffee?” Yg ended up Nj’s talk about quitting pretty fast. There are a lot of things he isn’t ready to talk about, especially not tonight. Tonight, he needs to stay focused.
a/n: Before the next scene - that will be BIGGGGG (ask @Charlotte⁷🪞🍊💋|6.9k|3.8k), I'm really curious about your feedback on this new update
Yg spends the next two hours sitting in the Busan back room. Nj sits beside him, but they share a long silence. Yg wonders if Nj doesn't talk to avoid distracting him or if it's because he would like to ask about Yg thoughts about retirement, but he can't.
Either way, Yg is grateful for the silence. He's not ready to talk about the second topic, and he can really use the 'never-distracting-the-boss' rule tonight.
It's just that we don't always get what we hope for.
"What's the plan?" Nj's voice is gravel, but Yg tries jot to mind it.
"I don't really have a plan. I break in. I search the files. I take the files. I go." Nj tsk and Yg doesn't shows him he noticed.
"You never have a plan. And surely not even a gun or a blade." Yg makes his
tongue click on the rooftop of his mouth.
"You know the drill. No weapons."
"I know you built all your persona on this, but when I'm here, waiting for you..." Nj sighs deeply. "Never mind."
Yg doesn't say anything more. He and Nj had shared too much hurt and too many dangers to really be able to have this conversation easily. Yg can't afford the luxury of getting emotional now, and that's why he doesn't turn around to see Nj.
He doesn't want to see any tears over his face. Nor the tiredness.
"Nj-ah... can I ask you something?"
"Of course, hyung."
"If something ever happens to me, keep Jk out of this job." It's the first time ever that Yg hints at the possibility of not coming back.
He's not even referring to this particular stage of the mission, but maybe there's something in the air. Maybe it's Jk having asked about the scar, or maybe it was Nj asking him to resign. Anyway, Yg is getting uneasy in this room, in these clothes, in his very skin.
So, he shares the feeling with Nj, leaving it hanging between them, and before the lights go off in the glass building, he lets Nj's big hand engulf his thigh.
The building is huge, but it's not that difficult for Yg to find his way to Mr. Lee's office. No one seems to care about him; maybe it's the outfit or maybe the mask, but Yg is able to go around easily.
He does spend a couple of minutes wondering about how it's/too/ easy but, honestly he's also too tired to care. He just wants those files in his hands.
Mr. Lee office is plain and boring. Honestly, Yg expected something more from a man who actually lives in his studio. However, he can't really complain right now that the little safe is practically in front of his eyes.
Yg stops in the middle of the room. Something isn't adding. In all the years he had spent working in this field, nothing has ever been this simple. He rounds the desk and looks at the set of drawers. None of them is locked, and this is even weirder.
Every big man has at least one drawer that has something important enough to have it close.
Mr. Lee, however, seems to be different.
Yg sits in the man swivelling chair and starts looking around. He wonders where he would hide something if he was the man.
He tries to have a good look over the room from his position. His eyes wouldn't automatically fall on the safe. Of course, the item is there, but it's out of the line of view, and if Yg would have put something that valuable in there, he would like to look at it.
However, Yg doesn't have time to dwell on the thought as he hears the sound of someone running in the empty hallway. In a matter of seconds, Jm enters the room and finds Yg sitting on the chair.
"Hi, Kitten. What a place where to meet." Yg feels his heart thundering in his chest at the view. It's been so long since he had met Jm like this. Because now they're Agust and Kitty, and they are after the same thing.
Yg is looking at his enemies' face, and suddenly he thinks that maybe it won't be that simple to retrieve those files.
"Stop joking, Agust... there's the security. They're after me." Yg is taken aback by Jm's sentence. He's unsure if the kid is trying to warn him or to send him
away. Is he playing with him? However, when he hears the bellows of the men's voice filling the hallway, he can't doubt anymore.
"Do you have your gun?"
"Do you have it? Yes or no?
"Yes." If Yg wasn't unsure because of the lights, he would say that Kitty looks scared.
"Point it at me. Pretend I am someone who tried to run away from you. Punch me if needed." There's something flickering behind Jm's eyes. Something that Yg is too distracted to catch,
still it's there. Yg feels his heart beating fast when Jm starts to walk closer, gun in hand. The younger point it towards him, but Yg sees the way his hand is shaking. "It's okay. I trust you. Just do what you need to do."
Isn't stupid to put yourself in the hands of your enemies? Especially when you're enemies and there is money on the steak? Maybe. However, Yg has never been afraid to die. He knows that something like this can happen in this work.
He had always known. Besides, for reasons he's not ready to acknowledge, he trusts Jm.
"We found you! Stop where you are." The security men are pointing their torches at them. Yg is glued to one of the big glass windows, and Jm is pointing a gun to his stomach.
"I'm not your man, guys." Jm looks over his shoulders to the men behind them. He's sporting a wicked grin that Yg surely missed. "But he's mine." Jm looks at Yg again, the shaking in his hand gone.
"I'm sorry if I caused you any trouble, but someone thought it was a good idea to play hide and seek." Yg can see the moment in which the men realise who Jm is; it's written in the sudden step back they take. They are afraid of Jm's fast hand around the blade or
the trigger; they read it on the news.
"Oh, no. Don't you worry, guys. I won't stain your big windows." Yg can feel Jm pressing the gun harder into his stomach. "I prefer to deal with him outside anyway." Yg is grateful for the mask he's wearing right now, that seems to help not be recognised.
On the other hand, he wonders if Jm can still read his expression with the mask. He wonders if he can feel the fear, the arousal, and the confusion Yg feels around Jm. Especially now.
A/N: what about this update?? Feel free to scream at me eheh Sorry if it's short but work was hectic and I was also working on your Christmas gift (are you ready????)
Jm tugs him from his jacket and turns him around, pointing the gun to Yg’s back and obliging him to walk toward the exit. “Don’t run away, little one. You know I’m quite fast on the trigger and I have a great aim, huh?”
They make their way out of the building. Yg feels his heart thundering in his chest; he thinks about the fact that just tonight he asked Nj to keep Jk safe, if ever. And if Jm hadn’t been there, this could have really been the /occasion/.
The moment they are outside, Jm shoves Yg to a wall. “I’m gonna pretend like I’m punching you. Then I’ll carry you somewhere else. Move like a ragged doll. Okay?” Yg doesn’t even have the time to nod when Jm’s fist passes fast near his face. He finds himself closing his eyes,
still thinking about Jk. Then, without a word, Jm took him by the neck and started pushing him around, until he was sure they were out of the men’s vision.
“What the fuck were you doing, huh?” Yg is still wrapped in his bubble. The thought of what could have happened is
making him mad because he was careless and he didn’t think enough. It’s not something Yg would usually do. Of course, he never has a proper plan but he usually analyses at least what could go wrong, just in case he needs to be prepared.
Yg lays his head back on the brick wall. It’s the first time Jm shoves him to a wall in a long time and Yg can’t find himself to be able to think about anything sexy. “I don’t know…” He knows that what happened with Nj, the fact that this mission is shitty and that he can’t
stop thinking about a lot of things lately, didn’t help his case. Still, he went ahead without a proper plan.
Jm is silent for a little while. He’s pacing back and forth in front of Yg. “You didn’t even take into account the possibility that I could pull the trigger.
What’s gotten into you?” Jm seems nervous now that Yg finally looks at him. His pink strands are now almost faded, leaving Jm with almost white hair. Yg shouldn’t be thinking about the fact that he almost looks like an angel;
the lights are hitting him just right and his cheeks are tinted pink. A kid like this couldn't be doing something wrong, right?
“You would never.” Yg is looking at Jm and he’s grateful he still has his mask on. He hopes his words came out muffled enough.
“Are you sure about it?!” Jm comes closer and Yg can almost feel his breathing getting hectic. Jm hates being doubted, he hates when someone doesn’t take him seriously.
Yg honestly doesn’t want to go down his path because he can’t trust his own mouth when he’s in an emotional hell. And right now, he is in his worst nightmare; he just risked his life to do something he knew wasn't right and now he’s on the verge of fighting with Kitty over trust.
He knows they don’t even give the same meaning to the word; Yg had trusted him pretty easily. He had let Jm shove his tongue in his throat as soon as he tried, he had let him fuck him senseless more than once.
It’s not like he knows how to explain it, but he was always
attracted to the kid almost like a moth to a flame.
Yg always knew you shouldn’t develop feelings for anyone. Still, he trusted Jm because he could do as much. In the end, they were both in the same situation whenever they fucked. They would always surrender to each other,
meaning that no one was going to lose anything. Still, Yg knew that for Jm was just about feeling less horny, so it’s not like he can explain to him why he knew that the kid wouldn’t have pulled the trigger.
Jm needed Yg as much as Yg needed Jm, just for different reasons.
“It doesn’t matter. We’re out of there now, so I’m gonna leave. Thank you for the getaway.” Yg detached himself from the wall, making his way out of the hallway.
“Don’t think I did it for you.”
Jm’s voice is low and almost muffled. Yg looks back over his shoulders to see what he was doing. Jm was trying to put the gun back into his lace garter. Maybe the sound of the voice was given by the position; Yg tried not to think to much of it.
a/n: I'm gonna update more later. But pls be patient because something is making it very difficult to update. I've saw that other writers are having the same prob because twts don't send. Help out with keeping us up with feedback and hope they mend this shit fast
When Jm comes home it is morning already. He is pissed because he doesn’t have the files in his hands and this is just because he had to save Agust’s ass. Jm throws himself on the bed, dialling Th.
“Just came back. Wanna come over?”
The line is disturbed by the rustling of sheets and Jm waits, feeling his eyes getting heavier by the minute. “Aren’t you supposed to sleep, baby?”
“Can’t. Too pissed.”
The rustling stops abruptly and the idea that Th was in bed with someone crosses Jm’s mind briefly. “Are you okay?”
“I’m coming over.” Th closes the communication and Jm gets up to have a shower. The sleep can wait, besides he’s worried that, if he sleep
now, he’ll just end up seeing Agust again and, honestly, he reached his level today.
The water is scalding hot and Jm feels each of his muscles getting loose under the warm ministrations. He starts scrubbing at his skin with a sponge, making the stroke hard and rough until
his skin prickles and becomes red. He feels cleaner like this, like the bad vibes of the night are just going down the drain. However, there’s something rubbing off on him the wrong way; something he can’t really pinpoint but he wonders if Yg’s lack of attention tonight was a
trap. What if Yg knew exactly what he was doing? Still, there was something off with the man and it actually scared the shit out of Jm.
He comes out of the shower and puts on a warm robe before padding toward the kitchen, dripping water everywhere. His stomach is rumbling and Jm realises that he hasn’t got anything to eat since yesterday at lunch so, right now, the priority is filling his guts.
He wanders around
the kitchen, opening one cabinet after another in search of food. There’s a can of beer, three lemons, five withered carrots and a pack of plain ramen. He feels disappointment washing over him as the door flings open.
“I know you haven’t eaten shit baby so, please, thank your saviour.” Th is marching inside Jm’s apartment wrapped in an expensive coat and a pair of pijamas' pants and slippers.
“I was actually about to cook something.” Jm turns around feeling angry for no reason at all. Is just that he hates to prove someone right with things like that, because he can’t take care of himself. He can’t even remember to do something as basic as doing his grocery.
“Chim…” Th is starting with his scolding tone and Jm grunts out loud.
“I hate him so fucking much!!”
Th leaves the bags on the counter before coming closer. “Why do I have the impression this isn’t about food anymore?” The tone is sarcastic but, now, Jm doesn’t mind it
actually. Maybe it’s what he needs; to laugh over it for a second. If he just could.
Th ignores whatever Jm is about to say. He leaves the kitchen and comes back with a clean towel.
"Sit down." Jm complies because he doesn't have any energy left to put up a fight.
Th starts drying his hair and Jm closes his eyes.
For a moment, all the tiredness is coming back to him, making his body heavy like a marble statue. He doesn’t feel so differently from one of those actually; he remembers the one that Jin got him for his birthday, two years ago.
It was a reproduction of the death angel, or at least Jin said this was its name. Jm found it almost ironic because he had loved the statue the first time he had seen it on one of Jin’s photos from one of his trips. The angel was showing just his torso as the rest of him had
been swallowed by the earth. Jin told him that the angel was there waiting for the sinners and his own redemption.
He feels exactly like he’s obliged to wait for something - glued to the ground and unable to leave. The point is that, differently from the angel, Jm doesn’t know
what he’s supposed to be waiting for.
“Care to explain?” Th doesn’t leave Jm time to answer before shuffling out of the kitchen and coming back with the hairdryer. He blows his hair for a moment before putting the thing away and taking the food out of the bag. “Eat as you talk"
Jm pouts at his ramen and galbi before digging on it. “He– was there, trying to get killed. I don’t know.” Jm’s mouth is full of food and he still feels particularly angry even if the food is having a comforting action on him.
“He? Who? Killed? How?
Jm leaves down his chopstick before standing up and grabbing the bottle of beer he saw before. Th arches his brows at him because it’s too early in the morning to drink but Jm is actually having his dinner now. He scoffs at Th before opening the can and chugging down the first
half of it. Then, he cleans his mouth with the back of his hand, earning a ‘disgusting’ from Th.
“Agust was there, in Mr. Lee’s studio.” Jm lays back in his chair before starting eating again. “He was there, without a plan or a gun or a blade.” Jm sniffs a bit, the spicy
getting to his nose. “I was being followed by two of them, but we pretended I was there for him. That he had been trying to hide from me.”
Th keeps silent for a while, letting Jm finish his meal. “What’s the problem about him being there without a gun or a plan?!”
Jm’s eyes widened at Th’s sentence. “HE COULD HAVE BEEN KILLED!” Jm stands up abruptly, feeling his body shaking just at the idea of something like this
happening. He hates Yg but he doesn’t want to see him on the news.
“Chim. I do love you, a lot. But–” Th rakes his fingers in between his curly hair before setting his face over his hands and looking directly to Jm. “Don’t you think it’s time to stop this?”
Jm sits down. “This?”
“Yeah, baby. You hating him has to stop… you’re hurting yourself like this. You know?” Jm looks down at his robe. His appearance must be all askew either inside and outside. “You have feelings for him and we both know this. You keep denying it for what
happened but they are still there, aren’t they?” Th’s voice is soft and warm and Jm feels like he can finally let go. He feels the first tear falling down his face. Then another and another until he is downright crying.
After Jm cried his heart out, Th dragged him to bed, obliging him to sleep. When Jm woke up, six hours later, it was pitch dark outside and the house was filled with clattering sounds. Jm could see the moon shining from his window; it looked almost blinding and made Jm feel even
more lonely. There’s always something about night when he spends them at home. He’s so used to being outside, jumping from a roof to another or punching someone, that he doesn’t have the time to acknowledge the emptiness of his house....and himself. There was a hole in his chest
that Jm buried for years, thinking and hoping he forgot it all, but when the rain of feelings poured, that hollowness came back in sight.
Jm shivers as he lets his hand run on the empty side of the bed. The coldness of the sheets makes him numb. Feeling cold because of having
to sleep with only a robe, Jm finally decides to stand up and stop torturing himself with these thoughts.
The room is still immersed in the dark because Jm refuses to switch on the lights. He pads over his closet to pick up the most comfortable sweatpants and hoodie he has.
Then, he finally adventures out of his room, hoping that his eyes don't look as blotchy as they feel.
“What are you doing?” Th is wearing an apron and a pair of rubber gloves.
“I cleaned around, did the grocery and cooked something.” Th is smiling and Jm bites his tongue not
to let out the snarky remark. He knows that Th just wants to help and he’s grateful about it. It almost feels howerhelming being taken care of like this because Th always gives all of him. It almost feels like Jm will consume him at one point; he’s scared of seeing Th whitering
in front of him, losing all this warmth, all this life.
“Thank you.” It’s easy to say things like this to Th. Easy because even if Jm knows Th thinks Jm doesn’t know how to take care of himself, he doesn’t hurt his pride. Th is almost careful to keep that intact, dancing around
Jm’s high walls to not let him see he’s actually climbing them. Honestly, Jm has always let Th do it because he likes being loved like this. In a careful way. Th doesn’t ask how Jm feels after what happened before.
“Wanna watch something?” The rubber gloves are gone and Th
lays the food on the counter, prompting Jm to eat something.
“Can it be a romcom?” Jm mounches on the food happily, the appetite restored just by the thought of a stupid romcom. They eat fast because Jm is hyped by the fact that he’s about to have a normal night for once.
He doesn’t remember when the last ‘pop-corn and shitty romcom’ was. Maybe it was too long ago, like everything good that happened to him. Like a pair of strong hands wrapped around him, or a pair of feline-eyes following him. Jm shakes his head, willing the image away.
