a/b/o taekookau— reflection
"Stay," Taehyung says as Jungkook picks up his clothes. "You can stay tonight."
Sometimes Jungkook thinks Taehyung feels more than what their arrangement allows. But that can't be, right?
Because alphas like Taehyung don't fall for betas like him
— alpha tae-beta jk
— fwb taekook
— angst, hurt/comfort
— miscommunication ( well..)
— struggle with secondary-gender
— rut sex
Jungkook doesn't know how he ended up in this situation. He looks at the alpha who is carefully watching him button his shirt. There's a small flicker of hope in his eyes and Jungkook doesn't want to witness it die in front of him.
So he turns around and hurriedly gets into his pants.
"I have an assignment," he mumbles through an empty heart, "I can't."
When he looks back, Taehyung is giving him a smile. Knowing him for seven months has taught him how to differentiate between a fake and real one.
"It's alright," Taehyung says instead and rolls to stare at the wall.
“See you around." Jungkook waits for a brief moment and when Taehyung dismisses him with a wave without glancing at him, he walks out of the room.
Pretends he doesn't notice the way Taehyung's shoulders drop.
Sometimes Jungkook thinks that Taehyung wants more. It's the way his eyes turn fond when he stares at him, how his hands come to play with his hair so often that Jungkook dislikes when they don't.
It's the way he kisses him, slow and deep, that Jungkook is often left breathless. Or how he takes him apart as if they are more than just fuck buddies. Or in the afterglow, how Taehyung smiles at him. A tad bit shy but radiant.
But Taehyung is one of the kindest alphas he has ever known, gentle with everyone, and the first to help when in need. What he does with Jungkook is nothing unique. Or special.
The only difference is that they have sex from time to time.
So why does Jungkook feels his heart going wild when they are alone? Why does Taehyung's lingering stare when they're among their friends, set him on fire? Why does he crave the alpha so much that he can't listen to how his heart breaks every time they're together?
Jungkook shakes his head and washes away every trace of Taehyung's scent. He does it every time they spend time together. At first, it was because he wanted to keep their hookups private. Now though, it reminds him of the alpha he can't have.
He doesn't want to reek of him. He hates how despite being a beta, he is often drenched in Taehyung's pine scent and can feel it sticking to his skin. While he can't distinguish scents well, he has learnt to identify Taehyung's like lyrics to his favourite song.
He only comes out of the shower when he deems he is fully cleaned.
Being a beta, Jungkook has seen other wolves of his same sub-gender fall for the charms of alphas all his life. And has then witnessed the aftermath when they are left behind once alphas get bored
of them. Jungkook knows it all too well.
He was once fooled by the allure of such an alpha who claimed that he wasn't like others. Who said that betas should be treated well and they have the right to fall in love with whoever they want.
He left Jungkook for an omega.
Said he couldn't see their future because Jungkook was incapable of giving him a family.
So Jungkook knows how betas like him are often used and thrown out like trash by alphas. It doesn't help that they are often disguised as 'kindhearted' just
Jungkook met Taehyung in one of their few shared classes. It was hard to not notice him. He was bright, loud, and cheeky. Trouble.
When their friend groups collided, Jungkook had to get used to the alpha's presence. It was unavoidable.
Taehyung was unavoidable.
Their arrangement was a mutually beneficial decision. When Jungkook had seen his ex with a mating mark, he had spiraled out of control. He didn't know how to handle his emotions.
So when Taehyung was moaning about his ruts, Jungkook volunteered to be his partner.
It was an added bonus that Taehyung couldn't trigger his heats or ruts. Or how Taehyung's heavy pheromones didn't influence him.
And it was supposed to stay that way. Jungkook as Taehyung's rut partner.
But they didn't stop. Continued to meet up for hookups when they needed a release.
It was all well and fine until Jungkook let his heart take control and fell for Taehyung.
