3 REASONS GIRLS RESIST HAVING SEX
Every now and again, a guy will meet a girl who seems really great, but despite his best efforts, he just can’t make anything happen with her. It can be very frustrating – especially when it’s a girl he knows well and cares about
with whom he has a great connection, and he maybe even comes close to succeeding with, but can’t close the gap.
Why’s this happen? And what, exactly, do you do when you end up in that situation? That’s what I want to talk about in this thread.
There are a number of reasons a woman can deny a man forward progress in a relationship and deny him intimacy, despite having a good connection with him and being attracted.
First thing’s first:
Rule out the scenario of her not being attracted.
If you’re a guy with solid fundamentals who gets women investing and chasing, you don’t have to worry about this one.
If you’re a social beginner and you’re still figuring women out, make sure this girl is a girl you’re being strong and sexy with, and make sure you’re not coming off as “too nice” or overly friendly.
If you know she’s attracted though – if you guys are kissing, holding hands; she’s coming over to your place alone, and not completely resisting your advances – if you know she’s attracted, and you still can’t make headway, there are a few primary reasons that might be.
NOTE: the suggestions for what to do in these situations are running off the assumption that you have already tried everything you can think of to get a woman intimate with you.
So, you’ve already taken her home, slammed her against the wall to make out with her, tossed her into your bed and climbed over her, kissed her over her exposed her body parts and she’s still resisting you
That’s what I mean here and I’m going to show you how to crack them.
Here are the reasons in which a woman will continue to resist a man:
1) Having Become Too Valuable as a Friend
Women are smart when it comes to fitting men in their lives.
Most women are not content to have just one man in their lives; one lover, perhaps, but not just one man. Unless she has a very solid, very secure guy as her guy, a woman is going to tend to want backups, and men fulfilling different functions in her life.
I used to think it was nonsense when I heard women object, “I don’t want to lose him as a friend!” as a reason for not proceeding with romantic involvement with a man.
I figured it was just a girl’s way of saying, “Sorry, I’m not really interested, but I’d like to continue receiving the benefits of friendship from you.”
In fact, while that is the case sometimes, sometimes it really is as she says; sometimes, a man simply becomes too valuable a friend and companion to risk possibly losing if a woman attempts a relationship with him and it fails. This one’s not too difficult to solve.
First, recognize that if you find yourself in this situation, you’re not going to make any headway with a girl like this so long as she continues to think that the best way to keep you as her friend long-term is to avoid romance with you.
Second, you need to make that clear to her. The way I’ve traditionally phrased things in these kind of situations is,
“Look, maybe I just got the wrong idea. I think we’re both looking for something different here…
I think it’s probably best if we go our separate ways and go live our own lives.”
She will protest, after all – she’s attracted to you, and she wants you as a friend – badly enough to override her attraction, in fact.
Now suddenly, you’re exiting right, and she no longer gets to keep you as a lover or a friend.
Women’s typical reactions after this happens are to chase you down and get a lot more serious about moving things forward romantically with you.
Because of how you phrase it, they come to fully accept that you are interested in them (strangely, even if you’re making out with women and physically escalating on them and spending a lot of time with them and doing your best to get intimate with them,
they still never completely realize and accept your interest, much of the time, until you tell them you liked them as you are walking away).
And once they fully accept you’re interested in them, and fully recognize as well that they are losing both a man they value highly as a friend, and a man they value highly as a potential mate, they tend to get serious in a hurry.
Expect fast sex after this from the girl you’d been hitting walls with who was attracted to you but simply valued you too highly as a friend.
2) Overproviding Good Feelings
Similar to #1 in this list, but this can happen over a much shorter period of time.
Have you ever met a girl in a nightclub, and you could tell she was ready to go home with you…
but instead of taking her home right away, you began kissing her in the nightclub, or you went and danced with her for ten or fifteen minutes, only to have her desire for you cool off dramatically after that and have her lose much of her interest in you?
Or, have you ever had a girl (or a girlfriend) insisting on how badly she wanted to dance, or go see a show or a movie, and instead you escalated with her physically and got intimate with her, and afterward you asked her
if she still wanted to go dancing or go see the show, and found that she no longer wanted to go do the other thing she’d been so set on before?
The reason why is because all of these – kissing, dancing, intimacy, seeing a show – are things that women do to get themselves good feelings. And, to a certain extent, all good feelings are interchangeable.
What that means is, if a woman wants one kind of good feeling, and you fill it with another, she’ll often end up satisfied just the same.