“Can we start with the film now?” Jm does his puppy eyes because he knows their power. Obviously, the film is shitty and cliche but, half an hour in, Jm is already bawling his eyes out because the couple just broke-up before the Christmas party.
“Come on, Chim… you know they will be happy in the end.” Th is done with Jm right now. He actually can’t bear this kind of movie but he still endures it for Jm.
“I– I’m a softie, okay??” The moment Jm speaks, someone knocks at the door. Th looks at Jm with a questioningly
“Were you expecting someone?”
“No… I–” Jm stands up, weirded out by the sudden intrusion. He looks at the clock on the coffee table - 2 a.m. Who on earth? Jm feels a knot tight around his throat; he thinks there’s something wrong. As he walks toward the door,
he grabs his gun.
“Kitty… tell me you saw Yg, please.” Nj is panting and sweating. He’s supporting himself with one of his hands on the threshold and Jm feels like something snapped inside of him. Jm wonders if this is how Hell feels like.
“What are you talking about?” Th came behind Jm, wrapping a supportive arm around his waist.
“He didn’t go back home. Jk was there all night and hyung never came… I–” Nj’s breath is laboured and Jm feels his head spinning. “I thought Jm might know but–” Jm feels Nj’s gaze on
him and he can feel Th’s grip tightening.
“It’s better if we go back inside.” Th pulls Jm and Nj follows them in the living room.
“It feels weird to be here…” Nj is scratching his nape, looking around the room. His face is pale and Jm can still detect a slight trembling in
his arms and hand.
“Sit down and where did you search for him?” Jm tries his best to compose himself. He searches for the best position to make Nj believe he isn’t freaking out right now. He leans over, positioning his elbows on his thighs as he looks at Nj.
“Everywhere. I went back to the glass building in the morning, searched around the neighbourhood, I went to his downtown office and to his uptown one. Went back to the Busan Blues more than once and Jk is still in hyung’s house.” The sound of Nj’s words was coming from a very
long distance. The word ‘hyung’ kept ringing in his ears with a dull rhythm for a couple of minutes.
“We– I saw him going away. He left me behind after we argued. I don’t understand where he could have gone. What about his men? Someone saw him?”
“No one… not even Hs who is
his right hand. The man usually stays at his uptown office every night, taking Yg’s call if hyung needs something… but Yg never called.” Jm ignores how it sound unfamiliar hearing Agust real name said out loud so many times. He tries his best not to think about how much it
makes all of this more real and more painful. Jm stands up on a whim and runs to his room to retrieve his phone. It’s like, for a moment, he had an epiphany. Maybe Yg texted him. Then it hits him, how impossible such a thing is. How they never exchanged numbers nor anything else
personal. They were always pretty careful not to break in the other’s personal lives. So careful…
“Can you take me to his house?” Nj seems taken aback by the question.
“It’s not like you don’t know where it is.” Jm wonders how Nj knows, how much he knows but he doesn’t ask.
The same way he didn’t ask how he found his apartment, how he was able to come here. Because in the end, it’s not like Jm wants to dwell on this topic now. Is he even allowed to measure how much his life and Yg’s are intertwined? Is he allowed to let himself
hope about something this fleeting?
"I won't go alone. Besides, I thought you came here to be helped." Jm raises an eyebrow at him, trying his best to look collected and determined.
"Yeah... That's why I am here..." Nj sighs deeply and Jm notices how wear out he is.
They ride separately. Jm follows Nj’s car. His grip on the steering wheel almost hurts and Jm is pushing hard on the gas. “Chim, what do you think there might be in his house?”
“To be honest, I’m hoping he has come back.” Jm bit his bottom lip. Maybe if he can draw blood from
it, thinking about Yg will hurt a lot less. He used this method for a long time, whenever he was hurting; he would just try to hurt somewhere else to feel the first pain less. It's just that now it doesn’t work. He’s trying his best not to show how much this situation is playing
with him, though and he hopes Nj won’t pick on it.
“I have the files that man gave to me, the one about the mission. I want to compare mine to Yg’s… I think it’s weird we were in the same place at the same moment. Like– the files to be retrieved are five, how can
it be that we have the same order? If it is, our papers must come from the same sources.” Jm starts slowly down when he recognises the familiar neighbourhood. He has already been there once, actually. It’s a night he rarely finds himself remembering, mostly because it felt like
something bigger than what they were actually doing.
He pulls over and turns the gear off. He breathes in and out several times, trying to steady himself before climbing down the car.
“Please, stay calm okay?” Th grips at his wrist before they reach Nj who is waiting for them at Yg’s door. “I bet he is okay and of course you’re worried. I do understand. But please, keep your mind clear, okay?” Jm nods, feeling like he’s taking too much effort not to break down
Yg gasped as he was pushed into his own house. Jm was feeling every inch of Yg's body, as he was savouring Yg's thin lips. They walk blindingly inside the house without stopping kissing. Yg's kisses are those of a starved man and Jm isn't doing much better himself.
Still, Jm wants more than this. They walk blindingly inside the house without stop kissing. Yg's kisses are those of a starved man and Jm isn't doing much better himself. Still, Jm wants more than just this.
A couple of steps later, Jm feels Yg crashing against something. The older pulls his lips away from Jm's and leaves out a shaking breath.
"That's-- that's my counter! Maybe we should mo--" Jm stops Yg from saying them another word. He grinds harshly and hard on Yg's hard cock.
"I think that here is perfect, though."
Jm starts kissing down Yg's neck. He can feel the older's trembling skin under his lips and this only adds fuel to his desire.
He can't wrap his head around the fact that Yg dragged him here, but he guesses that he needs to thank the
sudden downpour while they were in the middle of sicking each other down.
Jm likes to think that maybe neither Yg could wait anymore, even if he knows that they have entirely different reasons for wanting this.
Jm makes Yg turn around, pressing him hard on the counter. Then, his hands are even faster, scrambling around Yg's belt and zip before pulling the pants down.
"What are you--"
"Shut up..." Jm dares to spank him, eliciting a moan from the older. Maybe Jm isn't as clueless as he
thought when he comes to Yg.
He doesn't lose the momentum though, pulling Yg's boxers down too. The stark contrast between Yg's black clothes and the pale skin of his ass makes Jm's mouth water as he kneels down. What he has in front of him now, is something that is
something worth being worshipped.
"Are you taking a break because I'm--" Yg doesn't even do as much as looking behind his shoulders. Probably, he wouldn't have had the time, even if he wanted to. Jm didn't let him talk, he didn't want to hear the older's voice.
Not a single word, not one single thing that could break Jm's own fantasy about why they were really in Yg's house.
The grip of Jm's hands on the flesh of Yg's ass is hard. Jm bet it will leave bruises after but he hears the older groan and whimpering so he must being doing
this the right way.
Jm takes a deep breath before parting Yg's cheeks. He has wanting to this for a long while but, being always outside while fucking, hadn't give Jm the possibility to do as much as being fucked, fuck and suck Yg's dick.
When he gets closer to Yg's rim, puffing air out from his mouth as he gets more nervous, he feels Yg's legs tremble and his hips buck forward in anticipation.
"Can you just-- fuck, Kitty. Stop teasing!" Yg is desperate and Jm is getting aroused just from this.
Still, he ignores the older and just dives in. He pokes his tongue out, circling Yg's rim with his tongue. It starts leisurely and slowly; Jm wants to be able to do this for as long as he can.
It's only when he gets the first of Yg's responses that Jm pushes his tongue past
the first circle. Yg is groaning and as soon as Jm's tongue is inside of him, he pushes his ass back, wanting more. so, Jm pulls back.
"Eager, are we?"
"I should have known you were good at this, fuck." Jm sees Yg leaning over, on the counter, giving Jm more access.
Jm dives back in, putting his tongue back in use. He pushes it in and out fast. It's messy and wet and Jm is fighting the urge to start touching himself at the sinful sounds Yg is making.
"I'm about to--" Jm pulls back as soon as Yg says these words. He doesn't want Yg to come
"Couch... now." Jm doesn't ask for the bed. He thinks that such a request would be pushing his luck. He already was granted something big as going to Yg's house and being able to take care of Yg as he has been wanting for a long time.
However a bed means a lot more and Jm can't ask for something like that. For how much it hurts, Jm knows his place.
Yg stumbles a little as he detaches himself from the counter. Jm likes to think that it's because of what he just did to him, more than the awkward position of
Yg strips out of them as soon as he turns around, using the counters at his back a leverage. Jm, is still kneeled in front of him, looking at Yg's cock and pale legs.
"You have no idea how much more I want to do to you, hyung." Jm bites his tongue as soon as
the honorifics slips out of his mind. He can't let himself use words like this. He can't pretend they are more than just an easy way to relieve pent up frustration and desire.
"Look at you. Your lips are swollen and--" Yg leans in, pressing a thumb over Jm's wet lips and
dragging it towards their length. "your lips so slick and... you look--" Yg leans more, darting his tongue out to lick at Jm's lips. Yg's tongue is hot and Jm feels himself shivering. "You look like something of mine."
The words work like a switch inside of Jm. He stands up on a whim and drags Yg towards what he hopes is the living room and he easily pushes him down on the couch.
"If I look like something yours, might as well make you like mine now." There's something flickering behind Yg's
He doesn't take any time prepping Yg. He just takes his own leaking dick out of his pants rush, dreading that whatever this was could have been disappearing like a pipe dream at midnight.
He doesn't take anytime prepping Yg. He just takes his own leaking dick out of his pants
and aligns himself with Yg. Even in his rush, though, he makes sure to look at Yg in the eyes as he presses in. He sees the way in which Yg's eyes close as soon as Jm bottom out. Jm wonders if it's pain or pleasure and he stills.
"What are you doing, why don't you move?" Yg's voice sounds almost cracked at the edges and his eyes are still close. Doesn't he want to look at Jm? Doesn't he want to see him claiming what's his? Or at least, what he'd like would be his?
Jm snaps out of his thoughts as soon as Yg bucks his hips, asking for more. He starts to move, making his thrusts hard and fast, just how Yg likes it. Still it's different to fuck like this. It's different having Yg laying under him like that, almost defenceless with his eyes
As Jm fastens his thrust, seeking his own pleasure, he finds himself wondering if it's just him feeling like this. If the tightness in his chest is just because he wanted this for a long time or because Yg just wrapped his legs around Jm's hips, meeting his thrusts.
Or maybe it's the feelings he's trying so hard to ignore.
Jm feels Yg getting closer as he too starts edging towards his release. He presses his forehead hard to Yg's. He feels the way they are breathing in sync as he too, closes his eyes.
"Don't you want to look at me? Do you hate me this much?" Jm's breath is getting laboured and Yg isn't doing much better himself.
"What the fuck?" Yg's is getting angry, Jm feels his body getting stiff half from pleasure half from anger.
"You never looked at me since I started fucking you..."
"Do you want me to look, then..." Yg opens his eyes, meeting Jm's with an intensity that almost knock Jm's breath out of his lungs. "Then look at me. Look what you did to me."
They both comes as Yg grips hard at Jm's shoulders and Jm, for his part, never stopped wondering what Yg meant.
Just entering Yg's house, lets resurface tons of emotions and memories. He was there just once, but this didn't stop Jm's mind from wondering, nor his heart from stuttering.
"Where the fuck are you, Yg?"
"What?" Nj turns towards Jm as they walk toward the
"Nothing... just thinking out loud." Jm feels Th gripping his hand tighter and he breathes in slowly. He needs to focus.
“Ok… this is Jk by the way.” Nj points at a kid dressed in all black who is sitting cross legged on the couch. It’s the first time Jm is able to see him and, finally, he’s able to have a face to attach to the little information he has about the kid.
He always wondered why Yg was so fond about this particular guy; to some extent, it was a piece of information that always irked Jm. “He helped hyung with the files so he might have something helpful for you too.”
Jk bows to Jm but he doesn’t miss the way in which the kid looks at him from head to toes. “Got a problem, kiddo?”
Jk snorts, shrugging his shoulders. “You’re not much older than me, it seems. Can’t believe you rule a district.” Jm feels his skin prickle and his palms itch
with the need to take this kid by the collar and makes him see who rules a fucking district.
“Be nice, Kook-ah. He’s here to help.”
“Help?! Must be his fault why hyung hasn’t come back!!” The kid is yelling at Nj like Jm is not even in the room.
“My fault?! If I wasn’t at the glass building your hyung would have been killed. You should be grateful I saved his ass.” Jm has his hands settled on the coffee table, as he leans over to look at Jk dead in the eyes. He can’t take bullshit from someone who doesn’t know shit and
who has never been out there. Someone who doesn’t even know how it works out of the four walls of a house.
“Jm-ah, let him breathe… don’t you see he’s out of it.” Th takes Jm from the arms, pulling him back. Jm knows he might have exaggerated right now, but this situation is
playing with him too. Jm takes a deep breath, schooling himself the best he can. “Can you please show me Agust’s files?” He keeps his eyes closed as he asks. He can’t look Jk in the eyes right now because there’s something he can’t stand about this guy.
“I’m sorry… yeah…”
Jk stands up and goes to the adjacent room to pick up something. When he comes back, he hands Jm a stack of papers as he turns on his laptop. Jm sits down putting his stack of papers near Yg’s as he starts turning one page after another.
“Wait…” Jm’s is thinking out loud
once again. He can feel everyone’s eyes on him as he gingerly goes through the papers. “We have almost the same identical files.” Jm stands up, pacing around. “Doesn’t it look weird to you? We got them from different people… still, they are the same. It’s not really possible.”
Jm looks around to find Nj’s rubbing at his chin. The blonde-haired man seems quite deep in thought, while Jk is typing furiously on his computer.
“But Yg got his mission from his usual agent… Yeah, Suran isn’t the best but she is still not the worst out there.”
“Where’s Agust’s room?” Jm feels his throat dry at the mere question. Whatever he is doing right now is already more than he should. He set foot inside the older’s house, reminding himself that this isn’t his place. Moreover, now he’s about to enter Yg’s room, well knowing that
it’s a sacred place where Jm isn’t allowed. At least, not like he would like.
“His room…” Nj leads the way with a sceptical look and he doesn’t spare Jm a weird look before opening the door. The room is immersed in pitch darkness and Jm waits for Nj to switch the
“I don’t understand what you might need in there…”
“As none of you thought that if he doesn’t answer his phone he might not have it with him?” Jm starts walking inside, taking in the dark furniture and the king-sized bed with its unmade sheets. He feels a weird
pang at the mouth of his stomach, like he just received a punch. Still, he tries his best to breathe.
“Why shouldn’t he have his phone with him? It’s not what hyung usually does.”
“He usually comes back home too, doesn’t he?” Jm turns around, offering Nj a deadpan look.
He’s tired of explaining things to these two tonight. If Yg would have taken his phone with him, his right-hand would have already found him. Besides, Yg could have been able to ask for help or whoever has him could have called. Jm spots the device on a shelf, near a black and
white photo of him, Jk and Nj and something that looks utterly familiar to Jm. Near the photo, perfectly folded there’s his pink lace garter. It was one of his favourites and he always used it to take one extra blade with him, under the tight jeans.
Jm takes the garter in between his fingers, almost holding his breath. The last time he saw it was actually when he and Yg had sex in his house. Still, after all this time, Yg still has it. He hides the garter in his hoodie’s pocket with a swift move, before turning around,
wiggling the phone in front of Nj’s face. “What did you just say?”
They all sit in Yg’s living room. Jk is hugging his knees tightly, refusing to look at Jm or Th, Nj is nursing a whiskey and soda and Th is hugging Jm from behind, trying his best to give him all the comfort
he can. Meanwhile, Jm is playing with the garter in his hoodie.
“What should we do, now?” Nj asks while looking at his glass. Jm wonders if he’s trying to find an answer in it for how attentive he is. He actually feels bad for him; he knows that Nj would never miss a chance to
scold Yg about his ‘no-weapon” policy and it’s evident that he feels guilty.
“We have to wait. Whoever has it doesn’t want us to know, otherwise they would have called or reached out.” Jm rakes his finger in between his messy hair. He too would like a drink but he doesn’t want
to lose focus right now. “All I can do is go to the next spot, where the second file is located and see what happens.”
“Don’t!” Jk’s voice comes out pitched. The kid is looking at Jm with wide eyes and parted lips.
“It’s a trap, don’t you all see it?!” Jk stands up. Jm can see a faint tremble in his hands. “It’s evident and you still want to go there and get yourself killed?!” Jk is towering over Jm, looking at him angrily. “We need to /find/ him not to have you killed too. For god sake,
he would whip our asses if we–” Jk stops abruptly. His eyes are still wandering around Jm’s face and Jm wonders what he’s searching for. In a way, he does understand why Yg is so fond of him; there’s something pure about the kid, something that wasn’t ruined by a shitty job.