"Some time apart will do good to you," Jimin says as he cradles Jungkook against his chest. "This isn't healthy."
"I should." Jungkook recalls the hope in Taehyung's eyes and then his tears when Jungkook was left heartbroken. "Or maybe I should wait for him
to break our arrangement so that he can fall in love with some omega."
Jimin tsks. "You should talk, Jungkook. I know Taehyung and believe me when I say, he cares for you."
Jungkook wants to believe but he can't. "We're just fucking. Let's drop the subject. Please."
Sometimes Jungkook gets frustrated. He wants to take a leap and trust Taehyung. Trust the instincts that tell him that Taehyung is waiting for him to open up, to let him in.
But he believed himself last time and that didn't turn out well.
In the end, he decides he should take a break. He can't do it to himself. Get broken down every time Taehyung touches him because he wants him in a way that he shouldn't. Because he loves him and he can't stop.
How can he when Taehyung treats him like Jungkook has always desired to be treated? How can he when Taehyung touch sears his skin to inscribe his name in bold letters? How can he when Taehyung eyes tell him that he wants the same?
He doesn't do it.
When Taehyung opens the door for him the next day and kisses him against the wall, Jungkook forgets that it is a bad idea.
Instead of pushing him away, he brings the alpha closer and lets him have a way with him.
Taehyung nips along his jaw and scents him properly. Running his nose against his gland almost possessively.
Taehyung once told him that he likes it when Jungkook carries his scent. Since then, Jungkook has started rubbing his body more thoroughly to get rid of his fragrance.
"I missed you."
Jungkook chuckles. "You saw me in the morning."
Taehyung kisses him again. "Miss you all the time."
Jungkook swallows a heavy lump and curbs his growing emotions.
"Need you to fuck me, Tae. Please."
Taehyung carries him to the bedroom and after it, it's all the same. Kisses. Bruises. Unsaid words.
Jungkook hides his tears all along.
Some days Jungkook likes to watch Taehyung.
He watches him play football on the sidelines, the curve of his lips when he is grinning wide, the glint in his eyes when he has won a game.
On occasions like these, he wishes they were a couple. His urge to kiss the alpha and claim him as 'his' in front of others always comes to light when he notices the way others gawk at Taehyung. Because no one there knows Taehyung like he does.
He knows Taehyung likes him in a way that should make Jungkook happy.
But all it does is makes him anxious.
Because despite all of the signs, he waits for the looming end of their time together.
"We should stop."
Taehyung halts. He stares at Jungkook who is sitting fully clothed on his bed.
"Us. This." He keeps his gaze direct. "We should stop seeing each other."
"Is something wrong?" He steps forward. "You can talk—"
"We are just fuck buddies, Tae. And now I want an out. It isn't a big deal."
Taehyung doesn't say anything but his jaw clenches. "Did you find someone else?"
"No." Jungkook scoffs and gets up. "I'm bored, okay?"
"You're lying." Taehyung shakes his head. "Something is going on and you aren't telling me."
What is Jungkook supposed to tell? That he's in love with him so that Taehyung can break him like he had dreaded?
"Nothing is going on." Jungkook is quick on his feet. "I don't want to fuck you anymore. Get over your alpha ego."
Time halts. Taehyung’s expression changes into something cold. The fight leaves his body and Jungkook watches all of it without saying anything.
Eyes tired, Taehyung looks down at his feet. His body is shaking in tiny tremors and Jungkook wants to take it all away.
"Okay." Taehyung’s voice is steel. "If that's what you want."
Jungkook hates all of it. He hates how Taehyung must be hurting. He hates how his heart is aching. Mostly, he hates how he is stuck in this loop where he gets hurt over and over again.
He clasps the handle of Taehyung's bedroom door and looks at the alpha for the last time- standing half-naked in the middle of his room.
He knows he'll miss seeing him like this. With hickies on his neck, messed-up hair, and swollen lips.