It’s a rather insidious fact of life, actually. Give a woman too many good feelings, and a man suddenly finds himself unable to get intimate with her or move things forward.
If he doesn’t give her enough, though, she won’t realize he has good feelings to give in the first place. You must have balance.
Balance means, of course, not giving her everything that she wants.
It’s a common problem for guys – a woman in a nightclub declares, “Let’s dance!” right as he’s trying to get her out the door with him, or a girl he’s on a date with proclaims
“Let’s go see a movie!” when they’ve been out and he’s trying to get her home to watch a movie at his place.
Take it from a guy who’s been there and done that – when a woman tries to sideline you with a request to do something other than what you want to do, unless it will legitimately move the courtship forward without overproviding good feelings, take a pass.
If she suggests dancing, tell her you’re tired and want to head back for a nightcap. If she continues to refuse and insist on dancing, tell her you’ll catch up with her later, and either call it a night
or strike out in search of a woman who’s looking for the same thing you are.
If you’re on a date and she suggests seeing a movie in the theater, tell her you’d rather take it easy and unwind and watch a movie in bed with the covers up.
If she insists, tell her, “OK, maybe next time,” and end the date.
By walking away like this, perhaps 40% of the time the woman you walk away from will capitulate and agree to go do what you want to do after all.
This is a strong sign she’s more interested in you than she is the activity. Another 45% of the time, she’ll call it a night as well, which means she wasn’t ready to do what you wanted her to do
but her main motivation in suggesting an alternative was in continuing to spend time with you.
If you see this, you can invite her to hang out for a few more minutes before leaving.
The remaining 15% of the time, the woman actually cared about the activity, and was just looking for any partner to go with – you can tell because she’ll end up going to do it anyway on her own, or with someone else.
Better to save your energy than waste it on women who are more interested in what they’re doing than they are in whom they’re doing it with.
3) Attainability Problems
She Sees a Man as a Player or Someone Who’ll Hurt Her
There are a number of reasons a woman may think a man’s a player: she’s seen him socializing with lots of women;
he came off too smooth when he met her, or continues to come off as too smooth; she’s seen women doting on him on social networking sites; he’s blabbed out his past as a lover of women and painted a picture of himself as a playboy and a man weak for women.
How this affects women is vastly different depending on the girl. Universally for all women, knowing that a man is attractive to other women makes him more desirable.
However, more conservative women, less secure women, and some less experienced women tend to close themselves off to men they know see a lot of women.
They’ll often try to protect themselves, and may take significantly longer to get intimate with a man they know sees a lot of women than they will take to get intimate with a man they know is relatively inexperienced.
They are taking their time and being cautious, trying to protect themselves from getting hurt by drawing things out. Their reasoning goes (and the reasoning is pretty sound), if a guy is willing to stick it out long enough, he must be serious about her.
There’s not as clear a solution for this one as there is for the first two – short of promising a relationship (something I’d advise against, regardless of whether you intend to have a relationship with a girl or not – things may fall through, you may change your mind
Or things may not go according to plan, and she’ll end up feeling hurt / deceived), the best thing you can do to move things forward here is to share a lot of strong bonding moments – she should be opening up about herself to you
but she needs to feel like you are opening yourself up to her, too.
The more bonded to you she feels, the more connected to you she feels and the safer you feel to her.
Creating a greater feeling of safety, while something I’d normally advise against (you want to be a dangerous man most of the time!), can be the best solution to this particular situation, because she already sees you as unattainable.
Ultimately, as with matters of physical health, these matters of the health of your seductions are best served by using a little prevention – remember the old adage prevention is better than cure.
Had the man in our first scenario refrained from becoming too good a friend early on, and instead saved most of his friendship for after the couple were already lovers, he would have avoided his predicament entirely.
Or had the man in our second scenario, who overprovided good feelings, instead refrained from overproviding those good feelings, he would have had a far easier time moving things forward.
Finally, had the man in the third scenario been more careful about how he presented himself, he might have avoided acquiring the “player” rap and the subsequent difficulty in escalating he ran into.
You should see a trend there – It’s the men who do things too much – whether that’s trying too hard to impress a woman, or doing too good a job of providing good feelings – that end up almost as frustrated as the men who don’t do enough of those things.
Balance in all things. Balance wins the day, and balance gets you the girl
That’s why the concept of pushpull remains my favorite game technique.
Have a Great Sunday,
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