He almost makes Jm think of himself, before running away from Busan and finding himself chained to a gang.
“Okay. I won’t go.” Jk stalls in front of Jm, clearly surprised.
“Okay?!” Th’s voice comes as a thunder behind Jm’s shoulders and Jm can just nod.
“Yeah, I won’t go if this makes you feel better. Okay?” Jm offers a hand to Jk to seal the promise.
“Really?” Jk reaches out with a shaky hand covered in tattoos. It almost makes Jm smile; the jarring contrast it’s almost endearing.
“Really.” Jm stands up to leave. He keeps his hands safely wrapped around the garter in his pocket. “I will still look for him though. This much I can do, right?” Jk nods to him, his cheeks covered with a thin layer of pink.
“Were you serious?!” Th is sitting beside Jm, in the car. They’re driving back to Jm’s apartment. For a long time neither of the two said anything but Jm knew Th would have broken the silence at some point.
“Yeah… listen, the kid was right. It might be even worse to keep
searching for these files. Besides, I need to do something more important.”
“Finding him…” Jm doesn’t look at Th, he doesn’t wonder how he’s looking at him. The only thing he keeps thinking about is Yg.
Jm goes back to his place with a heavy heart; it feels even worse than before. He had just promised Jk that he will search for Yg but he actually doesn't know where to start.
As he lays in his bed, Hm hears all the sounds Th is making in the living room. His soulmate insisted
on staying for the night and Jm, honestly, didn’t want to say no to him. He’s actually grateful, too scared that he will break the promise he made if Th is not here. Because he knows that the moment he will find himself alone in the apartment, he would just bolt out, hitting
every road just to find Yg.
He takes the garter out of his pocket. He knows he shouldn’t have taken it but, in the heat of the moment, he deemed it the right thing to do. It’s not like he didn’t like the idea of Yg still having it, on the contrary Jm was taken aback by seeing
the piece of clothing there. It was on the shelves, right where everyone could see it. For a moment, a nasty part of Jm, the one that never lets him having the good things, pocked him on the back, telling him that maybe the garter is like a trophy, like Yg is making everyone
knows he was able to fuck Kitty.
However, a little part of him wanted to think differently, he wanted to be allowed to have it, to feel like Yg just wanted to keep the garter. Maybe just for the sake of it. Maybe this is why he reached out to take it that fast.
Maybe it was because of how much entering the house had played with his feelings and for a moment, just one, Jm wanted all of this to be real. Yg keeping the garter just because he wanted to, because Jm was more than a easy fuck.
“Hey, can I come in?” Th’s face peek from the
door left slightly ajar.
“Yeah..” Th comes in with two steamy mugs as Jm hides the garter under the pillow. The younger sits on the left side of the bed, handing him the mug.
“Are you alright?”
“Can’t stop thinking about him. He doesn’t even have a fucking blade with him…”
Jm sighs, laying back on the pillow. He feels his head throbbing harshly and his body numb. All the tension from the last two days is coming back in full force to cite him in the ass. “What if it’s my fault?”
“No, hey! We won’t go down that road. You saved his ass and that’s
all you could do.” Th pins him down with a stern look.
“This is fucked up. I wanted to see him so badly… it went shit and now I don’t even know if I’ll ever see him again.” Jm feels his eyes getting taery but he has cried so much lately that he can’t now. This can’t be about
him again. “I can’t believe I have feelings for a dumbass who doesn’t take a fucking blade with him!” Jm whines stomping his feet on the bed.
“Let it all out…” Th looks at him patiently and to Jm it looks so much like the one time Jm came home drenched in water and with a
It was around the start of the new year and he and Yg had been fucking for a whole year. It was weird for Jm because the more they would do it, the more he needed it. Yg wasn’t like any other fuck buddy he had; there was something addicting and scaring. Lately
Jm had started thinking about a normal life; getting back home to someone filling the big space, to someone at all.
He had gone searching for Yg that night, transpassing his district. He was standing on an emergency stair when he saw him.
Yg was holding his shoulder and
keeping a man down on the ground with his foot. Jm could see the pain throbbing through Yg’s body. He felt the need to jump down to help him but something stopped him. Suddenly, a woman appeared next to Yg’s side, clinging to him and supporting him while Yg’s men came, taking
the man laying on the ground away.
The thing is that in a work like theirs, you can0t trust anyone, not even the one you fuck. It doesn’t matter yf along the way you started having feelings or if you even thought of sharing them. It never matters.
The sight of Yg with that
woman was enough for Jm; it broke his heart on the spot. The pang he felt when she circled Yg’s arm, hanging on it worked like a blade on Jm’s skin. He stayed around that night; he was dreading his empty house, scared to face the emptiness of his apartment once again.
Especially at that very moment. He had spent hours wandering around, scolding himself for even having the courage to develop feelings for someone like Yg.
Still, at some point he had to give up. When it started pouting, Jm found himself crying at Th’s doorstep. And just like
now, Th told him to let it all out.
“I don’t know, Tae. I just hope he’s safe… it’s wistful thinking, and I know I keep saying I hate him and to some extent it’s true but…” Jm takes a moment to think. He looks up at the ceiling, trying to find the best words.
“At first I hated him for being so good at this damn job. It irked me how he would always know what to do, how to use words to get what he wanted… But lately, I’ve been hating him for not feeling the same and it’s childish. God, I’m so stupid. Why does he have to be
who fucking knows where?!”
“Come here.” Th leaves his mug on the floor before opening his arms for Jm. There’s not much else they can do right now anyway.
What? Jm doesn't recognise the voice. He wonders who's asking. Still, Jm pats around his body, searching for a cut.
"I think it's my heart." He doesn't feel scared. There’s nothing but pitch darkness around him and this voice talking to him but Jm isn’t
scared. On the contrary, he almost feels comforted by the strangely familiar voice.
“Don’t worry. It’ll pass.” Jm wonders if the owner of the voice is smiling because it seems so.
“Are you bleeding too?”
“Nah… but don’t worry. I’ll come to you even with bleeding feet.”
The voice is airy, almost happy. Jm wonders how fat he might be and why he would come. Why does he sound so happy to come?
“Are you coming? Why?” Jm is genuinely curious. He feels himself getting sleepy though and wonders if the man will come soon.
“Didn’t you say you were
bleeding? Don’t you want me to fix it?” Jm images the owner of the voice pouting. He must be pretty, or at least Jm thinks so because of the voice. Still, it’s so familiar that Jm feels almost caressed.
“Can you?” Jm pats again around his heart. The wet patch is still there,
warm and sticky.
“If you promise me to wait for me, I can do whatever.”
“Should I?” Jm feels heavy with sleep, so heavy that his limbs feel numb. His eyes are slowly closing.
“Do you want to wait for me, Jm-ah?”
Jm woke up from his sleep with a heavy heart. He couldn’t remember any detail about it but he could feel the heaviness of it still lingering on him. There was a kind of uneasiness he couldn’t really explain. It surely didn’t come just from all the crying of the previous night,
nor from not knowing where Yg is. At least, not entirely. It’s something that prods Jm just under the ribs; it’s that kind of uneasiness that comes with aching dulling pain, able to scratch just where it hurt the most.
Jm stays in bed for quite a while, running his hand on the tepid space left by Th. He knows he’s alone by now as surely his best friend had to go to work. In days like this, Jm despises the normal world from which Th comes.
A world in which there is a routine, a work to go to – wearing a tie and caring a briefcase – a house to go back to and not where to hide.
Jm sometimes thinks about it; he lets his mind run around the years both spent in middle school together and he wonders how they ended up
so differently. He wonders what he did wrong, and when was the very moment in which he made that wrong turn. It’s not like knowing it changes something; in a way, Jm knows the reason behind everything he’s doing right now. Why he ended up choosing to stay away, to be his own
boss, to own everything he could put his hands on. Still, knowing does nothing for the regrets.
When he finally decides to stand up and fetch himself something to eat, it’s almost five in the afternoon. Assessing that Th is actually gone, doesn’t help.
He starts padding around – the uneasiness still lodged in the hollow space under his ribs. It hurts, hurts so much that Jm doesn’t know if he can keep breathing without doing something for the pain. In the end, he decides to forego the lunch in favour of having a shower and
Sometimes, being Kitty it’s a burden; he can’t allow himself to show emotions, cracklings on his surface. Nothing that can make him vulnerable or an easy target. Still, now, as he puts on his cargo tight pants and leather jacket, he knows that today everyone can
see how broken he is. He wonders if this will make him a target or even scarier. He wonders because, in between the dull pain and the ache, he feels the anger lapping at his feet.
However, as soon as he’s ready to bolt out of the door, his phone rings. The sound is loud and the caller ID is mocking him.
“Don’t even think about it.” Jm scoffs as soon as he hears Th’s voice.
“How did you know?!” Jm pads in the corridor, taking his blade and gun to place
them in the garter.
“I know you, Chim. And trust me, it’s not a good idea to go and search for him now.” Jm stills in place. Suddenly, whatever he had dreamt of last night comes hitting him in full force.
//“If you promise me to wait for me, I can do whatever.”//
It’s not like Jm thinks Yg could really reach out for him in a dream. He doesn’t even believe it is possible. Still, a part of him wonders why he would dream of something like that at all. Is his sense of guilt? Is the man of honour that still lives somewhere inside him?
Pleading him to keep his promise to Jk and Nj?
“But I can’t just live it all like that… I can’t do just ‘nothing’.” Jm puts the blade and the gun back where they were. He slides down to the floor, back glued to the door.
“But if you start lurking around now, you will make whoever is behind this angrier. You know this kind of thing, I shouldn’t be the one telling them to you.” Th’s isn’t really scolding him but Jm knows that if he wouldn’t be using his stern voice, Jm wouldn’t even hear him right
now. It’s like he’s wrapped inside a cloud, far from reality. Everything is just about Yg.
“What should I do, then?”
“Do as you promised! Stay put and don’t move. Nothing else.” There’s a rustling on the other end of the line and Jm wonders what Th might be doing. If he’s
talking to him from the storeroom of his office, like always. “I think they’ll reach out for us anyway. Isn’t always like that in the movies?”
Jm lets out a faint chuckle because he loves how Th can brighten up the mood in a moment like this. He nods, head brushing on the door,
as Th could see him. However, the heaviness is still there. Clinging to him and Jm wonders if he could go mad for something like this.
And just like that, the next two days are a maddening loop of sleeping and wandering aimlessly around the house. Jm keeps his cargo trousers
on, and the jacket thrown on the table near the door, ready to bolt out at the first need. He spends most of his day, playing with the blade, letting him hover over his pristine skin. Sometimes, he thinks about the wet patch of blood he sensed in his dream and wonders if
scars like that hurt more than real ones.
The blade shines in the dim light of Jm’s apartment, at night. He lays on the couch, fiddling with the hem covered in little stones. He can’t stop thinking about the way in which someone could use it; he imagines Yg stabbing him,
right near his heart. It’s how he feels anyway.
The dream wasn’t fantasy at all. His heart is bleeding since the night Yg broke it. It’s just that – all this time – it had been easier not to acknowledge it. It’s like when you’re hurt, bleeding or bruised, and you divert your
attention by hurting yourself in a different place.
Sometimes, it was more like when you press your thumb on a big bruise to see if it still hurts. It’s what happened on those night in which Jm would play with the thought of Yg, let it sinks under his skin. Usually,
especially after having heard of him before coming home just to find himself picturing an apartment filled with Yg’s hoarse voice.
The blade is still there, shining in between Jm’s fingers when someone knocks at Jm’s door. The sound is desperate but hollow, like whoever is
outside isn’t even willing to knock. Jm stills for a moment. He isn’t waiting for anyone. Nj and Jk are still in Yg’s apartment, patiently waiting for him. He’s sure it can’t be them.
He pads softly to the door, blade tightly gripped in his hand. Jm opens the door with a
harsh movement, just to find a bleeding Yg leaning on the threshold. The older’s forehead is covered in his sweat and his face is heavily bruised. Jm’s heart is beating so fast that, for a moment, he thinks he might choke.
“Agust…” the name spills out of Jm’s mouth in what
resembles a cry. It’s broken, and scratchy and Jm feels his throat burning. “Fuck… what happened to you?”
Yg is panting hard, his legs trembling. “I didn’t know where to go… I—” The older can’t finish his sentence as he collapses on the floor. Jm lets the blade fall on the
floor to be able to surge forward, catching Yg in his arm. Jm’s heart is going wild, filling the silence that Yg left. His mind is running to fill in the sentence Yg was trying to finish but his train of thought is stopped as a wet and sticky warm liquid starts soaking his hands.
Jm is coated in Yg’s blood as he tries to manhandle the man toward his bedroom. Jm doesn’t know how he’s able to breathe, to even think as he drags Yg’s unconscious body; as he lays him on the bed, not caring if Yg stained the sheets, his coated hands reach for his phone,
trembling and unsure.
"Jin hyung... you need to come here as fast as you can. I have someone injured that needs help. RUN." He yells on the phone even before Jin has the time to greet him. Jm looks down at his hands, spoiled with blood and he feels so guilty. He doesn’t know
what to do, or how to move. It takes him more than a minute to kick himself into action and take a towel to press hard on the big wound on Yg’s arm. The ten minutes Jm spends alone with Yg, are the longest of his life. He's worried about the older’s safety, of course, but mostly
he needs to put his hands on whoever did this to him.
When Jin arrives, Jm leaves Yg in his hands. He can’t bear to watch. He paces around aimlessly, unable to stop his racing heart. The only thing he has control over is the way his hands reach for the bottle of gin in his
cabinet and the way in which his fingers unclasp it expertly. The familiar burn in his throat seems to be enough to make him breathe, even if just for a moment.
"He will be alright.” Jin yells at him from the bedroom, putting Jm into motion. When he reaches his room, all he can
notice is the smell of blood. It feels like he has a piece of iron lodged in his mouth. “I patched the wound up and I gave him a lot of valium. He might be out of it for quite a while." Jin is washing his hands in Jm's bathroom and his voice seems distant. Jm is finally allowing
himself to sit on the edge of his bed. He tries not to disturb the man but he still sits as close as he can, looking at Yg's pained expression and the sweat on his forehead. "Jiminah... it's okay, you know? This kind of thing happens in this work."
"I know..." Suddenly, Jin’s
voice is sickening.
"And you punched him more than once. You too bruised his pretty face." Jin is chuckling lightly, trying to enlighten the mood.
"It's not that. Whoever did this, trespassed. It's our territory. Moreover, no one can harm him like this." Jm's jaw is so tense
that he feels pain all over it. For a moment, he wonders if it could fall. He feels his hands itching; there’s the need to touch Yg and the need to have his hands on whoever did this to him and he trusts neither of the two.
"You two fight all the time, I don't understand–"
"You're not supposed to. Thanks for your help though. I really appreciate it." Jm stands up and bows to him, signalling that the conversation is done. He listens to Jin’s padding down the corridor and then leaving then, he sits down on the edge of the bed again. He doesn’t leave,
not for a moment, not even when hours pass and his back starts hurting.
It’s much later when Yg starts withering in pain. His hands play with the cover, scrunching it up. Jm can’t help but look at the way his hands search for something to hold as he dabs the sweat on his
forehead. He aches to be what Yg’s hold onto. He aches to be acknowledged right now.
"Hyung... it's me. I'm here... what do you need?" Jm doesn't even know if Yg, in his altered state inducted by the morphine, can understand him. He just slips his hand under Yg’s, letting the
older grip on it, bruising as he digs his nails in the flesh. "Hyung, you can tell me. What do you need? Water? More painkillers?" Jm leans as much as he can, hoping for his voice to reach Yg. He feels powerless. His face is mere centimetres away from the older’s and Jm can feel
the ragged breath, getting heavier and heavier. Deep down he's fighting the urge to touch, to run his fingers over Yg's skin.
"You–" Yg's voice is cracked, strangled. "You here–." Sweat is bedding Yg's forehead, but Jm is too stunned to wipe it away now. Too stunned to move.
Too stunned to even breathe. He waits. He fears to prod more, to ask Yg to finish his sentence, to speak again. He wonders if that ‘you’ was really referring to him. If Yg remembers where he is. “Jm-ah… it’s enough…” Yg’s is panting harder, twisting Jm’s
hand as a jab of pain travels on his face. Jm wonders what Yg meant just now because, if he has to listen to his heart, this sounds too much like feelings.
And Jm doesn't want to believe Yg might have something close to it for him. He does his best to brush the thought away, but Yg is still holding his hand, keeping him close and Jm doesn't know what to do.
