How one reacts to failure is predicated on their sense of identity.
Insecure types (often womon) do not like to be confronted when they have failed in some area. Confrontation will often drive them to double down on their failure or to find some other way to rationalize it.
They might normalize their failure by comparing their mistake to another person’s failure. They might try to silence the messenger for his delivery or tone. If none of this works, they will fall into hysterics & demonstrate how “low” they feel about themselves to gain pity.
These are all methods of manipulation to avoid confronting the truth. Often times the people in their lives will be trained not to call them out on anything or to coddle them whenever they do. But there is a deeper root here that has to be addressed, or nothing will improve.
How one reacts to failure is predicated on their identity or sense of self. If someone’s identity is wrapped up in performance or a sense of perfectionism, it becomes too painful to admit failure with their identity caving in and leading to the aforementioned hysterics.
For them, failing one time translates to them as “being a failure.” To avoid the pain of this experience, they would rather construct a dynamic with the people in their life to protect them from ever having to confront mistakes. For to do so, would destroy them.
But one who is grounded in his identity will confront & accept failure differently. When he fails, he will admit that he has exhibited characteristics of a failure in a particular situation but will know that the totality of his existence is not marked by failure.
He knows that failure is not his identity. Nor is perfectionism, but something else.
I believe this dynamic translates into the domestication and “long housing” of men today. Men are expected to always take everything calmly and to never react. He’s supposed to be “chill.”
The problem with this is that men are conditioned to not address when their is a problem in his life, his home, or his society. He is regarded as insensitive or domineering or aggressive. He is largely kept in check by the coping mechanisms/manipulation tactics mentioned.
Men are expected to be emotionless or “stoic.” There is a time and place for biding one’s emotions and wielding them carefully. But a man who cannot express his emotions freely at the appropriate time is WHIPPED into submission. He is restrained from casting his vision.
We are in times of deeply insecure and histrionic men and women. They will do all they can to keep the mirror away from their face, even if it means killing the messenger.
If men are to fix anything in their life or in their world, they must learn how to navigate such manipulation. They must precisely express and assert themselves no matter what reaction they are met with. Such men are the only hope such people have of finding their identity.