So he takes an eyeful, engraves the image in his head, and when he feels his tears have begun to cling to his lashes, he unlocks the door and walks out.
Leaves behind the person he loves with a broken heart.
Jungkook cries for hours after coming back from Taehyung's apartment. And for the first time, he sleeps with Taehyung's pine scent wrapping over him like a warm blanket.
Jungkook has seen it coming. With their friend group practically mixed together, he has to see Taehyung every day. Laughing at jokes, greeting him with nonchalance, and most importantly, pretending like Jungkook is his friend.
He fakes it well or Jungkook didn't matter to him at all, he can't tell with the way Taehyung is doing fine while Jungkook is withering way slowly and painfully. Crying himself to sleep every night wishing things were different.
And as each day passes away, Jungkook learns to hide his tears behind vacant eyes and false smiles. He finds a way to tolerate Taehyung’s presence without breaking down and gradually, days turn into weeks and weeks into months.
And Taehyung and Jungkook learn to live without each other.
Jungkook tries hooking up with other alphas.
He is a beta and that is what they are supposed to be good at. Hooking up with alphas before they find their perfect match in omegas who can give them love, family, and happiness.
Even though he misses Taehyung, he foolishly thought that some drunk nights in someone else's bed would help him in moving on.
But he had to push them away after sloppy make-out sessions because they weren't Taehyung.
They didn't spark the same level of arousal that Taehyung did. They didn't smell like him, taste like him, or feel like him. They weren't Taehyung and they never would be.
So Jungkook stops seeking mindless half-pleasure in nameless faces.
Jungkook sometimes thinks he has made a mistake in letting Taehyung go. For instance now.
Taehyung looks cranky as he slumps down on an empty chair in the cafeteria. Jungkook can see the signs. His pre ruts symptoms are glaringly obvious.
He tenses when Yoongi asks him whether he has anyone he'd like to spend his rut with.
"I can find someone." Taehyung shrugs.
"What about Jungkook? He helped you last time, right?"
Jungkook often forgets that everyone knows about their rut arrangement.
What they don't know is that they both had continued to hook up after the rut had ended and have broken up since then. He doubts anyone can detect the lingering tension between them. How can they when Taehyung acts so well?
Taehyung looks Jungkook in the eyes and all of a sudden, he finds himself breathless. "If he wants to, he can. I'm not pressuring anyone."
Jungkook makes his mouth move. "I'll think about it." He lies easily.
Taehyung smirks like he knows.
So when Jungkook knocks on the alpha's door later that night, Taehyung lets him in without hesitation.
Because sometimes Jungkook forgets that he wasn't the only one who had his heart broken when they stopped seeing each other.
No. Taehyung is just like him. He craves him even though he knows Jungkook is no good for him.
Because that's what happens when you're in love. You keep coming back to the same person over and over again.
And Taehyung and Jungkook are just like that. In love.
"Why did you come?" Taehyung snakes his hands around Jungkook's waist and pulls him in.
"Why did you wait?" Jungkook counters.
Taehyung's eyes glint the way they do when he is happy and ready to burst out. Does Jungkook have this much effect on him?
"Y'know I've been waiting since the day you left me." He squeezes Jungkook's ass and presses a kiss to his nose. "Fuck, you smell so good."
Jungkook bristles. "I don't have any scent."
Taehyung trails kisses down his neck and kisses a fluttering pulse. "You do. It's mild but it smells like fresh air. Pure."
Jungkook's heart hurts. "I didn't know that."
Taehyung pulls back at his shaky voice. He caresses his face with his thumb. "Now you do."
Jungkook kisses him.
He presses his lips against Taehyung’s with an urgency he can't begin to describe. Maybe it's because they have been apart for so long or maybe he just can't control the feelings that he thought he had subdued.
One taste of Taehyung and he is already unraveling like a loose thread.
Taehyung matches his pace easily and kisses him with the same passion. Licking into his mouth, he gently guides them into his bedroom.