The need is so strong that Jm dares to lean forward, brushing his lips over Yg's forehead. He never allowed himself to be this affection with someone that wasn't Th. He feels his lips trembling, his heart reaching and he's getting close slowly. As his lips touches Yg's skin,
Jm breathes in. He lingers there, taking in the salty taste he feels on his lips. He feels vulnerable, like he's stark naked in the middle of a crowd. He was allowing himself to be tender for once, shutting all the voices about Yg not being his to keep.
He could feel his eyes getting teary as the feeling gs and the tension from the last two days opened the gates. Years of yearning for tender touches, gentleness and closeness were all taking him to this moment, to him kissing Yg's forehead hoping to soothe part of the older's
pain. Yg's hand is still gripping his but, the more Jm's lips stay there, close to Yg, the more he can ignore the bruising pain of Yg's nails dug into his flesh.
"Jm-ah..." Jm is so startled by the hoarse whine Yg lets out that he tries to pull away.
It's a harsh movement, harsh enough to make a nicks in his neck crock. Still, he doesn't go too far as Yg's hand finds him again, pulling, asking, pleading. Jm feels like Yg is tugging directly at his heart strings.
He doesn't dare to touch again though. He just lay down next
to Yg's body, breathing as slowly as he can. He makes sure not to touch him, not to startle him as he lays his head at the same level with the older's profile; their hands still intertwined.
"Jm-ah..." Yg calls again, pleading and Jm wonders how many words he can't utter now.
He wonders if he would send him away if he could, if he would yell at him. Still, for once, he allows himself to have all; Yg in his bed, holding his hand and whispering his name.
When Jm wakes up, the next day, Yg is still there - eyes closed and fists gripping the sheets. For a moment, Jm wonders when they stopped holding hands, if Jm was the one who let go or if Yg was the one who pulled his hand away. Maybe he could tell that Jm was there, holding
him. He stands up, trying to will the thought away, and dabs Yg's sweaty forehead and waits. There's not much he can do anyway. It's not like Yg can speak right now, telling him what happened.
At least, he can look at Yg, knowing that whatever happened, the older is here.
It's calming, looking at him. Jm is taking the chance to study the older's face, learning the new creases on his brow and the wrinkles at the side of his eyes.
There's a new scar under his chin that looks like a little island. He reaches out, running his fingers lightly over it.
The skin is crumpled but still smooth. There's a small bump too, just under it. Jm wonders if it bothers him.
At some point, Jm tries his best to leave Yg's side. He needs to have a shower and change his hoodie, stained with Yg's blood.
The hot water helps his aching muscles, soothing the nervousness he felt during these days. His neck is aching because of the weird sleeping position and there's a nauseous feeling sitting in his belly. Still, the water calms his senses.
As he scrubs his body with soap, he finds himself looking at his hands where he can see some scratches made by Yg's nails yesterday, during his pain fits. He feels so naive for finding himself making fond eyes at these signs. Just being touched by Yg made him feel better,
like all those times spent apart didn't even matter. Because it doesn't. Because Jm doesn't care if they've been away for a year; his feelings haven't changed.
He comes out from the shower with a towel around his hips and one over his dripping hair. He pads around with wet feet
to assess the temperature of the apartment, not wanting Yg to be cold then, he makes a beeline for the kitchen.
He pours himself a cup of coffee and pairs it with a pack of crackers. There's nothing else in the pantry anyway and, as the nervous feeling cooled down with the
shower, he feels famished. He snacks on everything he can find before deciding to order some groceries. He can’t even take into account the idea of leaving the apartment, as Yg might need something, so he texts Th, making sure not to mention Yg's presence.
He just asks for a bit of groceries, stating he's working on something. Th doesn't ask for anything more; he just drops the groceries and leaves after kissing Jm on the cheek. Jm finds himself to be shamefully grateful for Th to have to go to work right now.
He sits back on the edge of the bed near Yg with a hot cup of instant ramen. He wonders if things like smells and touches can help him wake up faster. Maybe it's not that though, maybe it's just the fact that at some point Jm tries his best to distract himself by tidying his
closet and his swift movements around the room disturb Yg.
"Nggh..." a shiver runs down Jm's spine when he hears Yg grunting and tossing around. The sweaters he was holding fall on the ground and Jm rushes to the bed.
"You're awake..." Jm is towering over Yg, trying to catch
the moment in which the older opens his eyes, but Yg is already looking at him. There's a long and tense silence during which Jm can see Yg studying him, his movements, his very breathing.
"Kitty?!" The older's voice is hoarse and Jm can imagine blades scratching at the back
of the older's throat just by the sound of it. Yg seems confused and Jm wonders if he doesn't remember coming here. He tries to sit and winces in pain as soon as he uses his arm for leverage.
"Fuck..." the hiss he lets out pierces Jm's ears.
"Stay there... what do you need?"
Jm is already there, helping him with a hand behind his back.
"Bathroom..." Jm helps Yg stand, careful not to touch his arm or to jostle him. He guides him towards the bathroom and then they stand there, awkwardly for a moment. Jm is standing there, holding him and Yg scratches
the back of his neck with his good arm. " I can do it alone, you know?"
"Oh... sorry, I-- I'll be out there..." Jm closes the door and stands out there, leaning his back on the door. His heart is beating fast at the thought of him and Yg sharing his house now.
The awkwardness they just shared makes Jm feel embarrassed; it’s the first time they are so close like this. Fucking each other is closeness and intimacy but a completely different type. All those encounters were a way to answer a primeval urge; sometimes Jm thinks they’re so
sexually compatible that it’s almost weird. Still, it was nothing more than sex, horniness and the human need for touch.
This - sharing a house, laying in the same bed, having Jm dabbing his sweat and running his fingers on his skin - is something different.
Yg searching for his hands while in pain, is different. Yg coming here covered in blood is different.
The thing is just that Jm doesn’t know how to act in front of this, how to move around Yg without making all of this even more weird, without letting his hope trasuding out of
him, without making a fool out of himself.
Yg is looking at himself in the mirror, standing weirdly in the middle of Jm’s bathroom. He relieved himself while trying his best to stay still; his head pounding like a bitch and the arm throbbing in jabs of pain. The thing is now, he doesn’t know how to come back to the other
room; Jm is waiting for me out of the bathroom and he can just keep looking at his eyes circled in black and his tousled hair. Not to mention the bruised cheek and the split eyebrow. How can he teel Jm what happened? How can he share the same room as him? The only time they were
in a house together, was the time they fucked on Yg’s couch. He doesn’t know how to share something like this with the younger, how to move around him in a way that has nothing to do with sex and banters. And surely, he doesn’t know how Kitty is when he doesn’t have a blade in
his hand, when he’s not threatening him or trying to pick up a fight.
“Are you okay in there?”
“Shit— Yes… I’m coming.” He splashes some water on his face, trying to get rid of the stickiness he feels. “I’m searching for a towel… I’ll be there in a minute…” Yg hears the
door opening as he has his eyes closed and water dripping from his face. In a moment, a warm hand is curled under his chin and his face angled to the side. The dabs are gentle and Yg feels something unfamiliar curling at the pit of his stomach, like a cat purring.
“Here… Let me take you back to bed; you’ve been standing for too long.” Jm guides him back to the bed and Yg can’t help but notice the newly made bed. He sits down, feeling weird about the fact that it’s Jm’s bed but he tries his best not to say anything, nor to make
“Thanks… I– do Nj and Jk know I’m here?” He scratches at the back of his head, trying to settle down as comfortably as possible; his injured arm carefully placed over his belly.
“No… I don’t think we should tell them. I don’t even know who did this to you.
We can’t just have the news you’re okay and here, spread around.” Jm is back to his closet, crunched down as he takes up the sweaters from the floor. Yg feels irked about the fact that Jm didn’t let them know; a part of him understands the situation but, on the other hand,
he’s aware of the state Nj and Jk might be in. He can’t have them staying on their toes, waiting for him, probably thinking the worst. He can’t even contact them because he doesn’t have his phone; the frustration starts crawling on his skin.
“I think I wanna sleep now."
.Yg notices how rigid Jm goes at his words but he doesn’t say anything. Not now, not when his anger is lapping at his feet. Not when he’s trying his best not to tell Jm what happened and especially not when he’s so confused about everything that it’s going on.
However, the moment in which Jm closes the door behind his back, Yg feels a pang of guilt. The stiffness in Jm's movements and the way in which the kid just went out of his own room without a word, makes Yg feel like a jerk. In the end, he just made clear that
Jm isn't Nj or Jk for him. Still, he came here; he knows damn well what made him run toward Jm's building with a bleeding arm and wobbly legs.
He lays in Jm's bed, looking at the sleek furniture around him and feeling out of place in such a clean and tidy space. His hair is
greasy and dusty and his face is still crusty and bloodied, even if he tried to clean himself at his best. He looks down at his soiled shirt and ripped jeans and wonders if Jm hesitated before putting him on his bed in such a state.
He wonders what went through the kid's mind when he saw him at his doorstep.
Yg runs his good hand around the bed, feeling the bumps in the mattress and trying to understand which side usually Jm uses to sleep. He presses it hard down what he thinks might be the slope made
from Jm's body, feeling the anger and the guilt rising up to his throat. It's only when his hand find something weird under one of his pillow that Yg stops; his fingers wrap around it easily, feeling the lace and the little stone embodied into it. It's so familiar that,
for a moment, Yg wonders if he's hallucinating.
He feels his head heavy because of the painkillers he must be under but at the same time, there's a nauseous feeling at the touch of the familiar piece of cloth. He slides it from under the pillow, stilling.
He knew it was Jm's pink garter.
It's easy how the soft touch turns into a firm grip. The garter was in Yg's place, over his shelves, near a photo he'll never stop cherishing. As he looks around Jm's room - for a moment, allowing himself to breathe in and out - he realises how
He knew it was Jm's pink garter.
It's easy how the soft touch turns into a firm grip. The garter was in Yg's place, over his shelves, near a photo he'll never stop cherishing. As he looks around Jm's room - for a moment, allowing himself to breathe in and out - he realises how
there's nothing similar. There's just a little statue of what seems an angel trapped in the ground. There are no photos, no personal objects. Just the garter, folded under the pillow. At the mere thought that Jm saw the garter in his apartment, Yg feels like standing up and
bolting outside. The room is suddenly too tight, crowding around him. He wonders what Jm might have thought about it, if he was disgusted knowing that Yg kept something so personal just like that, on the shelves. For a brief moment, he can even imagine Jm thinking Yg must have
intended it as a trophy and the urge to throw up only worsened.
He doesn't even know how much time Yg spends alone in Jm's room; the pink garter gripped in his hand and a dizzy feeling that leads him in and out of sleep. He's only aware of the little light cone coming from the ajar door and the shadow walking in.
"You took this from my house..." Jm startles at the sound of Yg's voice; the older can see how he goes stiff again, stopping in the middle of the room. It only adds to his frustration.
However, Jm doesn't talk. He goes to the corner and turns on the light. Now Yg can see him
standing there with a tray full of food. It's unnerving how Jm is able to make him sway from anger to guilt this easily. The kid comes closer, before sitting at the edge of the bed without sparing Yg a glance. "Jin said you should eat and drink tons of water." He offers him the
tray, not bothering to take into account what Yg just said and Yg can't help but tighten his jaw. Whatever would come out of his mouth now, would be bad.
“I don’t know what you like to eat so I just went for sick-people-friendly-food.” Jm rolls his shoulders before helping Yg with the hot bowl of soup; he’s trying hard and Yg can tell but he can’t help the scowl on his face.
He wants to talk about the garter, cleaning his own conscience and knowing why Jm took it, what he thought of it. At the same time, he feels trapped and angry. He can’t call Nj for advice and he fears he might ruin everything if he does this alone. He can’t handle these
emotions; the mix jarring and upsetting.
To avoid making a mess, he accepts Jm’s help and eats in silence, doing his best not to meet the younger’s eyes. The soup is surprisingly good; he can taste the rich selection of vegetables and spices and, as Jm feeds him the last spoon,
Yg wonders if he cooked it. Yet, Yg doesn’t ask; he already feels vulnerable enough right now.
When he’s done eating, Jm takes the tray away before coming back with painkillers and a glass of water. “Take these now…” the younger gives him the tabs and holds the glass in front
of him. Yg had never been taken care of this way before, he never allowed no one to baby him this way nor to see him this vulnerable, not even Nj. It’s easy to deal with your own scars alone; Yg has always been more like a stray cat, licking his own wounds clean and hiding
whenever hurt or in pain. So, right now, he doesn’t know how to show how grateful he is with something that isn’t a bland ‘thank you’. So, he opts to stay in silence, biting hard on his tongue when he remembers about the garter.
“I’ll leave you sleeping now.” Jm leaves a glass full of water on the nightstand, tissues and more medicines. The stiffness though is back; Jm’s shoulders look almost hard for how much he’s keeping them straight. Once again, Yg feels like a jerk.
“I’m sorry for before. I didn’t want to sound rude or ungrateful.” The garter is laced around Yg’s fingers and well hidden under the sheets.
“It’s okay. It’s not like I want to keep you hidden or something. It’s just about safety. I would never oblige you to stay around me if
it pains you that much.” Jm is turned toward the door, his hand gripping the handle and Yg wonders what kind of expression he might be making. Is he hurt or pissed? Does he hate having Yg around?
“You’re not obliging me. I came here.” He keeps the ‘willingly’ perched on the
tip of his tongue because he doesn’t want to add more. He feels already exposed, almost naked for Jm to see. This - laying in Jm bed, admitting he came here with his own feet - is more intimate than sex for Yg. It feels like he’s giving Jm access to his mind, to his heart;
a heart that’s full of Jm anyway, for how painful it might be.
“I still wonder why though.” Jm lets out a scoff as he crane his head to look back at Yg. The kid pins him down with a piercing gaze. “You came here, covered in blood but you clearly don’t want to be here.” Jm steps
forward, opening the door wider. “And you still didn’t hint at what happened, meaning you don’t intend to share.”
“What’s wrong with you?!” Yg feels himself getting worked up at being vivisection, at the way in which Jm seems to be using a blade to tear him open and takes
everything out, making Yg see how good he understands him. He hates how the younger carries himself right now, how he’s still stiff as a rock and yet something in him shifted. The tenderness he showed Yg just a moment ago, has been replaced by a hard set in his jaw and eyes.
“With me?!” Jm steps toward the bed, looking down at Yg. Maybe they really can’t be civil for too long. The kid plants his hands on both of Yg’s sides and leans down, near enough for Yg to be able to feel his breath fanning over his lips.
“Do you really think I’m the one at fault right now?!”
As Yg doesn’t answer - trying his best not to lose the staring contest - Jm backtracks, ready to leave. Yg feels himself getting even more frustrated but he doesn’t dare to move. However, his tongue does.
“Clearly you’re not in your right mind to take care of me like this!” Yg scoffs, tightening the grip on the laced piece of clothing. It’s stupid, but right now is everything Yg has of familiar in an unknown space.
“It could have been a trap to get to you but you still haven't questioned a single thing!”
The thought of what /the man/ told him started to crawl back to him like a venomous snake. He can’t stop it, he can’t swat away those greasy hands roaming around him in search for a blade
or a gun nor that stupid voice telling him that he knows how important he is for Kitty. He can still hear himself scoffing at the man, just to earn another punch and even like this, the knee-jerk reaction was too strong to resist.
“Nothing is important to Kitty, believe me. And surely, not me.” He had blood in his mouth that made the words sound even worse.
“But I never saw him returning to the same hook up. Still, you–” The man’s fingers curled under his chin as Yg struggled to keep his eyes open;
the blood from the eyebrow cut bothering him. “You seem to be his favourite. He always comes back to you… I wonder what’s so special about you, Agust.”
For a moment, Yg felt the nausea coming back to him. The little bit of hope that those words had planted inside of Yg’s
mind were now biting him in the ass.
“I would never question a thing like this!! What I was supposed to do?! Leave you there?!” Jm is now yelling at him but with a composure that irks Yg even more. The younger is there, leaning on the wall with his arms crossed over his chest
and Yg can only hear his blood boiling under his skin. “And I do know how to take care of myself!”
Yg doesn’t even know what possessed him into standing and stalking toward the younger. He feels his head throbbing because of the fast and sharp movements; his legs wobble and he
hopes he’ll have enough time to get his point straight before collapsing.
“You’re so full of shit!” Yg points his finger at Jm like a five-years-old arguing about his favourite pokemon. Fuck, the painkillers must be really messing with him. “You really think you would stand a
chance with them?!” Yg wobbles more, feeling like he might just crumble where he’s standing but Jm’s arms snake easily around him. Yg is dizzy for a moment, wondering how they ended up like this, flushed together but Jm is still yelling at him, making it difficult to think.
“At least I don’t go around unarmed, meaning I can defend myself. Or just trying!” Jm’s voice is stern and Yg thinks they’re too close right now. The closeness and the warmth coming from Jm’s body are playing with him and he feels himself growing hard in his sweatpants.
Jm seems to feel him; the younger’s body responding to Yg’s hardening cock with the same eagerness. They’re both half hard now and still flushed together.
“You’re fixated with this weapon thing! It’s not like everything is about violence!” Yg gets his point straight with a hard
grind over Jm’s clothed dick, earning a moan from the younger.
“Maybe if you would have had a gun you wouldn’t have ended up with an injured arm!” They’re still grinding the more they yell at each other; Yg feels his own breath getting laboured as he lean his forehead over Jm’s.
He should stop, peeling himself away from the younger’s hold but the friction and the warmth are too good. Good enough for him to ignore the harsh jabs of pain in his arm.
“Trust me! It would have changed nothing!”
“You won’t understand!” Yg gives a hard thrust
forward, grazing his cock over Jm’s zip. It hurts enough to make it pleasant and Yg lets out a deep grunt.
"Me?" Jm punctuated each word with a thrust forward chasing the same friction. "You're the saying I won’t understand but stumbled bleeding at my door."
"It was a mistake, clearly." Yg's grinding is getting slower. What he said just now stings because he knows it wasn't a mistake. He wanted to be here. When they threw him out of the car on the curb, bleeding and cold, the only thing Yg could manage to do was come here.
He can feel Jm's hips falter too, their cocks still pressed together.
"I made tons of them when it comes to you." Jm leans forward, their noses brushes and Yg starts to feel his legs giving up. The pain in his arm is so strong he feels like fainting.
He wonders if Jm can sense it, if he can feel him giving up. "So many mistakes, hyung..." Jm's lips are so closed as he leads them to the bed. Yg's cock is still aching hard in his pants but now he's more concentrated in the tingle on his lips as Jm keeps teasing him with the
Jm's breathing is so close to him as he lays Yg down on the bed that, for the first time in his life, Yg feels fragile. As delicate as a broken vase. Jm lays him on the bed and hovers over him and Yg finds himself waiting patiently, his anger subsiding like the
tide to leave place to whatever what he’s feeling right now is. His aching cock is still there, throbbing hard and Jm’s eyes are piercing him, digging holes, wandering around.
It’s only when Jm’s hands get down toward Yg’s leaking cock, his fingers sneaking inside the
sweatpants and playing with the head, that Yg’s mind stops.
/Maybe you’re the way to get to him. I believe that Kitty would do anything to save you/
“Stop!” Yg’s right hand flies down to Jm’s wrist, stopping his ministration before they take it too forward. Jm’s eyes go wide
and his body rigid; it looks like a skyscraper who could crumple on his at any minute and Yg shuts his eyes closed. “We can’t.”
“We can’t what?!” Jm’s voice is pitched and Yg doesn’t dare to look at him.
“Sex. We can’t have sex anymore.”
The moment in which Jm’s hand leaves Yg’s cock, Yg feels almost ruined. Whatever happened between them last year already ruined him but this is Yg’s end. He’s trying hard to restrain himself - not just his horniness nor his need to be fucked right now - but his mouth, a
ll the words he’s dying to tell the younger. He has to bite hard on his tongue not to talk, not to have himself stripping himself naked for Jm to see how much he’s aching for what he’s about to do.
“I don’t want it anymore.” His eyes are still closed,
and he’s shutting them so hard he starts seeing little colourful lights. Last thing he knows is that he’s laying in Jm’s bed, the waistband of his sweatpants leaving the head of his cock out, and no sign of Jm in the room.
If he has to be honest with himself, Yg is aware that the real problem is the fact that he has feelings for Jm. Maybe, if he hadn’t a single inch of his body craving the younger or a single centimetre of his heart caring for him, he wouldn’t be this worked up around him at the
mere mention of what happened to him the last three days. Maybe he would have even let Jm fuck him sensless before leaving the apartment without a word, as usual.
The point is that he can’t, not when he knows that there are people after Kitty, not when he’s not even sure he
wasn’t followed here. He needs to think and to do it fast to be able to find a solution; that’s why he couldn’t let himself be drowned in again. The sex is what caused all of this, them being reckless and fucking in an abandoned wharehouse just to be fought;
the feelings and the men targeting Yg to reach Kitty are all sex’s fault and Yg can’t have it again.
The only thing that made Yg breath was the knowledge that Jm didn’t have feelings for him, that there was no way those bastards could put their hands on Jm’s empire just like
that. Yg wasn’t a pawn in this game and yet, he was ready to sacrifice himself.
The sleep still didn’t come easily to Yg, though. Not even when the plan he outlined was clear in his head, step by step. Jm’s room was too impersonal and empty to even distract him.
The only thing Yg found himself marvelling over, was the angel reproduction. He wondered if it had a special meaning for the younger - this fallen angel trapped into the floor - to be the only personal object lingering around. Maybe, Yg thought it was the slight resemblance with
//“You’re such a pretty thing, you know?” Yg was crunched by the quicksand, looking down at the naked man. His black wings were half trapped and, for a fleeting moment, Yg felt a hot pleasure coiling in his gut at the mere thought of being able to stare at the
man for the time being. “What brought you here, hmm?”
The man was beautiful, but there was a hard set to his expression that looked a lot like troubles, like he had fallen down to the quicksand for an unmentionable sin. Besides, the more Yg looked at him, the more he was
feeling like there was something utterly familiar about him, something he couldn’t quite place. He could feel himself leaning forward, and forward…
“Mistakes, sir. Tons of them.” The sound of the man’s voice lured Yg in. It was like he was being called, pleading to come over.
Yg srhed his own tshirt, not minding the way in which the man’s eyes roamed around his chest. He knew the man was looking at the scars, Yg could tell. Still, neither of them said a word. Yg sunk down the quicksand, easily, without regrets, before looking up at the man.
“What kind of mistake?” However, Yg didn’t have the time to ask as the face of the boy in front of him started to crumble like it was made of marble. The cracks were running fast, splitting the beautiful surface and leaving Yg alone, drowning in the quicksand.//
Yg wakes up panting and covered in sweat. His heart beats fast against his ribcage, almost knocking the breath out of him and his arm hurts like a bitch. He tries to steady himself for a moment, taking deep breaths in and out but it only adds to his delirious state.
The water of glass is still where Jm placed it so Yg dares to sip from it; slowly, hoping it will cool him down. However, a couple of minutes later his frantic beat hasn’t slowed down so Yg stands up on his wobbly legs, feeling like he’s no autopilot and starts padding around
He doesn’t spare so much of a look around, already used to how aseptic the place is; he won’t find anything on which to lay his eyes, nothing to study and knowing better Jm. It’s just like the kid doesn’t want people to know him and Yg, to some extent,
The younger is curled in a ball on the couch; he has an arm under his head as a pillow and the other one is tucked in between his vented legs. He doesn’t have a blanket nor a sweater on and this just adds to this disturbing feeling Yg is always trying to swat
away when with Jm; his chest constricts and his hands itch to touch. He needs to pretend he didn’t see the younger’s puffy eyes or the bottle of soju on the table. He needs to overlook the general scenery because otherwise he might do something stupid, like crunching down and
petting Jm’s head, carding his fingers in between his pink hair.
“What are you–” Jm’s eyes open slowly. He seems to need time to focus on Yg’s form; maybe he’s too close, way over Jm’s personal space and now, he feels regret crawling back to him. He moves fast to pull back,
but Jm is faster, wrapping a hand around his wrist and keeping Yg’s hand in his hair. “Don’t go…”
Has Yg ever seen Jm this vulnerable? Small? Maybe not. Maybe not even when the younger was sprawled under him, naked and wide open for Yg to see. Not even there.
“I wanted to apologise…”
“Again?” Jm’s eyebrows go up in a non ironic way. He’s surprised, maybe even pleased and Yg can’t contain himself. The images of his dream are still running wild in his mind, telling him how dangerous it is for him to be near Jm and still he
reaches out. Still, he lets his fingertips run under Jm’s eyes.
“I did not–” Jm’s eyes flutter close and his chin leans forward, searching for Yg more, letting the older’s fingers travel softly and with surprising ease around his face.
“Come to bed.” Yg doesn’t
know what possessed him into this or why the urge to stay closer to the younger is this strong. He tells himself it’s because he feels guilty, that he’s just horny and wants human’s warmth. All of these are just tons of bullshit and Yg knows it.
/because it may be the last time I see you/
“Because it’s cold and you’re standing here like this, come on.” Yg doesn’t pull Jm up; he’d like to, to make his words clearer but his arm is throbbing and there isn’t enough strength in it.
“I don’t want to–”
“Stop being stubborn for fuck’s sake!” What does heartbreak feel like? Because if Yg thought he experienced it when Jm disappeared into thin air, this hurt more; Jm refusing to share a place with him and preferring to stay in the cold feels more painful than the blade dragged
down his arm three days ago. It’s physical pain and Yg can just backtrack.
“Are you sure about it?” Jm grimaces and Yg sighs.
“I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t.” Jm stands up and Yg looks at how conflicted the younger seem. He wonders what’s going on in that pretty head of
his but doesn’t ask. He never asks.
Laying on their back in Jm’s big bed feels weird. It’s not because of the intimacy or at least, not for Yg. The fault lays in the storm inside Yg’s mind; what happened the last three days is cramped inside his brain, making it difficult to
put order in there. As a consequence, his feelings too are all over the place. However, he doesn’t want to waste the little time he has with Jm; an occasion like this, to be close, to say something that could mend everything it’s alluring. He mentally thanks Jm for having turned
off all the lights and having closed the shutters as he turns his head towards the younger’s side.
“I’m sorry for what I said before.”
“What for?! Practically telling me I can’t handle some shady men, implying I suck at my job or refusing to have sex?” Jm’s voice is as sharp
as the pink blade he always carries with him. “If it’s for the sex… you shouldn’t be apologising and if it’s for the rest, you say it so many times in the past two days that it has lost meaning.”
It’s almost ironic how Yg is known in this field for his way with words but with
Jm he never seems to have it right. All these years, he could avoid using guns or blades because he knew how to talk, how to show people that there was always an alternative. Of course, a lot of times things ended up to become heated anyway, still this was Yg’s best ability.
Yet, with Jm he has no such power.
“You’re insufferable…” Yg rakes his fingers in between his hair, furiously. “I just wanted to tell you I’m not underestimating you… it’s just… It doesn’t matter.” Yg turns to the other side again, careful with his injured arm.
“You say you don’t underestimate me but you still don’t wanna tell me what happened, treating me like a fucking kid!” This time, Jm is downright yelling and Yg can feel all of the kid’s heartbreak. For a fleeting moment, he wonders why he is so hurt about it, why whatever Yg
thinks or not thinks about him matters.
Yg sighs deeply, restraining himself from coddling the younger. “You’re not a kid… you’re just… You know, sometimes I think it’s time for me to let go. This job, all the hassle. Sometimes, when I close my eyes, I can only see the faces
of the people who left, the ones I couldn’t keep close. The friends I almost gave my life for. And then there’s you, always hanging in there in the best way…” Yg thinks it’s the first time he says these things out loud. It feels right to tell them to Jm, the fire who ignited
this chain of thoughts, who made him think that maybe this is not the life he’d like to have. Because in the end, Jm is the only one for which Yg really thought about leaving everything. “And I hope you will never go through half of the things that happened to me… just… I just
want you to understand that sometimes it’s better not to do anything.”
Jm’s toss a little and Yg wonders if he turned on his side. He wonders if Jm is looking at him right now or if he’s just trying to get comfortable. The rustle doesn’t stop but it sounds more quiet now; the
younger must be moving his hands around. “I too… I thought too that I should stop. There’s a reason… a good reason and sometimes it just makes me think I should stop. Getting a normal life, a job or whatever. But this doesn’t mean I should stay put and avoid getting revenge on
who hurt you."
Yg chuckles, helplessly because they had the same thought besides, he needs something to divert the attention from the weird rhythm his heart just found; Jm’s word, the implications they take with them, ignite something inside Yg. Part of him really wants to ask;
what does Jm mean he can’t look at someone hurting him? It can never be, and still.
The words are there, on the tip of his tongue almost threatening to roll out, but this time Yg’s know better. “You know… a year ago I got my shoulder completely busted to protect a dear friend
of Nj. Things between them didn’t go right after it and, in the end, they went separate ways. And yet I still thought it was the only thing I could do for him. It’s almost funny now how I got my arm ruined for someone else once again.”
“WHAT?!” Yg can feel the younger sitting on the bed and the only thing he can do is biting his fucking tongue. He hates how vulnerable he feels every time around Jm, how easy it is to just let the words roll out, without a care.
“You don’t know me, Jm-ah… I would give my life to save the ones I love.” The chuckle is dry this time and his throat feels on fire. There’s a sob ready to escape, a tightness in his chest that Yg is trying his fucking best to avoid.
“Are you stupid?! You got yourself beat to almost death to save someone?!” Now Yg can tell Jm is standing. He can feel how pissed he is and he wonders what he’ll think of him if he’d know who Yg got himself beat up for.
“Not stupid… just in love, I think.” It’s liberating to say it out loud, to let those words out even if Jm doesn’t know that they are for him. Maybe, it’s liberating because he doesn’t know, because the younger can’t reject him.
“You’re– you’re in love?!” Jm’s voice just disappeared in the dark; small and fragile and Yg’s heart stops for a moment.
“Yeah… I am…”
“Is it worth so much?” Yg wonders why Jm’s voice is so distant right now. He wonders if he should reach out, if he should ask what’s wrong.
However, he needs to end this, to make Jm believe that he doesn’t have to save Yg. Yg wants Kitty to have the best over those bastards.
“Even more… Much more than this.”
[A/N: Okay, this was a loooong update and it closes the 9th chapter. Pls let me know what you think as we're getting closer to the end!
Here my cc (that hopefully will start working again soon) and kofi if you'd like to support me]
Yg waited patiently for Jm to fall asleep. After what he said, the younger went back to bed and curled to the very far end. As far as possible from Yg. It was painful to stay still, pretending to be sleeping, to be unfazed by whatever the kid eventually did.
To him, Jm seemed like a little animal at that moment; the kind you rescue from a shelter and are just afraid to be touched. Yet, he tried his best not to dwell on it too much. He couldn't afford to give it too much thought to the younger, to not be sucked in.
For how much he wanted to talk it out, to understand what was that made Jm so touchy right now, he couldn’t ask.
Was the sex?
Was him coming here unprompted with a baggage of trouble?
Was something he said?
Yg closed his eyes shut, as forcefully as he could, avoiding looking
to the side. He bit his tongue, avoiding asking for more. Everything needed to be pushed at the back of his head as, once again, Yg was proven that love is dangerous in a work like theirs.
When, much later, Yg was sure that Jm was sleeping, he slipped out of the bed, searched
for his shoes and just left the apartment. He didn’t look around and kept his eyes on the floor while walking towards the door. A glimpse of something could have made him stay; a hoodie threw around, a t-shirt. Whatever would have screamed ‘home’ at him, right now, would have
kept him rooted here, letting himself be taken care of by Jm for a moment more.
The moment he closed the door of Jm's apartment at his back, he felt like something snapped. Like a chord, somewhere in his body, had been cut. He stayed there for a moment, on the lanyard, eyes
closed and hands bundled up into fists; the garter well hidden in between the right one. It took him a while - maybe ten minutes or more, he isn’t sure - to be able to leave. As he walked down the street, he felt a pull, a strong need to turn around but he didn’t.
There was another place calling him and its luring voice was as strong as the one coming from Jm’s apartment. There was another place he needed to go to before everything else. If this was supposed to be his end, and the end of his empire, he should at least say goodbye.
He needed to be invisible though. People couldn't know he was around, that he came back, so Yg did what he does best; he crawled into the darkest of allies - face covered with a black mask and body wrapped carefully. Like this, he reached the Busan Blues from the back door.
He came in as silently as possible and sat in /his/ room, waiting patiently.
Yg was aware that he couldn't go into the main room; he knew that it would have been crowded with people who could recognise his body proportions in a blink of an eye. People who had worked around him
for years, that knew his habits, the way he wears his mask or his beanie. People who could even spot his scent in a crowded room.
Besides, he still didn't have a phone so there was no way he could contact Nj. So, he sat there, waiting for the sound of footsteps or the closing
hour; whatever would have come first. The minutes seemed to stretch longer than usual and the room felt emptier, void of any sound. He was almost dozing off, giving up to the throbbing pain in his arm.
"I TOLD YOU NOT TO COME IN!" The yell came from the adjacent room; Nj's
office. Yg could feel his heart beating at the sound, a sound so familiar that he hadn't realised how much he had missed it. Still, even if familiar, the voice had a scratch, a pain, a hoarseness to itself that Yg had never heard before. He listened carefully, waiting for the
door to close.
Now that the occasion was there, the possibility to meet, to see each other was at an arm's length, Yg wavered. The mere idea of seeing the other hurt, broken expression, pained him. He steadied himself, hand ready on the doorknob and ear strained to any foreign
sound. Then there was the little space separating the two doors; one almost closed behind him and one about to open. Yg didn't knock, not to lose the momentum. He just stayed there, door wide open and mask under his chin, looking at Nj hunched over his desk. Everything happened
fastly; he coming out of the back room and into Nj's office. He closing the door behind him before saying Nj's name out loud and then the crashing recognition on Nj's face, the way in which he stood up and his face cleared. Yg thought that he looked like a clear sky after the
The moment Nj crashed their bodies together, Yg growled like a scarred animal. "Fuck, hyung are you hurt?!" Nj's voice trembled in Yg's ear as the younger pulled away.
"Yeah but..." He pulled Nj closer again, wanting more of this. Wanting more of the warmth he had just
found in between the younger's arms. "You can... you know..." The hug was lighter now; less tight, fewer bones crashing, less pain in it. Still, it was warm. Even warmer maybe. And wet too, as Yg felt Nj's tears tickling his skin.
"You scared the shit out of me." Nj was
hunched forward to be able to engulf all of Yg. It was something they had never done; physical affection in general was something Yg came to dread. It was affection and love, to Yg. An Achilles heel that he knew you ought to fear in a work like this. Because it makes people
crumble the same way an earthquake does with buildings. It makes you waver, reconsider, hesitate, and make mistakes. However, right now, Yg welcomed all of it. The warm gesture, the scolding, the tears.
"I'm sorry... I couldn't help it." Nj took a step back to look at Yg,
grimacing at the older bruised face.
"I think you have some explaining to do... right?" Nj was searching him with his eyes and Yg wondered if he could read his mind. "Of course, Joonah."
Nj lead them to the back room and poured them some whiskey. It's like he read through
Yg and detected his craving; he can't possibly have this conversation sober. "So..." Nj sits down with a grunt. "So... don't scream, please, but I was kidnapped. The man who put Kitty on the same mission Suran gave me, sent some men to pick me up." Yg lets out a dry chuckle.
"The bastard." He gulps down half of his whiskey as he gives Nj time to digest what he said. The younger shifts uncomfortably in his seat and Yg can see how much he's thriving not to say a word and interrupt Yg's story.
"He- he said it might be easy to reach Kitty through me.
Because-" Yg stood up to look out of the window, unable to face Nj. "Because he thinks I'm a special hookup for him." A dry chuckle then a pause. "He let me go because he said I should be the one giving Jm the options."
"Me or Jm's empire."
"What do you mean?!" Njs voice was closer now.
"That if Jm wants to keep me alive he needs to hand over his entire empire."
"Alive?!" Nj's hand was tightly wrapped around Yg's arm. The good one. "That's what happened to your arm?! They hurt you..." Yg just nods slowly. He's
doomed and he doesn't want Jm to know, he wants to just end all of this. Set Jm free.
"We need a plan."
"No, I just have to hand in myself." Yg takes a deep breath
in and out. Now that the words are out, it's easier to look at Nj - an apologetic smile already in place.
“HYUNG!! I WAS MISSING YOU, JB SAID–” The hollering voice breaks through their staring context as Jk appears at the door. “Yg-hyung…” His voice was now so small, contrary to how he was yelling just a moment ago. Yg could see it; the eyes getting teary and the little tremble in
“Hey, kid. Missed me?” Yg tilted his head to the side, cutely, hoping to conceal a little the bruises and the split eyebrow. It was everything it took for Jk to close the door and start crying.
"You're safe!" The kid run towards him, standing there weirdly as he
scanned Yg's face. "Fuck… I–"
"I know. It's okay now." Yg ruffled Jk's hair, looking silently at the way Nj's arm wrapped around the younger middle. It's something he had been waiting for honestly.
"Hyung is lying." Nj's voice is stern in a way Yg had never heard before.
"He's about to do something really stupid." Yg looked at the way in which Jk took Nj's hand before turning around and looking at him, confused.
"Listen… I'm tired, okay? Tired to always need another solution, tired to fight and to lose what I care about. Tired of this fucking
job. It's time to go, Joon-ah. Maybe it's easier like this." Yg lets himself fall on the couch, nursing his injured arm the best he can. There’s a tense silence around him, but Yg doesn’t care as he rolls up his sleeve to tighten the patch.
“You’re insane, hyung!!” This time it
is Jk the one speaking and Yg is almost stunned by the anger he can read in the younger's face. "This is not a solution by any means and I know you know it too. I admire you, I followed you for years. I know you, hyung. And I know this is not what you want.
Yg lets out a weird chuckle. "You're such a brat, kid."
“Where did you stay all this time?!”
Yg pretends to not have heard the tone of Jk’s voice; he’ll let it slip. “I stayed with Jm… Couldn’t have my location disclosed.” Yg scoffs. “It was kind of nice… with him, I mean.”
Nj crunches in between Yg’s legs as he muses around his thoughts. There’s just too much he can’t seem to will out of his head; Jm’s lips over his, he taking care of Yg as everything but not an enemy. The man’s words that Yg can’t seem to stop from running around his mind and make
him wonder if he’s really special for Jm, in a way or another. He can feel the hot streaks starting to run down his cheeks as Nj reaches out for him, placing Yg’s head on his shoulder wordlessly.
“You can have it… you know?” Nj’s hand on the back of Yg’s head feels warm.
“Whatever you want with Jm… I think he’s on the same boat as you.” Nj chuckles lowly, lightening the mood.
“Stop being stupid. We just /fuck/.” Yg sits straight, busy himself with his patch once again. He should change it because it’s getting loose and keeps to
“Listen, I went to him the night you disappeared, asking about you. He was livid, okay? The news had him out of it. He was ready to throw hands but we asked him to stay put.” Nj’s voice comes like a thunder. Yg had no idea Jm knew about him disappearing; the kid
was waiting for him, worrying and Yg didn’t have the slightest idea. Nj snaps him out of his shock just to throw something heavier at him. “I’m not exaggerating but I think he might have feelings for you too, hyung.”
“No… he doesn’t. He might have thought I was right when I
told him there was something fishy about this mission and felt bad about it.”
“Fuck, I can’t believe you’re so smart but also so oblivious.” Jk let out a growl before twisting his long hair. “Jm likes you a lot… you should have seen how he looked at me. I think he thought I
was your new toy or something.” Jk comes closer, placing his hands on Nj’s shoulders and squeezing. “I wanted to tease him but Nj hyung said it wasn’t the right moment.”
“Because it wasn’t?!” Nj looked up, a fond smile painting his lips as Jk mirrored him.
“It’s always a good
time to tease two idiots… Just–” Jk looked at Yg then; he looked sad as he bowed his head a little. “Don’t do something stupid because you’re afraid.”
“I’m not afraid… but Jm doesn’t deserve this shit. Besides it’s /my/ fault. It’s because we had sex around empty warehouses,
because we kept hooking up. And I knew it was dangerous… I knew it… but I still kept going because Jm felt too good… too good for me.” Yg stood up, getting rid of his shirt to put something cleaner. He went for the little closet Nj put there for him and started roaming around.
“Anyway, I’ll sleep here tonight and leave in the morning.”
“I have a better idea, though.” Jk smiled at Yg sweetly. “Just wait for me here, okay?”
A/N: come screaming at me here because cc doesn't work atm. How are you finding this new chapter?
Ask me anything! retrospring.net/@minimini
A/N: This part of the chapter is quite long. I will divide the update into two parts. One now and one tomorrow. Anyway... this chapter made me rll nervous so I hope you all like it. Feel free to lt me know your thoughts, they help me a lot
Jm woke up startled by a knocking sound at his door; it was a kind of persistent sound; sharp and obnoxious, cutting hard through his sleeping brain. The first instinct was to reach out for Yg and be sure he stayed put. However, as soon as Jm’s hand reached out, he found just
cold and crumpled sheets.
“Fuck!” Jm stood up, now alert. If Yg wasn’t here, something was happening and Jm could already feel his heart beating hard and fast in his chest at the mere idea of what could be happening right now. Moreover, there was the knocking still going on
and Jm was starting to grow anxious. He took the blade with him as he walked slowly to the door, before opening it fast.
“Fuck, Jk… it’s you.” Jm felt his legs going jelly as the younger let himself in without even asking. The adrenaline he had felt rising just a moment ago,
subdued like a wave.
“Do you have time?” Jm tried his best to bite his tongue at the lack of honorifics and whatever kind of goodmanner. No ‘good morning’ nor “can I come in?’. Yet, Jm let it slide because Yg’s side of the bed was empty and Jm’s mind was already going berserk
at the thought. So, he just nodded at Jk, guiding him to the living room.
“Hyung came to Nj an hour or so ago. He’s about to do something stupid, so please, listen to me.”
/thump thump thump/
“Did hyung tell you what happened to him?”
“No– he– he didn’t.”
/thump thump thump/
“Okay, I will be brief then because we don’t have a lot of time.” Jk was still standing up, his hands bundled into fists and hidden inside his pockets. His face was more relaxed than Jm expected him to be and, this little detail, made him breathe a little better. “A man kidnapped
him because he knows you two used to fuck. He said to him that if you want Yg alive you have to give your district to him.”
/thump thump thump/
“But it’s Yg we are talking about and he has no intention to say anything to you. Instead, he wants to just give up and let them do
whatever to him.”
/thump thump thump/
“WHAT?!” Jm felt his body standing without having any kind of control over it. Suddenly, the room was wavering under him and his head was dizzy. There was Yg’s voice ringing in his head now, loud even in his hoarseness.
/Not stupid… just in love, I think./
/Is it worth so much?
Even more… Much more than this./
“Listen, I won’t ever disclose something like this if I wasn’t sure you feel the same… I would never do something like this to hyung but… he’s in love with you… he’s ready to do whatever it takes to keep you safe.”
Jm didn’t know what to think now, how to feel, how to breathe. He was standing there unable to move, to even breathe. His mind is a mess and, as he feels his body give up, Jm can only think about how heartbroken he had felt yesterday night; the denial of sex, the confession.
Jm was sure that Yg wasn’t talking about him, that he had just drifted away. However, now Jm feels like he’s underwater, like he still is that damn fallen angel trapped in the ground as the water rises around him. The sounds around him are muted and he can only hear the rumbling
of the blood.
Yg feels the same.
Yg loves him, the same way he loves him.
Yg loves him enough - or maybe, too much - to the extent he’d do something really stupid.
“Hey!! Jm listen to me, go back here, would you.” Jk is holding him hard from the shoulders, shaking him
like the wind does with canes. Jm feels boneless, lifeless almost. “You have to focus now, okay? We need to go back to the Busan Blues asap.” Jm is still floating; the mere thought that Yg might be in love with him is overwhelming.
“Give me a moment. I need to change, okay?” Jk lets him go and Jm pads unevenly toward his room. He can feel Jk’s eyes on his back as he tries his best to put his body into gear. He does change clothes pretty fast; he puts on a pair of black tight pants, hiding a couple of blades
under them. He tops the pants with a black shirt and a leather jacket. He sniggles a gun in the back of his pants and another blade in the jacket’s pocket before going back to the living room. “We can go now.”
The thing is that Jm is unable to control himself when his feelings are all over the place. Maybe this is why Agust has always been better at this than him. Better in the way that his mind works fast because he can keep his heart in place; because Yg knows how to work for
compartments, how to use words, and how to be steady. Still, now, he’s about to leave all of this, to lower his defences just for Jm’s sake.
However, Jm isn’t Yg. Jm has built an empire around his emotions. Not love, obviously because that’s too much of a weakness. But anger,
vengeance, pain. That was what Jm has always used as a leverage, as fuel for whatever it was needed. Because this world can’t be taken with a light heart, otherwise it will bite you open.
Jm entered the Busan Blues well aware of all of this; that he’s known for his passionate
way of working and that he never lays low. “Where the fuck is the owner of this place?” Jm didn’t need to raise his voice. Coming in with his perfect catwalk and the clacking of his Chelsea boots on the fake wooden floor was enough to alert everyone he had arrived.
Nj came into view as stunned as everyone around them. No one was talking, nor breathing probably as Jm was standing in all his glory in the cone of light. He was trying his best not to lose his composure, even if knowing that Yg was just metres away after what he just came to
know, made his heart go wild.
“I’m here. Do you need something?” Nj straightened his back as Jk came into view from behind Jm.
“Can we have a word?” Jm stalked towards the counter “With something hard to drink, possibly.” He ignored the way in which Nj’s eyes travelled from
him to Jk and then finally took a bottle of whiskey.
“Ok… come with me.”
Jm didn’t even have the time to enter what seemed like a private room; good couches and beautiful view. Surely something expensive. “Where Yg?”
“You went calling for him?” Nj had just ignored Jm in
favour of looking at Jk with what could only be described as a displeased expression.
“Didn’t you do the same when hyung disappeared?! Oh, come on. Do you really think we can make it without him this time?” Jk sat down on the couch, legs spread wide and arms on the backrest.
His tattoos were on full display and Jm couldn’t help but notice how this stance was making Nj’s cheeks grow pink.
“That’s not it. It’s just–” Nj took a swig from the bottle before handing it to Jm “Yg is already gone.”
“WHAT?” Jm’s grip on the bottle faltered, letting it fall
ruinously on the ground. The shards of the bottles were around Jm’s feet and the waft of alcohol was so strong that Jm felt like gagging.
/thump thump thump/
“He’s off to Hs before leaving. He wanted to say bye to him too. I bet you know how much Hoba means to him.” Jm knows
tons about Hs; when he first started in this world, Hs was Yg’s sidekick but when he almost lost his life in a fight, Yg put him behind a desk, handling other matters. The only other thing Jm knew was that Yg and Hs entered this world together, well knowing that taking care of
your loved one is more important than taking care of yourself.
“I need to see him.”
“It’s not that easy. Yg would never forgive us if we tell you where he is. Hs’s place is secret and Yg want it to be that way.” Nj was busy trying to swipe away the shards with a broom and Jm
couldn’t help noticing the gesture; he was looking out for Jm. It wasn’t just about cleaning the place, considering that it surely wasn’t the right moment. He was just trying to avoid Jm from stepping on one of the shards.
“Listen… if we don’t track him now, we risk losing him
for good. Is this what you want?!” Jm feels himself edging to something more close to a yell. Yet, he knows he needs to be careful; walls have ears. “I think I know who wants my district, but he never hides in the same place. I never went to a meeting with him in the same office.
We can’t risk having Yg reach the place without knowing where he’s off to.”
Nj stops what he's doing to look at Jm in the eyes. They are too close for Jm like but he doesn't flinch. He just looks back at him.
"Are we gonna keep this staring contest for long? Because I think our
time is running off." Jm kept his composure, eyes like a slit as he looked at Nj.
The man flattered. Jm could actually see the moment on which happened; he reached for his phone without breaking eye contact. It wasn't that difficult apparently to dial Hs without looking at the
"Hoba… don't let Yg understand I am talking with you. Is he still there?" Meanwhile, Jm was still dealing with his heart.
/thump thump thump /
"Okay… did he tell you where he's off too?"
thump thump thump
"Okay. Keep an eye on him and try to track him down with a
bug or something. We are on our way."
It was a brief talk that sounded too long to Jm. Hs can't have said more than a 'yes' or 'no', still Nj's replies seemed spaced out with long pauses full of nothing.
/thump thump thump /
"Okay. Hs will make Yg tell him a bit more
about where he's off to if he already didn't. We can track him down from an alley he need to pass."
Jm could just nod. "I want to do this alone though. This situation has already caused too many troubles and Yg would never forgive me If something happens to the two of you."
Jm took his phone out, waving it in front of Nj's face. "Please, do text me every info."
"It should surprise me, you know? But it actually doesn't." Hs is sitting on his sofa with a composure that irks Yg off. He came here to say goodbye, to feel at ease with himself, ti erase this sense of guilty. Instead, he came face to face with a God. Yg jokes a lot about this;
gods have, in mythology, have a very peculiar smile. Its a kind of smile that describe their status as deities; it's the smile of someone who knows everything and fears nothing.
"What are you talking about?" Yg walks straight to the alcohol cabinet. Maybe a swig of something
will make him at ease.
"People talks, walls have ears, words spread like wildfire. These are our three rules and you should know them by heart. Still, you make the same mistake over and over again." The smile is still in place and this tells Yg Hs isn't scolding him. It's more
like he's reading him like an open book; something that only he and Nj seem able to do.
"I don't follow."
"I know what happened to you. I always know Yg. Maybe I didn't know while it was happening, maybe I couldn't save you first but I can now." Hs untangles his legs to
invert their position. "I always told you to be careful with where you'd fuck him.nj did it too. But you didn't listen. Would you listen now?"
Yg tsks loudly as his lips, wet with alcohol collides together. "And what doesn't surprises you exactly? That I am indeed human and I
do make mistakes?" Yg takes another sip, looking at Hs with hooded eyes. The alcohol, the medication, the nervousness for what will happen soon are all piling up.
"No. That you feel in love. You used to say that you was too aware of what love does to people to fall." Hs is now
on his feet, walking closer to Yg. He is so calm and collected that Yg almost feels out of place with how much he's sweating right now. "You said after looking at what happened to Sunmi and Nj. But you said it before, right?" Hs is now in Yg's space, looking at him with kind
eyes, the kind of kindness Yg doesn't feel like he deserves.
"I don't know why you are going there." Yg feels the urgency to take a step back but he doesn't know where to go. There's just a wall behind him and, suddenly, the bottle of whiskey feels heavy in his hand.
"Because you locked me in this place because of love too. The day I risked my life to save you and you decided you couldn't bear it."
And here it is. The monster Yg has always tried to keep at bay, curled in between his ribs, just right under his heart. Its a monster he never
faced, not really, but that keeps hunting his dreams.
Two face of the same medal and that Yg had to see too many times to accept their existence, at some point.
The man he inherited all of this from.
"No, Yg-ah… it's time to face it. It's time for you to look at me in the eyes and tell me you finally let yourself love someone." Hs searches for Yg's eyes. It's insistent and it makes Yg's skin prickle. "It's okay if it's not me, you know? It's okay if it's not just sex with
Jm. It's okay if you have love for him."
"You don't have love. You feel love." Yg can't help the snark remark and how it's meant to cut.
"Nope. You feel love for me, for Nj, for Jk. You feel it and you know it. You'd do whatever to keep us safe, always. But it's a love you have
out in the open. There's not a soul in the world who can't see it." Yg feels like he's shrinking, slowly fading, moulding with the wall for how much Hs keeps coming closer. "But what you have for Jm is different. It's almost tangible and you keep it hidden, like a kid with a
candy he doesn't want to eat, afraid that the sensation will last too little."
"You are going nowhere with this nonsense. I just came to say 'bye' not to be psicanalise." Yg tried to slide away from the side.
"Are you sure I'm going nowhere? Aren't you putting Jm through what
you have already experienced? Aren't you gonna teach him Loss with what you want to do? Aren't you gonna teach it all of us?"
Suddenly, Yg's ears are filled with the obnoxious sound of Hs's phone. The younger fishes it out of his pocket, bringing it to his ear as his eyes leave
"Yes… of course… mmh." Hs doesn't have an expression right now and Yg doesn't even want to prod about the conversation. It's meaningless like everything else right now.
There's no point finding explanations for any of the things listed from Hoba, there's no point sitting down and going through his intricate feelings. It's too messy in there to even trying and the time he has isn't enough.
"Yes… of course… mmh." He doesn't have an expression right now and Yg doesn't even want to prod about the conversation. It's meaningless like everything else right now. There's no point finding explanations for any of the things listed from Hoba, there's no point sitting
down and going through his intricate feelings. It's too messy in there to even try and the time he has isn't enough.
Hs put the phone back in his pocket before moving his hand to the bottle in Yg’s hand. He took it away from him gently, letting his warm fingers work magic on the
cold grip Yg was having on the bottle. “Let me just ask you something, hyung.” He took Yg by the wrists and pulled him to the sofa, letting him sit down before sitting right next to him. “Look at me in the eyes and tell me why you’re always out there saving us, but you won’t let
us do the same for you. Tell me why you’re willing to risk your life instead of facing the fact that you are indeed in love with him and that he might feel the same.”
Hs’s words were sharp even if spoken with such tenderness. It’s not like Yg never let himself think about it;
the thing is that every little thing that happened to him, shaped who he is now. He’s well aware of how sharp his edges are, of how difficult to understand his way of loving may be. Yet, he never backed down once. All he always did was trying his best to keep his loved ones safe
and Jm is no exception.
“Because I was ruined from the start.” Yg leans his head back on the sofa, looking at the ceiling. Usually, he would laugh at Hs’s glowing stars glued to it but tonight he finds them oddly comforting. “When I came here I had nothing to give. I was just
good at picking up fights and doing what I was told to. That’s how I built all of this. But I have no interest in it.” Yg keeps looking up; there is a star that it’s different from all the others. It has its five points but it shines with a blue light instead of the yellowish
one. It’s weird and it catches Yg’s attention. “I have been thinking about leaving all of this, recently, you know? I’m tired of Agust. Tired of being him. Tired of put up fights. But if I’d go, I fear you won’t be safe, I fear that Jm won’t–” Yg stops himself before standing up.
He’s already said too much and, even if there won’t be other chances probably, he can’t face the rest of this conversation.
“If you go now, you’ll ruin all of us and Jm too hyung.” Hs’s grip around his middle is strong now. The younger’s chest is pressed to his back as the words
are mumbled into his hair. Maybe Yg wasn’t ready for this particular goodbye.
“I will try my best to come back then, okay?” He wraps his hands around Hs’s arms that are securely wrapped around him. I can’t promise shit. But I’ll try.”
After Jm left the Busan Blues, he climbed up one of his buildings, sitting on the roof and patiently waiting for instructions. Nj had said Hs was gonna give them more information but, right now, waiting was the hardest for Jm. So, he sat there, legs swaying out in the void and
phone perched in between his shoulder and ear. He was so scared of doing something reckless that the only idea he was able to put into plan was to call Tae to keep himself out of action.
“Oh, someone finally came back from the grave!” Tae’s tone was teasing but Jm knew that he
was right, that this was Tae’s way of speaking the truth. Jm hadn’t call nor answered any text since Tae dropped the grocery at his apartment back when Yg appeared at his doorstep.
“I am a shitty friend who lied to you.” He could say it now. There was no way things could get
worse than they already were. Jm could tell Tae about Yg appearing bloody and bruised at his doorstep, about the confession, about what happened to him. Or at least, he could start while waiting for Nj’s text.
“I had an inkling you were hiding something. Where are you now?”
On the other end of the line, Jm could hear that Tae was having a bath. There was the sloshing of water filling the moment of silence; it reminds Jm of that stupid game he used to play in his bathtub, when he’d tried to lay underwater, hearing the sloshing of water and imagining
that as the only sound in the world. It’s just like back then with one difference: Tae’s voice can reach out for him even like this.
“Same place as ever. I’m waiting for a text and I thought—” Jm looks up at the sky; the darkness is disappearing gradually, leaving the skyline
bathed in a pinkish light. His mind flies to Yg. “I thought it was a good time to tell you something…”
“Hey, are you injured? Or something?” The slosh of water now is the same as the one of a big wave. Tae must have sat up upright.
“Yg said he loves me… Like not directly to
my face, but—” Jm sighs; his heart is beating fast as he wonders if and when he will hear those words being said directly to him. “We don’t have enough time to explain everything… but… he feels the same…” There’s silence on the other end of the line; enough silence for Jm to
wonder if Tae is still there.
“I told you, didn’t I? A man doesn’t ask you to point a gun at him if he doesn’t trust you.”
“Trust and love aren’t the same.” Jm puts Tae on speaker to check if there’s any new text from Nj.
“They are indeed the same in a work like yours. You
can’t love someone because you can’t trust anybody. At every time, you may just find another enemy, another gun pointed at you with the intention of shooting. But you two… I always told you it was something else.”
“It’s just… he…” Jm stands up as a bubble appears inside Nj’s chat.
“The thing is that he was ready to risk his life for me. And what did I do for him?” Jm’s eyes are trained on the blue bubble as he patiently waits.
“Is this how you measure love, Chim?”
/Hs followed him for a bit.
Said he waited for a car.
Idk what they can do to him./
“I— I need to go. Talk to you later.” This time, Jm doesn’t have time to hear the sloshing of the water.
When has it been? When was the last time Yg has felt so out of his body?
He has just spent the entirety of the car ride lost in a hyperspace filled with Jm’s face, the taste of his kisses. Dotted with Hs’s last words and Nj’s and Jk’s faces tonight.
For how much he tries to feel his body, to concentrate on the sensation of the ropes around his wrists, to stay focused, he is still pulled back to all these things.
It’s only when they literally kick him out of the car that Yg tries his best to focus. It’s his will to survive
that starts to resurface; it’s all those thoughts piling up and remembering why he’s doing it in the first place. It’s what Hobi said about Loss maybe, weighing the most because fresher.
“Really? Yongma land?! Are fucking with me?” Yg turns around to look at the two sidekicks
and almost feels sick. How twisted can you be to choose an abandoned amusement park to kill someone?
Lee Hoo Ye comes out from behind the aeroplane carousel and Yg can’t help but scoff at the theatricality. “I thought you liked abandoned places, August.
I just ran a check of your behaviour.”
“I can’t say they don’t have a sort of charm. So where? The Vikings ship? The aeroplane carousel?! Oh, no, no let me guess… The wacky worm.” Yg earns a punch in the stomach for his wittiness by one of the sidekicks. His inside burns like
molten lava right now, but he won’t bite his tongue. If he has to play, he has to play his way.
He ends up kneeling in the middle of the dusty path as HooYe walks closer. The heels of his shoes echo in the empty space; the sound it’s almost at the same wavelength as Yg’s heart.
“I have a quick question for you… what’s gonna kill you?” The voice sounds almost metallic now, almost like whoever is talking now isn’t Lee anymore. It’s just iron and steel; a tall building standing right in front of Yg.
A familiar voice, in a way, coming from his past, from all the times he tried to save someone. It’s like time repeating itself.
“What do you mean?”
“Just this–” The man crunches down, curling his finger under Yg’s chin and making him look at him. “Look at you, all tied up.
You’re harmless, but you still have the strength to be witty.” There’s a twisted smile on his face and Yg wonders how many times Jm had to see it. “So? What’s gonna kill you? Love?” Lee stands up again to start walking around.
“You know, I thought you were smarter, that you
had learnt something. I know all about you. I know all you did to save people you loved. And once again… oh god, once again you’re about to do something like this.”
“Cut it short, Lee… what should I have learnt?” Yg can’t really find in himself the will to wonder how he can
know all these things. How he can know that it’s not just Sunmi.
What happened with Sunmi, more than a year ago, was something everyone knew. It happened in the open, where everyone could see. Yet, Yg’s history and all that made him who he is today, is something that was
consumed under his grandfather’s roof; something that forged his belief but then no one should know. However, Lee just mentioned a plurality of people he might have loved and saved.
The man’s back goes rigid as Yg’s behaviour keeps cutting through his plan. He almost feels proud. “How it works in this field.”
“I did learn something though.” Yg bravely stands up. His legs are wobbly and his stomach is still churning but he can still give him a smug smile.
The ropes are digging hard in the skin of his wrists, scratching his skin rough but, overall, Yg doesn’t care about anything anymore.
“Oh really? You learned something and still came back here on someone else's behalf?” Lee’s forehead is creased and for a moment, Jm’s as an
angel trapped in the quicksand crosses his mind.
“There are things worth protection.” Yg sucks in a breath, letting another smug smirk form over his lips before speaking again. Part of him knows about the bug Hobi placed on him when they hugged. If at first he was pissed
about it, in the end he left it there. They might be able to save him but if not, at least they’ll know. Besides, he really wants to have this conversation.
“Kitty? The pretty whore?” The man leaned back, supporting himself on one of the ticket stalls littering the area.
They are not close and his voice comes to Yg like a whiff of cold wind. He knows he can’t let his anger flare now, no when he has no way of reacting. Still, he has time to make the man uncomfortable.
“You said you know me, right? You must know to what extent I can go to save
someone I love then. You must know what I am capable of for love.”
It’s not something Yg’s is proud of, actually. It was the only time he held a gun to actually kill. He can still remember how he was driven to that point, how much anger and hurt he had to swallow down before
acting. Maybe, if he had done it before his father and his hyung would still be alive. However, at that very moment in his life, Yg didn’t know better than vengeance.
Maybe that’s why it’s sting every time the others nag at him for not bringing weapons. Maybe that’s why he
built his own persona on a weaponless myth; because he already knows what he’s capable of.
“You don’t have a single weapon on you, I’ve checked.” His voice seems to waver for a moment. Just what it takes for Yg to understand that Lee really knows.
A cold shiver runs down his spine.
“He might not have a single one on him. But I have more than enough for two.”
Yg strains his eats to gather where Jm might be. "Kitty, what an altruistic move to come here!" Mr. Lee is beaming to himself, the greasy smile on his face makes Yg's stomach churn. Why did Jm came?
"I won't put it like this." Yg can tell Jm is smirking smugly.
"Why don't you come over here so you can tell me how it is?" Mr. Lee is looking around for where Jm could be and, honestly, Yg is wondering too.
"But you chose such an interesting spot. Why can't we play?"
"Play?" Something passes over the man face, something dark and twisted
as he takes a step toward Yg. "Should I play with your friend too, meanwhile?" Yg is ready for whatever Mr. Lee might do to him. The pain in his abdomen is still raging but Yg can shut it off. He's too engrossed in Jm's whereabouts to even care about himself.
"I wouldn't call him a friend." Yg hadn't deluded himself into believing Jm could consider him more than a good fuck. He had never did anything hoping to obtain something from the younger; he's here because his own feelings are this strong. Yet, hearing these words from Jm's
mouth, stings. "Besides, isn't this between me and you?" Yg can tell that Jm has stopped wandering around now. "Isn't something we should settle? Don't you have something to ask?"
Yg wonders how much Jm knows, how he was able to find him, what he plans to do and why he's even
here. His mind is spinning with all of these questions he can't even get a hols of.
"Don't you know? Are you losing your touch?" The man turns around, looking towards the Viking ship.
"I don't. I just like when people beg." Yg feels almost sick.
"What if I don't beg and just
shot your friend right here?" Mr. Lee reaches to the pocket of his jacket, promptly.
"You could but I have a sniper hiding here and you are his target. If you touch him he will kill you."
Yg is feeling a lot of things right now. His arm is in pain, making him weak and drowsy.
Yet, among the flaring pain, he can feel something else too, a different kind of hurt taking root in his belly and working on his muscles, tensing and knotting them. Moreover, there's something undefined, a kind of unsure feeling, unknown and difficult to label that is spreading
in his chest the more Jm talks.
"So I was right. If you go to such a length for him, I am right." Mr. Lee crosses his arms in front of his chest, smugly, before turning around and marching towards Yg once again. He crunches down and pulls at Yg's hair, making Yg look at him in
the eyes. "It's interesting, you know? Mr. Agust here never had something like a weakness since what happened ten years ago and yet here he is to protect his pretty whore." The grip in Yg's hair is getting strong and the angle is making his arm hurt even more. "However, Kitty
here says you are not even a friend. It might hurt, huh?"
"Don't touch him." Jm's voice is close now, impossibly close, and Yg's heart is raging. If Jm comes out, all his efforts will go to waste.
Mr. Lee pushes Yg away, making him topple on the ground. He hisses in pain,
feeling the scar in his arm getting warmer and wetter. The man walks to the aeroplane carousel in big strides as Yg feels useless, lying like this on the ground.
"I'm tired, Kitty. Come out! Settle this thing with me as a man! Let me win your district fairly, then."
Mr. Lee is looking around clueless but the anger is making him sloppy. Yg can see how his hand grips tight at the gun now, making the possible shot out of target.
"You want my district? My money? Yet you asked me to find those files for you and put Agust on the same task.
This is quite confusing. Don’t you think so?" Yg can now see Jm, sitting on the tip of the carousel l, feet dangling in the void as he plays with his pink blade.
"You see… I had an old tab open with Agust too. I wanted to see him lose control, you know?" The man looks back at
Yg with a smug smile. "I imagined he would've come to me armed and yet he didn't. I wanted to see him kill again." Mr. Lee walks closer to the carousel again. "However, he just gave himself to me when I told him the deal. Apparently, he's tired of fighting."
The man shrugs before taking a wooden chair from behind a ticket stall. He dragged it on the dusted ground, making Yg coughs, before settling it right in between the distance between Yg and Jm. Yg, for his part, was too tired to keep looking. The pain in his arm was getting
stronger and his eyes were slowly dropping close.
"So, since apparently all of this was pointless, why don't you just hand in your district and avoid getting killed?" Yg can hear someone jumping on the ground. He wonders if it's Jm getting off the carousel or if someone else
arrived. He doesn't have the energy to open his eyes to check anymore.
"Why my district?"
"Why not?" There are more footsteps resounding on the ground, getting closer, Yg thinks.
Jm might be close too because Yg can hear his voice clearly now. He feels himself dozing off
every now and then but he tries to keep himself afloat as much as he can. He thinks he might have lost a couple of exchanges though as Jm's voice reaches him again.
"I'm not scared of using my blade. I'm not scared of you."
"It's like rock, paper and scissor, Kitty. Gun wins
over blade." Jm seems impossibly close now and Yg wonders what it's really happening around them. He would like to move but the ropes are digging into his wrist making it impossible for him to move. Besides, he's weaker by the minute as his arm starts getting numb.
"I still have the snipper over there. What do you have?" Yg feels a giggle leaving Jm's mouth before he resumes speaking. "You don't even have your men anymore. I'm sorry about it." The smile is evident in Jm's way of talking and, for a moment, Yg feels proud that he was able to
make it even alone. He doesn't know how, but maybe Jm was right; a weapon would have served Yg right too.
"You know what? I'm gonna give you five seconds to run, then I'll shoot."
"You turned sour fast. What's the matter?" Jm is using his teasing voice, the one that annoys the
shit out of his opponents and Yg would like to stop him. To tell him there's no way this will end well. But then he's dozing off again. He can feel something rumble in his ears, like he's drawing. There are other footsteps resounding on the ground as Yg tries to wake himself,
to open his eyes and get over the numbness that it’s getting to him.
“Don’t you dare touch him!” Jm’s yell rips through the hazy curtain that is weighing over Yg. It’s full of fear, something that Yg never heard from Jm, yet, there’s something closer to what he saw the last
night he was in Jm’s house. It’s a sort of tender and weak side, like a naked tendon that Jm seems to wear on his sleeve, something that Yg can’t really make out.
However, as he tries to fight himself and open his eyes, Yg feels himself falling in the darkness. The last things Yg is able to recall is a the booming sound of a gun
“You’re such a pretty thing, you know?” Yoongi was crunched by the quicksand, looking down at the naked man. His black wings were half trapped and, for a fleeting moment, Yoongi felt a hot pleasure coiling in his gut at the mere thought of being able to
stare at the man for the time being. “What brought you here, hmm?”
The man was beautiful, but there was a hard set to his expression that looked a lot like troubles, like he had fallen down to the quicksand for an unmentionable sin.
Besides, the more Yoongi looked at him, the more he was feeling like there was something utterly familiar about him, something he couldn’t quite place. He could feel himself leaning forward, and forward…
“Mistakes, sir. Tons of them.” The sound of the man’s voice lured him in.
It was like he was being called, pleading to come over. Yoongi shed his own tshirt, not minding the way in which the man’s eyes roamed around his chest. He knew the man was looking at the scars, Yoongi could tell. Still, neither of them said a word. Yoongi sank down the
quicksand, easily, without regrets, before looking up at the man.
“What kind of mistake?” However, Yoongi didn’t have the time to ask as the face of the boy in front of him started to crumble like it was made of marble. Around them, the quicksand easily became crimson red.
As the man’s face crumbles down - all shreds of marble that cut like glass - Yg feels like his skin is burning.
“What kind of mistake?” Yg wonders if the fallen angel can still speak to him. He wonders if like this, face ripped and torn, he can still hear him. If there’s one
thing Yg would really like right now, it’s not to be left alone. For the first moment ever, Yg feels scared of being left alone. It’s not about the quicksand turning red, nor about being about to drown. He just wants more time with the man that was standing in front of him.
He looks familiar and Yg can’t really grasp at it and yet he doesn’t want him to go.
“Trust. Trust was my biggest mistake.” Yg doesn’t know where the voice comes from. It hurts like a raging wind and, as Yg completely sinks down, it makes him bleed.
Yg feels his eyelids move. It’s a simple gesture, an almost unconscious one, and yet Yg can feel all the effort that it takes. Every little centimetre of his body is screaming in pain as he tries to open his eyes; his throat feels dry and, for a brief moment, Yg
wonders if he’s still drowning.
The quicksand makes him feel heavy; his legs are like cold stones and his body is pulling him down. Suddenly, something seems to make it’s way up. The black wings, the face, the blood.
“Jm!!” Yg feels himself screaming and the action suddenly shoots a bolt of pain through his whole body. He feels his throat burning and his lungs constricting. At least, now, his eyes are completely open, roaming around an empty room.
White ceiling, white curtains, white sheets. Yg has no idea where he is and he can’t even concentrate to make out a coherent thought because everything that 's spinning in his mind now it’s Jm. As the sound of the gunshot resurface in his mind, Yg feels himself getting angstier
and restless. He feels the compulsory need to stand up but can’t and, in his raging frustration, he leaves out an animalistic groan. He feels exactly like this as he realises he can’t move his arm; like a caged and scarred animal.
“Oh my god, Yg you’re awake!!”
The door flies open as a pale and tired Nj comes running inside. He looks out of breath and completely haggard as he leans over Yg from above. Even if Nj’s figure is insanely big, right now the man looks like he has shrunk.
Maybe, if he was able to hug him, Yg would be able to wrap all of him inside his arms. However, as one of Nj’s big hands comes cupping his face, tracing above some bruises Yg doesn’t remember how he got, he thinks that surprisingly, Nj is still able to engulf all of Yg.
Even in his state. “You scared me to death, oh god.”
Big chunked tears start gathering at the corner of Nj’s eyes as he leans a bit more and breathes in deeply, eyes now closed. “I thought I– I–” Yg feels Nj’s trembling and, as a knee jerk reaction, Yg starts doing the same.
He’s still thinking about Jm, he still needs to know where he is but a sort of liquid panic is fìrunning inside his veins; he can’t move and Nj looks so torn apart that–
“I– I need to– WHERE THE FUCK IS JM?” If there’s something Yg isn’t used to is yelling. He doesn’t do that,
not even in the streets, not even when he’s fighting. It’s been years since the last time Yg had found in himself the will to yell. And now, once again, he was feeling the same burn under his skin, the same solid fear of being left alone like in his dream, like in that
“Hyung, you need to stay calm… you can’t–”
“If you don’t tell me where he is, I will–” Yg feels tears gathering at the corners of his eyes. The look in Nj’s eyes speaks volume, or at least, it does for Yg in his current state - confused and angry.
"IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME!! IT FUCKING SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME!!” The paths of tears running down his cheeks it’s hot and itchy and Yg feels like his lungs are about to give up. There’s a kind of pain Yg hasn’t felt in years gripping at him from the inside, squishing every organ he
has, making him ashes. He can’t go through something like this once again. He can’t, for the life of him, lose someone else.
“You need to breathe for me, hyung.” Nj’s hold on his face is getting tighter, almost bruising. It’s like the younger one has forgotten about all the
cuts and bruises littering Yg’s face and Yg feels this pain adding to all the rest. Yet, the pain grounds him in a way he would prefer not possible. His cheeks, still wet and itchy, now like cold stones too.
“Tell me where the f–”
“He’s sleeping, just like you.”
Nj takes a deep breath and, finally, looks away from Yg. “He got shot but he’s safe, okay? You need to stay calm… you can’t toss around like this nor panic over Jm. You need to rest, okay?”
“Are you out of your mind! you tell me he got shot and you want me to stay calm?!”
Yg is yelling again and his throat is filled with sand now. It must be a while since he last spoke.
“There’s nothing else you can do right now. Your arm is busted and you can’t move. You have two broken ribs and a minor concussion. You can’t get all panicked.”
Yg feels a wave of nausea hitting him right away as he, once again, tries to move. “You don’t understand! It should have been me… He doesn’t even–” he doesn’t end his sentence, he doesn’t say to Nj that Jm doesn’t even consider him.
That everything that he did for him he did it out of common sense, that there’s nothing more. That Yg has been in love all alone for all this time.
“Hyung, please… rest.” Nj pushes him lightly back on the mattress and starts soothing him in all the way he can.
At some point, it’s all black for Yg.
/"You came to see me…" Yg is laying somewhere cold, is back stiff and his limbs numb. He knows he's not alone. He can tell it. His body can.
"Of course I came… another of my mistakes."
Yg can hear the smile in Jm's voice, the way in which his lips curl around the words.
"I should have saved you…" it's demanding to speak because Yg is so weak now. "I should have–"
"From the quicksand? I came there willingly." Yg can't stay where Jm is.
The place is too dark and yet, Yg isn't scared.
"So many mistakes… one too many but at least it led me to you…" the voice is different now, thicker. It sticks to Yg like honey as his head spins.
"Do I know you?"
"Don't you know it, hyung?"/
Yg wakes up sweating and panicking. He feels like he can't breathe, like there's not an ounce of air in his lungs. He might be dying, he might be–
"Agust-ssi." A figure is looming above him. Yg's eyes are wide open but the room is immersed in the dark.
Whoever is standing in front of Jim, Yg has no idea. "Are you feeling alright?"
"Who the fuck ate you?" Yg wonders where's is Nj, why he's still here and where the–
"Th. You might know about me…" Yg nods because he knows tons about Jm only friend. He knows more than it was to
be considered a normal amount. Yet, in the dark, Th can't see him. "I came to check on you and thank you."
"You did it for him… you protected him. So, thank you." Yg's heart is beating faster now and he doesn't know and he doesn't know why.
"How is he?!"
"He woke up this morning… he–" Th flicks a light on and Yg feels his eyes screech "he asked about you… I wanted to ask if you–"
"I won't see him." Yg turns his head to the side.
Suddenly, Th's gaze is unbearable as much as the sense of guilt, rising up again like a tide.
"I wanted to protect him and got him shot. There's no reason for us to meet. No reason why he should even be concerned." The words feel heavy as Yg remembers how Jm says they're not even 'friends' and, for a moment he lets himself wonder what they were,
if they ever were something.
"Agust-ssi I think you're being harsh on yourself, he wanted to–"
"It doesn't matter… tell him I'm sorry for not having helped." Yg tugs in his sheets for as much as his casted arm allows him, getting ready to sleep. Or at least, looming like it.
"I will sleep now."
Yg fights his sleepy pills inducted state as soon as the door shuts. Part of him is already regretting telling Th he won't see Jm. But a bigger part, a part that it's eating him up alive, is telling him how bad he was to Jm. He put him in danger,
threatening his life. Besides, the more he will see him, the more his feelings will have the occasion to grow, to settle and make him suffer even more. Maybe thinking that this would be the end is what can finally save him from this love.
As Yg tries to picture Jm's face the last moment he sees him, he starts falling asleep.
"You piece of shit! Who do you think you are?!" Yg's jolts awake, feeling an intense pound of pain running down his spine as he tries to sit upwards.
His broken ribs burn like hell and his head spins. Whoever is inside his room is yelling and making a fuss as Yg tries to open his eyes amidst the black flashes of pain.
"Jm?!" Yg feels his heart beating fast. "What the fuck? Go the fuck out of here!"
Yg's eyes travel around Jm’s body. He's wearing a soft blue pyjama and his right arm is cladded in a sling. Yg can see all the bandages and a slightly blooded patch just below Jm's shoulder. He looks pale and tired and Yg is quite sure he shouldn't be here.
"You refused to see me?! Are you out of your mind?!" Jm is towering over him and, among all the tiredness and the physical pain Jm is exuding, there's something else. Yg would like to go over himself and say that it's hurt but he want to stop being delusional about his and
"I did. Listen… I wanted to help you and look what I did." Yg nods towards Jm's arm before turning his head to the opposite side. "Please, just–"
"I wanted to see you because I was sick worried…" Yg feels the bed dips as Jm might be sitting down.
"I don't care if I'm injured, I care that you're okay, hyung…" the younger's voice drops an octave, becoming sweeter and softer. It tugs at Yg's heart but he doesn't want to move. He's so ashamed right now that it almost hurts. Besides, he's trying to get rid of the way in
which Jm almost sounds like—
"If you won't look at me, at least scoot over a bit… I'm tired…" Yg does it. He moves his legs first, gently and slowly to the side, and then his torso, trying his best not to make it hurt.
There's enough space like this for the both of them, and even if Yg doesn't turn around, he can feel Jm's presence. It's warm and solid.
They stay in silence for a bit; all that Yg can focus his attention on is the ticking sound of the water drops from his IV. His own breath is uneven may it be the broken ribs or Jm’s presence by his side. He doesn’t know what to say. ‘Thank you’ is foregone and besides the guilt
is lapping at his feet and Yg just wants Jm gone, despite the fact that he doesn’t want him to leave. Part of Yg /wants/ Jm’s solid presence, the warmth that it’s seeping from his clothes, the mere fact that he came to see Yg. He wants all of this; the fluttering feeling inside
his chest that burst whenever he thinks about him, the sense of protection he gets now from having Jm laying beside him even if they’re both crashed. But also whatever he can’t name right now that impels him to turn around, to search for Jm’s hand and hold it. He just can’t and
he shouldn’t let his mind wander this way, because it’s dangerous. Letting himself think about Jm, about the feelings that this man raises inside of Yg it’s just masochistic, because Jm said it himself, that they’re not even friends.
“Can we talk?”
Jm’s voice is small, sleepy almost and Yg feels pulled in. He should turn around, listen to Jm at least. Maybe it will do something good to these feelings that he shouldn’t have. Maybe, hearing Jm say that he was stupid, that he just did something irresponsible and that he wants
to kick his ass as soon as they’re better will make Yg stop loving Jm. He tells himself that this is why he turns around.
“What should we talk about?!” Yg is now looking at Jm and the position is uncomfortable but he still does it. Jm looks tired and almost sad, he would
dare to say.
“Why did you do something so stupid?! Do you realise you could have died?” There’s no jab in Yg’s tone. He’s not reprimanding Yg, if ever he sounds sad and concerned and Yg knows there’s no point to lie anymore. That he will probably won’t see Jm ever again so,
he can at least give this to himself.
“I knew I could have died but…” Yg takes a deep intake of hair. It rings in between his teeth, sharp and cold, as he weighs the next words on his tongue. They weigh and burn and Yg wants to get rid of them.
“I did it for you… I didn’t want you to have to deal with someone wanting your district, plotting against you. I didn’t want you to get hurt. Besides, /I/ was their target… it was on me anyway.” Yg’’s eyes fall on a dead point behind Jm’s head, too afraid to look at Jm’s face,
to gauge a reaction of sorts. Yg just wants the truth out in the open.
“But what if I’d lost /you/? Why you have to be so fucking selfless?!” Now there’s hurt and anger behind Jm’s words and they sound in a way that should make Yg backtrack. It’s just that they’re in a bed,
trapped because of their crashed bodies and Yg will take all Jm’s wrath. Even if he doesn’t know why he deserves it.
“You said it was worth it. That it was for someone you love.” Yg feels the words slipping out of Jm’s tongue as they were solid.
They cut in the right places, where all Yg’s insecurities and his inability to let himself love lies, and he stays there, looking at Jm who is patiently waiting and Yg wonders for what.
“I did but this is beside the poi–”
“Say it to me, hyung… say it to my face.”
Jm’s face is closer now. There are inches dividing them and Yg would like him closer. He would like not to have a body to be able to mold with Jm.
“Say it? Why?” Yg is confused though. He wonders what’s going on inside Jm’s mind.
“This time I want to hear it knowing that it’s for me…”
Yg’s heart beat quickens. It fast and laboured and it bumps on his broken ribs, making him feel a sharp pain running through his body. He used to say that love is about trust and that he can’d afford such a luxury
for himself but, in reality, now it seems more like it’s about pain. A kind of sharp and precise pain that seems to know where it hurts more. It’s maybe pointless to repeat his words and he shouldn’t but here he is.
“I love you.”
Yg’s eyes stay fixed on Jm’s as he utters every single word with precision. He looks at Jm’s eyes getting bigger, wetter as he feels his own body getting lighter.
“Say it again, please, just—” but Jm doesn’t get to finish his sentence as Yg places his lips, chastely over Jm’s.
It’s all he’s able to do, not being allowed to move his upper body isn’t helpful for a kiss, but he still tries and he’s grateful Jm is near enough. It’s just a peck though and it’s not only because Yg is unable to move for more but he feels like he shouldn’t, like there’s no
point in kissing him more, like he shouldn’t go there.
It’s Jm the braver one. Jm, who is laying with his good hand next to Yg’s busted one. Jm that searches for Yg’s hand among the sheets and holds him. Jm that keeps their lips glued as he starts sobbing and it’s painful for
Yg to hear. “I thought I would have lost you… I hate you so fucking much that–”
“I love you so fucking much that it hurts, Jm-ah.” It feels right to say it again, to let Jm know that there’s no way out of this. That Yg doesn’t know how to stop unfeel even when Jm seems so far away.
“Hyung, why do you feel I came after you?”